I wanted to take a few minutes to fill you in on our life yesterday and the adventure. I sat down to blog yesterday and the phone rang and I spent time catching up w/ a good friend, so this is my first chance to sit and blog, and this one is going to be quick b/c I have to run and p/u a friends little boy from preschool and then meet her for lunch....Susan I won't be late I promise! lol....so my house is a WRECK again, but I have plans to get it back in order again this afternoon...I had a denist appointment this morning and left here early. so NOTHIING got done this morning.
so YESTERDAY....someone decided they liked the back in of the element enough to hit it....hard....so I received a phone call....yes the dreaded phone call, especially for me.....from Alex saying, "someone hit the car.." my first reaction was to just cry...I was so glad it was him calling me and not someone else telling me, so I knew he was ok ( he was mad and I was glad, b/c to me that meant he was already thinking about the car and the trouble it was going to cause us....which meant he wasn't hurt) and I wanted to cry b/c I LOVE that car! It's still "new" me to and I have an emotionial attachment to it....I know you shouldn't store up treasures on earth, and I don't think that is what it is to me, but I do look at that car as a ending to a trying time in our life. Alex and I bought the green element at the end of all the "stuff" from his accident....to me it was a turning point for us....back to enjoying life. SO loosing this car is going to be hard...no not hard, hard it your dad dying right before you get married...hard is your husband falling and breaking 3 lims and "crushing" his left hand...hard is understanding reality and yet trying to have faith that your God knows best and that your God has a perfect plan. Loosing this car doesn't add up to the "hard" I have already experiened in my life. BUT I will miss the car and the "meaning" that is was to me. I am already praying that I will have a good attitude about the whole thing. I need to be thankful that Alex is ok and THAT'S IT, to be willing to go through the hassle of the situation, and not be mad, but thankful and that alone! So I am choosing to look at this as an adventure, the place that God will take us to next....I may not be sure what reason is, but that is not my problem, my "thing" is to trust and obey and to have a good attitude about it! As I have said before....."it's for our good and God's glory!"
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
it's good to report!
it's good to report that for today I seem to be back on track....I am cleaning from top to bottom w/ no plans to stop anytime soon! It feels good to be doing that, cleaning and gaining some control over my house....like I have said before, I love control and order....so I also enjoy being productive. On top of all that today cleaning has been extra fun...yes I said it..FUN..I let Emma "help" me w/ almost everything I have done....normally I would tell her, no b/c I would have a need to "just be done w/ it" but today i decided I would try a new approach and let her help and teach her about what I am doing and why....well it turns out she can clean a toilet as well as I can! lol....she loved it..and she helped w/ lunch by wrapping the sweet potatoes in the tin foil for me....which in her mind means she "cooked" them! It was so enjoyable, it taught me that fast isn't best, and that enjoying your kids can be done even while you are cleaning tubs and toilets...if YOU chose the right attitude! Well, my break is over, I must move on to the next thing to tackle! Just wanted the world to know I love my kids and they are always fun for me!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Isn't it funny!
Isn't it funny how you tell yourself things sometimes and even when you tell yourself you know it isn't true!....like for instance, I have been telling myself that things are going to slow down and I am going to find my rountine soon! HAHA...yeah right... I also keep telling myself that I'm going to get my house better orginized...haha again! I have been bothered so much lately about the fact that I have desires to do things, yet no will power to actually get it started....what good does it do me to but it off? all I do in the end is stress myself and continue to say "I really need to work on that"....and if in fact I had just done it to start w/ I would be feeling more accomplishment in my life instead of failure. Now if I can just learn from my own words I would do well.
I had a good week, nothing major happening here on this home front. I had a busy week w/ not much time at home.....lol...that also seems to be the story of my life. Yesterday I did a party....19, 4,5 and 6 yr olds...it was crazy and fun. I worked w/ someone new and made an instant friend....at one point she asked me "what do you do all day?" she to was a stay at home mom and wondered how my schedule was....and it made me think, what do i do? UMMMMMM....as you can see I'm still thinking about that one. Especially when my house seems to be upside down again and I constantly feel like nothing is getting done. Does Alex ever wonder the same thing when he comes home....I mean, let's face it, I know what he does, he goes to work, and WORKS, hard to provide for us. I stay home and take care of our children, something in which I am so grateful I get to do....but is that where my work stops....or should there be more to it? Do I hide behind the fact that I have two little ones as an excuse to put off the things I don't like doing...and in the long run who am I hurting? ME, b/c I like order and accomplishing things and if I don't do those "not so fun" things then I am only hurting my mood and that in turn effects my family! So here is the question...why do I do it?
So that leads into my next thought....why do we as women allow ourself to lie to ourself w/ the "well we have to" or the "I'm so busy" or the "my kids won't let me " mind set. I have always been told the saying "you have time to do what you want to do" but what if the "what you want" isn't the "what you should?" How then do you respond? I know I haven't always been responding the way I should...sometimes I need to be more dedicated to the task God has called me to and not so dedicated to the task I would rather be doing!
Last Tuesday at BSF we heard a lecture that talked about Jesus understanding His purpose....to glorify God in every stage of His life. and we were challenged to do the same. We were asked "what stage we were in now" and "How are you doing?" I know that for now God has called me to be a "mommy" yes I am a wife first, but that isn't a stage, I will always be a wife, from now until forever....now I know you are thinking...but you will always be a mommy too, but no, one day I'll be just mom and then more friend than parent....the mommy stage only last so long...and I know that I am called to be that for now and as long as I can be, but what does that involve, what does that look like? Well, FOR ME, it means doing whatever reasonable to show my children the love and compassion of my Saviour, to teach them and love them so that they can look at me and see Christ through me and that they might desire to serve Him also....but even as I type that it overwhelms me, the responsibility of that order I placed on myself.....I know it is something that I can't do in my own strength, but through God's strength I can so all things and I know He will show me the way. My God is awesome and I can't wait to watch my children as they get older and understand more how wonderful He is.....today at lunch Alex was asking Emma what she learned and she told him about Sunday school and then she wanted to say her verse (the one we are working on for AWANA) and so she quoted "while we were sinners...Christ died for us" then Alex asked her if she was a sinner and she said "yes"...I know right now she only understands so little....mostly what we tell her....but it amazes me that she is already getting a smalll grip on the idea....it also amazes me that she doesn't doubt what we tell her, she just believes....I am getting a new idea of the concept of having faith like a child....I am going to relearn to do that!
I had a good week, nothing major happening here on this home front. I had a busy week w/ not much time at home.....lol...that also seems to be the story of my life. Yesterday I did a party....19, 4,5 and 6 yr olds...it was crazy and fun. I worked w/ someone new and made an instant friend....at one point she asked me "what do you do all day?" she to was a stay at home mom and wondered how my schedule was....and it made me think, what do i do? UMMMMMM....as you can see I'm still thinking about that one. Especially when my house seems to be upside down again and I constantly feel like nothing is getting done. Does Alex ever wonder the same thing when he comes home....I mean, let's face it, I know what he does, he goes to work, and WORKS, hard to provide for us. I stay home and take care of our children, something in which I am so grateful I get to do....but is that where my work stops....or should there be more to it? Do I hide behind the fact that I have two little ones as an excuse to put off the things I don't like doing...and in the long run who am I hurting? ME, b/c I like order and accomplishing things and if I don't do those "not so fun" things then I am only hurting my mood and that in turn effects my family! So here is the question...why do I do it?
So that leads into my next thought....why do we as women allow ourself to lie to ourself w/ the "well we have to" or the "I'm so busy" or the "my kids won't let me " mind set. I have always been told the saying "you have time to do what you want to do" but what if the "what you want" isn't the "what you should?" How then do you respond? I know I haven't always been responding the way I should...sometimes I need to be more dedicated to the task God has called me to and not so dedicated to the task I would rather be doing!
Last Tuesday at BSF we heard a lecture that talked about Jesus understanding His purpose....to glorify God in every stage of His life. and we were challenged to do the same. We were asked "what stage we were in now" and "How are you doing?" I know that for now God has called me to be a "mommy" yes I am a wife first, but that isn't a stage, I will always be a wife, from now until forever....now I know you are thinking...but you will always be a mommy too, but no, one day I'll be just mom and then more friend than parent....the mommy stage only last so long...and I know that I am called to be that for now and as long as I can be, but what does that involve, what does that look like? Well, FOR ME, it means doing whatever reasonable to show my children the love and compassion of my Saviour, to teach them and love them so that they can look at me and see Christ through me and that they might desire to serve Him also....but even as I type that it overwhelms me, the responsibility of that order I placed on myself.....I know it is something that I can't do in my own strength, but through God's strength I can so all things and I know He will show me the way. My God is awesome and I can't wait to watch my children as they get older and understand more how wonderful He is.....today at lunch Alex was asking Emma what she learned and she told him about Sunday school and then she wanted to say her verse (the one we are working on for AWANA) and so she quoted "while we were sinners...Christ died for us" then Alex asked her if she was a sinner and she said "yes"...I know right now she only understands so little....mostly what we tell her....but it amazes me that she is already getting a smalll grip on the idea....it also amazes me that she doesn't doubt what we tell her, she just believes....I am getting a new idea of the concept of having faith like a child....I am going to relearn to do that!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
wow...so much for one day!
I don't think I have spent this much time on the computer in a long time....we are home from vacation, we decided to drive back late last night, we had the kids on the beach at 5, came in around 6 and decided we would pack up a night early....so we did and I think we made a great choice..the kids were out before we left the parking lot! really....and slept the whole way home and Alex and I got a great time to talk....for the first time since we left for the beach...or so it felt!
We had a wonderful time...the kids were both sick, but it didn't slow us down, the weather was wonderful, it only rained a little bit on Wednesday, but we need to rain so bad that I could even be upset that is was raining on my vacation. We we got there on Tuesday evening and checked into our rooms...well it wasn't quite as we thought it would be....so Gary when for "the chat" at the front desk.....I was truely trying so hard to find the good in it all....Emma was sick and grumpy, and I wasn't feel so good, Ian had started coughing, and the weather report was for rain everyday....and to top it off we didn't have adjoining rooms w/ mom and Gary like we asked and the kids could open the door and go into the hall....in search of their "granddad and grammy" of course...it looked like it was going to be a long week! They Gary showed back up....the wonderful man that he is....and handed me new keys as if to say "your wish is my cammand!" and we were able to load up the 3 carts, yes 3 of all our stuff and move across the way to a brand new condo! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, the dish towels still had the tags on them!....we had 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, a kitchen and living room.....yes that means that my 4 were all in one room....but it was great! and once again I felt God tap my heart and say....SEE, I do care!
I left BSF (bible study fellowship) w/ a big surprise, for the first week we were suppose to read the whole book of Matthew and answer the given questions....whew....I just knew I was going to fail....I don't do well w/ mass reading, and I never thought I would be able to finish....especially on vacation and all....that sounded like a good excuse and I was prepared to use it~lol! I was told that I would have only a couple of chapters to do at the time and that we would dig into those chapter~thanks mom, what have you gotten me into!...lol.... and normally that is how it works, but not this week, no this week....the whole book! I am proud...maybe a little to proud...lol....to report, I'm finished! I read the whole thing already...I didn't just read it I chomped it and loved every minute of it....I got up today ready to start all over again...and that shocked me, why, well I've never felt like that before, I mean I have been reading the bible my whole life...in highschool in AWANA I even read through the whole bible....but now....well I have a need, a need to grow and learn, a need to understand, a need to know how God works and what He expects from me, I know that God has brought me through some tuff times, now I feel like it is my turn to give back to Him and I can't do that unless I know what it is I should be giving! I am SO ready to be in the digging part of the study, I can't wait to hear what to other in my group thought and learned from the reading I am so excited about BSF....oh boy, sometimes I sound so much like my mom it scares me! lol not really, if you know her then you know she is someone to want to sound like! So all I can think to say now is...sorry mom for all the times I rolled my eyes when you would talk about BSF...and the always true statement....YOU were right!...AGAIN! I love you!
and my after thought for everyone....if you are interested in BFS there is one more chance to sign up this week on Tuesday morning....let me know and I'll help you w/ the details and if I don't know my mom will! LOL :)
We had a wonderful time...the kids were both sick, but it didn't slow us down, the weather was wonderful, it only rained a little bit on Wednesday, but we need to rain so bad that I could even be upset that is was raining on my vacation. We we got there on Tuesday evening and checked into our rooms...well it wasn't quite as we thought it would be....so Gary when for "the chat" at the front desk.....I was truely trying so hard to find the good in it all....Emma was sick and grumpy, and I wasn't feel so good, Ian had started coughing, and the weather report was for rain everyday....and to top it off we didn't have adjoining rooms w/ mom and Gary like we asked and the kids could open the door and go into the hall....in search of their "granddad and grammy" of course...it looked like it was going to be a long week! They Gary showed back up....the wonderful man that he is....and handed me new keys as if to say "your wish is my cammand!" and we were able to load up the 3 carts, yes 3 of all our stuff and move across the way to a brand new condo! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, the dish towels still had the tags on them!....we had 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, a kitchen and living room.....yes that means that my 4 were all in one room....but it was great! and once again I felt God tap my heart and say....SEE, I do care!
