No I'm not talking about one of my kids. I'm talking about my husband. Somedays I am hit so fully w/ the reality of all Alex does for me, for the sake of our family! I SO appreciate it and I don't tell him that often enough....so since he's asleep and I can't tell him...I'll tell the world instead! Yes it is not even 10 pm and he has been asleep for a couple of hours. WHY...well he had to work 20 of the last 24 hours! and has to be back at work in a couple of hours (1AM!)....he's had an unusual week to say the least! And on top of everything I have a "get together" for my bible study here in the morning and he's going to be taking the kids for me....then I have another meeting/party w/ oogles and googles on Sunday night and then another "girls night out" w/ my hmmm....what do I call them now...saying my "old MOPS table" sound bad....I'll just call them my girls! lol! So on Monday night I'm off w/ my girls for some yummy kubotos!...(kudos to Tracy for picking one of my favorite places to eat!....and lot's of kudos to her for keeping us together, nine monthes prego and all!...you are the world's best DGL!)...once again I'm leaving Alex w/ the kids! Now granted all these events are unusual for me and him...I don't normally have much going on at night. And he normally works a regular day!... I normally choose to stay home in the evenings b/c I like to spend as much time w/ him and the kids as a family as possible...and he normally walks in the door around 4...but all this stuff just sorta fell together as it has....and he is so graciously letting me go and not say a word...not one little bit of complaining. In fact today while he was working he kept calling to check on me b/c I was stuck home w/ 2 kids w/ colds(Ian and Emma) and 1 w/ an upset stomach(Savannah)....I think I set a new record for using up kleenex' and baby wipes!....lol!...and he called a couple of times to check on ME! I am loved! And to think that he worked late yesterday, came home after a 12 hr day, then got called back at 11:30pm and didn't come home again until 4 this afternoon and has to be back at 1 this morning....he even helped me give the kids a bath!....yep sorry, he's mine and I'm keeping him...so no he's not for sale or rent!
Alex, thank you for taking such good care of me...for choosing to take an adventure w/ me....for choosing me!. I LOVE YOU!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
a story of my determined girl~
SO for those of you who know Emma....I know you can imagine this right along w/ me! Two weeks ago on a Monday night we went to get Emma ears pierced. This is something that Alex and I decided to do as part of her Christmas, but we wanted her to be able to receive earrings for Christmas and since I wasn't going to make her and wasn't sure if she would go through w/ it, we decided to do it early so we can change her earrings for the first time at Christmas.....so here is the story
a few months ago Emma started asking about earrings often....she noticed mine and her cousins Savannah's....she asked how we got them...did it hurt? When did I get mine....Why didn't Jesus "just put the hole there" and about every question you could come up w/ she asked. I always answered her questions and then she would go on about her day and that would be that. Finally the day came when she asked how do you get your ears pierced? and I told her the whole process....not leaving anything out....I told her that you go to the store and pick out the earrings that you want...you sit in a special chair...a lady puts dots on your ears and then they put a box up to your ear and snap it and the earring goes in. and she states..and that hurts...?...yes, I told, her like a shot, it will hurt, but only for a minute then it's over....this kept her quiet for a minute, then she looks at me and says...mommy, I'm ready, I want to get my ears pierced...I wondered if she had heard me, so I restated the obvious...it will hurt. Her reply was...but only for a minute...I told her I would need to talk it over w/ her daddy.
