over the last year!

Last night, Alex and I went to a special night that Elevation does quarterly....a night that they just decided to call "presence" a night that is similar to our Sunday mornings, yet different too.....but all GREAT! SOOO....the pastor's wife spoke for a moment and she said exactly what has been in my heart for the last few days....WHAT A YEAR THIS HAS BEEN. I look back over the last few months....well 12 months and I think wow....look how different! I know speaking for me personally, not much remains the same....I feel like a totally different person now than I was a year ago! and I am so excited to report that....that is a GOOD, no GREAT thing! I know I have come so far in learning who I am, who God wants me to be, I am content w/ my life, I love that I don't have to be in charge of it...no one here on this earth is in charge of my life....my Father in Heaven shows me, who I am, what I am and what I am going to be doing! I love the simplicity of that whole idea. I don't have to worry about it, I'm not suppose to. God is in control of it, He decides what it looks like for me! I know that I still struggle w/ this concept sometimes, but I know that He is working in me and I am still learning! He is teaching me not to worry about what's next, just to trust HIM! As I leave this year behind, I know it will be a year I will never forget...a year of triump, failure, hurt, rejoicing, crying, learning, forgiving, loving, living and above all surrendering to God. I am leaning forward excitedly toward the new year, I am eagerly waiting to see what God has planned for my family next! I know that it will be exciting and I'm sure a new learning experience! LOL! :) Last night I was challenged in a indirect way to let go of MY expectations, and walk into the new year only thinking of God's plans and expectations...this is something that is hard, especially in one area of my life...that area being the fact that I...note the I...had planned to be pregnant by now, but that hasn't been God's plan, at least not yet... But I know that God has asked me to let go of the situation and let Him be in control....it's not up to me...it's up to Him and Him alone!...not that I won't be trying my heart out and loving every minute! lol! But I guess all in all this is the last thing of the year that God has asked me to surrender to Him FULLY. Funny how things work out, I know that in the last year He has asked me to surrender everything...slowly, over time, first my marriage, then my church, then my lack of self-confidence, then my friendships, then my kids, then my expectations of my life/world/kids/husband...expectations in general that were wrong, now my desires for another baby....How great is our God that He even knew what I could handle when, He never ever gave me more than I could handle....He kept showing me His desire for ME, as I could handle them!
Thank you Jesus for showing me my need to change, for letting me learn at my pace, for leading me through my "growth." For showing me that when I give it over to you that YOU alone have to power to make it SO much better than before...in everything there is to deal w/ in life! I love you Jesus! I trust you Jesus! As Emma always tells me (thanks to Elevation) GOD KNOWS WHAT'S BEST! I am choosing to walk into the new year clinging to that fact!

My prayer will be that God in His infinite wisdom and power will bring to you exactly what you need in the next year to come...hold on tightly, He is awesome! Remember you are loved!
Happy New Year!

backed in a corner!

So if you haven't noticed, it has been a while since I blogged....lol....well, that is because I sorta backed my self in a corner...not sorta, I did! LOL. I told the world that I would post on "Christian character" LOL....I know, that was dumb! But it was already out there!....I didn't want to take it back. BUT here is the problem, 1st. I knew the blog would take a good amount of time...which doesn't seem to be something I have had a lot of lately! 2nd....and most importantly, I haven't had a clue how to start, or finish, my post! My first thought was..."who am I to tell others what Christian character looks like!" I am surely not there, w/ most of it myself....people are going to think I am being so snotty! I started a blog to get myself out of it...yet it remained un-posted! lol...I asked God to help me out, to show me a polite way of avoiding/ignoring it...yet, that didn't seem to happen either....I kept thinking about it and praying....oh the stress and thought I have put into it!....and to think, blogging is suppose to be fun! lol!

So I have finally been given peace about what I am to say, yes I am going to blog about Christian Character, BUT I am not going to be using my words! This way, you can't get mad at me, or think I am being Pharisaical....I am using Jesus' words...straight out of the book of Matthew!

SO here goes! Matthew 5:21-48
You have heard that the ancients were told, "You shall not commit murder" and "Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court." "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever shall say to his bother, "Raca," shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever shall say, "You fool," shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. "If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. "Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, in order that your opponent may not deliver you to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. "Truly I say to you, you shall not come out of there, until you have paid up the last cent. "You have hard that is was said, "You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. "And if you right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, then for you whole body to be thrown into hell. "And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut if off, and throw it form you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for you whole body to go into hell. "And it was said, "Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce"; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, expect for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. "Again you have heard that the ancients were told, "You shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord." "But I say, to you make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is the City of the Great King. "Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. "But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes' or 'No, no'; and anything beyond these is of evil. "You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." "But I say to you, do not resist him who is evil, but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. "And if anyone wants to sue you, and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. "And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go w/ him two. "Give to him who asked of you, and do not turn away from him how whats to borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same? "And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect!

So these are Jesus' words to the disciples....there is more in chapter 6...go there and keep reading. I don't want to try and "tell" you, what this is saying, but I do challenge you to think on them and pray over them. I have studied them in the past few months at BSF, and I now find myself referring back to them often. I believe that God shows each of us what our own Christian character looks like....we all have different make ups....therefore it will look different for all of us....I know that sounds confusing, but let me see if I can explain....It clearly says that we shouldn't commit adultery in the physical form, but then Jesus also tells us...if we do it in our mind it's the same thing.....well...that's where it gets a little tougher. Because what might make me go "there"(in my mind) might not make you think about "it" at all....see what I am saying? An example, when I was first studying this, I clearly came to realize that TV was a "stumbling block" for me, there were many reasons, so I chose to do what the bible said....which was "cut it off" LOL...convenient that in this situation it applied so well! lol....so I decided to turn off the TV for ME...that did NOT mean I asked Alex to stop watching TV or that I think anyone who does is wrong, it means I needed to remove it from MY life.....that doesn't mean if you read this passage that you "should" hear the same thing, no not at all, you may hear something completely different, that is what I mean when it is "different" for everyone. You have to do what you are told from God to do, not what you think someone else thinks you should do....you are only accountable to God and His word, so if while you are reading this passage and feel the Lord speaking to you, then heed what He is saying and He will bless you for obeying!

Ok so I hope I have gotten myself out of my corner, I hope this gives you an idea about christian character....now I can go back to enjoying blogging....actually, this wasn't bad....I do enjoy this topic, but it did take a few times of sitting down to finish it!....But then Alex is off from work....from the Friday before Christmas through new years.....so I have been spending a lot of extra time w/ him!...sorry it took me so long to blog....and I won't be back again before the new year! lol! Love to all~ and happy new year~

surprised by joy

One of the things I enjoy about our teaching leader at "bible study fellowship" is that she has these "one liners" that make you think for the next week! Two weeks ago she used the phrase "surprised by joy" and talked about just that.....that we as Christians should live a life where God is able to surprise us w/ joy. She talked about different miracles that Jesus preformed and how they effected those different people differently, but yet in the end they were all "surprised by joy" As I left that morning, I wondered one thing, how many times have I been "surprised by joy" and yet chose to not look at it that way at all?....how many times has the way I perceived things dampened my joy? How often does Christ hand us joy and we choose anger, sour, pity, the marter syndrome , or one of those other options? Lately we have heard alot about the lack of rain, but have we stopped to think about all the water we do have? We don't live in a place where we have to walk to a "watering hole" for water. No we have clean water in our house that is still at our disposal....yet we complain that we are having restrictions placed on us at all....like our cars really need to be watered(not to even mention, thankful that we have a car)....where is our joy for what God has given us? Now this is just one of many examples I can think of....don't even get me started on Christmas! lol

Emma and I have been talking about all the children that don't get to have Christmas presents. I want her to understand that isn't not about the presents and that not every child get presents at all! I want her to understand that she is blessed, that God has given her her own blessings and she should be thankful for that....at this time in her life, something she can understand to be thankful for is Christmas and presents. We have talked about how we would feel if we didn't get anything for Christmas...to which she would be "very sad" and how we should be thankful for everything that God gives us, yes, even Christmas presents. That no she isn't more important to God than the children that don't get presents, but that she should remember to be thankful for the presents she gets and that she needs to be content w/ the things she was given and not always "want" more. Now I know you are thinking...why are you putting so much information on such a little girl? I believe that she is totally able to understand these ideas and I want her to learn it as early as possible...yet as I think about the concept as a whole I realize that not many adults have learned it, including myself. That we tend to be a very self-serving, self-indulging people, we don't think much about what we do have, but more on what we don't have. As I wondered about my lack of joy I realized it's because I can't receive it, how can someone receive joy when they can't be content w/ what they have? If we can't stop wanting more then when do we even give God a chances to "surprise us w/ joy" If we can't "wait" for anything, then God never gets a chance at all....and joy is hopeless to find!
So my next thought was...."what is stopping my joy....my surprises?" What is in my life that prevents me from receiving joy? and how do I change it? I don't have a right to "want more" if God never gave me another thing from this day forward, He is still worthy of all my praise and glory and devotion....so why do I put expectations on Him? Now understand I totally believe in A. S. K....ask, seek, knock....but there is a difference in A.S.K. and expecting...don't you think? The bible tells me to A.S.K., but it never promises the answer will be the one I WANT it to be, it says delight yourself in the Lord...but delights original meaning is to "desire" as in desire to do what's right in God's eyes....if you do that then He will grant you to desires of your heart.(and a little side note....he tells you to delight first...THEN..He will give you the desires..He wants you to act 1st)...but if you are desiring to do what's right in God's eyes then your desires and His desires will be the same....does that make sense? So my bottom line is....if I have a desire in my life that doesn't add up to God's desires for a Christian, then maybe I need to step back and make sure I am "delighting" in Him....and question why my desire doesn't add up to His...then remember that He owes me NOTHING, on the other hand I owe Him EVERYTHING. I MUST be content....and if I am He will be able to surprise me with JOY....how wonderful that could make my holidays!....my prayer is that everyone will be able to be surprised by some joy this Christmas....what a great gift we would all be receiving.