I left BSF (bible study fellowship) w/ a big surprise, for the first week we were suppose to read the whole book of Matthew and answer the given questions....whew....I just knew I was going to fail....I don't do well w/ mass reading, and I never thought I would be able to finish....especially on vacation and all....that sounded like a good excuse and I was prepared to use it~lol! I was told that I would have only a couple of chapters to do at the time and that we would dig into those chapter~thanks mom, what have you gotten me into!...lol.... and normally that is how it works, but not this week, no this week....the whole book! I am proud...maybe a little to proud...lol....to report, I'm finished! I read the whole thing already...I didn't just read it I chomped it and loved every minute of it....I got up today ready to start all over again...and that shocked me, why, well I've never felt like that before, I mean I have been reading the bible my whole life...in highschool in AWANA I even read through the whole bible....but now....well I have a need, a need to grow and learn, a need to understand, a need to know how God works and what He expects from me, I know that God has brought me through some tuff times, now I feel like it is my turn to give back to Him and I can't do that unless I know what it is I should be giving! I am SO ready to be in the digging part of the study, I can't wait to hear what to other in my group thought and learned from the reading I am so excited about BSF....oh boy, sometimes I sound so much like my mom it scares me! lol not really, if you know her then you know she is someone to want to sound like! So all I can think to say now is...sorry mom for all the times I rolled my eyes when you would talk about BSF...and the always true statement....YOU were right!...AGAIN! I love you!
and my after thought for everyone....if you are interested in BFS there is one more chance to sign up this week on Tuesday morning....let me know and I'll help you w/ the details and if I don't know my mom will! LOL :)
that's all~lol
ok, so for those of you who have never read my blogs on "myspace" here is me in a nut shell of a few blogs, it's not all pretty, I didn't even want to post some of them here, but I really want ya'll...yes I'm a true southerner!....to see me for who and how I really am, so I think this history is important...I have been learning alot about me through the summer, I have been re-discovering who I am and who God wants me to be....I will plan to share an update on that soon...but for now I must get off and go on about my day and I have left PLENTY of reading...lol....I hope you enjoy and still want to read more after this! lol....of couse if you don't then I'll never really know will I :)
the org. date is Sept. 3,2007
his short life flashing before my eyes!
Current mood: grateful
Today as a mom I had one of those dreaded moments...Ian had Alex's bike fall on his head and it was pretty yucky...when I got to him moments after the crash he already had blood all the way down his face....almost like it was "pumping" out of this hole in his head...I just knew we were headed for the ER and lots of x-rays and scareiness...if that is a word....well we brought him inside and put something on it to help stop the bleeding....all the while he is screaming bloody murder....it took forever to get it to slow down....of course now I realize that was probably b/c he was so wiggley!...Ne way we called the dr.s office and had to leave a message and wait....so Alex went to get our neighbor who is a nurse and ask her to check it...by that point he was calming down and letting me hold him....the dr's office called back and I went through the 90 quesitons and we came to the conclusion that we just needed to watch him and make sure he stayed "acting normal"...so he is fine, w/ a nice gash in his head...but then you can't really see it, it's up in his hair...so life goes on...but by the time we reached this conclusion I was already wearing the bad mommy hat....so I have fought the rest of today to take it off. I know "things happen" but so far we haven't had much around here to worry about(of couse I'm excluding Alex's attempt to fly!lol)...the only other thing I can even think of is on Ian's birthday Emma took a bad fall...but that is it..and I wasn't here alone..I had my sister w/ me and she is a nurse, so I was able to rely on her to help me know what to do. It's funny how things like this can rock your boat a little....I did fine while it was going on....stayed calm and did what I had to do...but afterward, all I wanted to do was cry and say "thank you God for making my little boy ok" over and over and over, I just kept thanking Him. It reminded me how quickly life can change, one minute he was fine running around and riding his john deere and the next minute, he was under a pile of bike and it could have been so much worse. It reminded me to be thankful for what I have and never abuse it...you never know when it may be gone!
I am happy to report that Ian is up and running again...although he was very wary of the bike when we went back outside later in the day!...He is fine and I'll be watching to make sure he stays that way. I really really hope it will be along time before I see his short life flashing before my eyes again!....actually I hope I never see it again for that matter and that goes for all of my kids! :) But for now I'm headed off to bed, I have a really busy day tomorrow...for the whole week for that matter...and ONE week til we leave for VACATION!...I can't wait...but then it's going to be so busy between now and then that I won't be able to think much...which will help w/ the whole "bad mommy hat" thing! :)
Current mood: grateful
Today as a mom I had one of those dreaded moments...Ian had Alex's bike fall on his head and it was pretty yucky...when I got to him moments after the crash he already had blood all the way down his face....almost like it was "pumping" out of this hole in his head...I just knew we were headed for the ER and lots of x-rays and scareiness...if that is a word....well we brought him inside and put something on it to help stop the bleeding....all the while he is screaming bloody murder....it took forever to get it to slow down....of course now I realize that was probably b/c he was so wiggley!...Ne way we called the dr.s office and had to leave a message and wait....so Alex went to get our neighbor who is a nurse and ask her to check it...by that point he was calming down and letting me hold him....the dr's office called back and I went through the 90 quesitons and we came to the conclusion that we just needed to watch him and make sure he stayed "acting normal"...so he is fine, w/ a nice gash in his head...but then you can't really see it, it's up in his hair...so life goes on...but by the time we reached this conclusion I was already wearing the bad mommy hat....so I have fought the rest of today to take it off. I know "things happen" but so far we haven't had much around here to worry about(of couse I'm excluding Alex's attempt to fly!lol)...the only other thing I can even think of is on Ian's birthday Emma took a bad fall...but that is it..and I wasn't here alone..I had my sister w/ me and she is a nurse, so I was able to rely on her to help me know what to do. It's funny how things like this can rock your boat a little....I did fine while it was going on....stayed calm and did what I had to do...but afterward, all I wanted to do was cry and say "thank you God for making my little boy ok" over and over and over, I just kept thanking Him. It reminded me how quickly life can change, one minute he was fine running around and riding his john deere and the next minute, he was under a pile of bike and it could have been so much worse. It reminded me to be thankful for what I have and never abuse it...you never know when it may be gone!
I am happy to report that Ian is up and running again...although he was very wary of the bike when we went back outside later in the day!...He is fine and I'll be watching to make sure he stays that way. I really really hope it will be along time before I see his short life flashing before my eyes again!....actually I hope I never see it again for that matter and that goes for all of my kids! :) But for now I'm headed off to bed, I have a really busy day tomorrow...for the whole week for that matter...and ONE week til we leave for VACATION!...I can't wait...but then it's going to be so busy between now and then that I won't be able to think much...which will help w/ the whole "bad mommy hat" thing! :)
the org. date is August 29.2007
I found some answers!....
Current mood: calm
Ok so I know I sorta left an open ended blog last night, but I didn't want to answer to quickly...especially when I wasn't sure what the answer should look like exactly. I in my heart knew how I felt, but I wanted to look in the bible and see what it had to say...I found some chapters in Proverbs, in my bible the title to these chapters are "life and conduct"...I got so invovled in everything these words had to say...you should check them out...they are cool....Proverbs 20-24.
Neway I feel like the Lord impressed two things on my heart this morning while I was reading these verses. 1. "don't quarrel" do you have those times when you are in a never ending issue and you just don't see things eye to eye and no one is nessacery wrong....the bible says not to quarrel...so don't do it. and 2. and this may be more for just me, don't except confrontation...if I am not comfortable w/ it, I don't need to do it...these verses talked about love and staying away from the foolish and the drunkard. To value your name and who you are and to be honest and up-standing...it never says to go and make you point, or to speak my point loudly. In fact another verse says "a soft answer turns away wrath"....so I think soft sometimes means not at all. Really whats the point, if you know that the person won't hear you....is there a reason to just "spout off" for the heck of it?
So what does God want us to do w/ our emtions? He wants us to use them ALL for His glory...if my emotion isn't doing that, then I and I will repeat the I need to change my emotion. I shouldn't be using all my energy worrying what so in so thinks, I should be using my energy helping so in so see Christ. So the test is...learning how to do that! I struggle w/ emotions, but I want and desire to give them over, but I know it will be a learning process....but that is the answer I came to.
Current mood: calm
Ok so I know I sorta left an open ended blog last night, but I didn't want to answer to quickly...especially when I wasn't sure what the answer should look like exactly. I in my heart knew how I felt, but I wanted to look in the bible and see what it had to say...I found some chapters in Proverbs, in my bible the title to these chapters are "life and conduct"...I got so invovled in everything these words had to say...you should check them out...they are cool....Proverbs 20-24.
Neway I feel like the Lord impressed two things on my heart this morning while I was reading these verses. 1. "don't quarrel" do you have those times when you are in a never ending issue and you just don't see things eye to eye and no one is nessacery wrong....the bible says not to quarrel...so don't do it. and 2. and this may be more for just me, don't except confrontation...if I am not comfortable w/ it, I don't need to do it...these verses talked about love and staying away from the foolish and the drunkard. To value your name and who you are and to be honest and up-standing...it never says to go and make you point, or to speak my point loudly. In fact another verse says "a soft answer turns away wrath"....so I think soft sometimes means not at all. Really whats the point, if you know that the person won't hear you....is there a reason to just "spout off" for the heck of it?
So what does God want us to do w/ our emtions? He wants us to use them ALL for His glory...if my emotion isn't doing that, then I and I will repeat the I need to change my emotion. I shouldn't be using all my energy worrying what so in so thinks, I should be using my energy helping so in so see Christ. So the test is...learning how to do that! I struggle w/ emotions, but I want and desire to give them over, but I know it will be a learning process....but that is the answer I came to.
the org. date is August 28.2007
whew....what a day!
Current mood: contemplative
So today we packed and packed at moms house...we got a lot done....Nick(my brother) came and helped and we spent the day just the three of us...it was fun, and I am excited for mom that we were able to accomplish so much!
after that I rushed home to shower and then for a night out w/ Alex, we have been waiting for the shane and shane w/ bebo norman concert for a couple of months now and it was tonight. we went out to eat first to carrabbas and that was a nice treat for us...I thought we would be going to one of the more reg. places that we go...like mcalisters or even sushi 101..but alex wanted to go somewhere nicer. then off to the concert. IT WAS AWESOME! I really really needed it.....I love music, I can't sing or play, but I love it so much, NOTHING can bring me out of a funk like shane and shane or jared anderson or some of my random music I have on my ipod! and I have liked bebo for a long time and haven't really been listening to him...he hasn't made it on my ipod yet...but after tonight i plan to put him on there SOON! His songs words describe me so well, I am the kind of person who loves the words to music....now I'm a big fan of you can't have music w/o the music and the words.....I love both, but the words normally stick out a little more for me than the music...alex it opposite.
Nwway, it was wonderful night out w/ alex, I realy miss not going to more concerts like we did before the kids. But they make for late nights, we didn't get home til after 11 and I felt really bad having mom and gary here w/ the kids. so I will really relish this night b/c I know it's not something we do often! There is another one near my b-day that we will probably go to, so I'll have to look forward to that!
So that has nothing to do w/ what I wanted to blog about....I guess it was my starter! I wanted to talk about my newest discovery...words. I have been thinking alot about words lately. Words can encourage, discourage, hurt, bring joy, mean alot or mean nothing, they can be good and they can be bad....so who decides what they become? the person saying the words or is it the person receiving the words who decides how to take them? I heard a lot of words tonight, and they encouraged me, they pricked my heart and they make me think....but it was how I received them that made me feel the way I did....or was it how they were presented wrapped up in music that made me so open to the words? Can I decide how someone says something? Or do I only decide how to except what they say? and to go a little farther w/ this....can I decide if someones comment is negative or positive or is that decided by the person making the comment? Am I making any since? If someones says something to me and I'm not sure how to take it....they may have meant it negatively or positively....but for me, it's still my right to decide how I want to take it...I don't have to agree....I can have my own opinion of the whole thing....don't you think? Just b/c someone else may look at a situation one way doen't mean I have to too! It's my choice. and as far as that goes it is the same way w/ blame....I can choose to take blame or not....if I am in the wrong, then I need to take responsiblilty for that and make it right, but if I feel that I have done nothing wrong, and I am being honest about that then I have no reason to carry any blame about the situation....sometimes things just are what they are. Do you think we tend to do this, place blame, so that we don't have to deal w/ it ourselves...like if I make it sound like their problem not mine, then I don't have to take responsibility for my actions....I think it is a bad habit for everyone and maybe I'm wrong, and I'm the only one seeing this problem in my life...but I know sometimes that I want to push the blame button so I don't have to think about my role in the situation or what I am suppose to do to make the situation better...and I also know that sometimes I allow the blame to be placed on me when I shouldn't b/c I know I haven't done anything wrong....BUT I am the only one who can choose not to accept the blame even when it is placed. I am the only one who can choose for me how to accept the blame...or present the lack of accepting blame....how ever the case maybe.