discloser:all of the above was said so that everyone would know that I didn't trick my daughter into thinking that it would be fun and w/o pain, I gave her a FULL picture of what this would look like before, I didn't pressure her to do this....she wanted to...enough that she was willing to take to pain!...end of discloser! :)
So we make a trip to Libby Lu on a Monday night...I worried about taking her at night, but it worked out perfect, we were the only people in the store the whole time...on the way in "grammy's" car....(she wanted grammy to go....for support I'm sure!...although I'm not so sure grammy was thrilled to be selected for this trip! lol....moms is a softy...but wait to see who's even softer!) so on the way Emma was very quiet...not a scared...well I'm sure a little scared, but more determined. When we arrived she was excited and loved getting to pick out which earrings she wanted...she warmed up to the ladies who were working...which by the way were AWESOME!...they told her what they were going to do....which was exactly what I had told her...she seemed reassured....they put her in the chair and again she went completely silent....TOTALLY DETERMINED! It was almost laughable, I saw how much she wanted this...she sat there looking so small, like a cat wanting to bolt, but yet she was going to sit there and get her earrings....no matter what! So they got the dots on and lined up and they put the box thingy (I am glad it doesn't look like a gun anymore!) to her ear and told her they were going to count to 5....but gave a highsign to mom and I that it would be 3....(I knew this would blow Emma's mind...she is trusting and doesn't like things to not go as she is told....so I held my breath and waited....1...2....3...SNAP!...4....5...6...and then it was as if it hit her. Her eyes got so big and the tears followed. It took them a few more seconds and then she was straight into my arms...looking at me as though I had betrayed her....I of course felt horrible...I knew I had told her, but I felt like I broke her trust in me somehow. She left me for Grammy and they walked around the store to find a mirror...which she refused from "one of those ladies"..as she called them later! LOL...I realized that she wasn't mad at me...she was mad at them...in her mind they lied to her and that was that....(I almost feel the need for another disclaimer....I know they had to do that...they didn't want her to flinch or pull away...so they needed her to anticipate 5...not 3)but in her mind, there was no understanding of that at all....they lied, that was it for them. So we left and went to get her something to drink. I was carrying her and as we passed the cookie stand she says "mommy...I think I'm hungry too...." I almost dropped her I was laughing so hard....it sure didn't hurt her quick thought process at all! Next we were off to children's place where I had promised to let her use a perks coupon instead of a cookie. She picked out a purse that matched her Christmas dress and 2 hair bows...one of which HAD to be green to "match her earrings!" I called Alex to let him know it was over and successful and told him about the cookie idea to which he wanted to know why I didn't get her one!....so as you can see Emma did great w/ getting her ears pierced....mommy and daddy are still recovering. LOL
I think all in all it was a great experience for her, I imagine she won't even remember it when she grows up, but I know I will never forget it. I know this is only a small dose of what I will feel when other people hurt my baby girl, and that makes me dread her growing up....but to see how well she did w/ this, I know she will be able to handle whatever the world may throw at her....and hopefully she will know that mommy and grammy will always be there for her to cry on...just w/o the shopping trip! lol
a few months ago Emma started asking about earrings often....she noticed mine and her cousins Savannah's....she asked how we got them...did it hurt? When did I get mine....Why didn't Jesus "just put the hole there" and about every question you could come up w/ she asked. I always answered her questions and then she would go on about her day and that would be that. Finally the day came when she asked how do you get your ears pierced? and I told her the whole process....not leaving anything out....I told her that you go to the store and pick out the earrings that you want...you sit in a special chair...a lady puts dots on your ears and then they put a box up to your ear and snap it and the earring goes in. and she states..and that hurts...?...yes, I told, her like a shot, it will hurt, but only for a minute then it's over....this kept her quiet for a minute, then she looks at me and says...mommy, I'm ready, I want to get my ears pierced...I wondered if she had heard me, so I restated the obvious...it will hurt. Her reply was...but only for a minute...I told her I would need to talk it over w/ her daddy.
discloser:all of the above was said so that everyone would know that I didn't trick my daughter into thinking that it would be fun and w/o pain, I gave her a FULL picture of what this would look like before, I didn't pressure her to do this....she wanted to...enough that she was willing to take to pain!...end of discloser! :)