So I guess the last thing to cover would be....what exactly are God's desires for a Christian? Even as I type this I am excited to go back over my notes on this thought...we have already studied it....but I want my facts to be straight and it's getting late!....so that will be for the next blog! lol What do you think are God's desires for a believer?
good night :)

writers block!

not that I am a "writer"...but lately I just can't find the words to say, I have a few things "un-posted" that I am working on, but I'm not ready to post yet, I haven't forgotten about blogging all together, but I feel like my mind is muddled a little....I'm just going to wait it out, until I'm certain what I'm to say....pray for Ian, he's being allergy tested on Monday afternoon, and can't take any of his current allergy medicine now...so he's not a happy camper....pray that we will finally get some answers!
I'll keep you posted! lol

what a trooper~my trooper!

No I'm not talking about one of my kids. I'm talking about my husband. Somedays I am hit so fully w/ the reality of all Alex does for me, for the sake of our family! I SO appreciate it and I don't tell him that often enough....so since he's asleep and I can't tell him...I'll tell the world instead! Yes it is not even 10 pm and he has been asleep for a couple of hours. WHY...well he had to work 20 of the last 24 hours! and has to be back at work in a couple of hours (1AM!)....he's had an unusual week to say the least! And on top of everything I have a "get together" for my bible study here in the morning and he's going to be taking the kids for me....then I have another meeting/party w/ oogles and googles on Sunday night and then another "girls night out" w/ my hmmm....what do I call them now...saying my "old MOPS table" sound bad....I'll just call them my girls! lol! So on Monday night I'm off w/ my girls for some yummy kubotos!...(kudos to Tracy for picking one of my favorite places to eat!....and lot's of kudos to her for keeping us together, nine monthes prego and all!...you are the world's best DGL!)...once again I'm leaving Alex w/ the kids! Now granted all these events are unusual for me and him...I don't normally have much going on at night. And he normally works a regular day!... I normally choose to stay home in the evenings b/c I like to spend as much time w/ him and the kids as a family as possible...and he normally walks in the door around 4...but all this stuff just sorta fell together as it has....and he is so graciously letting me go and not say a word...not one little bit of complaining. In fact today while he was working he kept calling to check on me b/c I was stuck home w/ 2 kids w/ colds(Ian and Emma) and 1 w/ an upset stomach(Savannah)....I think I set a new record for using up kleenex' and baby wipes!....lol!...and he called a couple of times to check on ME! I am loved! And to think that he worked late yesterday, came home after a 12 hr day, then got called back at 11:30pm and didn't come home again until 4 this afternoon and has to be back at 1 this morning....he even helped me give the kids a bath!....yep sorry, he's mine and I'm keeping him...so no he's not for sale or rent!
Alex, thank you for taking such good care of me...for choosing to take an adventure w/ me....for choosing me!. I LOVE YOU!

a story of my determined girl~

SO for those of you who know Emma....I know you can imagine this right along w/ me! Two weeks ago on a Monday night we went to get Emma ears pierced. This is something that Alex and I decided to do as part of her Christmas, but we wanted her to be able to receive earrings for Christmas and since I wasn't going to make her and wasn't sure if she would go through w/ it, we decided to do it early so we can change her earrings for the first time at Christmas.....so here is the story
a few months ago Emma started asking about earrings often....she noticed mine and her cousins Savannah's....she asked how we got them...did it hurt? When did I get mine....Why didn't Jesus "just put the hole there" and about every question you could come up w/ she asked. I always answered her questions and then she would go on about her day and that would be that. Finally the day came when she asked how do you get your ears pierced? and I told her the whole process....not leaving anything out....I told her that you go to the store and pick out the earrings that you want...you sit in a special chair...a lady puts dots on your ears and then they put a box up to your ear and snap it and the earring goes in. and she states..and that hurts...?...yes, I told, her like a shot, it will hurt, but only for a minute then it's over....this kept her quiet for a minute, then she looks at me and says...mommy, I'm ready, I want to get my ears pierced...I wondered if she had heard me, so I restated the obvious...it will hurt. Her reply was...but only for a minute...I told her I would need to talk it over w/ her daddy.

discloser:all of the above was said so that everyone would know that I didn't trick my daughter into thinking that it would be fun and w/o pain, I gave her a FULL picture of what this would look like before, I didn't pressure her to do this....she wanted to...enough that she was willing to take to pain!...end of discloser! :)

So we make a trip to Libby Lu on a Monday night...I worried about taking her at night, but it worked out perfect, we were the only people in the store the whole time...on the way in "grammy's" car....(she wanted grammy to go....for support I'm sure!...although I'm not so sure grammy was thrilled to be selected for this trip! lol....moms is a softy...but wait to see who's even softer!) so on the way Emma was very quiet...not a scared...well I'm sure a little scared, but more determined. When we arrived she was excited and loved getting to pick out which earrings she wanted...she warmed up to the ladies who were working...which by the way were AWESOME!...they told her what they were going to do....which was exactly what I had told her...she seemed reassured....they put her in the chair and again she went completely silent....TOTALLY DETERMINED! It was almost laughable, I saw how much she wanted this...she sat there looking so small, like a cat wanting to bolt, but yet she was going to sit there and get her earrings....no matter what! So they got the dots on and lined up and they put the box thingy (I am glad it doesn't look like a gun anymore!) to her ear and told her they were going to count to 5....but gave a highsign to mom and I that it would be 3....(I knew this would blow Emma's mind...she is trusting and doesn't like things to not go as she is told....so I held my breath and waited....1...2....3...SNAP!...4....5...6...and then it was as if it hit her. Her eyes got so big and the tears followed. It took them a few more seconds and then she was straight into my arms...looking at me as though I had betrayed her....I of course felt horrible...I knew I had told her, but I felt like I broke her trust in me somehow. She left me for Grammy and they walked around the store to find a mirror...which she refused from "one of those ladies"..as she called them later! LOL...I realized that she wasn't mad at me...she was mad at them...in her mind they lied to her and that was that....(I almost feel the need for another disclaimer....I know they had to do that...they didn't want her to flinch or pull away...so they needed her to anticipate 5...not 3)but in her mind, there was no understanding of that at all....they lied, that was it for them. So we left and went to get her something to drink. I was carrying her and as we passed the cookie stand she says "mommy...I think I'm hungry too...." I almost dropped her I was laughing so hard....it sure didn't hurt her quick thought process at all! Next we were off to children's place where I had promised to let her use a perks coupon instead of a cookie. She picked out a purse that matched her Christmas dress and 2 hair bows...one of which HAD to be green to "match her earrings!" I called Alex to let him know it was over and successful and told him about the cookie idea to which he wanted to know why I didn't get her one!....so as you can see Emma did great w/ getting her ears pierced....mommy and daddy are still recovering. LOL

I think all in all it was a great experience for her, I imagine she won't even remember it when she grows up, but I know I will never forget it. I know this is only a small dose of what I will feel when other people hurt my baby girl, and that makes me dread her growing up....but to see how well she did w/ this, I know she will be able to handle whatever the world may throw at her....and hopefully she will know that mommy and grammy will always be there for her to cry on...just w/o the shopping trip! lol

November 17, a day I'll NEVER forget!