Have you ever been at the place in a situation that you just feel like screaming and giving up...ok so duh we have all been there...even one of the shanes was talking about it tonight....it's so hard for me, b/c I feel like it takes so little sometimes to send me there...to the place I when I want to throw my hands in the air and say forget it this is to hard....it's so easy for me to go from fine to funk in seconds it seems...and I don't like it at all...I told a friend the other day that sometimes I have these feelings that I don't want to have, but I can' just wiggle my nose and make them disappear..so what do you do? How do you deal? I have been working on the answer to those questions, but I want to know what ya'll think....I'm going to save my conclusion for tomorrow or whenever I blog next...but really think about it....what do you do, past the blame, face it head on, run or choose the funk? and pass that, what does God want us to do? He gave us emotions....how would He want us to express them?
Current mood: contemplative
So today we packed and packed at moms house...we got a lot done....Nick(my brother) came and helped and we spent the day just the three of us...it was fun, and I am excited for mom that we were able to accomplish so much!
after that I rushed home to shower and then for a night out w/ Alex, we have been waiting for the shane and shane w/ bebo norman concert for a couple of months now and it was tonight. we went out to eat first to carrabbas and that was a nice treat for us...I thought we would be going to one of the more reg. places that we go...like mcalisters or even sushi 101..but alex wanted to go somewhere nicer. then off to the concert. IT WAS AWESOME! I really really needed it.....I love music, I can't sing or play, but I love it so much, NOTHING can bring me out of a funk like shane and shane or jared anderson or some of my random music I have on my ipod! and I have liked bebo for a long time and haven't really been listening to him...he hasn't made it on my ipod yet...but after tonight i plan to put him on there SOON! His songs words describe me so well, I am the kind of person who loves the words to music....now I'm a big fan of you can't have music w/o the music and the words.....I love both, but the words normally stick out a little more for me than the music...alex it opposite.
Nwway, it was wonderful night out w/ alex, I realy miss not going to more concerts like we did before the kids. But they make for late nights, we didn't get home til after 11 and I felt really bad having mom and gary here w/ the kids. so I will really relish this night b/c I know it's not something we do often! There is another one near my b-day that we will probably go to, so I'll have to look forward to that!
So that has nothing to do w/ what I wanted to blog about....I guess it was my starter! I wanted to talk about my newest discovery...words. I have been thinking alot about words lately. Words can encourage, discourage, hurt, bring joy, mean alot or mean nothing, they can be good and they can be bad....so who decides what they become? the person saying the words or is it the person receiving the words who decides how to take them? I heard a lot of words tonight, and they encouraged me, they pricked my heart and they make me think....but it was how I received them that made me feel the way I did....or was it how they were presented wrapped up in music that made me so open to the words? Can I decide how someone says something? Or do I only decide how to except what they say? and to go a little farther w/ this....can I decide if someones comment is negative or positive or is that decided by the person making the comment? Am I making any since? If someones says something to me and I'm not sure how to take it....they may have meant it negatively or positively....but for me, it's still my right to decide how I want to take it...I don't have to agree....I can have my own opinion of the whole thing....don't you think? Just b/c someone else may look at a situation one way doen't mean I have to too! It's my choice. and as far as that goes it is the same way w/ blame....I can choose to take blame or not....if I am in the wrong, then I need to take responsiblilty for that and make it right, but if I feel that I have done nothing wrong, and I am being honest about that then I have no reason to carry any blame about the situation....sometimes things just are what they are. Do you think we tend to do this, place blame, so that we don't have to deal w/ it ourselves...like if I make it sound like their problem not mine, then I don't have to take responsibility for my actions....I think it is a bad habit for everyone and maybe I'm wrong, and I'm the only one seeing this problem in my life...but I know sometimes that I want to push the blame button so I don't have to think about my role in the situation or what I am suppose to do to make the situation better...and I also know that sometimes I allow the blame to be placed on me when I shouldn't b/c I know I haven't done anything wrong....BUT I am the only one who can choose not to accept the blame even when it is placed. I am the only one who can choose for me how to accept the blame...or present the lack of accepting blame....how ever the case maybe.
Have you ever been at the place in a situation that you just feel like screaming and giving up...ok so duh we have all been there...even one of the shanes was talking about it tonight....it's so hard for me, b/c I feel like it takes so little sometimes to send me there...to the place I when I want to throw my hands in the air and say forget it this is to hard....it's so easy for me to go from fine to funk in seconds it seems...and I don't like it at all...I told a friend the other day that sometimes I have these feelings that I don't want to have, but I can' just wiggle my nose and make them disappear..so what do you do? How do you deal? I have been working on the answer to those questions, but I want to know what ya'll think....I'm going to save my conclusion for tomorrow or whenever I blog next...but really think about it....what do you do, past the blame, face it head on, run or choose the funk? and pass that, what does God want us to do? He gave us emotions....how would He want us to express them?
the org. date is August 26.2007
sometimes I’m so wordy!
Current mood: hyper
WHEW....it's Sunday night already! I can't believe how time is flying right now and I can't believe it's Sunday night already! Yesterday was sorta busy for us...I started doing kids birthday parties for a friends of mines birthday party company, yesterday was my first!....more about that in a bit! lol Today was sunday and as ya'll know I love Sunday..it had two highlights to it...1. I was FINALLY able to get a window sticker for the back of my van that says "ELEVATION CHURCH" along w/ a t-shirt both of which I have been asking for from our resourse table for a long time...like 2 months! 2. my brother and sister-in-law came to our church today! This is alex's brother and his wife!...I am so excited! I really really want them to see God the way I do! So today was alot of fun...after lunch w/ Jonthan and Kelly and the kidos we came home and napped and then went to the park and then did some shopping our favorite pass time! lol and then dinner and bath and bed for the kids...now some tv was alex's choice and I'm catching up on the computer which always gets negleted over the weekend! So I'm beat and I have just started a crazy week...this week is going to be SO BUSY! Alex is starting a new code class tomorrow night and will be gone 2 ngihts a week for the next six weeks, w/ this pending change to my schedule i realized how spoiled I am knowing when he will be home everyday and for that to be early...it's so wonderful and I dread giving that up...I understand that he needs this class...but I wonder if he understands how much I need him! lol I love that he walks thur my door at 4 every afternoon and I doubt I tell him that enough! I will miss him on those days for the next while! ....guess you don't always know what you have til it's taken away! I hope I learn to appreciate it more while he not here! So the kids won't see him except on Tuesday and Thursday...they will be asleep long before he comes home on Mon and Wed....it will be hard for them! and I hate that for them...but this too will pass which is what I'll have to keep thinking about! ok let's move on...no use stewing about it!
Birthday parties...are fun when it's not your kid's and your kids not even there! I actually had fun doing this party!...now I have a lot to learn to be completely comfortable w/ what I am doing, but it was fun and it's so interesting to me to watch other kids...I know I will be learning alot from this....I always like to see how others relate to their kids and how their kids do at their birthday party...this is probably a shock to some that I am doing parties....I decided a while back to try it out...Emma is getting to the age where I want to be able to put her in some activities and I wanted to be able to make some extra money on a parttime ...very parttime...bases! So this chance came along and I couldn't pass up trying it out! I'll let you know what I think as I get more into it...but so far so good and I can fund Emma going to gymnastics for one month already!!! lol
Last thing...I know this has been a weird blog for me...but not like I haven't had those before! lol....btw...I like being weird!lol I blogged about our situation at church and how we felt like we were missing something and how we felt we were suppose to wait and see what God had planned for us....well we didn't have to wait long. Today we found out that the elevation church union is moving to butler highschool which is also in matthews, and that they need people from central to move over to butler and Alex and I are both feeling like that is what we are suppose to do....so pray for us as we make our choice....our first instict is to go, but then I start worrying...I do that well you know!....and my biggest fear is once again Emma...she is just starting to do well in her class...she loves her teacher..."miss Shannon" and Shannon has been reporting how well she is doing...actually talking and knowing the answer to the questions and responding...today I had the couple that was doing the music for her group come to me and tell me that she "loved to sing and knew all the songs"....wonder where she got that from....oh thought of another story!....get back to that in a minute! So as you can tell I am struggling w/ pulling that from her. A friend encouraged me tonight that it may not phase her since it would "sorta" be the same...the same program and songs and look...but I'm not convinced....maybe if I could convince "Miss" Shannon to come too then I wouldn't worry so much! :) NEway...pray for us as we make the right choice...that we would have clear direction....and for now Alex starts leading worship in Ekids next Sunday at the Central campus and he is really looking forward to it and I have a new role, not one with a title, but unofficailly...I am now there to hold baby Lydia so Jonathan and Kelly will leave her long enough to go to church! and I love my new role God couldn't have given me anything better to do! Isn't it amazing!...just one week and it seems that God has answered all of those questions! It's exciting to me!
ok so last story....Emma has found her voice when it comes to singing....she has always loved music...but now she tries to out-do her daddy, when songs comes on, she is like ....I know that one.....daddy did you know that is a gutair...like you play? and so on ....she thinks she know's it all and can sing about any thing you ask her to sing! From disney princess movie songs to the most popular worship music to every kids song known to man she has learned it or is learing it...she cracks me up!....She is most challenged by the thought of out-doing her daddy! I LOVE IT! KEEP SINGING BABY GIRL! YOU MAKE ME SMILE MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!
Current mood: hyper
WHEW....it's Sunday night already! I can't believe how time is flying right now and I can't believe it's Sunday night already! Yesterday was sorta busy for us...I started doing kids birthday parties for a friends of mines birthday party company, yesterday was my first!....more about that in a bit! lol Today was sunday and as ya'll know I love Sunday..it had two highlights to it...1. I was FINALLY able to get a window sticker for the back of my van that says "ELEVATION CHURCH" along w/ a t-shirt both of which I have been asking for from our resourse table for a long time...like 2 months! 2. my brother and sister-in-law came to our church today! This is alex's brother and his wife!...I am so excited! I really really want them to see God the way I do! So today was alot of fun...after lunch w/ Jonthan and Kelly and the kidos we came home and napped and then went to the park and then did some shopping our favorite pass time! lol and then dinner and bath and bed for the kids...now some tv was alex's choice and I'm catching up on the computer which always gets negleted over the weekend! So I'm beat and I have just started a crazy week...this week is going to be SO BUSY! Alex is starting a new code class tomorrow night and will be gone 2 ngihts a week for the next six weeks, w/ this pending change to my schedule i realized how spoiled I am knowing when he will be home everyday and for that to be early...it's so wonderful and I dread giving that up...I understand that he needs this class...but I wonder if he understands how much I need him! lol I love that he walks thur my door at 4 every afternoon and I doubt I tell him that enough! I will miss him on those days for the next while! ....guess you don't always know what you have til it's taken away! I hope I learn to appreciate it more while he not here! So the kids won't see him except on Tuesday and Thursday...they will be asleep long before he comes home on Mon and Wed....it will be hard for them! and I hate that for them...but this too will pass which is what I'll have to keep thinking about! ok let's move on...no use stewing about it!
