over the last year!

Last night, Alex and I went to a special night that Elevation does quarterly....a night that they just decided to call "presence" a night that is similar to our Sunday mornings, yet different too.....but all GREAT! SOOO....the pastor's wife spoke for a moment and she said exactly what has been in my heart for the last few days....WHAT A YEAR THIS HAS BEEN. I look back over the last few months....well 12 months and I think wow....look how different! I know speaking for me personally, not much remains the same....I feel like a totally different person now than I was a year ago! and I am so excited to report that....that is a GOOD, no GREAT thing! I know I have come so far in learning who I am, who God wants me to be, I am content w/ my life, I love that I don't have to be in charge of it...no one here on this earth is in charge of my life....my Father in Heaven shows me, who I am, what I am and what I am going to be doing! I love the simplicity of that whole idea. I don't have to worry about it, I'm not suppose to. God is in control of it, He decides what it looks like for me! I know that I still struggle w/ this concept sometimes, but I know that He is working in me and I am still learning! He is teaching me not to worry about what's next, just to trust HIM! As I leave this year behind, I know it will be a year I will never forget...a year of triump, failure, hurt, rejoicing, crying, learning, forgiving, loving, living and above all surrendering to God. I am leaning forward excitedly toward the new year, I am eagerly waiting to see what God has planned for my family next! I know that it will be exciting and I'm sure a new learning experience! LOL! :) Last night I was challenged in a indirect way to let go of MY expectations, and walk into the new year only thinking of God's plans and expectations...this is something that is hard, especially in one area of my life...that area being the fact that I...note the I...had planned to be pregnant by now, but that hasn't been God's plan, at least not yet... But I know that God has asked me to let go of the situation and let Him be in control....it's not up to me...it's up to Him and Him alone!...not that I won't be trying my heart out and loving every minute! lol! But I guess all in all this is the last thing of the year that God has asked me to surrender to Him FULLY. Funny how things work out, I know that in the last year He has asked me to surrender everything...slowly, over time, first my marriage, then my church, then my lack of self-confidence, then my friendships, then my kids, then my expectations of my life/world/kids/husband...expectations in general that were wrong, now my desires for another baby....How great is our God that He even knew what I could handle when, He never ever gave me more than I could handle....He kept showing me His desire for ME, as I could handle them!
Thank you Jesus for showing me my need to change, for letting me learn at my pace, for leading me through my "growth." For showing me that when I give it over to you that YOU alone have to power to make it SO much better than before...in everything there is to deal w/ in life! I love you Jesus! I trust you Jesus! As Emma always tells me (thanks to Elevation) GOD KNOWS WHAT'S BEST! I am choosing to walk into the new year clinging to that fact!

My prayer will be that God in His infinite wisdom and power will bring to you exactly what you need in the next year to come...hold on tightly, He is awesome! Remember you are loved!
Happy New Year!