I can't go past the date of November 17th w/o saying "Thank you Lord Jesus for my husband and for letting me keep him" Two years ago today our lives were changed forever, ever since that day I have been so thankful(fitting that it falls so close to Thanksgiving!) for what I have... and I understand how fast things can change! It was 5 oclock in the afternoon, I got a phone call, I thought it would be Alex calling to tell me to pack the car and get Emma ready...for we were suppose to leave for the beach on that Thursday afternoon/evening....instead it was our neighbor Joe who worked w/ Alex...I knew something was wrong! He told me, Alex had fallen and I needed to come to the hospital to "pick him up"...to get Emma ready, not to go to the beach, but to the hospital....he would call me back and tell me where they were taking him! No I didn't panic...not yet, I got off the phone and called my mom and asked her and Gary to come and go w/ me, I called a friend...actually I think I was on 1 phone w/ her and Joe called my other phone.... and let her know and asked her to pray....and I waited....not knowing the seriousness of the fall...which I found out later was thanks to Alex telling Joe exactly what to say to me so I wouldn't freak out...imagine, my husband laying on a cement floor 2 stories up waiting on the EMT...not moving, clutching his one wrist....thinking clearly enough to tell someone what he wants me to know so I won't "worry" about him....and you wonder why I love him so much!....so the second phone call brought more info....CMC downtown....why? it's not the closest hospital....b/c there might be head trama....what?....well he was awake the whole time, that's a good sign....ok??.....I think he might of "sprained" his wrist and broke his nose!(which was one of the things not broken...his nose! :)...ok...how far did he fall?....about 17ft....but it could have been worse...he landed near a elevator opening...he could have gone down another floor!...
So we trapse off to the hospital..I received a phone call...from who I can't even remember, but I was told it was on the news...that freaked me out a litte....I also received a call from our pastor b/f I even got to the hospital...our church at that time, really stood behind us through everything going on, to which I will forever be greatful for. When I reached the hospital I found Alex's mom (she worked there so she was able to be there when the EMT's arrived) and a dr came over to talk to me, they were doing x-rays and I couldn't go in b/c of being pregnant. I stood back and watched in horror as they tugged on his broken lims to do x-rays...they waited to hear. The dr's came back and started talking about surgury and I still didn't even know what was broken....
Ok so this could be a way to long story so I'm going to start the fast version!...one fractured wrist on the right, one "crushed into 17 pieces wrist on the left" one broke left knee....and 2 surguries the next day w/ a doctor who said Alex would never play his guitar again...I realize now he was probably wondering why I wasn't just glad he was alive!....one week in the hospital! One 7 month prego w/ a tilted pelvic bone...me, one broken man...alex..... one 16 month baby girl w/ a horrible bout of broncitius ...Emma.... and one awesome set of family and friends...12 weeks of "non-weightbearing on all three lims....3 months living w/ my mom and Gary...5 months of physical therapy....back to work 1 week before 1 wonderful baby boy was born! 5 months until back playing the guitar as wonderful as ever! Our God is a big God...
As I approach thanksgiving week I come again to ponder everything we went through in those months....tears of thankfulness come to my eyes...because Alex should have hit his head....only by God's hand did his hardhat stay on his head...if it hadn't he would of hit face first. instead he didn't even break his nose...or hit his head at all. OSHA told us of a story of a young husband that fell less feet and hit grass that is now living his life in a wheelchair...yet this isn't what happened either. Everytime I think back to everything that happened and how horrible it was, I just have to stop and thank God that HE brought us through and it could have been so much worse.....truely I could/should be facing this Thanksgiving w/o a husband....that is something I can't imagine....I know from now until forever I will always remember to be thankful for what God has given me every thanksgiving....b/c Nov.17 will always fall right before, and I will never forget how close I came to loosing the love of my life that day. Thank you God for what you have given me...I am grateful!

bye bye "nana"

ok so I know one picture is off center....but I'm not changing it! LOL....some pictures from mom's house....my three Christmas cuties....I know it's early! Check out Emma "loving" her brother! and then Emma and Savannah's "pose" to funny...so girlie...sorry Sam, Emma's being a bad influence! And lastly....Emma telling Savannah something...secret's I'm sure....it's so fun that they will always have each other and will be great friends!



So I am guessing all of ya'll are wondering where I went.....well, I can't really explain it...I just needed to take a break for a while....I didn't need to stop watching tv and then get completely sucked into blogging all the time....which would sorta defeat the purpose of "not letting tv control me"....if I just let blogging control me instead!....I know....WHAT IS MY PROBLEM! In the last few days God has revealed to me...why I have been walking this path of letting go of some things...like blogging and tv and things that aren't "necessary" and no blogging isn't necessary of me...although I do enjoy it. God has revealed a new project for me....maybe two new ones....although the 2nd will be for a later post. So my new project....well that's probably not a good way to label it....she isn't a project she is a sweet beautiful little girl who looks just like her aunt! Starting on Monday I am going to start helping Nick and Sam out w/ Savannah in the mornings! I am excited to do this for them and I think Savannah will fit right in w/ my two kidos...she just turned 2 and is only 3 months older than Ian...so it's like I will have a set of twins!....it should be interesting! and a fun adventure! I just wanted to let everyone know....so if I don't blog again til next month you will know why~!....no I'll do better than that, I'll probably have alot more stories to tell w/ three to keep track of!
Emma and Ian are growing so fast...they have just hit this phase where they LOVE to play together....I can remember about a year ago asking my friend Dawn "when will my kids start to play together like yours do?"....(her kids are the exact same ages apart and exactly one year older than mine....so her little girl is one yr older than Emma and her youngest son one yr older than Ian)....she always encouraged me that "it WILL happen....in about a year! :)...and it has happened! PRAISE GOD! I am loving this new found play!....it's so cute to sit back and watch too. Yesterday I was in the kitchen and saw them sitting on the hearth in the den and each of them were holding a baby....Ian's was a boy..no one freak on me!...and I asked Emma what they were doing and she told me "we are waiting on the Dr. to see the babies"...to which Ian added "wwwait....octor....uuuhuh!"...so on they sit...for like 3 or 4 minutes. Next I hear Emma proclaim to Ian...."I'm tired of waiting...let's go, our babies don't really need shots!"...Ian's responds "NO hots...NO"...."GO"..and away they walk back to Emma's room. I just laughed at them...but soon to follow was some muffled whining from Ian and I walked back to Emma's room to see what see what was up and found them both in her closet w/ Ian wanting to get out and Emma very persistent to Ian that "we're not there yet, you can't get out of the car!" although Ian held his own w/ a confidant "out NOW....NO CAR NO....OUT!....I was able to convince Emma to find a different car that didn't need the door to be shut...she decided that she could make the bed a good car too....so the drama was over....I have to admit they are such fun right now. Emma is learning to organized and is learning how to write....Ian is learning a new word or 2 or 3 a day right now....he's new game is to pick up everything and name is....bunny...cat....boat....I love it! He had also entered this phase where he says bye to everything...."bye bye ball....bye bye couch" again SO fun! The funniest is that if he is saying bye bye to a person he always says "bye bye Nana" and for a long time I couldn't figure out what he meant...who "nana" was....well he finally helped me figure it out, the other day we were looking at our Christmas pictures online that we just had done and Savannah is in them w/ the kids and he looks at a pic of her and says...."mommy...that Nana!"...w/ a very smart look on his face is says...."bye bye Nana!" SO for some unknown reason he thinks that he's suppose to say "bye bye nana" to everyone!....who knows! but it's funny! I must say I am constantly reminding myself how much I love been a mommy and I am SO blessed to stay at home and watch them grow!

my country punkins

for halloween this year I was being cheap and was going to let the kids wear the same costumes as last year...they still fit ok and Emma loves them so much...I thought heck why not! LOL....but it was to hot to wear something fleese....SO at the last minute we changed our complete outfits! OH well, it worked out! Savannah was going to be cowgirl...which is a way of life for her, not so much a costume, but we were going to the trunk or treat at First Baptist of Indian Trail w/ Nick, Sam and Savannah along w/ Sam's parents MawMaw Michelle and PawPaw Dennis (as my kids call them!) Dennis and Michelle took their truck and decorated it like a barnyard!...so cute, they won 2nd place for the best decorated!...anyway...all that to say that the kids ended up being my "country bunkins" decked out in their JD hat and shirts...w/ freckles and all!...I must say they fit right in w/ the family!

oops

so I forgot to mention that there are some pics at the bottom of the page too!...They came out really big down there and of course I like that so I put a couple I really like down there!

Trunk or treat pics to come soon!

shh...I didn't want anyone to know

So after I wrote my blog the other night I got a "I'm worried about you" talk!...and I realized that I didn't define my idea of a struggle very well!...sorry Susan, I didn't mean to worry you! :)
My idea of a struggle is something that I might be "fighting" w/ God or myself about. You know when you know you are suppose to do something you don't really want to do, or you know God has asked you to do something and you just don't want to do it!...and sometimes it looks more like..."what am I suppose to do....please God tell me!....those are my "struggles."

Tonight I want to share one of them...well it's sorta 3 in 1. God has showed me through several different circumstances that I need to let go of TV. This is something I knew He was asking long before I obeyed. It was something I didn't understand why He was asking me to do it....and I didn't want to give it up plain and simple. and I let this turn into a "struggle" between me and God....I can be stubborn :) Of course He knows that and yet He still loves me! Instead of saying to God, ok...I don't understand, but I will do what you ask...I whined and pouted and said..."where's the timeout chair"...sound familiar? Why the big deal? Well there were a couple of things...1st I didn't think I could go a night w/o the TV whatever would I do to spend my evening?....lol I know, don't even say it...2nd I worried how I would explain it to others and how they would take it.....and 3rd I just like TV! I have "my shows" and didn't want to miss out.

Now for what I have learned since I turned the TV off. 1. I am spending more time in the Bible and more time in my bible study and I find that my evenings are very full, I find that I always have time for my husband! and that when the phone rings I'm not mad that someone is interrupting my show!...2. that just b/c I have turned off the TV doesn't mean everyone should and I'm not asking anyone else to do the same...not even Alex, I am responsible for me and my obedience to God, He asked me alone to do this and I am the one who will be rewarded for responding. 3. I like other things just as much as I like TV! So I believe that the struggle to obey was totally part of the process, and I am so glad to have the struggle...although I would have learned these things much quicker if I had just obeyed. I learned that TV controls to much of me...if I don't want to answer the phone or talk to Alex while or because the TV is on....there is to much control and I need to only be controlled by my Saviour! God calls each of us to do certain things and that may look differently for each of us. I am the only one who can determine what God has called ME to do. This past week at BFS we learned about this very thing...something that may not bother you at all might be a HUGE struggle for me as it could be the other way around with another situation. So we all need to know what our limits are....and for me, TV isn't in my limits....maybe it won't be forever, maybe it's just a season until I am unattached from the shows I know aren't right for me, but for now, it's a big temptation to watch my shows if I sit in front of the TV at all, so I won't!...Matt 5 says if your eye offends you cut it off....thank goodness that is a "word picture" and Christ is really saying "remove it from your life" so I have removed TV b/c it was offensive to me! I hope ya'll can understand what I am trying to say here....but I want to be open about what is going on in my life and heart. This is the "commitment to God" I didn't want to tell anyone about b/c I know it's different and I don't like to stand out, or be judged, but I know this is something God has asked me to do, and I want to be obedient so badly!