So we make a trip to Libby Lu on a Monday night...I worried about taking her at night, but it worked out perfect, we were the only people in the store the whole time...on the way in "grammy's" car....(she wanted grammy to go....for support I'm sure!...although I'm not so sure grammy was thrilled to be selected for this trip! lol....moms is a softy...but wait to see who's even softer!) so on the way Emma was very quiet...not a scared...well I'm sure a little scared, but more determined. When we arrived she was excited and loved getting to pick out which earrings she wanted...she warmed up to the ladies who were working...which by the way were AWESOME!...they told her what they were going to do....which was exactly what I had told her...she seemed reassured....they put her in the chair and again she went completely silent....TOTALLY DETERMINED! It was almost laughable, I saw how much she wanted this...she sat there looking so small, like a cat wanting to bolt, but yet she was going to sit there and get her earrings....no matter what! So they got the dots on and lined up and they put the box thingy (I am glad it doesn't look like a gun anymore!) to her ear and told her they were going to count to 5....but gave a highsign to mom and I that it would be 3....(I knew this would blow Emma's mind...she is trusting and doesn't like things to not go as she is told....so I held my breath and waited....1...2....3...SNAP!...4....5...6...and then it was as if it hit her. Her eyes got so big and the tears followed. It took them a few more seconds and then she was straight into my arms...looking at me as though I had betrayed her....I of course felt horrible...I knew I had told her, but I felt like I broke her trust in me somehow. She left me for Grammy and they walked around the store to find a mirror...which she refused from "one of those ladies"..as she called them later! LOL...I realized that she wasn't mad at me...she was mad at them...in her mind they lied to her and that was that....(I almost feel the need for another disclaimer....I know they had to do that...they didn't want her to flinch or pull away...so they needed her to anticipate 5...not 3)but in her mind, there was no understanding of that at all....they lied, that was it for them. So we left and went to get her something to drink. I was carrying her and as we passed the cookie stand she says "mommy...I think I'm hungry too...." I almost dropped her I was laughing so hard....it sure didn't hurt her quick thought process at all! Next we were off to children's place where I had promised to let her use a perks coupon instead of a cookie. She picked out a purse that matched her Christmas dress and 2 hair bows...one of which HAD to be green to "match her earrings!" I called Alex to let him know it was over and successful and told him about the cookie idea to which he wanted to know why I didn't get her one!....so as you can see Emma did great w/ getting her ears pierced....mommy and daddy are still recovering. LOL
I think all in all it was a great experience for her, I imagine she won't even remember it when she grows up, but I know I will never forget it. I know this is only a small dose of what I will feel when other people hurt my baby girl, and that makes me dread her growing up....but to see how well she did w/ this, I know she will be able to handle whatever the world may throw at her....and hopefully she will know that mommy and grammy will always be there for her to cry on...just w/o the shopping trip! lol
Thursday, November 15, 2007
November 17, a day I'll NEVER forget!
I can't go past the date of November 17th w/o saying "Thank you Lord Jesus for my husband and for letting me keep him" Two years ago today our lives were changed forever, ever since that day I have been so thankful(fitting that it falls so close to Thanksgiving!) for what I have... and I understand how fast things can change! It was 5 oclock in the afternoon, I got a phone call, I thought it would be Alex calling to tell me to pack the car and get Emma ready...for we were suppose to leave for the beach on that Thursday afternoon/evening....instead it was our neighbor Joe who worked w/ Alex...I knew something was wrong! He told me, Alex had fallen and I needed to come to the hospital to "pick him up"...to get Emma ready, not to go to the beach, but to the hospital....he would call me back and tell me where they were taking him! No I didn't panic...not yet, I got off the phone and called my mom and asked her and Gary to come and go w/ me, I called a friend...actually I think I was on 1 phone w/ her and Joe called my other phone.... and let her know and asked her to pray....and I waited....not knowing the seriousness of the fall...which I found out later was thanks to Alex telling Joe exactly what to say to me so I wouldn't freak out...imagine, my husband laying on a cement floor 2 stories up waiting on the EMT...not moving, clutching his one wrist....thinking clearly enough to tell someone what he wants me to know so I won't "worry" about him....and you wonder why I love him so much!....so the second phone call brought more info....CMC downtown....why? it's not the closest hospital....b/c there might be head trama....what?....well he was awake the whole time, that's a good sign....ok??.....I think he might of "sprained" his wrist and broke his nose!(which was one of the things not broken...his nose! :)...ok...how far did he fall?....about 17ft....but it could have been worse...he landed near a elevator opening...he could have gone down another floor!...
So we trapse off to the hospital..I received a phone call...from who I can't even remember, but I was told it was on the news...that freaked me out a litte....I also received a call from our pastor b/f I even got to the hospital...our church at that time, really stood behind us through everything going on, to which I will forever be greatful for. When I reached the hospital I found Alex's mom (she worked there so she was able to be there when the EMT's arrived) and a dr came over to talk to me, they were doing x-rays and I couldn't go in b/c of being pregnant. I stood back and watched in horror as they tugged on his broken lims to do x-rays...they waited to hear. The dr's came back and started talking about surgury and I still didn't even know what was broken....
