OUR CHRISTMAS CARD!

He is happy and healthy! I am blessed beyond measure! My prayer is that your Christmas present is as special as mine! :) Thank you Jesus for coming to save us sinners from our fallen state...and thank you for tiny life just like our baby Isaac, and for technology that allows us to peek in and see that sweet life kicking around, and that awesome little heart beating away!


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

NUTCRACKER!

This year Emma joined in what I hope will be a long tradition for her....she was a part of the union county youth ballet's Nutcracker. As a kindergartner there is only one part available....a cherub....isn't she the cutest cherub you have ever seen! As everyone knows, Emma can be on the shy side...heehee! So, it amazes me that she even considered or wanted to be on a stage in front of "all those people" but yet there is was...twice now...with one more to go later on tonight...smiling and doing her thing! She has enjoyed being w/ the other girls, yesterday she went to the cast party and enjoyed spending some time w/ Sidney and Madison, and getting her poster signed by all the cast members. At her age, she is the youngest in the cast, and as you can imagine, she is the SMALLEST! It's so fun to see her out there w/ all the BIG girls, but let me tell you, it's a short part, perfect for a first-timer! The whole room sorta takes a deep breath for the 4 cherubs and you hear a united "awww"....too cute! I asked her earlier today what part she would like to have next year and she named...a mouse, or a little party girl, or a angel, or a...and the list went on!...I think she's been sucked in!

two post in one week!...aren't you proud!

Thanksgiving....oh no, it's CHRISTMAS now!

Yes, I know it's been 2 months now since I made my announcement about baby #4 coming...yes I know I haven't blogged since then, Yes I know I missed Thanksgiving altogether, and YES I know it's almost Christmas!....now that we have that behind us....I can move on w/ life! :)

I only blog today b/c we aren't doing school! YEP, that's right, we are done til after the holidays! Emma is in the nutcracker, and has to be at Wingate university 4 days this week, along w/ a Christmas party on Wednesday...here at our house with some homeschool friends AND meetings to attend and presents to be wrapped....well, the headmaster decided that it was time for Christmas break to begin!...have I mentioned I LOVE homeschooling! :)

Speaking of school, an update on how it's been for us! Let's see, awesome, yet terrifying, fun, yet a ball of stress, joy, and some tears!....what have I left out...we have been through just about every emotion possible in the last 3 months! Almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant I went through a really rough time....I have been the SICKEST w/ this baby as I have ever been...not a good combination w/ school. Eli stopped napping altogether, another bad combination w/ school...so I was wishing to throw up, Eli was clinging to my leg and poor Emma was trying her best to work w/ all the noise and distraction!...a recipe for disaster! With lots of tears and TONS of encouragement from the wonderful friends (and mom) that the Lord has given me, I survived! I/we prayed about our decision to homeschool...questioning if we needed to change. But, I knew in my heart that God called me to do this, and HE would give me the strength to do it...that HE always knew about baby #4, and He wouldn't change His mind about me homeschooling b/c of baby 4, He knew, even when I didn't! So, I am thankful to say, I am back to normal, no more sickness...PRAISE GOD, and school is back on track! WHEW! I LOVE teaching Emma, she loves to learn, and is quickly picking things up! I am thankful for the chance to be the one teaching her, and now see that even the tough times are to show me that we CAN DO THIS! Ian also amazes me, he learns very differently from the way Emma learns...of course...and is so quick to figure things out, I am so excited to get him started in more of a formatted program...although at this rate, I won't need to, he is learning everything Emma is learning...just from listening to us talk about it!