Pictures!

I am so excited, I figured out how to add pictures today, I can't use Safari...mac...but if I use firefox I can add pics! I can't wait to get some more downloaded and on here....stay tuned for more to come....I am a picture freak by nature! lol!

jumbled.....

For now my brain seems to be fried, I am in the process of like 5 things I want to blog about, but don't seem to be able to seperate them in my brain, sorta like everything is scrambled up there!....yeah yeah , I know some of you are thinking "what's new"....go ahead and get that out! Ok so I guess I'll be back at it when I can think straight!....it might take a while...lol...I can say that, you can't!

I am in a learning mode right now, I am struggling to keep up with all that I feel like God is teaching....I sorta wish I could tape it, so I could go back again and again. I am struggling to keep a commitment I made to God...something I have told few about. I am struggling w/ the idea of being countercultural, I like to not stick out, and I can't be both. I am struggling w/ the idea of being differant b/c God called ME to be that way. I am struggling w/ what people will think of my "differant" even though I know the bible tells me it doesn't matter what other's think of me. I am struggling w/ the fact that I care what others think about me to much. I am struggling w/ the idea of confidance in my Christainity. I should have loads of it, if the length of time I have been a christain had anything to do w/ the amount(which it doesn't....my human-ness thinks it should!), yet I find that my confidance is small....and I don't want it to be. I am struggling to believe that if I know God has told me to deal w/ something a certian way that I am to do that....at any cost!...that confidance thing again.....and on and on the struggles seem to mount. I know that this is how God is teaching me, if I didn't struggle w/ these things then I wouldn't learn them and what they mean to me, I am so greatful for the process, but I also seem to like "settledness" and am struggling w/ the lack of that feeling. Last Tuesday my mom asked how the BSF lecture went...and I say...."well, I didn't leave feeling "good"....I left feeling heavy-hearted" Now you might think naw, no thankyou, not for me....but if I hadn't felt such a prick in my spirit...which I had been chosing to ingore through many other lectures...then I wouldn't have felt that way...I have spent most of last week trying to decide what it was all about....I couldn't put my finger on it, but I am getting there....it was multiple things....like the things I have just listed....we have been learning so much in BSF, I sometimes find it hard to keep up and it sure makes for a lot of things I find that I need to change in my life. I have loved it SO much...I have NEVER FELT SO STRECHED IN MY LIFE....it is awesome. I spent alot of time in a complacant place for the last 5 yrs, something I take full responsiblity for and am not proud of, but now I find I am learning and growing and at such a fast pace that I can't seem to grasp it all....which I find a wonderful change to the previous! In the next few post I want to talk about the differant things I am learning more in seperpated themes...but for now this is it....I am going to spend some time w/ my hubby!.....

Freaked them out, cracked me up!....must be a mommy thing

Tonight we went to the fall festival at Sardis Baptist Church.....the kids had so much fun. The CUTEST thing was when Emma, Savannah and Ian did the obstacle course.....they had a blown up one where you climbed a little wall, then went through a little maze then under a bar then through a tube....it was SO FUNNY....they were TOO CUTE....everyone around was stopping to watch them.....and they wanted to do it over and over! The funniest was Ian wanted to be first SO bad! Kudos to Sardis for doing a great festival, we really enjoyed it!


SO I haven't had many blogs about Ian, I know he is the younger and not talkn' to much yet, but he deserves some spot light too. So what can I say....he is ALL BOY, and I love every bit of it.! Although today he kissed his cousin Jackson and I thought Alex and Jonathan were going to freak! But it cracked me up....come on Mommy and Grammy want bye kisses....doesn't everyone?.(Todd, I promise I won't let him kiss Davis! LOL) Ian is totally differant from Emma, He is outgoing, and very friendly to others, not reserved, he loves to talk, althought it's not much English yet....mostly Ian language, which can be very difficult to decode!....he is a total copycat of his sister, and truely believes he can do the same things she can including pottying! He loves to make people laugh, the more you laugh the longer he will do whatever it is that is making you laugh! (a good and bad quality!) He is such a sweet boy, but also starting to test his boundries....always seeing what is allow and not! and then retrying to make sure I remember too! He responds well to "no"s and normally chooses to walk away. He has a easy-going personality, which reminds me of my dad. He has some of my dad's personality, which is very cool to me. Dad didn't upset easily, but when he did stay out of his way!...Ian seem to have acquired those sames traits, but not all....for if you wake him from his nap....watch out....if you keep him from his meal....watch out.....if you keep him out to late....watch out. BUT if you keep his little perfect world in order then he will be all smiles and laughs....just don't rock his boat! Or take his teddy for that matter, he has this teddy (2 actually....b/c after Emma I got smart!) and he takes his teddy everywhere...actually this past week one of the teddys spent the week at Elevation in a box I'm sure! I hope to bring him home tomorrow!....so teddy even goes to church...we tried to leave him in the car, but the teacher asked for him....teddy is popular! lol....oh well, he won't take it to school....of course if I homeschool then it won't matter...I'll hide it before he gets married! LOL
I have recently decided to start taking applications for his wife, I can tell now I will need to hand select her (especially if teddy is still around!)so if you want to want to apply for your daughter send it to my email and I'll let you know in about 18 years! LOL J/K
I love being a mother to a boy just as much as I love being a mother to a girl...a friend told me once that there is nothing like the love of a little boy and I agree...now if I can just get him to show that love to his sister I'll have it made! I can't wait to watch him grow and see what's next, the words, the bugs and worms.....the balls and bats, the mud and stains....bring them on, I love every minute of it!
If I can get my computer to let me download some pics....something which must be a "mac" issue....then I want to download some of Ian and then some I have of my dad...they looked so much alike at the same ages...my grandmother always told me that Ian looked like my dad, but then I got some old pic and he really does...it was amazing...same smile that's for sure! He was so laid back as a baby...well even now, it truely does remind me of dad....I told people when he was a tiny baby that I wasn't sure how I was going to tell him "no"...it would be like telling my daddy "no"...but I figured it out! He is one of those kids that when told "no" he sticks out that bottom lip as far as it will go....then looks at you w/ those big blue eyes and totally pouts! It's all I can do to keep a straight face! He cracks me up! Ian, you have brought such joy into my life, I hope as you grow up you will NEVER doubt how much I love you! and I will always take your kisses! :)

...Christmas is just around the corner

Growing up, my favorite time of year like most kids was Christmas.....it was always fun, my mom's mom, my "G-mama" was a HUGE lover of Christmas and she always loved to tease me about what I was getting. I am very safe to say I LOVED CHRISTMAS....until
6 years ago
and ever since I have battled depression, confusion and dread.
UNTIL
this year! Let me go back and give some history to the last six years....my birthday is in November and 6 years ago I was in school for photography and did a project on progressive "phototelling" which was to tell a story using photos....I did my story on Alex and his mom making my birthday cake....b/c I love birthday about as much as Christmas!....that night we all got together for my birthday at my grandparents house b/c that is where my mom, dad and I were living to take care of my granddad...(G-Daddy).....so in the middle of my party, dad excuses himself and goes to the bathroom and get's sick....the first sign that something is wrong....and a night I will NEVER forget. So on toward Christmas we go and we are now at the first of December...the 13th actually, and I am sitting in a waiting room w/ my mom and starting my wedding invitation list and we get a call from the dr. to come back where my dad was having some test run....we were told to expect an ulscur (sp?)....as soon as we saw my dad he started saying....no matter what you are told, know that God IS in control and we will always give Him glory...I knew in my heart that it was bad, but never dreamed what we would be told.....from then forward Christmas turned into a nightmare...that was 6 yrs ago
5 yrs ago was my first Christmas w/o him....I couldn't even tell you anything about that Christmas...well I can we did it at our house....we (mom, Nick and I) couldn't bare to have it at my grandparents house w/o my dad or my G-daddy. Nick, Alex and I gave mom a cat for Christmas and the rest was a blur....
Then for the last few Christmas' I know I have just survived....Emma's first Christmas (2004) seemed to be a turning point for me, then the next Christmas Alex was in a wheelchair and I was back to barely surviving. Last Christmas once again a turning point......BUT I still couldn't shake my past and the pain that came w/ the memories.