Birthday parties...are fun when it's not your kid's and your kids not even there! I actually had fun doing this party!...now I have a lot to learn to be completely comfortable w/ what I am doing, but it was fun and it's so interesting to me to watch other kids...I know I will be learning alot from this....I always like to see how others relate to their kids and how their kids do at their birthday party...this is probably a shock to some that I am doing parties....I decided a while back to try it out...Emma is getting to the age where I want to be able to put her in some activities and I wanted to be able to make some extra money on a parttime ...very parttime...bases! So this chance came along and I couldn't pass up trying it out! I'll let you know what I think as I get more into it...but so far so good and I can fund Emma going to gymnastics for one month already!!! lol
Last thing...I know this has been a weird blog for me...but not like I haven't had those before! lol....btw...I like being weird!lol I blogged about our situation at church and how we felt like we were missing something and how we felt we were suppose to wait and see what God had planned for us....well we didn't have to wait long. Today we found out that the elevation church union is moving to butler highschool which is also in matthews, and that they need people from central to move over to butler and Alex and I are both feeling like that is what we are suppose to do....so pray for us as we make our choice....our first instict is to go, but then I start worrying...I do that well you know!....and my biggest fear is once again Emma...she is just starting to do well in her class...she loves her teacher..."miss Shannon" and Shannon has been reporting how well she is doing...actually talking and knowing the answer to the questions and responding...today I had the couple that was doing the music for her group come to me and tell me that she "loved to sing and knew all the songs"....wonder where she got that from....oh thought of another story!....get back to that in a minute! So as you can tell I am struggling w/ pulling that from her. A friend encouraged me tonight that it may not phase her since it would "sorta" be the same...the same program and songs and look...but I'm not convinced....maybe if I could convince "Miss" Shannon to come too then I wouldn't worry so much! :) NEway...pray for us as we make the right choice...that we would have clear direction....and for now Alex starts leading worship in Ekids next Sunday at the Central campus and he is really looking forward to it and I have a new role, not one with a title, but unofficailly...I am now there to hold baby Lydia so Jonathan and Kelly will leave her long enough to go to church! and I love my new role God couldn't have given me anything better to do! Isn't it amazing!...just one week and it seems that God has answered all of those questions! It's exciting to me!
ok so last story....Emma has found her voice when it comes to singing....she has always loved music...but now she tries to out-do her daddy, when songs comes on, she is like ....I know that one.....daddy did you know that is a gutair...like you play? and so on ....she thinks she know's it all and can sing about any thing you ask her to sing! From disney princess movie songs to the most popular worship music to every kids song known to man she has learned it or is learing it...she cracks me up!....She is most challenged by the thought of out-doing her daddy! I LOVE IT! KEEP SINGING BABY GIRL! YOU MAKE ME SMILE MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!
the org. date is August 23.2007
hmmm....what to say!....so many words! lol
Current mood: weird
so Alex is asleep on the couch....not b/c we had a fight, but b/c he has to go back to work in a little while...life at the tv/radio station! and I know it's late, well maybe not for you singles or college peoples, but for us mommies it's late! But I am still a night owl at heart and I hate when Alex has to leave here late and I know I won't really sleep til he's back home which isn't until round 2 night...so this might be my longest blog yet! lol
So I was in the shower thinking about how I have nothing I really want to blog about and how this has been such a busy week for me that I haven't taken much time to reflect on what is in my heart....which took me back to the sermon on Sunday....and the scripture he used so I got out my bible to read it again, everytime I read it I see something new, which I am sure has a lot to do w/ his sermons bring out differant points for me. Tonight I was struck by the fact that Jonathan didn't take his b/f into battle w/ him, he took someone differant. Why? Why would he choose his armor barrier to go w/ him to defeat 20 men? Why would he not pick someone he knew better, who was stronger, who would more likely kill more men? (I'm not saying that the armor barrier didn't do his job, he did and quite well!) I have been thinking about the answer, but I'll get there in a minute.
If you haven't noticed, I like to apply everything...everything to my life in some way, so in thinking about Jonathan, I started thinking about myself and why things happened the way they did....call it a endless need to figure out myself, to understand and be content w/ my life. So these are my thoughts....ok so I know I was going somewhere w/ this.....let me back up....I think the answer to the question above is that if Jonathan took his b/f w/ him to kill the men then he would have been more secure w/ what he was doing, but in taking his armor barrier, he was depending on God and God alone....I think God allows things in life to happen the way they do so you will know it was Him and no one else.....ei. maybe the whole reason I went to school at North Greenville College for one seimester and then came home...which was so hard, b/c I LOVED school and didn't really understand why I felt God calling me home....maybe that happened so that when I heard of this church called elevation with a pastor named stephen ferddick (who also went to Greenville) I would know it would be GOOD!....maybe it took friends walking through a HARD situation at the church we were attending to help me open my eyes to what my husband was telling me and to move me from the church, where I was not feeling a need to grow in Christ...(would it make them feel differant about their situation if they knew they were instrumental in helping me grow by leaps and bounds?) Maybe it took my parents being in a hard finanical situation for me to feel like I needed to stay home from school, but it was God way of making sure I was there for my family and w/ my dad while he was sick...maybe b/c of my dad dying one month before my wedding I can say I understand to others who are suffering with their mother dying of brain cancer...when they say they don't want to give up hope, but they also feel the need to live in reality(please pray for them...their names are Torrie and Aron) I can say i understand and really mean it....ok so I think that is enough maybes...but I could go on for the whole time Alex is gone! My point is the same as what Pastor Stephen was saying on Sunday...it's the process of what we go through that counts....if I never went through those things...even the very bad ones the I wouldn't be who I was, I may not understand some of them now, but that doesn't mean I won't be able to look back and see the reason later, I can see the reason for all those maybes...the reason that things "had to happen" the way they did, it doesn't erase the pain or grief, but it does help me grasp hold of WHY and also the fact that God and his all-knowingness really does know best....
and that brings me to my next thought...as you know if you have been reading my blog, I have been re-discovering myself over the last few months and one of the things I have found is that I tried to stop being so blunt...I can't say it work well, despite my best efforts I'm sure most people still think I am blunt....but that's not my point. my point is that there are things I know I didn't say that I wanted to say or that i felt God impressing on my heart and I did't open my mouth b/c I didn't want to be to "blunt" I can blame others, but I know it's my responibility and no one elses....so how many of those things might have actually impacted other people? and b/c I was afraid to make them upset or I might seem imperfect or even stupid i stayed quiet. I'm not trying to say that I know best, and everyone should listen to every word I say and they will be better off....but as Pastor Stephen said we never know who were are impacting and how, and I know I haven't always followed my heart and God leading when it comes to sharing how I feel and I wonder how many oppurtunities I missed b/c of that....and to end this I also understand I can only learn from that, so here is my challenge to me and you. Be true to yourself, say it if God is telling you to, and don't leave who God made you to be..., and love others no matter what...be open to what others tell you and don't always assume you have it right...you never know it may be God trying to tell you something....and lastly, remember, it's to process and there is a reason it's happening even if you can't understand it!
ok you will now receive an email of everything I have always wanted to say to you but haven't! hee hee hee JUST KIDDING! love ya'll!
Current mood: weird
so Alex is asleep on the couch....not b/c we had a fight, but b/c he has to go back to work in a little while...life at the tv/radio station! and I know it's late, well maybe not for you singles or college peoples, but for us mommies it's late! But I am still a night owl at heart and I hate when Alex has to leave here late and I know I won't really sleep til he's back home which isn't until round 2 night...so this might be my longest blog yet! lol
So I was in the shower thinking about how I have nothing I really want to blog about and how this has been such a busy week for me that I haven't taken much time to reflect on what is in my heart....which took me back to the sermon on Sunday....and the scripture he used so I got out my bible to read it again, everytime I read it I see something new, which I am sure has a lot to do w/ his sermons bring out differant points for me. Tonight I was struck by the fact that Jonathan didn't take his b/f into battle w/ him, he took someone differant. Why? Why would he choose his armor barrier to go w/ him to defeat 20 men? Why would he not pick someone he knew better, who was stronger, who would more likely kill more men? (I'm not saying that the armor barrier didn't do his job, he did and quite well!) I have been thinking about the answer, but I'll get there in a minute.
If you haven't noticed, I like to apply everything...everything to my life in some way, so in thinking about Jonathan, I started thinking about myself and why things happened the way they did....call it a endless need to figure out myself, to understand and be content w/ my life. So these are my thoughts....ok so I know I was going somewhere w/ this.....let me back up....I think the answer to the question above is that if Jonathan took his b/f w/ him to kill the men then he would have been more secure w/ what he was doing, but in taking his armor barrier, he was depending on God and God alone....I think God allows things in life to happen the way they do so you will know it was Him and no one else.....ei. maybe the whole reason I went to school at North Greenville College for one seimester and then came home...which was so hard, b/c I LOVED school and didn't really understand why I felt God calling me home....maybe that happened so that when I heard of this church called elevation with a pastor named stephen ferddick (who also went to Greenville) I would know it would be GOOD!....maybe it took friends walking through a HARD situation at the church we were attending to help me open my eyes to what my husband was telling me and to move me from the church, where I was not feeling a need to grow in Christ...(would it make them feel differant about their situation if they knew they were instrumental in helping me grow by leaps and bounds?) Maybe it took my parents being in a hard finanical situation for me to feel like I needed to stay home from school, but it was God way of making sure I was there for my family and w/ my dad while he was sick...maybe b/c of my dad dying one month before my wedding I can say I understand to others who are suffering with their mother dying of brain cancer...when they say they don't want to give up hope, but they also feel the need to live in reality(please pray for them...their names are Torrie and Aron) I can say i understand and really mean it....ok so I think that is enough maybes...but I could go on for the whole time Alex is gone! My point is the same as what Pastor Stephen was saying on Sunday...it's the process of what we go through that counts....if I never went through those things...even the very bad ones the I wouldn't be who I was, I may not understand some of them now, but that doesn't mean I won't be able to look back and see the reason later, I can see the reason for all those maybes...the reason that things "had to happen" the way they did, it doesn't erase the pain or grief, but it does help me grasp hold of WHY and also the fact that God and his all-knowingness really does know best....
and that brings me to my next thought...as you know if you have been reading my blog, I have been re-discovering myself over the last few months and one of the things I have found is that I tried to stop being so blunt...I can't say it work well, despite my best efforts I'm sure most people still think I am blunt....but that's not my point. my point is that there are things I know I didn't say that I wanted to say or that i felt God impressing on my heart and I did't open my mouth b/c I didn't want to be to "blunt" I can blame others, but I know it's my responibility and no one elses....so how many of those things might have actually impacted other people? and b/c I was afraid to make them upset or I might seem imperfect or even stupid i stayed quiet. I'm not trying to say that I know best, and everyone should listen to every word I say and they will be better off....but as Pastor Stephen said we never know who were are impacting and how, and I know I haven't always followed my heart and God leading when it comes to sharing how I feel and I wonder how many oppurtunities I missed b/c of that....and to end this I also understand I can only learn from that, so here is my challenge to me and you. Be true to yourself, say it if God is telling you to, and don't leave who God made you to be..., and love others no matter what...be open to what others tell you and don't always assume you have it right...you never know it may be God trying to tell you something....and lastly, remember, it's to process and there is a reason it's happening even if you can't understand it!
ok you will now receive an email of everything I have always wanted to say to you but haven't! hee hee hee JUST KIDDING! love ya'll!
the org. date is August 21.2007
knitting and God’s loops!
Current mood: accomplished
so ya'll should feel special, I stopped knitting to come and blog a while....I have an hour b/f I have to start dinner and the kids are still asleep! SO I wanted to blog about what I've been thnking about while I was knitting....I was reflecting (sp?) over my day and the last few days for that matter... and I was thinking again about what I said in a previous blog where I said that I felt like my friends could leave me behind and not look back, in fact I was talking about that today w/ a friend and after the conversation I realized something and I want to share it w/ ya'll and her too.....that feeling is our human nature coming out..it's not from God, I think that it would disappiont God that I feel that way...why? well that would mean that I am not trusting God to provide for me, He ask me to trust in the Lord w/ ALL my heart, even w/ my friends and I don't think I have been doing that very well, I think I wanted to control that for myself. I think that I didn't see the big picture, I put God in a box in a sense... see I thought I knew best when it came to my friends...and as I have found out, I didn't know best, I am seeing things/people in a knew light and it's funny and fun to see how things are changing, and I know that is it God and not me....it's amazing! How you might ask do you know it's God and not you....well I fought it for a long time, and it's in surrendeing it to God that the change came and not before....the other blog shows that I am still struggling w/ it though....so I learned today while knitting that just like my knowledge of what loops to put where makes a nice wash rag, God's looping me into a confidant, loving friend! All He has asked of me is to "trust in Him"...I know it won't always be easy, but it will be worth it!