Ok so this could be a way to long story so I'm going to start the fast version!...one fractured wrist on the right, one "crushed into 17 pieces wrist on the left" one broke left knee....and 2 surguries the next day w/ a doctor who said Alex would never play his guitar again...I realize now he was probably wondering why I wasn't just glad he was alive!....one week in the hospital! One 7 month prego w/ a tilted pelvic bone...me, one broken man...alex..... one 16 month baby girl w/ a horrible bout of broncitius ...Emma.... and one awesome set of family and friends...12 weeks of "non-weightbearing on all three lims....3 months living w/ my mom and Gary...5 months of physical therapy....back to work 1 week before 1 wonderful baby boy was born! 5 months until back playing the guitar as wonderful as ever! Our God is a big God...
As I approach thanksgiving week I come again to ponder everything we went through in those months....tears of thankfulness come to my eyes...because Alex should have hit his head....only by God's hand did his hardhat stay on his head...if it hadn't he would of hit face first. instead he didn't even break his nose...or hit his head at all. OSHA told us of a story of a young husband that fell less feet and hit grass that is now living his life in a wheelchair...yet this isn't what happened either. Everytime I think back to everything that happened and how horrible it was, I just have to stop and thank God that HE brought us through and it could have been so much worse.....truely I could/should be facing this Thanksgiving w/o a husband....that is something I can't imagine....I know from now until forever I will always remember to be thankful for what God has given me every thanksgiving....b/c Nov.17 will always fall right before, and I will never forget how close I came to loosing the love of my life that day. Thank you God for what you have given me...I am grateful!
So we trapse off to the hospital..I received a phone call...from who I can't even remember, but I was told it was on the news...that freaked me out a litte....I also received a call from our pastor b/f I even got to the hospital...our church at that time, really stood behind us through everything going on, to which I will forever be greatful for. When I reached the hospital I found Alex's mom (she worked there so she was able to be there when the EMT's arrived) and a dr came over to talk to me, they were doing x-rays and I couldn't go in b/c of being pregnant. I stood back and watched in horror as they tugged on his broken lims to do x-rays...they waited to hear. The dr's came back and started talking about surgury and I still didn't even know what was broken....
Ok so this could be a way to long story so I'm going to start the fast version!...one fractured wrist on the right, one "crushed into 17 pieces wrist on the left" one broke left knee....and 2 surguries the next day w/ a doctor who said Alex would never play his guitar again...I realize now he was probably wondering why I wasn't just glad he was alive!....one week in the hospital! One 7 month prego w/ a tilted pelvic bone...me, one broken man...alex..... one 16 month baby girl w/ a horrible bout of broncitius ...Emma.... and one awesome set of family and friends...12 weeks of "non-weightbearing on all three lims....3 months living w/ my mom and Gary...5 months of physical therapy....back to work 1 week before 1 wonderful baby boy was born! 5 months until back playing the guitar as wonderful as ever! Our God is a big God...
As I approach thanksgiving week I come again to ponder everything we went through in those months....tears of thankfulness come to my eyes...because Alex should have hit his head....only by God's hand did his hardhat stay on his head...if it hadn't he would of hit face first. instead he didn't even break his nose...or hit his head at all. OSHA told us of a story of a young husband that fell less feet and hit grass that is now living his life in a wheelchair...yet this isn't what happened either. Everytime I think back to everything that happened and how horrible it was, I just have to stop and thank God that HE brought us through and it could have been so much worse.....truely I could/should be facing this Thanksgiving w/o a husband....that is something I can't imagine....I know from now until forever I will always remember to be thankful for what God has given me every thanksgiving....b/c Nov.17 will always fall right before, and I will never forget how close I came to loosing the love of my life that day. Thank you God for what you have given me...I am grateful!
bye bye "nana"
ok so I know one picture is off center....but I'm not changing it! LOL....some pictures from mom's house....my three Christmas cuties....I know it's early! Check out Emma "loving" her brother! and then Emma and Savannah's "pose" to funny...so girlie...sorry Sam, Emma's being a bad influence! And lastly....Emma telling Savannah something...secret's I'm sure....it's so fun that they will always have each other and will be great friends!