THIS CHRISTMAS....will be wonderful, I know in my heart that it will be. I am excited about the coming holiday, I am ready for my birthday and Christmas. It will be a Christmas fully of memories...new ones and old ones. My God has worked in my life SO much over the last few months....through BSF, through new and wonderfully honest friendships, through a completely fresh relationship w/ Alex....and by the way I didn't say perfect....through constantly showing me what I looked like to others the last few years, through His love always being there and His willingness to let me learn and relearn His principles, through His willingness to allow me to make my mistakes and then allow me the priviledge of His Holy Spirit to prick me and guide me through the depression, the confusion and the dread. I know I have had a belief in Christ for a long time....but, He has given me a renewed ownership to my faith, one that excites me, awes me and makes me so thankful to be a Christian.
Now I'm not saying "lucky" me...I woke up one day and my life had done a 360 over night....b/c that wasn't the case at all....this process has been long in coming....probably for the whole 6 years...I know God has always desired this for me, but my human-ness slowed down the process for a LONG time. But for the last year I have be in a full fledged fight w/ God...His patience and love overwhelm me when I think about it....But once I felt I was at my lowest, He lifted me up, as though I heard His voice say...."are you ready to listen to me now?" and I was, and the change, though slow, came.....I couldn't be more happy about that now....I am learning weekly what my calling is, it's not perfected and I am FAR from perfect, but I am renewed and excited about that!...I am walking in His contentment and where my birthday and Christmas are concerned, I now know I can surrender those things also, He has walked where I am walking, He know's my pain, His was greater than mine....He is beside me and I don't need to dread anything, but instead walk joyfully in His grace....b/c He loves me and nothing else in this world really matters.
I challenge everyone to walk through the holidays stress-free....I know stress, and it's just not worth the time.....but Jesus is and He wants to walk w/ everyone of us through this season! I hope my story of pain and discontentment will touch the people who feel the same way, and that you will turn to Jesus to take that pain from you...He tells us to "cast our burdens on Him because He cares for YOU"....He loves you enough that He willingly came to earth as a baby and walked through our life on earth just so He could understand you and your experiences....then He died for you!....never doubt His love!

sometimes I act like my 3 year old!

Ok so do you ever have those moments as a parent that you stop and think.....does God feel this way about me sometimes? I love my children and would die for them in a minute, just as God gave everything for me when He sent His son to die for me. I desire for my children to be well behaved, happy, and well-adjusted...hehe if there is such a thing. Just like I know my Saviour wants for me. But somedays my kids do things that make me shake my head and wonder if they are getting anything I am trying to teach them....so this is Emma's newest thought process!

Today after lunch, Ian is already in bed for his nap and Emma and I had been working on her "preschool pages" a book I got for her, for us to work on together, we had finished the pages and she was cutting them (to pieces!) which is what we do to keep from just wasting the paper (it's let her cut it or just throw it away and her cut blank paper instead!...genius I know! lol) So when she started to cut her paper I told her "Emma in 10 minutes it will be "rest time"" aka nap time! I set the clock for 10 minutes (so I wouldn't forget! lol) at 9 minutes I gave her a one more minute....so all that to say she knew what was coming.....the timer goes off and I say, "Please put your paper in the trash and go and use the potty" to which she sweetly says "no" it's not a mean no or a snotty no, it's not a no that makes your toes curl, just no, almost like a "no thank you"....BUT one thing we have been working very hard on lately is not talking back AT ALL, but obeying immediately....so I turned and looked at her and said "Emma, I'm not going to ask you again, but I will give you a chance to think about the answer you gave me, or you can go and sit in timeout" to which Emma says "Where's the time out chair?" As I stood there....trying not to laugh.....for she was serious.....it struck me...it had to be my holy spirit.....how often do I do that to God.....I did it even tonight. God will be teaching me something.....I will start to disobey, He gives me a "warning" and I just say....where is the timeout chair?
Ok so next thing is.....she went and put herself in time out (don't even think what a good little girl!) and about 30 seconds later, she says "mommy, I'm ready for you....come and talk to me!" You see, when Emma goes into timeout she stays for 1 minute for every year old she is....so 3 minutes (although I'm thinking about adding 30 more seconds for 1/2 a yr! lol) and then at the end of her time out we "talk" about what happened and what would happen if she does it again. SO she puts herself in timeout and then is "ready" to be done and wants me to come and talk to her so it can be over! AGAIN I was struck by how much this is what I can do w/ God. I say "I learned" and want to just forget about it, to be done w/ it, and I now realized that He's prabably thinking.....Not quite!....just like I was w/ Emma. I knew she didn't feel remorse for what she did, it was all a "game" at the moment for her, she wasn't learning anything, she wasn't sorry and I was sure she would do it again. How often are we like that? We receive a repremand from an experiance, say, I'm sorry Lord, I've learned and then turn right around and do it again. Now like all parents I know learning is a curve, it doesn't all happen at once, but as the child, a child of God, it is my responsibility to look at my "warnings" and lession and take them to heart. To hear the voice of the Lord and actually listen to it and not selectively as my kids do, but to take what I hear daily from Him and apply it to my life! And the next time I act like my three yr old, stop and realized that I am acting like my three yr old and God is once again trying to teach me and it's my job to "listen and obey!".....(which is my pet phrase I use w/ my kids!)
disclaimer.....my three yr old is an AWESOME little girl! I want all to hear that loud and clear! I am and always will be her biggest cheerleader! She is sweet and tenderhearted, she loves to learn and loves Jesus so much already! I am so blessed....which I learned means totally satisifed.....to have been given her, I love every experience I have w/ her and can't wait to see what God's plan for her is going to be! I love her child-like faith, her trust and her contented-ness w/ life! Her biggest "dreams" right now include pierced ears, being a ballerina, and going to "Lva'tion church" (elevation) and don't forget "iwantta cubbie cubbies" (awana cubbies) :)....that should complete her list along w/ the constant planning of her next birthday....yet content that Jesus' birthday and her brother's will come first! She truely is one awesome kid!

painting, not so peaceful! LOL

Ok so today I had this bright idea that I would get an early start on Christmas presents and go and let the kids paint some pottery....I planned it all out w/ a good friend of mine, Chelsea and we took our kids four total and went of to ClayEscapes (which by the way is an AWESOME place....they are my heroes!) So in my head, I invisioned....lol....atleast I'm laughing about it....now.......so my vision! My kids sitting together, w/ paint brushes in hand, sharing a platter for grammy and having the time of their life....hehe. YEAH RIGHT. So reality, Emma, she did ok, whined alot today, and only half-listened, but still sat, well sorta, and did seem to enjoy painting! IAN on the other hand, screamed the whole time, and I thought he was going to bite the lady (ms. ashley...I'm SO sorry!) when she tried to do his handprint on the platter! lol....let's just say he didn't take to well to his hand being painted! he kept saying NOOO....NOOOO, and tried to tuck his hand under his chin!.....I was at the point that I wanted to crawl under the table....I know ya'll are thinking that his little, but you weren't there! Ask Chelsea....yeah her kids were great, ok well mostly! lol....Anderson was perfect! as always! and Anagrace was good to, the girls just wanted to touch everything and all I could see was $ signs floating around and the idea of paying for the broken stuff! So now that I am home w/ my kido in the bed, I sit here and think, WHY in the world did I have that image in my head, that we would go into a pottery place in and my kids would be happy to just sit and do nothing but what I tell them to do....seems so dumb when I say it that way! Hmmm, guess I'll have to think about that one some more. If I had, had a better idea of how it would have really been maybe I could/would have better prepared/steeled lol myself for the event! yeah right! lol
Ok so here is the funniest part of all! On the way home I explain to Emma, that what we did today was a surprise for daddy and grammy for Christmas and it was a secret.....lol.....like I said, atleast I'm laughing!.....so as soon as Alex walked in the door Emma says...."daddy I painted a mug for you and it's a secret for Christmas!" GREAT! All my hard work and now he knows! i didn't think to tell Emma that a secret means we DON'T TELL DADDY! LOL I asked her if she knew what a secret was and she says
"a present we give to daddy at christmas"???? She had no clue! It was so funny! Oh well it's the thought that counts....once she realized that she wasn't suppose to tell, she goes back to Alex and says "daddy I need you to forget I told you about the mug I painted for you.....but it's green!" I about hit the floor that time!.....SO FUNNY! Never trust information to a 3 yr old!...although she did better w/ grammy, she didn't say anything, but I had moved her on to her christmas clothes by the time grammy came for dinner, so I guess the platter was off her mind! lol....I'm sure she will remember soon!

praise and grief....good and bad.....which one to deal with first!

I find it interesting that there are mulitiple times in my life that the good and the bad, the great and the sad comes at the same time. Like when my daddy died, he died on May 6th and I got married on June 9th, a little less than a month later, I didn't know how to take the comment at the funeral "I'm so sorry about your dad, but congrads on your marraige" as you can see, those things don't mix well. I felt, like how am I suppose to be happy and sad at he same time. I revisited those same feeling when I actually got to my wedding day. I should have had the most exciting day of my life that day, but instead there was a HUGE void...the person who should have walked me down the aisle, my cheerleader, my daddy was not there, yeah people told me he was there in spirit, but for me he wasn't there, he let me down.....and it was extremely bitter-sweet. The next time I felt this way was when Alex had his accident...I was SO greatful he was alive,...I understood very well that he should have been dead...but I honestly didn't know how I would walk the path of recovery at that time.....it seemed never ending! Well, it has happened again and this time it has been interesting to seen how differantly I feel and deal w/ it. On Friday we received an answer about our car....and praise God, it was an amazing only God answer! If you know Alex, you will have to check out his new ride! lol :) We (Alex and I) prayed for his accident to not have a negative affect on our family and that we might be left in a better place than before.....God answered us fully! and we are so excited, not just about the car, but being able to see God's hand in something so clearly is amazing and so exciting! Also on Friday Alex received his promotion! (sorry I have to brag a minute!) He is such a good worker and God has given him such an ability to understand technical things....God has blessed him so much in the last few years w/ his job and I know in my heart that it is b/c Alex takes his responibilty as head of our house so seriously. He has an undying need to serve our family and to make it possible for me to stay home and raise our children. Thank you Alex for that, I love you!....SO as you can see we were flying high on Friday, we went out Friday night to celebrate and had so much fun!
Saturday I found out that Kelly and her brother and sister had been called in to her dad's house and her dad passed away on Saturday afternoon....it was alot soon than they expected...of couse it wouldn't have mattered if it was another year, you are never ready to loose someone! I hurt so bad for Kelly, I know what path she will have to walk, but tears, the pain, the disappointment, the need to see and talk to him, and the total not understanding that she will face in the next weeks, months, years, it makes me numb for her. I sit here and think, why does good and bad come at the same time? I would love to be on the high still from all the "good," but yet the "bad" makes me sad, understandable so, but it's no fun to do both at the same time. Becca told me that I should be thankful that it's not just bad all the time, and you know she's right, it could be worse, it can always be worse! So that is what I am going to do, be thankful for the "good" and just walk through the "bad"....you know we can't grow and muture if there is no "bad" stuff, to make us more grateful for the good.

when to say nothing at all!?