Current mood: accomplished
so ya'll should feel special, I stopped knitting to come and blog a while....I have an hour b/f I have to start dinner and the kids are still asleep! SO I wanted to blog about what I've been thnking about while I was knitting....I was reflecting (sp?) over my day and the last few days for that matter... and I was thinking again about what I said in a previous blog where I said that I felt like my friends could leave me behind and not look back, in fact I was talking about that today w/ a friend and after the conversation I realized something and I want to share it w/ ya'll and her too.....that feeling is our human nature coming out..it's not from God, I think that it would disappiont God that I feel that way...why? well that would mean that I am not trusting God to provide for me, He ask me to trust in the Lord w/ ALL my heart, even w/ my friends and I don't think I have been doing that very well, I think I wanted to control that for myself. I think that I didn't see the big picture, I put God in a box in a sense... see I thought I knew best when it came to my friends...and as I have found out, I didn't know best, I am seeing things/people in a knew light and it's funny and fun to see how things are changing, and I know that is it God and not me....it's amazing! How you might ask do you know it's God and not you....well I fought it for a long time, and it's in surrendeing it to God that the change came and not before....the other blog shows that I am still struggling w/ it though....so I learned today while knitting that just like my knowledge of what loops to put where makes a nice wash rag, God's looping me into a confidant, loving friend! All He has asked of me is to "trust in Him"...I know it won't always be easy, but it will be worth it!
the org. date is August 19.2007
I love Sunday!!!
today is Sunday, if you didn't know...haha....I LOVE going to church..I always leave so challenged and today was no differant, it will take me a few days to chrew on everything I heard, and for the first time I feel like I couldn't even get all I needed from hearing the message once, so I can't wait to podcast it and listen to it again! and again and again if I need to....Pastor Stephen has an amazing way of connecting w/ what people need to hear. For me today was really special, I mean I have spent this summer learning who God wants ME to be and I have struggled w/ the lack of "something" I have felt like a nobody important, like my friends could leave me behind w/o really looking back. (have you ever felt that way?) like you aren't sure what you did wrong or didn't do at all, but that no one seems to care as much as you want them to.....neway that's for another day....God has been teaching me to trust, commit and love Him in a new, bigger way and He started all of it by pruning first...you know it's a fact that fruit can't grow unless you first prune.
So back to today, Pastor Stephen talked about how what you do matters, even if you are a stay at home mom....your concern, your prayer, your love for others...your questions, your willingness to obey God and do what you must, it all matters....and once again he talked about how the obvious turning point itn't the turning point at all, it's the process, that is isn't his preaching that bring people to the Lord, it's the person who invited them...it's the process...so to anyone who thinks that what you might do now won't matter later, they are wrong! It does matter, what I put in my kids now will matter 5 and 10 years from now...and to think that I didn't think I mattered much. I have a renewed passion for how I do things w/ and for my kids, I want to know that I mattered in their lives and that I listened to the calling God gave me when I bore them.
So the other thing that happened today is also interesting and Alex and I are still praying about what we are being told....we were once again involved in a sign up process at church where we were over looked and that now totals like the 4th time....our info cards were lost at the newcomers bunch, the VHQ girl lost my email address, and then the small group online sign up never through back out our info to the right person, and then today poor Alex shows up to a meeting an hour late b/c he was told 4 not 3 and I was there and hear 4 also...so we are left shaking our heads and laughing (a little) and we are left wondering...what does all this mean? Is it God or Satan? Are we not suppose to serve for now, or does God want us to stop and listen and then act, did we act out of turn? On the other hand, I was in VHQ and then my position was sorta disolved, alex was in spin and then spin decided to spin down and we are both left w/ no where to serve...so what does it all mean? Pray as we make decisions..that we will know fully what we are to do, we want only what God wants for us and we are choosing at this time to wait and see/hear from Him.
so I know this has been sorta ramdom, but I hope you hung in there w/ me, I really really want ya'll to download the sermon from today.....go to www.elevationchurch.org and you can download it or go to itunes and look up elevation church IT'S FREE and so worth it, it will give you a renewed meaning to your life I promise!
hope everyone had a wonderful day!
today is Sunday, if you didn't know...haha....I LOVE going to church..I always leave so challenged and today was no differant, it will take me a few days to chrew on everything I heard, and for the first time I feel like I couldn't even get all I needed from hearing the message once, so I can't wait to podcast it and listen to it again! and again and again if I need to....Pastor Stephen has an amazing way of connecting w/ what people need to hear. For me today was really special, I mean I have spent this summer learning who God wants ME to be and I have struggled w/ the lack of "something" I have felt like a nobody important, like my friends could leave me behind w/o really looking back. (have you ever felt that way?) like you aren't sure what you did wrong or didn't do at all, but that no one seems to care as much as you want them to.....neway that's for another day....God has been teaching me to trust, commit and love Him in a new, bigger way and He started all of it by pruning first...you know it's a fact that fruit can't grow unless you first prune.
So back to today, Pastor Stephen talked about how what you do matters, even if you are a stay at home mom....your concern, your prayer, your love for others...your questions, your willingness to obey God and do what you must, it all matters....and once again he talked about how the obvious turning point itn't the turning point at all, it's the process, that is isn't his preaching that bring people to the Lord, it's the person who invited them...it's the process...so to anyone who thinks that what you might do now won't matter later, they are wrong! It does matter, what I put in my kids now will matter 5 and 10 years from now...and to think that I didn't think I mattered much. I have a renewed passion for how I do things w/ and for my kids, I want to know that I mattered in their lives and that I listened to the calling God gave me when I bore them.
So the other thing that happened today is also interesting and Alex and I are still praying about what we are being told....we were once again involved in a sign up process at church where we were over looked and that now totals like the 4th time....our info cards were lost at the newcomers bunch, the VHQ girl lost my email address, and then the small group online sign up never through back out our info to the right person, and then today poor Alex shows up to a meeting an hour late b/c he was told 4 not 3 and I was there and hear 4 also...so we are left shaking our heads and laughing (a little) and we are left wondering...what does all this mean? Is it God or Satan? Are we not suppose to serve for now, or does God want us to stop and listen and then act, did we act out of turn? On the other hand, I was in VHQ and then my position was sorta disolved, alex was in spin and then spin decided to spin down and we are both left w/ no where to serve...so what does it all mean? Pray as we make decisions..that we will know fully what we are to do, we want only what God wants for us and we are choosing at this time to wait and see/hear from Him.
so I know this has been sorta ramdom, but I hope you hung in there w/ me, I really really want ya'll to download the sermon from today.....go to www.elevationchurch.org and you can download it or go to itunes and look up elevation church IT'S FREE and so worth it, it will give you a renewed meaning to your life I promise!
hope everyone had a wonderful day!
the org. date is August 16.2007
are you kidding, I’m not dancing!
Current mood: grateful
It's quiet in the house!...nice change...today has been good I spent it w/ a good friend of mine and got her hooked on myspace while she was here....lol...you know I did Mel! lol....th highlight of my day was this evening when my daughter in her cinderalla dress complete w/ shoes and tierra tried to convince my son to "dance" w/ her....HE WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT! and looked at her as if she had lost her mind as if to say I AM BOY, I DON'T DANCE....ESPECIALLY NOT W/ MY SISTER....of all the nerve of her! lol I'm still laughing...you see I had worked myself into a tizzy while working on supper and during supper and while cleaning up from supper....and starting the tomatoes I needed to can and I wasn't in the best of moods, so w/ my earbuds in rocking to some Jared Anderson (if you don't know who he is you are missing out...look him up he's on itunes and he has a few song posted here on "myspace" too) remembering that God is in control of my life and everything in it, then I see the two most beautiful kids in the world...doing the sweetest things in the world!...don't worry when her brother wasn't a taker on the dancing she wasn't defeated at all, she just turned to her daddy...then the funny thing is Ian got jealous of Alex dancing w/ Emma...it was like I don't want to, but I don't want anyone else to either! haha! It was a good way to end my funk! I am so truely blessed and I have no reason to be in a funk and I don't think my family should have to bear the brunt of me being discontent w/ other peoples choices...that's just not fair to them....!
I sometimes find life so interesting, like today, it was so much fun...catching up w/ Melanie, we haven't seen each other in a while, we get to talk every once in a while, we both have busy lives, husbands and stuff! But how often do I stop and think and thank God for how long she had been a part of my life....that's an interesting story in itself....she was my VBS teacher when I was in nursery! lol...I just discovered that recently when I was going through a box of stuff at my moms'...lol...sorry Mel, I'm not trying to tell your age! lol....neway, I really got to know her when I was in highschool, she taught me and a group of homeschooler(we were all good friends) sign language...we spent many a night in the parking lot talking about stuff...she was so good to listen to my problems...mostly boy problems...she could probably tell you more about my "boys" than I could, she was there when I left for college, she was there when daddy died....note the fact that she was there, yet have I ever taken the time to say thank you or do I just take it for granted? So here and now, thank you Melaine Bowser for always "being" I love you so much as a friend and for all that you have been for me over the last 12 years!...(and I'm not just saying that b/c you joined "myspace" today! lol) I don't think I appreciate people as much as I should, I know I have people in my life that have helped shape me into what I am, I think I need to focus on appreciating them more!...well I didn't mean for this to be this long, so I 'm going to go now! I hope you had a highlight in your day like I did in mine!
Current mood: grateful
It's quiet in the house!...nice change...today has been good I spent it w/ a good friend of mine and got her hooked on myspace while she was here....lol...you know I did Mel! lol....th highlight of my day was this evening when my daughter in her cinderalla dress complete w/ shoes and tierra tried to convince my son to "dance" w/ her....HE WOULD HAVE NONE OF IT! and looked at her as if she had lost her mind as if to say I AM BOY, I DON'T DANCE....ESPECIALLY NOT W/ MY SISTER....of all the nerve of her! lol I'm still laughing...you see I had worked myself into a tizzy while working on supper and during supper and while cleaning up from supper....and starting the tomatoes I needed to can and I wasn't in the best of moods, so w/ my earbuds in rocking to some Jared Anderson (if you don't know who he is you are missing out...look him up he's on itunes and he has a few song posted here on "myspace" too) remembering that God is in control of my life and everything in it, then I see the two most beautiful kids in the world...doing the sweetest things in the world!...don't worry when her brother wasn't a taker on the dancing she wasn't defeated at all, she just turned to her daddy...then the funny thing is Ian got jealous of Alex dancing w/ Emma...it was like I don't want to, but I don't want anyone else to either! haha! It was a good way to end my funk! I am so truely blessed and I have no reason to be in a funk and I don't think my family should have to bear the brunt of me being discontent w/ other peoples choices...that's just not fair to them....!
I sometimes find life so interesting, like today, it was so much fun...catching up w/ Melanie, we haven't seen each other in a while, we get to talk every once in a while, we both have busy lives, husbands and stuff! But how often do I stop and think and thank God for how long she had been a part of my life....that's an interesting story in itself....she was my VBS teacher when I was in nursery! lol...I just discovered that recently when I was going through a box of stuff at my moms'...lol...sorry Mel, I'm not trying to tell your age! lol....neway, I really got to know her when I was in highschool, she taught me and a group of homeschooler(we were all good friends) sign language...we spent many a night in the parking lot talking about stuff...she was so good to listen to my problems...mostly boy problems...she could probably tell you more about my "boys" than I could, she was there when I left for college, she was there when daddy died....note the fact that she was there, yet have I ever taken the time to say thank you or do I just take it for granted? So here and now, thank you Melaine Bowser for always "being" I love you so much as a friend and for all that you have been for me over the last 12 years!...(and I'm not just saying that b/c you joined "myspace" today! lol) I don't think I appreciate people as much as I should, I know I have people in my life that have helped shape me into what I am, I think I need to focus on appreciating them more!...well I didn't mean for this to be this long, so I 'm going to go now! I hope you had a highlight in your day like I did in mine!
the org. date is August 13.2007
what I learned from the pea patch!