So I am guessing all of ya'll are wondering where I went.....well, I can't really explain it...I just needed to take a break for a while....I didn't need to stop watching tv and then get completely sucked into blogging all the time....which would sorta defeat the purpose of "not letting tv control me"....if I just let blogging control me instead!....I know....WHAT IS MY PROBLEM! In the last few days God has revealed to me...why I have been walking this path of letting go of some things...like blogging and tv and things that aren't "necessary" and no blogging isn't necessary of me...although I do enjoy it. God has revealed a new project for me....maybe two new ones....although the 2nd will be for a later post. So my new project....well that's probably not a good way to label it....she isn't a project she is a sweet beautiful little girl who looks just like her aunt! Starting on Monday I am going to start helping Nick and Sam out w/ Savannah in the mornings! I am excited to do this for them and I think Savannah will fit right in w/ my two kidos...she just turned 2 and is only 3 months older than Ian...so it's like I will have a set of twins!....it should be interesting! and a fun adventure! I just wanted to let everyone know....so if I don't blog again til next month you will know why~!....no I'll do better than that, I'll probably have alot more stories to tell w/ three to keep track of!
Emma and Ian are growing so fast...they have just hit this phase where they LOVE to play together....I can remember about a year ago asking my friend Dawn "when will my kids start to play together like yours do?"....(her kids are the exact same ages apart and exactly one year older than mine....so her little girl is one yr older than Emma and her youngest son one yr older than Ian)....she always encouraged me that "it WILL happen....in about a year! :)...and it has happened! PRAISE GOD! I am loving this new found play!....it's so cute to sit back and watch too. Yesterday I was in the kitchen and saw them sitting on the hearth in the den and each of them were holding a baby....Ian's was a boy..no one freak on me!...and I asked Emma what they were doing and she told me "we are waiting on the Dr. to see the babies"...to which Ian added "wwwait....octor....uuuhuh!"...so on they sit...for like 3 or 4 minutes. Next I hear Emma proclaim to Ian...."I'm tired of waiting...let's go, our babies don't really need shots!"...Ian's responds "NO hots...NO"...."GO"..and away they walk back to Emma's room. I just laughed at them...but soon to follow was some muffled whining from Ian and I walked back to Emma's room to see what see what was up and found them both in her closet w/ Ian wanting to get out and Emma very persistent to Ian that "we're not there yet, you can't get out of the car!" although Ian held his own w/ a confidant "out NOW....NO CAR NO....OUT!....I was able to convince Emma to find a different car that didn't need the door to be shut...she decided that she could make the bed a good car too....so the drama was over....I have to admit they are such fun right now. Emma is learning to organized and is learning how to write....Ian is learning a new word or 2 or 3 a day right now....he's new game is to pick up everything and name is....bunny...cat....boat....I love it! He had also entered this phase where he says bye to everything...."bye bye ball....bye bye couch" again SO fun! The funniest is that if he is saying bye bye to a person he always says "bye bye Nana" and for a long time I couldn't figure out what he meant...who "nana" was....well he finally helped me figure it out, the other day we were looking at our Christmas pictures online that we just had done and Savannah is in them w/ the kids and he looks at a pic of her and says...."mommy...that Nana!"...w/ a very smart look on his face is says...."bye bye Nana!" SO for some unknown reason he thinks that he's suppose to say "bye bye nana" to everyone!....who knows! but it's funny! I must say I am constantly reminding myself how much I love been a mommy and I am SO blessed to stay at home and watch them grow!
So I am guessing all of ya'll are wondering where I went.....well, I can't really explain it...I just needed to take a break for a while....I didn't need to stop watching tv and then get completely sucked into blogging all the time....which would sorta defeat the purpose of "not letting tv control me"....if I just let blogging control me instead!....I know....WHAT IS MY PROBLEM! In the last few days God has revealed to me...why I have been walking this path of letting go of some things...like blogging and tv and things that aren't "necessary" and no blogging isn't necessary of me...although I do enjoy it. God has revealed a new project for me....maybe two new ones....although the 2nd will be for a later post. So my new project....well that's probably not a good way to label it....she isn't a project she is a sweet beautiful little girl who looks just like her aunt! Starting on Monday I am going to start helping Nick and Sam out w/ Savannah in the mornings! I am excited to do this for them and I think Savannah will fit right in w/ my two kidos...she just turned 2 and is only 3 months older than Ian...so it's like I will have a set of twins!....it should be interesting! and a fun adventure! I just wanted to let everyone know....so if I don't blog again til next month you will know why~!....no I'll do better than that, I'll probably have alot more stories to tell w/ three to keep track of!
