why blog? I mean really?
Current mood: weird
Ok so what is the point of a blog? I want my blog to be where I can be honest about who I am, how I feel and what's going on in my life....but to what level? Can I really express all that is going on just typing? today has been weird for me...there is that word again....not great, not bad, not what I expected, but once again weird. I watched Emma deal w/ her growing pains ALOT today...sometimes it makes me want to cry. Ian SCREAMED all day, I did ok, I didn't loose it on him...I hung in there...tonight we went to moms...I just couldn't stay home. It was ok, I was in a funk, I think I know what my funk came from, but I can't really explain it to anyone. That crossroad I talked about...it's still staring me in the face, now it is breathing down my throat. I still don't know....God and I got our time this morning...He really is helping me through this, but it's His test for me, so I don't feel like He will be stepping in to rescue me. He is helping me out...the holy spirit is revealing some of it slowly...I realize I must be a slow learner sometimes. I am trying to stay content, but feel like I am losing my grip on that, the bad thing is I knew that would happen, and that infuriates me to no end. I .....I just don't...know..... what a fun and uplifting blog. But is that all I want my blog to be? Fun and encouraging so that everyone will think I have it together all the time? to look perfect, you know I struggle w/ that need...the need of perfectionizm! NO...cause that is not who I am either. I am human, I have feelings, needs, desires and all that other jazz too! So sorry, I can't be to much fun today, I'm just not feeling it. I still am me, I still love God and am amazed by Him and His glory....I have been through out this whole day, but today, it's been harder....hopefully tomorrow will be better. I am still content, I know deep in my heart I am, I'm just still human and emotional! I have been studying the verses the pastor used on Sunday and I learned something about a verse I have known since childhood...the scripture "Delight yourself in the Lord..." that delight isn't pleasure, that delight means "desire"...I was so excited to find that out, b/c I may not always "have pleasure" in the Lord, but I am positive that i always "desire" the Lord. I guess that is my food for thought for today. I am so enjoying digging! :) Isn't it funny, but just talking about God's word makes me feel so much better. I am finishing, b/c I know I am rambling and I don't want this blog to be that! I'm going to work on that crossroad! Pray for me! :)
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