Current mood: excited
so I arrived in the pea patch aroudn 9:45 this morning(I had showered and had to kids ready to go grocery shopping...not to the garden! when my Mawmaw called me...lol...oh well, I was the pretty smelling thing in the garden for atleast the first 5 miutes! lol) and I just finished the peas I brought home w/ me, you might ask....WHY AEE YOU BLOGGING?...well, it's to strech my fingers from their cramped position needed to shell peas!! lol :)
So today I did have time to do my normal bible study, I did on the other hand get a chance to pray ....for along time...in the pea patch! and I learned a whole lot about myself!....in the 3 hours i spent picking pea...a new adventure as this was my first time...I learned the following. 1. I am still not a girlie girlie and I don't think I ever will be! haha...how you might ask are you sure of this? Well, I conversed w/ every flying creature known to man today....grasshoppers, bumble bee, hornets, ants...big black ones and little red ones,...horse flies and a few more that I honestly wasn't sure what they were!....I know I'm not a girlie girlie b/c I walked through this patch where no true ground existed! lol...which brings me to 2. I am short! yes I know you probably didn't know this about me already! lol....this pea patch was up to my waist! It reminded me of the turkeys when they were almost full grown. When they were up to my elbow! and you couldn't show your fear walking through them or they would chase you! lol....those were the days! lol which also brings me to 3. Pea patches and turkeys are similar LOL...they are hot, sticky, alots of bugs and NOT very girlie! Of course the turkeys have the pea when it comes to smell! LOL. 4. and the last thing I learned today and the reason I keep bringing up girlie girl....I have gotten away from who I am, I have been trying to leave my past behind and change who I am....why, there are reasons, things that I think, things others have said that made me think that who I am isn't good enough...reasons, not good ones, but reasons....now about the girlie girl thing, it's not a bad thing....I like others who are that way....one of my good friends is a self-proclaimed girlie girl!...it's just not who I am, I never have been....I have held a beating turkey heart in my hand and can(maybe now I should say could) cut a turkey apart w/ the best in the crowd! and I am proud of that! LOL I know that probably sounds crazy to most of you, but it sounds good to me right now. This summer God has been teaching me to embrace me, just as I am...that's how God took me and that is how I should take myself...now I am not giving myself permission not to grow, and learn and improve...just to stop try to be someone else or like someone else....I discover who I really am and who I want me to become....I love my past again and am proud of who I am, and who I was growing up....I love gardening...as much of a pain it is, it's being in God's creation and with Gods creation...literally! lol...the cool thing is that I am there picking the peas and the bugs are there making more peas for me to pick. By doing there thing, I can do my. and if I don't do my thing (picking) then they can't do theirs and vice verse! it's cool if you think about it, if I don't bother them they don't bother me and we are get our work done! also, I did learn one more thing today...Pawpaw saids you plant peas where the ground is drained, b/c peas give back to the soil instead of take away like most plants do....I don't know why, but I found that interesting...maybe b/c it reminds me of how God so awesomely put our world together and yet our earth is but a speck of the universe he created....so here I was awed by the pea patch and thinking of the details of all that was involved in it, that our Creator put into a pea patch.....let that run a minute, He put all that thought into a pea patch, then what into us, and we are a speck on earth and earth is a speck in the universe and yet the bible tell us that "He holds the universe in His hand" run w/ that for a minute....AWESOME, we can't even grasp that for real, I am sure of it....but I tried and I am overwhelmed! So to come full circle and end...if God put that much effort into a pea patch and more into me, then I don't need to change who He made me to be, into what i think I want to be!...I will now be very content to be me....me, turkey farmer girl, gardener, blunt to a fault and all ME, the girl who still sleeps w/ her baby pillow, stubborn to no end, loyal to a fault, and would give you the shirt off her back even if her husband says she can't buy a new one! LOL....thanks for putting up w/ my new discovery! lol....hope ya'll will love yourself for who you are too! Remember God make each of us "fearfully and wonderfully!"....and not to be someone else!
love ya'll....for you who are! I really do!
Current mood: excited
so I arrived in the pea patch aroudn 9:45 this morning(I had showered and had to kids ready to go grocery shopping...not to the garden! when my Mawmaw called me...lol...oh well, I was the pretty smelling thing in the garden for atleast the first 5 miutes! lol) and I just finished the peas I brought home w/ me, you might ask....WHY AEE YOU BLOGGING?...well, it's to strech my fingers from their cramped position needed to shell peas!! lol :)
So today I did have time to do my normal bible study, I did on the other hand get a chance to pray ....for along time...in the pea patch! and I learned a whole lot about myself!....in the 3 hours i spent picking pea...a new adventure as this was my first time...I learned the following. 1. I am still not a girlie girlie and I don't think I ever will be! haha...how you might ask are you sure of this? Well, I conversed w/ every flying creature known to man today....grasshoppers, bumble bee, hornets, ants...big black ones and little red ones,...horse flies and a few more that I honestly wasn't sure what they were!....I know I'm not a girlie girlie b/c I walked through this patch where no true ground existed! lol...which brings me to 2. I am short! yes I know you probably didn't know this about me already! lol....this pea patch was up to my waist! It reminded me of the turkeys when they were almost full grown. When they were up to my elbow! and you couldn't show your fear walking through them or they would chase you! lol....those were the days! lol which also brings me to 3. Pea patches and turkeys are similar LOL...they are hot, sticky, alots of bugs and NOT very girlie! Of course the turkeys have the pea when it comes to smell! LOL. 4. and the last thing I learned today and the reason I keep bringing up girlie girl....I have gotten away from who I am, I have been trying to leave my past behind and change who I am....why, there are reasons, things that I think, things others have said that made me think that who I am isn't good enough...reasons, not good ones, but reasons....now about the girlie girl thing, it's not a bad thing....I like others who are that way....one of my good friends is a self-proclaimed girlie girl!...it's just not who I am, I never have been....I have held a beating turkey heart in my hand and can(maybe now I should say could) cut a turkey apart w/ the best in the crowd! and I am proud of that! LOL I know that probably sounds crazy to most of you, but it sounds good to me right now. This summer God has been teaching me to embrace me, just as I am...that's how God took me and that is how I should take myself...now I am not giving myself permission not to grow, and learn and improve...just to stop try to be someone else or like someone else....I discover who I really am and who I want me to become....I love my past again and am proud of who I am, and who I was growing up....I love gardening...as much of a pain it is, it's being in God's creation and with Gods creation...literally! lol...the cool thing is that I am there picking the peas and the bugs are there making more peas for me to pick. By doing there thing, I can do my. and if I don't do my thing (picking) then they can't do theirs and vice verse! it's cool if you think about it, if I don't bother them they don't bother me and we are get our work done! also, I did learn one more thing today...Pawpaw saids you plant peas where the ground is drained, b/c peas give back to the soil instead of take away like most plants do....I don't know why, but I found that interesting...maybe b/c it reminds me of how God so awesomely put our world together and yet our earth is but a speck of the universe he created....so here I was awed by the pea patch and thinking of the details of all that was involved in it, that our Creator put into a pea patch.....let that run a minute, He put all that thought into a pea patch, then what into us, and we are a speck on earth and earth is a speck in the universe and yet the bible tell us that "He holds the universe in His hand" run w/ that for a minute....AWESOME, we can't even grasp that for real, I am sure of it....but I tried and I am overwhelmed! So to come full circle and end...if God put that much effort into a pea patch and more into me, then I don't need to change who He made me to be, into what i think I want to be!...I will now be very content to be me....me, turkey farmer girl, gardener, blunt to a fault and all ME, the girl who still sleeps w/ her baby pillow, stubborn to no end, loyal to a fault, and would give you the shirt off her back even if her husband says she can't buy a new one! LOL....thanks for putting up w/ my new discovery! lol....hope ya'll will love yourself for who you are too! Remember God make each of us "fearfully and wonderfully!"....and not to be someone else!
love ya'll....for you who are! I really do!
the org. date is August 13.2007
girl talk w/ the sweetest little girl in the world!
Current mood: satisfied
or so I think! Tonight when I was putting Emma to bed we spent a long time talking about....LIFE....it amazes me that at 3 she want's to share everything going on in her mind and heart...a true girl...to listen to her and be able to follow her thoughts is so fun. and then the way she says somethings are fun too. Right now she is consusmed by what other people do..."the little boy at class...which is code for her church class....hit me....that's not nice, he shouldn't do that"...."the little boy today at papa's sale (yard sale) hit his mommy and pulled her hair" and on we go...and I tell her again that she is right we shouldn't hit people or pull hair...then the next thought is...tonight we I got out of the tub I hit Ian....that was bad!" "daddy sent me to my room and I got in trouble"...it's like she is saying..I do bad things too, so try to explain to her that everyone does bad things, it's called sin... and that Jesus loves us anyway and He always forgives us...we should always try to do right, but when we do wrong we need to say we are sorry, just like she did w/ Ian tonight....next comes "mommy do you do bad things?" to which I said yes I do ...."did you hit someone too?"...well no, but I still disobey God sometimes and don't do what He ask me to do...."Oh"...."did you get a spanking?".....and on and on we go....lol
I am finding that I cherish these moments so much....this has turned into a wonderful teaching time....not every night do we talk for 30 minutes like tonight, but every once in a while we just have the most special times at bed time....I love her heart so much...she is into every detail of everything, but cares about others so much. She can be diffacult when she wants, but she is such a joy, nights like to night remind me why the only thing I ever wanted to be was a mommy! It is truely my only hearts desire!....welll to be a wife first that is. I was the only kindergardener that wanted to be a mommy "when I grow up."
But to pull this full circle, I have been working w/ Emma about how we are to only worry about how we act and not what everyone else is doing....we need to work on our choices being right and not what johnny and susie did wrong. and again tonight we were talking about that and I realized that I needed to be looking in the mirror...I have been struggling w/ decisions that other people are making, decisions that as wrong as they are...just like the other children Emma sees pullling hair and hitting....they decisions are wrong, but they aren't my actions....I'm trying to teach her something that I don't practice so well myself. and she can't learn it if I'm not living it...so I need to work on that! so here is my question/thought for the night. How do you let other people that you care about make wrong choices w/o pointing it out, judging, fumming and all those other thing that we do? come on every one does it...can you believe that so n so just did whatever..you feel in the blank. I am guilty of it and I'm sure almost everyone is. Well, I hope I can change it, I don't want to be that way and even more I don't want Emma to be consumed w/ it either!
Today was tiring w/ mom and Gary's yard sale, but it is ending on a sweet note w/ Emma and now I am off to watch a movie w/ the most wonderful husband in the world...sorry ya'll I got him! lol truely life couldn't be better! :)
Current mood: satisfied
or so I think! Tonight when I was putting Emma to bed we spent a long time talking about....LIFE....it amazes me that at 3 she want's to share everything going on in her mind and heart...a true girl...to listen to her and be able to follow her thoughts is so fun. and then the way she says somethings are fun too. Right now she is consusmed by what other people do..."the little boy at class...which is code for her church class....hit me....that's not nice, he shouldn't do that"...."the little boy today at papa's sale (yard sale) hit his mommy and pulled her hair" and on we go...and I tell her again that she is right we shouldn't hit people or pull hair...then the next thought is...tonight we I got out of the tub I hit Ian....that was bad!" "daddy sent me to my room and I got in trouble"...it's like she is saying..I do bad things too, so try to explain to her that everyone does bad things, it's called sin... and that Jesus loves us anyway and He always forgives us...we should always try to do right, but when we do wrong we need to say we are sorry, just like she did w/ Ian tonight....next comes "mommy do you do bad things?" to which I said yes I do ...."did you hit someone too?"...well no, but I still disobey God sometimes and don't do what He ask me to do...."Oh"...."did you get a spanking?".....and on and on we go....lol
I am finding that I cherish these moments so much....this has turned into a wonderful teaching time....not every night do we talk for 30 minutes like tonight, but every once in a while we just have the most special times at bed time....I love her heart so much...she is into every detail of everything, but cares about others so much. She can be diffacult when she wants, but she is such a joy, nights like to night remind me why the only thing I ever wanted to be was a mommy! It is truely my only hearts desire!....welll to be a wife first that is. I was the only kindergardener that wanted to be a mommy "when I grow up."
But to pull this full circle, I have been working w/ Emma about how we are to only worry about how we act and not what everyone else is doing....we need to work on our choices being right and not what johnny and susie did wrong. and again tonight we were talking about that and I realized that I needed to be looking in the mirror...I have been struggling w/ decisions that other people are making, decisions that as wrong as they are...just like the other children Emma sees pullling hair and hitting....they decisions are wrong, but they aren't my actions....I'm trying to teach her something that I don't practice so well myself. and she can't learn it if I'm not living it...so I need to work on that! so here is my question/thought for the night. How do you let other people that you care about make wrong choices w/o pointing it out, judging, fumming and all those other thing that we do? come on every one does it...can you believe that so n so just did whatever..you feel in the blank. I am guilty of it and I'm sure almost everyone is. Well, I hope I can change it, I don't want to be that way and even more I don't want Emma to be consumed w/ it either!
Today was tiring w/ mom and Gary's yard sale, but it is ending on a sweet note w/ Emma and now I am off to watch a movie w/ the most wonderful husband in the world...sorry ya'll I got him! lol truely life couldn't be better! :)
the org. date is August 9.2007
yesterday, today and tomorrow!
Current mood: exhausted
WOW what a busy few days! I havn't had time to think, blog or breathe hardly...so this is my first chance to catch up....sorry...and I should be taking a shower and doing laundry! Alex is on his way home from work....and yes it is 8oclock at night.....so I wanted to blog before he comes home so I'm not sitting here glued to the computer! I haven't seen him in 2 days REALLY. The kids and I spent last night at mom so that I could help mom get ready for a yard sale on Saturday. It was so hot that we didn't work except late at night and early in the morning, so it was easier to stay there.