SO I received a phone call today from my sister-in-law. She just found out that her dad who has been fighting cancer for the last few years, has decided to stop or not continue treatment. As she talked, I could hear the pain in her voice...not knowing how to think or feel about it was how she felt. She wants to honor her dad, but I know....I know she doesn't want to loose him. I talked w/ her for a good while, but knew in my heart there was NOTHING I could say that would make it better...nothing. It is SO hard sometimes, when we want to be able to help other people through their struggles, their hard times, but how? I mean really....I have been there...NOTHING anyone said made it better. No one, not even the doctors could help me for real...they couldn't stop what was happening. In fact, they promised me if I moved my wedding, then my dad WOULD BE THERE...but he wasn't! As I talked to her, I felt the need to say something to make it easier...but I realized that I couldn't, and it is at that point that I think we tend to say things that don't help...we say..."God know's best, or God knows what he is doing" or something along those lines....but honestly....THAT DOESN'T HELP! I know that right now...all she can think is....yeah right, if He knew what was best, he wouldn't be taking my daddy from me....what about my kids, what about me....I need him....his love, his support...HIM HERE! I know that telling her that it's part of God's plan for her life doesn't fit right now, it will be while before that information can be understood...I still have a hard time believing that sometimes and it's been 5 years for me, in fact...even as I type those words about "needing her daddy" I sit here in tears....it never goes away...she will deal w/ this the rest of her life! SO instead I found myself "trying" to be real w/ her and telling her that she needs to go and be w/ her dad as much as she can and to cry w/ her dad and to tell him she is angry that he will be leaving her....to talk, to cry to yell if she needs to! To say to God..."I"m mad,...I don't understand" He is a big God and He can take us mad....He already knows it anyway! Then I came to the point when I couldn't say anything at all....b/c nothing....nothing will change it...
Kelly, I love you, and I am praying for you as you walk through this valley, I know your pain, and hate it for you...I will be here w/ listening ears when you need me...I am crying too! One verse I clinged to is Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord w/ all your heart, lean not on your own understanding (b/c you will NEVER understand) but in all your ways acknowledge him and He WILL direct your path (even when YOU can even find the path) I love you.

stretched......

So I am feeling really really stretched right now.....there are two events in my life where I feel like it is going to never end!...the first is the "car stuff" it seems that nothing is going right and that is mostly b/c nothing seems to be going at all...It will be a week tomorrow since Alex's accident and NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING has happened. Alex and I have been praying that God will take this situation and use it to further us in a way that no one will understand how it happened but through God...and I truely believe that is possible. But I am struggling w/ the "human-ness" if that is a word, of the situation. Alex talked to the adjuster today and it seems that nothing can be done for another week unless the "insured person" chooses to call in the calm. the "insured" has up to two weeks in the state of NC to call it in and then if they fail to do so, then the insurance company can at that point make their own decisions. SO we are waiting.....and hoping and stretching! lol
The other thing is that Alex has been up for a pay raise for a while now and yet it seems to continued to get pushed off....so last week he found out that the raise was entered in the computer and his next paycheck will reflect it, but we STILL don't know what it is....then he finds out it's b/c his boss wants to "announce" it publicly b/c he's also getting a promotion....who knew....but WHAT IS IT!....that seems to be the mystery! lol
I say laugh out loud to both of these situations b/c the one thing I struggle w/ is the unknown. I like to know everything coming and what it looks like and it seems that God is once again trying to teach me to stretch myself and be patient...haha it's a good thing I believe that w/ God all things ARE possible!....but I think He is once again saying to me....FOR THE LAST TIME....TRUST ME! or maybe "ONCE AGAIN....TRUST ME!....so I wonder...why do I struggle so much w/ that issue? I have seen God take the hardest situations and use them for His glory. Why do I struggle w/ weather He will do it again?!
I told some friends today that I struggle w/ the "small prayers" I feel like I have had so many "big prayers" in my life that little things seem just that "little" and that I shouldn't bother God w/ them. It's almost like I only trust God w/ the big issues of my life and not the small. I don't know...something I will think more about.
I know that God is defantly trying teach me to keep things in perspective....but I am struggling w/ what that looks like at all. I feel confidant that God is in control of this car thing, but then I can't seem to fully take my hands off or mind off of it and let Him fully be in control. I can't change anything right now, I can't make the "insured" call it in...I can't make the company move any quicker....I can only give over the control of the whole thing to the Lord and learn and keep the right attitude. I can't make Alex's boss tell sooner than he want's and if he want's it to be a big deal for Alex then I don't want to take that away from him....God may have a reason for it being longer than shorter....He may be waiting only for me to fully surrender to His timing and in not doing that I am the one holding up to process! Today in our lecture at BFS she talked about God only giving us bits at a time and why.....I know I can only handle bits at a time and am thankful that that is how He choses to give it to us....but it does leave me wondering what the "next" will look like. and for me I think that is His plan, He wants to see me trust and have faith in the here and now and let Him and only Him think about the future and what it looks like! SO my lession for today has been to fully surrender to God and His plan and to not look to the future but the now and how I decide to preceive it! It's my choice to rejoice or be gloom and doom! I choose rejoice!

God's always teaching!

I wanted to take a few minutes to fill you in on our life yesterday and the adventure. I sat down to blog yesterday and the phone rang and I spent time catching up w/ a good friend, so this is my first chance to sit and blog, and this one is going to be quick b/c I have to run and p/u a friends little boy from preschool and then meet her for lunch....Susan I won't be late I promise! lol....so my house is a WRECK again, but I have plans to get it back in order again this afternoon...I had a denist appointment this morning and left here early. so NOTHIING got done this morning.

so YESTERDAY....someone decided they liked the back in of the element enough to hit it....hard....so I received a phone call....yes the dreaded phone call, especially for me.....from Alex saying, "someone hit the car.." my first reaction was to just cry...I was so glad it was him calling me and not someone else telling me, so I knew he was ok ( he was mad and I was glad, b/c to me that meant he was already thinking about the car and the trouble it was going to cause us....which meant he wasn't hurt) and I wanted to cry b/c I LOVE that car! It's still "new" me to and I have an emotionial attachment to it....I know you shouldn't store up treasures on earth, and I don't think that is what it is to me, but I do look at that car as a ending to a trying time in our life. Alex and I bought the green element at the end of all the "stuff" from his accident....to me it was a turning point for us....back to enjoying life. SO loosing this car is going to be hard...no not hard, hard it your dad dying right before you get married...hard is your husband falling and breaking 3 lims and "crushing" his left hand...hard is understanding reality and yet trying to have faith that your God knows best and that your God has a perfect plan. Loosing this car doesn't add up to the "hard" I have already experiened in my life. BUT I will miss the car and the "meaning" that is was to me. I am already praying that I will have a good attitude about the whole thing. I need to be thankful that Alex is ok and THAT'S IT, to be willing to go through the hassle of the situation, and not be mad, but thankful and that alone! So I am choosing to look at this as an adventure, the place that God will take us to next....I may not be sure what reason is, but that is not my problem, my "thing" is to trust and obey and to have a good attitude about it! As I have said before....."it's for our good and God's glory!"

it's good to report!

it's good to report that for today I seem to be back on track....I am cleaning from top to bottom w/ no plans to stop anytime soon! It feels good to be doing that, cleaning and gaining some control over my house....like I have said before, I love control and order....so I also enjoy being productive. On top of all that today cleaning has been extra fun...yes I said it..FUN..I let Emma "help" me w/ almost everything I have done....normally I would tell her, no b/c I would have a need to "just be done w/ it" but today i decided I would try a new approach and let her help and teach her about what I am doing and why....well it turns out she can clean a toilet as well as I can! lol....she loved it..and she helped w/ lunch by wrapping the sweet potatoes in the tin foil for me....which in her mind means she "cooked" them! It was so enjoyable, it taught me that fast isn't best, and that enjoying your kids can be done even while you are cleaning tubs and toilets...if YOU chose the right attitude! Well, my break is over, I must move on to the next thing to tackle! Just wanted the world to know I love my kids and they are always fun for me!

Isn't it funny!