Eli, is BACK TO NAPPING! He had a rough bout w/ a few ear infections and became really used to mommy holding him to nap!...STINKER! After a few purposeful days of naps, we are back to either 2 short naps or 1 LONG nap...just depends! He is walking..not all the time, but more and more daily...he will go across the room, until he falls....then will crawl the rest to the way! He is BUSY! and STUBBORN, well over somethings....he has done AWESOME w/ the tree and not touching it, but I can't get him to leave light socket alone to save my life! HA, go figure, and when we are at mom's it's nightlights we fight over! Alex thinks he's going to be an electrician too! He is SO full of joy and brings so many smiles to our family! He gets so excited when anyone come in the door, it will make you day....if you are ever having a down day, just come and see Eli, he will take care of it for you! PROMISE! We are still cloth diapering at home, but not so much when we are out (solid poop and disposal aren't a fun thing when shopping...sorry) BUT at home they are still great! and what a money saver :) Eli will have you know, he isn't a teddy boy like his brother and sister...nope, he's a blanket baby!...and a cute one at that...sleeps on this tummy and holds the edge in one hand...a baby after his mommies heart!

baby #4, well, I think reality started to sink in when we heard the heartbeat...ha, nope, I'm still not sure I really believe it! About 3 weeks ago, the kids and I heard the heartbeat, and had a great day of school right there in the dr's office. Emma was SO excited and ask all kinds of awesome questions. My favorite was..."Mommy, if our baby has a heartbeat, that means she's ALIVE...right?" How awesome it was to be able to say YES, Emma, that is right! If there is a heartbeat....that's means there is LIFE....ALWAYS! We talked of life, when it starts, and even death (or as Ian asked..."if it's not beating, is it broken?") and when and why death happens...did I mention I LOVE homeschool! If Emma were in school I wouldn't of had that chance w/ her! OK...sorry, back to baby #4, well, he/she is a stinker already if you ask me...making me SO sick...even the OB nurse started asking if there was a chance there were 2! HA, ummm, no, I'm not even looking for that as a option! We have our u/s next Tuesday the 22nd (what a fun Christmas present!) so the bets are out on what this one is...if you caught Emma's referral earlier...then you know what she is hoping for! Ian informed us the other day that if this one isn't a girl he wouldn't like it!....ha, umm, we had a talk about how God would give us what HE knows is best for our family...I could tell Ian wasn't convinced that God knew better than he does! :) Alex says girl, and I am telling everyone that I believe what Alex' says...he's never been wrong. I'm not convinced, I remember telling everyone w/ Emma, that I could have 10 more babies and they would all be boys....she would be my only girl...guess we'll find out, I good either way, just want to know it's healthy!

So how was our Thanksgiving....? It was great, Alex did all the cooking (I did help!) and I did all the baking, and we ate at mom and Gary's as they came back home from Durham the day before Thanksgiving....so us 5, Nick's 4, and mom and Gary enjoys a quiet meal (quiet w/ 5 kids...lol) and afternoon. I for the first time since Dad died, ventured out on black Friday...early...like 4:30 am early! YEP, I did...and WE had A BLAST....first of all mom came w/ me (and I crave every moment I can get w/ her now a days...funny how 8 months away will make a girl have renewed appreciation for her mom!) and we met Melanie at Target at 5!....I saved like $300 and was SO pleased! YEP, it will be back on my yearly tradition!...funny how long lines are no big deal when you don't have kids w/ you! :) Then Saturday after thanksgiving we did our annual Christmas decorating day...so fun w/ kids...so much more fun w/ kids than ever before!...we have started everyday since w/ Christmas music :)

It's beinging to look alot like Christmas! What we have done, well I wanted to start lots of new things this year and start having some "traditions" to build on now that Emma and Ian are a little older! We went to see the gingerbread lane done by people as a way to support CMC children's hospital, they really enjoyed going and seeing all the things you can do w/ gingerbread and candy...then the following Monday we made our own house and train...a FUN time we will be doing again in the following years! We have had a craft day w/ Savannah, which was fun and a definite "tradition" for the following years to come! This week we are hosting a Christmas party, which I think I am most excited about for now, but I know the kids will have a blast and hopefully us homeschool mommies will have a chance to talk too!...another thing I am hoping to make a "tradition" for us! Emma came to me the other day wanting to know when she was going to shop for her brothers presents, so that is another thing we added to our "traditions" I am so glad she wanted to do that, and am even more excited that she and Ian both knew exactly what to buy for each other and Eli too...they both put thought and care into their gifts for each other...and are more excited about their sibling getting their present, than receiving their own!....yea! We spent an evening w/ Elevation filling shoe boxes for Samaritan's Purse, in which they helped carry 100's of boxes to be stacked...they were so proud of themselves for all their hard work, and it was a good chance to talk about kids who won't get anything other than that box for Christmas...another conversation which was awesome!