Emma and Ian are growing so fast...they have just hit this phase where they LOVE to play together....I can remember about a year ago asking my friend Dawn "when will my kids start to play together like yours do?"....(her kids are the exact same ages apart and exactly one year older than mine....so her little girl is one yr older than Emma and her youngest son one yr older than Ian)....she always encouraged me that "it WILL happen....in about a year! :)...and it has happened! PRAISE GOD! I am loving this new found play!....it's so cute to sit back and watch too. Yesterday I was in the kitchen and saw them sitting on the hearth in the den and each of them were holding a baby....Ian's was a boy..no one freak on me!...and I asked Emma what they were doing and she told me "we are waiting on the Dr. to see the babies"...to which Ian added "wwwait....octor....uuuhuh!"...so on they sit...for like 3 or 4 minutes. Next I hear Emma proclaim to Ian...."I'm tired of waiting...let's go, our babies don't really need shots!"...Ian's responds "NO hots...NO"...."GO"..and away they walk back to Emma's room. I just laughed at them...but soon to follow was some muffled whining from Ian and I walked back to Emma's room to see what see what was up and found them both in her closet w/ Ian wanting to get out and Emma very persistent to Ian that "we're not there yet, you can't get out of the car!" although Ian held his own w/ a confidant "out NOW....NO CAR NO....OUT!....I was able to convince Emma to find a different car that didn't need the door to be shut...she decided that she could make the bed a good car too....so the drama was over....I have to admit they are such fun right now. Emma is learning to organized and is learning how to write....Ian is learning a new word or 2 or 3 a day right now....he's new game is to pick up everything and name is....bunny...cat....boat....I love it! He had also entered this phase where he says bye to everything...."bye bye ball....bye bye couch" again SO fun! The funniest is that if he is saying bye bye to a person he always says "bye bye Nana" and for a long time I couldn't figure out what he meant...who "nana" was....well he finally helped me figure it out, the other day we were looking at our Christmas pictures online that we just had done and Savannah is in them w/ the kids and he looks at a pic of her and says...."mommy...that Nana!"...w/ a very smart look on his face is says...."bye bye Nana!" SO for some unknown reason he thinks that he's suppose to say "bye bye nana" to everyone!....who knows! but it's funny! I must say I am constantly reminding myself how much I love been a mommy and I am SO blessed to stay at home and watch them grow!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
my country punkins
for halloween this year I was being cheap and was going to let the kids wear the same costumes as last year...they still fit ok and Emma loves them so much...I thought heck why not! LOL....but it was to hot to wear something fleese....SO at the last minute we changed our complete outfits! OH well, it worked out! Savannah was going to be cowgirl...which is a way of life for her, not so much a costume, but we were going to the trunk or treat at First Baptist of Indian Trail w/ Nick, Sam and Savannah along w/ Sam's parents MawMaw Michelle and PawPaw Dennis (as my kids call them!) Dennis and Michelle took their truck and decorated it like a barnyard!...so cute, they won 2nd place for the best decorated!...anyway...all that to say that the kids ended up being my "country bunkins" decked out in their JD hat and shirts...w/ freckles and all!...I must say they fit right in w/ the family!
oops
so I forgot to mention that there are some pics at the bottom of the page too!...They came out really big down there and of course I like that so I put a couple I really like down there!
Trunk or treat pics to come soon!
Trunk or treat pics to come soon!
shh...I didn't want anyone to know
So after I wrote my blog the other night I got a "I'm worried about you" talk!...and I realized that I didn't define my idea of a struggle very well!...sorry Susan, I didn't mean to worry you! :)
My idea of a struggle is something that I might be "fighting" w/ God or myself about. You know when you know you are suppose to do something you don't really want to do, or you know God has asked you to do something and you just don't want to do it!...and sometimes it looks more like..."what am I suppose to do....please God tell me!....those are my "struggles."
Tonight I want to share one of them...well it's sorta 3 in 1. God has showed me through several different circumstances that I need to let go of TV. This is something I knew He was asking long before I obeyed. It was something I didn't understand why He was asking me to do it....and I didn't want to give it up plain and simple. and I let this turn into a "struggle" between me and God....I can be stubborn :) Of course He knows that and yet He still loves me! Instead of saying to God, ok...I don't understand, but I will do what you ask...I whined and pouted and said..."where's the timeout chair"...sound familiar? Why the big deal? Well there were a couple of things...1st I didn't think I could go a night w/o the TV whatever would I do to spend my evening?....lol I know, don't even say it...2nd I worried how I would explain it to others and how they would take it.....and 3rd I just like TV! I have "my shows" and didn't want to miss out.