Isn't it funny how you tell yourself things sometimes and even when you tell yourself you know it isn't true!....like for instance, I have been telling myself that things are going to slow down and I am going to find my rountine soon! HAHA...yeah right... I also keep telling myself that I'm going to get my house better orginized...haha again! I have been bothered so much lately about the fact that I have desires to do things, yet no will power to actually get it started....what good does it do me to but it off? all I do in the end is stress myself and continue to say "I really need to work on that"....and if in fact I had just done it to start w/ I would be feeling more accomplishment in my life instead of failure. Now if I can just learn from my own words I would do well.
I had a good week, nothing major happening here on this home front. I had a busy week w/ not much time at home.....lol...that also seems to be the story of my life. Yesterday I did a party....19, 4,5 and 6 yr olds...it was crazy and fun. I worked w/ someone new and made an instant friend....at one point she asked me "what do you do all day?" she to was a stay at home mom and wondered how my schedule was....and it made me think, what do i do? UMMMMMM....as you can see I'm still thinking about that one. Especially when my house seems to be upside down again and I constantly feel like nothing is getting done. Does Alex ever wonder the same thing when he comes home....I mean, let's face it, I know what he does, he goes to work, and WORKS, hard to provide for us. I stay home and take care of our children, something in which I am so grateful I get to do....but is that where my work stops....or should there be more to it? Do I hide behind the fact that I have two little ones as an excuse to put off the things I don't like doing...and in the long run who am I hurting? ME, b/c I like order and accomplishing things and if I don't do those "not so fun" things then I am only hurting my mood and that in turn effects my family! So here is the question...why do I do it?
So that leads into my next thought....why do we as women allow ourself to lie to ourself w/ the "well we have to" or the "I'm so busy" or the "my kids won't let me " mind set. I have always been told the saying "you have time to do what you want to do" but what if the "what you want" isn't the "what you should?" How then do you respond? I know I haven't always been responding the way I should...sometimes I need to be more dedicated to the task God has called me to and not so dedicated to the task I would rather be doing!
Last Tuesday at BSF we heard a lecture that talked about Jesus understanding His purpose....to glorify God in every stage of His life. and we were challenged to do the same. We were asked "what stage we were in now" and "How are you doing?" I know that for now God has called me to be a "mommy" yes I am a wife first, but that isn't a stage, I will always be a wife, from now until forever....now I know you are thinking...but you will always be a mommy too, but no, one day I'll be just mom and then more friend than parent....the mommy stage only last so long...and I know that I am called to be that for now and as long as I can be, but what does that involve, what does that look like? Well, FOR ME, it means doing whatever reasonable to show my children the love and compassion of my Saviour, to teach them and love them so that they can look at me and see Christ through me and that they might desire to serve Him also....but even as I type that it overwhelms me, the responsibility of that order I placed on myself.....I know it is something that I can't do in my own strength, but through God's strength I can so all things and I know He will show me the way. My God is awesome and I can't wait to watch my children as they get older and understand more how wonderful He is.....today at lunch Alex was asking Emma what she learned and she told him about Sunday school and then she wanted to say her verse (the one we are working on for AWANA) and so she quoted "while we were sinners...Christ died for us" then Alex asked her if she was a sinner and she said "yes"...I know right now she only understands so little....mostly what we tell her....but it amazes me that she is already getting a smalll grip on the idea....it also amazes me that she doesn't doubt what we tell her, she just believes....I am getting a new idea of the concept of having faith like a child....I am going to relearn to do that!

wow...so much for one day!

I don't think I have spent this much time on the computer in a long time....we are home from vacation, we decided to drive back late last night, we had the kids on the beach at 5, came in around 6 and decided we would pack up a night early....so we did and I think we made a great choice..the kids were out before we left the parking lot! really....and slept the whole way home and Alex and I got a great time to talk....for the first time since we left for the beach...or so it felt!
We had a wonderful time...the kids were both sick, but it didn't slow us down, the weather was wonderful, it only rained a little bit on Wednesday, but we need to rain so bad that I could even be upset that is was raining on my vacation. We we got there on Tuesday evening and checked into our rooms...well it wasn't quite as we thought it would be....so Gary when for "the chat" at the front desk.....I was truely trying so hard to find the good in it all....Emma was sick and grumpy, and I wasn't feel so good, Ian had started coughing, and the weather report was for rain everyday....and to top it off we didn't have adjoining rooms w/ mom and Gary like we asked and the kids could open the door and go into the hall....in search of their "granddad and grammy" of course...it looked like it was going to be a long week! They Gary showed back up....the wonderful man that he is....and handed me new keys as if to say "your wish is my cammand!" and we were able to load up the 3 carts, yes 3 of all our stuff and move across the way to a brand new condo! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, the dish towels still had the tags on them!....we had 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, a kitchen and living room.....yes that means that my 4 were all in one room....but it was great! and once again I felt God tap my heart and say....SEE, I do care!

I left BSF (bible study fellowship) w/ a big surprise, for the first week we were suppose to read the whole book of Matthew and answer the given questions....whew....I just knew I was going to fail....I don't do well w/ mass reading, and I never thought I would be able to finish....especially on vacation and all....that sounded like a good excuse and I was prepared to use it~lol! I was told that I would have only a couple of chapters to do at the time and that we would dig into those chapter~thanks mom, what have you gotten me into!...lol.... and normally that is how it works, but not this week, no this week....the whole book! I am proud...maybe a little to proud...lol....to report, I'm finished! I read the whole thing already...I didn't just read it I chomped it and loved every minute of it....I got up today ready to start all over again...and that shocked me, why, well I've never felt like that before, I mean I have been reading the bible my whole life...in highschool in AWANA I even read through the whole bible....but now....well I have a need, a need to grow and learn, a need to understand, a need to know how God works and what He expects from me, I know that God has brought me through some tuff times, now I feel like it is my turn to give back to Him and I can't do that unless I know what it is I should be giving! I am SO ready to be in the digging part of the study, I can't wait to hear what to other in my group thought and learned from the reading I am so excited about BSF....oh boy, sometimes I sound so much like my mom it scares me! lol not really, if you know her then you know she is someone to want to sound like! So all I can think to say now is...sorry mom for all the times I rolled my eyes when you would talk about BSF...and the always true statement....YOU were right!...AGAIN! I love you!
and my after thought for everyone....if you are interested in BFS there is one more chance to sign up this week on Tuesday morning....let me know and I'll help you w/ the details and if I don't know my mom will! LOL :)

that's all~lol

ok, so for those of you who have never read my blogs on "myspace" here is me in a nut shell of a few blogs, it's not all pretty, I didn't even want to post some of them here, but I really want ya'll...yes I'm a true southerner!....to see me for who and how I really am, so I think this history is important...I have been learning alot about me through the summer, I have been re-discovering who I am and who God wants me to be....I will plan to share an update on that soon...but for now I must get off and go on about my day and I have left PLENTY of reading...lol....I hope you enjoy and still want to read more after this! lol....of couse if you don't then I'll never really know will I :)

the org. date is Sept. 3,2007

his short life flashing before my eyes!
Current mood: grateful

Today as a mom I had one of those dreaded moments...Ian had Alex's bike fall on his head and it was pretty yucky...when I got to him moments after the crash he already had blood all the way down his face....almost like it was "pumping" out of this hole in his head...I just knew we were headed for the ER and lots of x-rays and scareiness...if that is a word....well we brought him inside and put something on it to help stop the bleeding....all the while he is screaming bloody murder....it took forever to get it to slow down....of course now I realize that was probably b/c he was so wiggley!...Ne way we called the dr.s office and had to leave a message and wait....so Alex went to get our neighbor who is a nurse and ask her to check it...by that point he was calming down and letting me hold him....the dr's office called back and I went through the 90 quesitons and we came to the conclusion that we just needed to watch him and make sure he stayed "acting normal"...so he is fine, w/ a nice gash in his head...but then you can't really see it, it's up in his hair...so life goes on...but by the time we reached this conclusion I was already wearing the bad mommy hat....so I have fought the rest of today to take it off. I know "things happen" but so far we haven't had much around here to worry about(of couse I'm excluding Alex's attempt to fly!lol)...the only other thing I can even think of is on Ian's birthday Emma took a bad fall...but that is it..and I wasn't here alone..I had my sister w/ me and she is a nurse, so I was able to rely on her to help me know what to do. It's funny how things like this can rock your boat a little....I did fine while it was going on....stayed calm and did what I had to do...but afterward, all I wanted to do was cry and say "thank you God for making my little boy ok" over and over and over, I just kept thanking Him. It reminded me how quickly life can change, one minute he was fine running around and riding his john deere and the next minute, he was under a pile of bike and it could have been so much worse. It reminded me to be thankful for what I have and never abuse it...you never know when it may be gone!
I am happy to report that Ian is up and running again...although he was very wary of the bike when we went back outside later in the day!...He is fine and I'll be watching to make sure he stays that way. I really really hope it will be along time before I see his short life flashing before my eyes again!....actually I hope I never see it again for that matter and that goes for all of my kids! :) But for now I'm headed off to bed, I have a really busy day tomorrow...for the whole week for that matter...and ONE week til we leave for VACATION!...I can't wait...but then it's going to be so busy between now and then that I won't be able to think much...which will help w/ the whole "bad mommy hat" thing! :)

the org. date is August 29.2007

I found some answers!....
Current mood: calm

Ok so I know I sorta left an open ended blog last night, but I didn't want to answer to quickly...especially when I wasn't sure what the answer should look like exactly. I in my heart knew how I felt, but I wanted to look in the bible and see what it had to say...I found some chapters in Proverbs, in my bible the title to these chapters are "life and conduct"...I got so invovled in everything these words had to say...you should check them out...they are cool....Proverbs 20-24.