So my day.....WAS HARD! we spent most of the day going through boxes of pictures, cards, report cards and stuff. LOTS OF MEMORIES! I feel at this moment the tears coming that I hid all day from mom. I am the strong one, remember! It was fun,(the trip down memory lane) there were pics from when I was a baby, lot's of them...they remind me of my life w/ my kids and Alex. There were pics from before the farm. then the farm, graduation, mine and Nicks....lot's of cards from dad's 50th birthday...it took me a while to understand why we saved them...then I remembered that was the last big event when other people would have given him a card....hard to let go of at first I guess....then after his 50th birthday there is nothing, I mean it, nothing....no more pics, no more cards, nothing....my family ....disappeared?....maybe...I'm not sure. Sometimes it feels that way. Dad died and we fell apart? I think ummm so I'm not sure what I think about that thought right now. Will it ever get easier? UMMM I know the answer to that....NO it won't, just differant. I will not always see it the same and that is what will change. I KNOW in the last 5 years I have come to veiw it differantly, but it is still hard...there will always be hard times/days. I have recently learned that it is the process that counts, how does that work in this situation? I guess I am still wondering when my daddy dying will "grow me and make me stronger" b/c I feel like it only makes me sadder, angry, and anything else that doesn't discribe strong or growing! Now I always feel it important to state, that I would never wish him back, he IS in a BETTER place! but it doesn't make it easier to stay behind!
let's move on....I feel like I talk about him to much....anyone who's lost a parent will understand that need, but the rest of you are probably tired of my whining! lol
tomorrow....I am so excited about....I'm going shopping and if that isn't enough, w/ my cool cousin! lol....we are shopping then meeting up w/ the rest of the family for dinner....I've gotten to talk to her alot more b/c of myspace and WE planned our family dinner they don't even do well planning christmas! They haven't seen Ian since he was little!.....and to think he is talking! So atleast I leave this hard day able to be truely excited about tomorrow! and sleeping in my own bed! lol
oh and alex, well he has to work late as long as the 100 degree weather holds out....the building has to go on generator every afternoon b/c duke power is struggling to keep up w/ everyones ac going so much...so he can't leave work til after 7 when he can cut the generator off after the news....life is never dull when you work for a tv/radio station! pray the weather changes soon! he hasn't seen the kids all week...they are in bed before he gets home! Emma was in bed, but awake tonight, so he did go in and talk to her for a minute!
I feel better already, getting it out...my struggles w/ daddy it helps...so thanks for putting up w/ it!....of course if you stopped reading my now I will never know it....so I guess this is more for me tonight and not you...SORRY! love ya'll lol :)
Current mood: exhausted
WOW what a busy few days! I havn't had time to think, blog or breathe hardly...so this is my first chance to catch up....sorry...and I should be taking a shower and doing laundry! Alex is on his way home from work....and yes it is 8oclock at night.....so I wanted to blog before he comes home so I'm not sitting here glued to the computer! I haven't seen him in 2 days REALLY. The kids and I spent last night at mom so that I could help mom get ready for a yard sale on Saturday. It was so hot that we didn't work except late at night and early in the morning, so it was easier to stay there.
So my day.....WAS HARD! we spent most of the day going through boxes of pictures, cards, report cards and stuff. LOTS OF MEMORIES! I feel at this moment the tears coming that I hid all day from mom. I am the strong one, remember! It was fun,(the trip down memory lane) there were pics from when I was a baby, lot's of them...they remind me of my life w/ my kids and Alex. There were pics from before the farm. then the farm, graduation, mine and Nicks....lot's of cards from dad's 50th birthday...it took me a while to understand why we saved them...then I remembered that was the last big event when other people would have given him a card....hard to let go of at first I guess....then after his 50th birthday there is nothing, I mean it, nothing....no more pics, no more cards, nothing....my family ....disappeared?....maybe...I'm not sure. Sometimes it feels that way. Dad died and we fell apart? I think ummm so I'm not sure what I think about that thought right now. Will it ever get easier? UMMM I know the answer to that....NO it won't, just differant. I will not always see it the same and that is what will change. I KNOW in the last 5 years I have come to veiw it differantly, but it is still hard...there will always be hard times/days. I have recently learned that it is the process that counts, how does that work in this situation? I guess I am still wondering when my daddy dying will "grow me and make me stronger" b/c I feel like it only makes me sadder, angry, and anything else that doesn't discribe strong or growing! Now I always feel it important to state, that I would never wish him back, he IS in a BETTER place! but it doesn't make it easier to stay behind!
let's move on....I feel like I talk about him to much....anyone who's lost a parent will understand that need, but the rest of you are probably tired of my whining! lol
tomorrow....I am so excited about....I'm going shopping and if that isn't enough, w/ my cool cousin! lol....we are shopping then meeting up w/ the rest of the family for dinner....I've gotten to talk to her alot more b/c of myspace and WE planned our family dinner they don't even do well planning christmas! They haven't seen Ian since he was little!.....and to think he is talking! So atleast I leave this hard day able to be truely excited about tomorrow! and sleeping in my own bed! lol
oh and alex, well he has to work late as long as the 100 degree weather holds out....the building has to go on generator every afternoon b/c duke power is struggling to keep up w/ everyones ac going so much...so he can't leave work til after 7 when he can cut the generator off after the news....life is never dull when you work for a tv/radio station! pray the weather changes soon! he hasn't seen the kids all week...they are in bed before he gets home! Emma was in bed, but awake tonight, so he did go in and talk to her for a minute!
I feel better already, getting it out...my struggles w/ daddy it helps...so thanks for putting up w/ it!....of course if you stopped reading my now I will never know it....so I guess this is more for me tonight and not you...SORRY! love ya'll lol :)
the org. date is July 31.2007
why blog? I mean really?
Current mood: weird
Ok so what is the point of a blog? I want my blog to be where I can be honest about who I am, how I feel and what's going on in my life....but to what level? Can I really express all that is going on just typing? today has been weird for me...there is that word again....not great, not bad, not what I expected, but once again weird. I watched Emma deal w/ her growing pains ALOT today...sometimes it makes me want to cry. Ian SCREAMED all day, I did ok, I didn't loose it on him...I hung in there...tonight we went to moms...I just couldn't stay home. It was ok, I was in a funk, I think I know what my funk came from, but I can't really explain it to anyone. That crossroad I talked about...it's still staring me in the face, now it is breathing down my throat. I still don't know....God and I got our time this morning...He really is helping me through this, but it's His test for me, so I don't feel like He will be stepping in to rescue me. He is helping me out...the holy spirit is revealing some of it slowly...I realize I must be a slow learner sometimes. I am trying to stay content, but feel like I am losing my grip on that, the bad thing is I knew that would happen, and that infuriates me to no end. I .....I just don't...know..... what a fun and uplifting blog. But is that all I want my blog to be? Fun and encouraging so that everyone will think I have it together all the time? to look perfect, you know I struggle w/ that need...the need of perfectionizm! NO...cause that is not who I am either. I am human, I have feelings, needs, desires and all that other jazz too! So sorry, I can't be to much fun today, I'm just not feeling it. I still am me, I still love God and am amazed by Him and His glory....I have been through out this whole day, but today, it's been harder....hopefully tomorrow will be better. I am still content, I know deep in my heart I am, I'm just still human and emotional! I have been studying the verses the pastor used on Sunday and I learned something about a verse I have known since childhood...the scripture "Delight yourself in the Lord..." that delight isn't pleasure, that delight means "desire"...I was so excited to find that out, b/c I may not always "have pleasure" in the Lord, but I am positive that i always "desire" the Lord. I guess that is my food for thought for today. I am so enjoying digging! :) Isn't it funny, but just talking about God's word makes me feel so much better. I am finishing, b/c I know I am rambling and I don't want this blog to be that! I'm going to work on that crossroad! Pray for me! :)
Current mood: weird
Ok so what is the point of a blog? I want my blog to be where I can be honest about who I am, how I feel and what's going on in my life....but to what level? Can I really express all that is going on just typing? today has been weird for me...there is that word again....not great, not bad, not what I expected, but once again weird. I watched Emma deal w/ her growing pains ALOT today...sometimes it makes me want to cry. Ian SCREAMED all day, I did ok, I didn't loose it on him...I hung in there...tonight we went to moms...I just couldn't stay home. It was ok, I was in a funk, I think I know what my funk came from, but I can't really explain it to anyone. That crossroad I talked about...it's still staring me in the face, now it is breathing down my throat. I still don't know....God and I got our time this morning...He really is helping me through this, but it's His test for me, so I don't feel like He will be stepping in to rescue me. He is helping me out...the holy spirit is revealing some of it slowly...I realize I must be a slow learner sometimes. I am trying to stay content, but feel like I am losing my grip on that, the bad thing is I knew that would happen, and that infuriates me to no end. I .....I just don't...know..... what a fun and uplifting blog. But is that all I want my blog to be? Fun and encouraging so that everyone will think I have it together all the time? to look perfect, you know I struggle w/ that need...the need of perfectionizm! NO...cause that is not who I am either. I am human, I have feelings, needs, desires and all that other jazz too! So sorry, I can't be to much fun today, I'm just not feeling it. I still am me, I still love God and am amazed by Him and His glory....I have been through out this whole day, but today, it's been harder....hopefully tomorrow will be better. I am still content, I know deep in my heart I am, I'm just still human and emotional! I have been studying the verses the pastor used on Sunday and I learned something about a verse I have known since childhood...the scripture "Delight yourself in the Lord..." that delight isn't pleasure, that delight means "desire"...I was so excited to find that out, b/c I may not always "have pleasure" in the Lord, but I am positive that i always "desire" the Lord. I guess that is my food for thought for today. I am so enjoying digging! :) Isn't it funny, but just talking about God's word makes me feel so much better. I am finishing, b/c I know I am rambling and I don't want this blog to be that! I'm going to work on that crossroad! Pray for me! :)
the org. date is July 30.2007
It started so good, then was hard, then ended better than it started, so I guess all in all it was great! Emma and I had "one of those days" we were out for a while which normally makes it better, but not today, one day she will realize that I "always do what I say!" I feel like I tell her that constantly....she is a good girl, and she is learning....I love her so much, but right now she is in some growing pains and it's so painful to watch sometimes...she wants to be perfect and excepted so bad....I can't wait til she understands that truely only Jesus will except her just as she is...heck I'm still learning that! She is such a sweet little thing! She FINALLY weighs in at 24 whole pounds!lol NEway, Now I'm going to get off and spent the rest of today w/ my wonderful husband who let me go out again tonight w/o complaining or saying AGAIN! later!
the org. date is July 27.2007
weird again!