Now for what I have learned since I turned the TV off. 1. I am spending more time in the Bible and more time in my bible study and I find that my evenings are very full, I find that I always have time for my husband! and that when the phone rings I'm not mad that someone is interrupting my show!...2. that just b/c I have turned off the TV doesn't mean everyone should and I'm not asking anyone else to do the same...not even Alex, I am responsible for me and my obedience to God, He asked me alone to do this and I am the one who will be rewarded for responding. 3. I like other things just as much as I like TV! So I believe that the struggle to obey was totally part of the process, and I am so glad to have the struggle...although I would have learned these things much quicker if I had just obeyed. I learned that TV controls to much of me...if I don't want to answer the phone or talk to Alex while or because the TV is on....there is to much control and I need to only be controlled by my Saviour! God calls each of us to do certain things and that may look differently for each of us. I am the only one who can determine what God has called ME to do. This past week at BFS we learned about this very thing...something that may not bother you at all might be a HUGE struggle for me as it could be the other way around with another situation. So we all need to know what our limits are....and for me, TV isn't in my limits....maybe it won't be forever, maybe it's just a season until I am unattached from the shows I know aren't right for me, but for now, it's a big temptation to watch my shows if I sit in front of the TV at all, so I won't!...Matt 5 says if your eye offends you cut it off....thank goodness that is a "word picture" and Christ is really saying "remove it from your life" so I have removed TV b/c it was offensive to me! I hope ya'll can understand what I am trying to say here....but I want to be open about what is going on in my life and heart. This is the "commitment to God" I didn't want to tell anyone about b/c I know it's different and I don't like to stand out, or be judged, but I know this is something God has asked me to do, and I want to be obedient so badly!
My idea of a struggle is something that I might be "fighting" w/ God or myself about. You know when you know you are suppose to do something you don't really want to do, or you know God has asked you to do something and you just don't want to do it!...and sometimes it looks more like..."what am I suppose to do....please God tell me!....those are my "struggles."
Tonight I want to share one of them...well it's sorta 3 in 1. God has showed me through several different circumstances that I need to let go of TV. This is something I knew He was asking long before I obeyed. It was something I didn't understand why He was asking me to do it....and I didn't want to give it up plain and simple. and I let this turn into a "struggle" between me and God....I can be stubborn :) Of course He knows that and yet He still loves me! Instead of saying to God, ok...I don't understand, but I will do what you ask...I whined and pouted and said..."where's the timeout chair"...sound familiar? Why the big deal? Well there were a couple of things...1st I didn't think I could go a night w/o the TV whatever would I do to spend my evening?....lol I know, don't even say it...2nd I worried how I would explain it to others and how they would take it.....and 3rd I just like TV! I have "my shows" and didn't want to miss out.
Now for what I have learned since I turned the TV off. 1. I am spending more time in the Bible and more time in my bible study and I find that my evenings are very full, I find that I always have time for my husband! and that when the phone rings I'm not mad that someone is interrupting my show!...2. that just b/c I have turned off the TV doesn't mean everyone should and I'm not asking anyone else to do the same...not even Alex, I am responsible for me and my obedience to God, He asked me alone to do this and I am the one who will be rewarded for responding. 3. I like other things just as much as I like TV! So I believe that the struggle to obey was totally part of the process, and I am so glad to have the struggle...although I would have learned these things much quicker if I had just obeyed. I learned that TV controls to much of me...if I don't want to answer the phone or talk to Alex while or because the TV is on....there is to much control and I need to only be controlled by my Saviour! God calls each of us to do certain things and that may look differently for each of us. I am the only one who can determine what God has called ME to do. This past week at BFS we learned about this very thing...something that may not bother you at all might be a HUGE struggle for me as it could be the other way around with another situation. So we all need to know what our limits are....and for me, TV isn't in my limits....maybe it won't be forever, maybe it's just a season until I am unattached from the shows I know aren't right for me, but for now, it's a big temptation to watch my shows if I sit in front of the TV at all, so I won't!...Matt 5 says if your eye offends you cut it off....thank goodness that is a "word picture" and Christ is really saying "remove it from your life" so I have removed TV b/c it was offensive to me! I hope ya'll can understand what I am trying to say here....but I want to be open about what is going on in my life and heart. This is the "commitment to God" I didn't want to tell anyone about b/c I know it's different and I don't like to stand out, or be judged, but I know this is something God has asked me to do, and I want to be obedient so badly!
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