Neway I feel like the Lord impressed two things on my heart this morning while I was reading these verses. 1. "don't quarrel" do you have those times when you are in a never ending issue and you just don't see things eye to eye and no one is nessacery wrong....the bible says not to quarrel...so don't do it. and 2. and this may be more for just me, don't except confrontation...if I am not comfortable w/ it, I don't need to do it...these verses talked about love and staying away from the foolish and the drunkard. To value your name and who you are and to be honest and up-standing...it never says to go and make you point, or to speak my point loudly. In fact another verse says "a soft answer turns away wrath"....so I think soft sometimes means not at all. Really whats the point, if you know that the person won't hear you....is there a reason to just "spout off" for the heck of it?

So what does God want us to do w/ our emtions? He wants us to use them ALL for His glory...if my emotion isn't doing that, then I and I will repeat the I need to change my emotion. I shouldn't be using all my energy worrying what so in so thinks, I should be using my energy helping so in so see Christ. So the test is...learning how to do that! I struggle w/ emotions, but I want and desire to give them over, but I know it will be a learning process....but that is the answer I came to.

the org. date is August 28.2007

whew....what a day!
Current mood: contemplative

So today we packed and packed at moms house...we got a lot done....Nick(my brother) came and helped and we spent the day just the three of us...it was fun, and I am excited for mom that we were able to accomplish so much!

after that I rushed home to shower and then for a night out w/ Alex, we have been waiting for the shane and shane w/ bebo norman concert for a couple of months now and it was tonight. we went out to eat first to carrabbas and that was a nice treat for us...I thought we would be going to one of the more reg. places that we go...like mcalisters or even sushi 101..but alex wanted to go somewhere nicer. then off to the concert. IT WAS AWESOME! I really really needed it.....I love music, I can't sing or play, but I love it so much, NOTHING can bring me out of a funk like shane and shane or jared anderson or some of my random music I have on my ipod! and I have liked bebo for a long time and haven't really been listening to him...he hasn't made it on my ipod yet...but after tonight i plan to put him on there SOON! His songs words describe me so well, I am the kind of person who loves the words to music....now I'm a big fan of you can't have music w/o the music and the words.....I love both, but the words normally stick out a little more for me than the music...alex it opposite.
Nwway, it was wonderful night out w/ alex, I realy miss not going to more concerts like we did before the kids. But they make for late nights, we didn't get home til after 11 and I felt really bad having mom and gary here w/ the kids. so I will really relish this night b/c I know it's not something we do often! There is another one near my b-day that we will probably go to, so I'll have to look forward to that!

So that has nothing to do w/ what I wanted to blog about....I guess it was my starter! I wanted to talk about my newest discovery...words. I have been thinking alot about words lately. Words can encourage, discourage, hurt, bring joy, mean alot or mean nothing, they can be good and they can be bad....so who decides what they become? the person saying the words or is it the person receiving the words who decides how to take them? I heard a lot of words tonight, and they encouraged me, they pricked my heart and they make me think....but it was how I received them that made me feel the way I did....or was it how they were presented wrapped up in music that made me so open to the words? Can I decide how someone says something? Or do I only decide how to except what they say? and to go a little farther w/ this....can I decide if someones comment is negative or positive or is that decided by the person making the comment? Am I making any since? If someones says something to me and I'm not sure how to take it....they may have meant it negatively or positively....but for me, it's still my right to decide how I want to take it...I don't have to agree....I can have my own opinion of the whole thing....don't you think? Just b/c someone else may look at a situation one way doen't mean I have to too! It's my choice. and as far as that goes it is the same way w/ blame....I can choose to take blame or not....if I am in the wrong, then I need to take responsiblilty for that and make it right, but if I feel that I have done nothing wrong, and I am being honest about that then I have no reason to carry any blame about the situation....sometimes things just are what they are. Do you think we tend to do this, place blame, so that we don't have to deal w/ it ourselves...like if I make it sound like their problem not mine, then I don't have to take responsibility for my actions....I think it is a bad habit for everyone and maybe I'm wrong, and I'm the only one seeing this problem in my life...but I know sometimes that I want to push the blame button so I don't have to think about my role in the situation or what I am suppose to do to make the situation better...and I also know that sometimes I allow the blame to be placed on me when I shouldn't b/c I know I haven't done anything wrong....BUT I am the only one who can choose not to accept the blame even when it is placed. I am the only one who can choose for me how to accept the blame...or present the lack of accepting blame....how ever the case maybe.

Have you ever been at the place in a situation that you just feel like screaming and giving up...ok so duh we have all been there...even one of the shanes was talking about it tonight....it's so hard for me, b/c I feel like it takes so little sometimes to send me there...to the place I when I want to throw my hands in the air and say forget it this is to hard....it's so easy for me to go from fine to funk in seconds it seems...and I don't like it at all...I told a friend the other day that sometimes I have these feelings that I don't want to have, but I can' just wiggle my nose and make them disappear..so what do you do? How do you deal? I have been working on the answer to those questions, but I want to know what ya'll think....I'm going to save my conclusion for tomorrow or whenever I blog next...but really think about it....what do you do, past the blame, face it head on, run or choose the funk? and pass that, what does God want us to do? He gave us emotions....how would He want us to express them?

the org. date is August 26.2007

sometimes I’m so wordy!
Current mood: hyper

WHEW....it's Sunday night already! I can't believe how time is flying right now and I can't believe it's Sunday night already! Yesterday was sorta busy for us...I started doing kids birthday parties for a friends of mines birthday party company, yesterday was my first!....more about that in a bit! lol Today was sunday and as ya'll know I love Sunday..it had two highlights to it...1. I was FINALLY able to get a window sticker for the back of my van that says "ELEVATION CHURCH" along w/ a t-shirt both of which I have been asking for from our resourse table for a long time...like 2 months! 2. my brother and sister-in-law came to our church today! This is alex's brother and his wife!...I am so excited! I really really want them to see God the way I do! So today was alot of fun...after lunch w/ Jonthan and Kelly and the kidos we came home and napped and then went to the park and then did some shopping our favorite pass time! lol and then dinner and bath and bed for the kids...now some tv was alex's choice and I'm catching up on the computer which always gets negleted over the weekend! So I'm beat and I have just started a crazy week...this week is going to be SO BUSY! Alex is starting a new code class tomorrow night and will be gone 2 ngihts a week for the next six weeks, w/ this pending change to my schedule i realized how spoiled I am knowing when he will be home everyday and for that to be early...it's so wonderful and I dread giving that up...I understand that he needs this class...but I wonder if he understands how much I need him! lol I love that he walks thur my door at 4 every afternoon and I doubt I tell him that enough! I will miss him on those days for the next while! ....guess you don't always know what you have til it's taken away! I hope I learn to appreciate it more while he not here! So the kids won't see him except on Tuesday and Thursday...they will be asleep long before he comes home on Mon and Wed....it will be hard for them! and I hate that for them...but this too will pass which is what I'll have to keep thinking about! ok let's move on...no use stewing about it!

Birthday parties...are fun when it's not your kid's and your kids not even there! I actually had fun doing this party!...now I have a lot to learn to be completely comfortable w/ what I am doing, but it was fun and it's so interesting to me to watch other kids...I know I will be learning alot from this....I always like to see how others relate to their kids and how their kids do at their birthday party...this is probably a shock to some that I am doing parties....I decided a while back to try it out...Emma is getting to the age where I want to be able to put her in some activities and I wanted to be able to make some extra money on a parttime ...very parttime...bases! So this chance came along and I couldn't pass up trying it out! I'll let you know what I think as I get more into it...but so far so good and I can fund Emma going to gymnastics for one month already!!! lol

Last thing...I know this has been a weird blog for me...but not like I haven't had those before! lol....btw...I like being weird!lol I blogged about our situation at church and how we felt like we were missing something and how we felt we were suppose to wait and see what God had planned for us....well we didn't have to wait long. Today we found out that the elevation church union is moving to butler highschool which is also in matthews, and that they need people from central to move over to butler and Alex and I are both feeling like that is what we are suppose to do....so pray for us as we make our choice....our first instict is to go, but then I start worrying...I do that well you know!....and my biggest fear is once again Emma...she is just starting to do well in her class...she loves her teacher..."miss Shannon" and Shannon has been reporting how well she is doing...actually talking and knowing the answer to the questions and responding...today I had the couple that was doing the music for her group come to me and tell me that she "loved to sing and knew all the songs"....wonder where she got that from....oh thought of another story!....get back to that in a minute! So as you can tell I am struggling w/ pulling that from her. A friend encouraged me tonight that it may not phase her since it would "sorta" be the same...the same program and songs and look...but I'm not convinced....maybe if I could convince "Miss" Shannon to come too then I wouldn't worry so much! :) NEway...pray for us as we make the right choice...that we would have clear direction....and for now Alex starts leading worship in Ekids next Sunday at the Central campus and he is really looking forward to it and I have a new role, not one with a title, but unofficailly...I am now there to hold baby Lydia so Jonathan and Kelly will leave her long enough to go to church! and I love my new role God couldn't have given me anything better to do! Isn't it amazing!...just one week and it seems that God has answered all of those questions! It's exciting to me!

ok so last story....Emma has found her voice when it comes to singing....she has always loved music...but now she tries to out-do her daddy, when songs comes on, she is like ....I know that one.....daddy did you know that is a gutair...like you play? and so on ....she thinks she know's it all and can sing about any thing you ask her to sing! From disney princess movie songs to the most popular worship music to every kids song known to man she has learned it or is learing it...she cracks me up!....She is most challenged by the thought of out-doing her daddy! I LOVE IT! KEEP SINGING BABY GIRL! YOU MAKE ME SMILE MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!