Well, I think that about catches everyone up on life...oh wait, Gary and Mom, well, what is there is say other than it's still hard for them, there are up day and DOWN days, they do their best to take it all in stride...they are amazing people for sure! Please continue to keep them in your prayers! Pray for his strength and rehabilitation!

Now, I think that catches everyone up! I can't even promise that it won't be 2 months before you hear from me again....just know I am doing great, and LOVING life to it's fullest, which doesn't always allow me to blog too! My life is such a blessing and I am SO grateful for all the Lord has given to me! I will try to post some pictures soon....and a quick note on our findings next Tuesday...what do you think it is? Girl or Boy?

MERRY CHRISTMAS

SURPRISES

One thing in life that can catch us off guard is surprises....but surprises are always around every corner. I thought I would dediciate a whole blog to those sneaky little things!

Some surprises are good...
... chatting w/ a friend I haven't seen in forever.
... a memory from the past
... a few moments out with my mom for lunch
... flowers on my birthday
... like when your pastor talks about the very thing you have been struggling w/
... like when your pastor preaches from the same verses you have been studying
... coloring pages colored just for YOU mommy!

Some surprises are not so good
... when Emma and Alex threw up all night...ewww
... when Eli and Ian waited 4 days before they decided to throw up all night, even more eww....and poor Eli, so pitiful and such a big boy
... when the computers didn't work again! at check in!....grr!
... when Gary made a sudden turn for the worse w/ a fractured back! (he's doing fine now!)
... when your baby is ONE already!...well I have 2 more days, until it's official!


Some surprises are just that...a HUGE surprise
... like those two pink lines showing up on that test AGAIN!
... like the joy that came/is coming w/ those lines...even though it wasn't OUR plan, It has always been GOD's plan!

Surprises are funny things, they always seem to come when least suspected!

update on Gary

this is the latest email from mom on Gary....I haven't had a chance to talk to her today...so for now this is all I know...please Pray for him!


Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

Yesterday Gary was admitted to the 9200 unit (bone marrow transplant) at Duke Hospital for severe pain.
Gary continues to be in quite a bit of pain. The medications works for awhile. Finding the right combination is being a challenge. His pain can be controlled for awhile but then returns aggressively. He is very sensitive to pain meds and that has complicated finding the most effective medication but not causing him to be confused and "out of it".

Gary had a MRI late this afternoon. The evening doctor on call came by to inform us that the reason for Gary's severe pain is a fractured vertebra. (2nd Lumbar vertebra) An orthopedic specialist will be called in tomorrow for consultation. Right now Gary is confined to his bed and finds if he "just doesn't move" he doesn't hurt to bad...unless his lower back spasms. Bed rest, pain control is the current plan. We will hopefully have more information tomorrow after we discuss this with our AMBT medical team.

Please pray for Gary's pain, and don't forget he is still struggling with the polyoma virus. This virus is in the bladder which also creates its on problems. We pray tomorrow we will have some idea what the next step will be.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. We are trusting God this too is simply a "bump" in the road.

Love and prayers all, Shirley

hmmm, a title, Pam this is for you:) - (bringing mom and Gary home)

mom and I were out shopping yesterday...WOW, how great it is to say that! and we ran into some friends..isn't it SO fun to run into people you don't get to see often, and as you leave you think, I wish I made more of a point to see them...Brandy, I need to make more of a point to see you! While we were chatting, Pam mentioned that she checked my blog for updates on Gary....I must admit that threw me.....I never stop to think about who might be reading my blog...especially those people who don't leave comments!...haha...ummummm PAM! So, IF you read my blog, I'm curious to know...SO please please leave me a comment!...just one, I won't ask again! Promise!