It's funny to me that the only subject I can come up w/ is "weird"...but again, that is how I am viewing this week...not a bad weird, a good weird. I have spent alot of time w/ my grandparents and my mom, which is becoming the norm for my weeks. I LOVE every minute of it. Today I picked lima beans w/ a friend of my mom's and totally enjoyed it. We had such a wonderful conversation, so encouraging to me. and it was the same the other night when I got together w/ a friend for coffee...althought we niether one had any coffee, I had water and she had tea.....although ya'll don't care about that! We had a wonderful time, we talked and talked and didn't stop until we HAD TO go home...she had to be at work at 6 and I had to be in the garden at 7. but it was close to midnight before I made it home! This has been a good/weird/learning/encouraging week. I am looking forward to Sunday....I need more food, I have chewed and chewed on last weeks sermon and am so excited to hear this next one. I have been SO inspired by this last series...clinging to every word from the first week....I leave every week thinking he can't top that one and yet he seems to every week. I know everyone there probably feels as I do that he was speaking just to me...and I know I have already said that in another blog, but it is so true. I am coming to understand that my change may be mostly internal, but also outwardly too in a small way. I have been praying for some specific answers about differant things, issues...and I am seeing my answers, not easy answers, but clear answers and I am thankful. I am learning, and that so excites me, I need to feel growth,and I am; growth in myself and who I am, growth in my marraige....right now it has been leaps and bounds! it has been awesome! I can honestly say I am more in love w/ my husband right now than EVER before in my life! and I now know that it will only continue to grow DAILY. God showed me how to surrender to His will where the control battle was w/ Alex....yes I can tend to be a control freak! lol imagine that. Now I'm not saying I have it perfect, I just have had a break through. I know God is preparing me, I remember telling a friend a while back that I didn't think I would ever be ready for "bible study fellowship" and even when I was there signing up in May I remember thinking "why am I hear" NEVER would I dream I would be where I am now, SO yearning to get started....I WANT TO LEARN, I WANT TO DIG! NOW....I CAN'T WAIT, the digging I'm doing on my own isn't enough for me now. I guess God wants me to work on patience too! LOL it sometimes seems like to much at once. All I can say is life is SO good, God is even better. This week has had it's hard parts, but I am leaving my week behind knowing that I am in His will and am chosing to be content! Tomorrow it could all fall apart, but I don't think so, this is a new content. a better content, a content I haven't felt in a long time. Not perfect, JUST CONTENT. I am excited about tomorrow! We have plans w/ some greats friends that we haven't seen in a while, I know it will be SO fun to catch up, and I just have this feeling about it. Something awesome stands waiting...it's in the near future and I am excited!....I'll keep you posted! lol
It's funny to me that the only subject I can come up w/ is "weird"...but again, that is how I am viewing this week...not a bad weird, a good weird. I have spent alot of time w/ my grandparents and my mom, which is becoming the norm for my weeks. I LOVE every minute of it. Today I picked lima beans w/ a friend of my mom's and totally enjoyed it. We had such a wonderful conversation, so encouraging to me. and it was the same the other night when I got together w/ a friend for coffee...althought we niether one had any coffee, I had water and she had tea.....although ya'll don't care about that! We had a wonderful time, we talked and talked and didn't stop until we HAD TO go home...she had to be at work at 6 and I had to be in the garden at 7. but it was close to midnight before I made it home! This has been a good/weird/learning/encouraging week. I am looking forward to Sunday....I need more food, I have chewed and chewed on last weeks sermon and am so excited to hear this next one. I have been SO inspired by this last series...clinging to every word from the first week....I leave every week thinking he can't top that one and yet he seems to every week. I know everyone there probably feels as I do that he was speaking just to me...and I know I have already said that in another blog, but it is so true. I am coming to understand that my change may be mostly internal, but also outwardly too in a small way. I have been praying for some specific answers about differant things, issues...and I am seeing my answers, not easy answers, but clear answers and I am thankful. I am learning, and that so excites me, I need to feel growth,and I am; growth in myself and who I am, growth in my marraige....right now it has been leaps and bounds! it has been awesome! I can honestly say I am more in love w/ my husband right now than EVER before in my life! and I now know that it will only continue to grow DAILY. God showed me how to surrender to His will where the control battle was w/ Alex....yes I can tend to be a control freak! lol imagine that. Now I'm not saying I have it perfect, I just have had a break through. I know God is preparing me, I remember telling a friend a while back that I didn't think I would ever be ready for "bible study fellowship" and even when I was there signing up in May I remember thinking "why am I hear" NEVER would I dream I would be where I am now, SO yearning to get started....I WANT TO LEARN, I WANT TO DIG! NOW....I CAN'T WAIT, the digging I'm doing on my own isn't enough for me now. I guess God wants me to work on patience too! LOL it sometimes seems like to much at once. All I can say is life is SO good, God is even better. This week has had it's hard parts, but I am leaving my week behind knowing that I am in His will and am chosing to be content! Tomorrow it could all fall apart, but I don't think so, this is a new content. a better content, a content I haven't felt in a long time. Not perfect, JUST CONTENT. I am excited about tomorrow! We have plans w/ some greats friends that we haven't seen in a while, I know it will be SO fun to catch up, and I just have this feeling about it. Something awesome stands waiting...it's in the near future and I am excited!....I'll keep you posted! lol
the org. date is July 23.2007
Ok so the "posted time" says 7:48....yeah it's more like 10:48...but I'm UP CANNING still, I feel like this is all I have done lately! I have been in the garden and canning! Good greif...I'm not complaining, I enjoy it for the most part, but I wonder at how they got anything done in the old days! I don't envy them at all....I love the modern day tech that we are all consuming on a consistant bases! Ok so enough about that....today has been tough for me, I feel sorta disconnected from life right now....I'm not doing "my normal" things...I don't have time to even talk on the phone so it seems. I have been spending alot of time at my grandparents and that is SO COOL, but not normal. My step sister came over today (Becca) and spend some time w/ Emma & Ian while I was "doing beans" that was cool, they had fun watching Cinderella...then Becca tries to explain to Emma that she is my step sister....how interesting I found this to be....totally confused Emma. I have struggled w/ the day that Emma will ask me "who her "Papa" is" and how he fits in the family tree. and as far as my dad...she knows she has a "pawpaw Ken" and that he is in heaven w/ Jesus, and seems to understand that he is my daddy, but never has she asked how Gary fits in or why. Maybe it's because she has two sets of grandparents on the other side so in her mind it's normal. I have to say that it saddens me that my kids won't have to grandparents of our day, with so many more split families, there so many grandparents that is it hard to keep up! Oh well, I know that God is forming her the way she is; special! I know she will understand it all one day. She will never know what she is missing not getting to meet my dad, but God gave her a special person in his place for her, and for that I am greatful. My grandmother told me the other day how blessed Nick and I were that Gary came into our lives and at first I didn't understand. I mean that is my dad's mom, how could she see Gary as "such a bless to ALL of us"? But as much as he will never replace my dad for me, he is the only granddad Emma will know, so for that alone I am grateful that he is a wonderful person. Oh for just FYI, when I talk about Emma, I so mean Ian too, I just think of Emma first, I guess b/c she is the oldest and I'll deal w/ it w/ her first! Ian loves his "papa" more than Emma does at this point, so it all goes for him too! LOL ! Neway, I don't even know where I was headed w/ this thought process, LOL now that is more "normal" for me! I guess for all of you out there who might feel I have dropped of the end of the earth, I haven't, I'm in the garden...learning SO MUCH! I'm sure I'll be back on the phone and internet all to soon! :)
the org. date is Sun, July 15.2007
Ok so as most of you will know Alex and I have been in a new church for about 2 months. I feel so blessed that the transitions has been so ummm smooth. I have personally struggled w/ the change...in fact that subject came up today at church when I was talking to two people I am volunteering w/...they both "love change" and I said i didn't like it and they truly seemed to not understand; which of course made me wonder. Why I don't like change...is that just me, is that just "how life is?" I quickly realized that for most of my life "change" was a negative thing...ei...moving away from home(they road my extented family all lived on) at 9, my parents loosing their contract w/ the turkey company, my parents loosing their farm, dad starting a new business, moving from a rental house into my grandparents, my dad getting cancer, dad's surgury "changing" from what we had expected, dad dying(a month before I got married), Alex's accident, at this point(w/o sitting here to think about it) I have run out of negative changes, but to me these were all major events in my life and on the flip side, I'm not sure there are as many positives for me. ok ok so getting on to the point, I have been considering all of the negatives and now w/ the wonderful 20/20 vision you can have when you look back, I know that all of those negitves were perfectly places where God intented them to be, at the time, I didn't understand them, all the way down to not understanding why we were called away from Weddington Communtiy Church...but still I see it, it is to move us forward. to move ME forward to what God has called me to be. But still I need to work on excepting change, because if I can't embrace change knowing that all change is for His glory, then I might miss my calling! I can sit here and think about all those negitives or I can sit here and know I am EXACTLY where God wants me! Which is what I choose! I feel change coming, and going on right now, I can't explain it, I just know it. Pastor Stephen even spoke of it today, I felt as if it was just for me! If you are struggling w/ change then look up his podcast for today just go to itunes.com search elevation church and listen to the podcast for 7/15/07 titled "Most of the time I am scared to death" it is REALLY good! and it is free! LOL Ok so once again I feel like I have made this way to long SORRY! I just have one more thing to say...it is something that a friend of my moms told me when dad was in the hospital dying, I couldn't understand it at that moment(in fact it made me mad) and maybe you won't either, but I NEVER forgot it either and I don't think I ever will, I am still learning the meaning w/ every new event in my life! and the saying is "EVERYTHING happens for our good and GOD's glory!" So hold on tight, it might be a hard ride, but it's worth it!
the org. date is sat July 11.2007
Ok so tonight I was thinking back on my day....Ian is already in bed, I am canning AGAIN! lol and Alex and Emma...well they are destracting me from my current job...they are outside in the rain...Emma in her bathing suit and having the time of there lives...I'm truely not sure who is having more fun Alex or Emma....either way, this thought came to me...what in my life do I have that isn't just perfect? Sure, my kids can drive me crazy, my husband even more than my kids. BUT really, what isn't just the way I always thought it would be....my Lord has truely given me "my hearts desire" how awesome a thougth! I don't have everything the world has to offer, not even cable! LOL but I never wanted that....I don't have the parenting thing all together, but I never asked for that. All I ever asked for was a wonderful family! and I totally got that. So there I stood, totally not watching my canner, but instead watching my husband and now 3 yr old BABY girl....having that time of there life....thank you Jesus for what you have given to me! I had lunch today w/ a friend from highschool...it was so cool to talk about the past and the present....a little weird to think about all the water under the bridge, and again, I stopped and thought about how much has changed, how much I have changed, 7 yrs since I finished highschool and I can't look in the mirror and see much the same, yes I have the same personality, but not the same outlook. I guess I am trying to say that today I realized that I think I have grown up and I am glad! LOL This blog doesn't make any since to me, so I best stop now! The last thing, I want to say is Life is good!
the org. date is sat June 16.2007
Father's Day.....
Ok, so I have been so busy today and this past week that I haven't had time to think...literaly....and I am sitting here, now needing to pack, I am leaving for the beach tomorrow after church...and I can't think, once again it caught me, I'm dumb...tomorrow is Father's Day....will this day ever get easier? There are only two worse day's of the year, the date he died and his birthday....then there is Father's day...the day I am suppose to remember to thank him for being my dad....and I CAN'T....trust me I understand that lifes not fair...but this sucks! SO here is to "ya'll" who still have a father here on earth....THANK THEM for being here if nothing else! One day you WILL WISH you had done it ALOT more. And for anyone who might me in my boat....just go ahead and cry, it's ok! :)
Daddy I love you
Ok, so I have been so busy today and this past week that I haven't had time to think...literaly....and I am sitting here, now needing to pack, I am leaving for the beach tomorrow after church...and I can't think, once again it caught me, I'm dumb...tomorrow is Father's Day....will this day ever get easier? There are only two worse day's of the year, the date he died and his birthday....then there is Father's day...the day I am suppose to remember to thank him for being my dad....and I CAN'T....trust me I understand that lifes not fair...but this sucks! SO here is to "ya'll" who still have a father here on earth....THANK THEM for being here if nothing else! One day you WILL WISH you had done it ALOT more. And for anyone who might me in my boat....just go ahead and cry, it's ok! :)
Daddy I love you
Friday, September 14, 2007
why am I doing this?
Ok so for all of you who may not know, I have been blogging on "myspace" for a good while now, and I never intended to move from there to here, yet here I am....still not really sure why...maybe it's a need to "fit in" and if I join these ranks then I will free better about me....yes even as I type those words I know that that thought wouldn't please God, He would want me to feel more confidant about myself than that, but I think that is still the true, and I can color it how ever I want, but it won't change my need to fit in. It's a good thing I am still a work in progress. lol
I have truely loved blogging, and I might...note the might...move a few of my post over from myspace so that I won't be tempted to repeat what I might of already said before....I haven't blogged in a while...I took a blogger "break" so I could decide if blogging was something to continue doing or not....I have decided to continue, atleast until further notice...lol...I like expressing myself in this way and I enjoy getting my thoughts out....growing up I kept a prayer journel where I literaly wrote my prayers to God and it was so neat to go back and see the anwers He gave me....so this is sorta my journel, where my life is and where it will be going....you will see things from my past, and how I struggle w/ them and things that are new that I am also stuggling w/.....it won't all be struggles, but joy and contentness(if that is even a word) and everything inbetween.
I just started "bible study fellowship" and our lecture speaker made a comment I so feel like fit me, she was talking about John...the John that wrote the book of John or the John that was also known as the "beloved" John...and she said that he wasn't like the other 3 authors of the gospels....(Matthew, Mark and Luke) He(John) didn't use fancy words, but simple ones, he didn't even use long sentences....but he wrote in a way that everyone was able to learn from him and through his words, even a child....God has been showing me that that is also how I am, I am not "showey" I am simple, I was raised that way, I won't use big words, but that doesn't mean I can't speak what I feel, or that my words have no meaning.....so stay tuned for more words from this farmer's daughter and I hope you enjoy.
I have truely loved blogging, and I might...note the might...move a few of my post over from myspace so that I won't be tempted to repeat what I might of already said before....I haven't blogged in a while...I took a blogger "break" so I could decide if blogging was something to continue doing or not....I have decided to continue, atleast until further notice...lol...I like expressing myself in this way and I enjoy getting my thoughts out....growing up I kept a prayer journel where I literaly wrote my prayers to God and it was so neat to go back and see the anwers He gave me....so this is sorta my journel, where my life is and where it will be going....you will see things from my past, and how I struggle w/ them and things that are new that I am also stuggling w/.....it won't all be struggles, but joy and contentness(if that is even a word) and everything inbetween.
I just started "bible study fellowship" and our lecture speaker made a comment I so feel like fit me, she was talking about John...the John that wrote the book of John or the John that was also known as the "beloved" John...and she said that he wasn't like the other 3 authors of the gospels....(Matthew, Mark and Luke) He(John) didn't use fancy words, but simple ones, he didn't even use long sentences....but he wrote in a way that everyone was able to learn from him and through his words, even a child....God has been showing me that that is also how I am, I am not "showey" I am simple, I was raised that way, I won't use big words, but that doesn't mean I can't speak what I feel, or that my words have no meaning.....so stay tuned for more words from this farmer's daughter and I hope you enjoy.
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