Nick and I went up on Wednesday morning and packed up mom and Gary and brought them home! I must admit....I might of been a little worried about being in a car w/ my brother for 5 hours in one day...but, in the end, we were always "trained" that no matter what happened in life we would always be brother and sister...and in the end we had an awesome day ( and he slept most of the way up there! heeheee!) He got off work at 6:30AM and we were out of here by 7AM. Once in Durham I headed to a meeting w/ mom and Gary and Nick caught a couple of hours of sleep! Once we left the clinic we picked Nick up and had some birthday lunch....yep it was Gary's birthday! After some BBQ we packed the van and headed out...we were back here about 5:40ish...and I literally dumped them off and had to split! Nick, Samantha and Savannah hung around and helped unload and had pizza w/ them...giving Savannah some time to see Papa! I came home to my family who were stuffed in the Fit...and I mean stuffed...lol..and we headed off to our volunteer meeting at our Uptown campus of Elevation! It was an awesome day....awesome. The kids and I headed over to see Papa the next morning after school.

Ian's quote to Papa "Papa, I missed you, I was mad that you were gone so long...don't go again" I think for a 3 year old, he summed up the emotions of the whole experience very well! To say the least my kids are glad they are home....Eli cried when mom left yesterday...he wouldn't even come to me from her...funny! He was only 6 months old when they left and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has seem them since, yet it's like he still knows..."I like her, and want to keep her around!"

What else is going on around here? Well, a couple of weeks ago, we took up our carpet and put down new flooring...that was exciting...and a big job! I am glad it's done and it looks awesome (good job Alex!) We started school, yes Emma is now in kindergarten...she LOVES school, and I am really enjoying teaching her....I never knew how much fun it would be to watch her discover new things! We are still adjusting and working out the schedule thing (if Eli would sleep at the same times every day that would help! ha!) to say the least, Emma and I are learning to be flexible!

Ian is growing like a weed! He is loving doing some preschool, which right now consist mostly of scissors and cutting!...lol, he loves him some cutting! He's doing great now, he had a rough start w/ the idea of Emma not being at his disposal to play...let's just say he didn't like the word "school" for a while! HA...so we just finished our second full weeks of school...why so early? Well, I HATE, no dislike the month of August, b/c it's SO HOT! So I thought, why not go ahead and start now with the plan of getting out in late April or early May...or we might just take a nice long break in October...when it' s SO enjoyable outside....or maybe both...she IS just in kindergarten. I chose to do 4 days a week, Monday-Thursday with Friday as a craft or field trip day....I chose to make my main focus this year on phonics and let everything else shadow it. As long as she can read, she can do anything...so that's my focus for this year, yet having said that, I am taking things VERY slowly...making sure she understands what she is learning!

Eli...is almost ONE! It can't be possible! He is pulling up and now has one word "BYE" along w/ a wave! It's really funny when you are talking and say something like "I went by there" and he starts saying "BYE....BYE....BYE" and waving!...it's too funny! He is turning into a daddy's boy and when Alex gets home from work...if he doesn't get to Eli fast enough then Eli melts...and will sit in the floor crying "DADADADADADA" also too cute! He is pulling up everywhere...the other day I caught him pulled up to the potty...while Ian was using it!...nice, lucky for me, he wasn't trying to catch the stream...just checking it out! Needless to say we now have the big kids making sure they close the door when they go to the bathroom! It's always an adventure around here! ALWAYS, but it's my adventure and I love every moment of it...(as I was typing that a cup of milk hit the floor! HA!) I still love every moment..spilt milk and all! Now I am off to keep up with my life....dishes, dirty clothes and diapers to be washed....then off to sign up for ballet...Emma that is not me! lol....to visit Alex's grandparents...hopefully I can squeeze in a trip to target, party city and ross!....we'll see! :) Enjoy your day...I'm going to enjoy mine!

11 days...but who's counting! :)

This is the email that Gary sent out yesterday....it is wonderful to report that they might be home in 11 days! I'm not sure who is counting more than they are...maybe the us kids...or maybe the grandkids(no actually we have spared them the need...and haven't told them yet...I know how disappointed I'll be if it doesn't work out...I don't want them to have to deal w/ that) Keep praying...as he will tell you the next days are still critical....but each day that passes by w/o any issues means he is less and less likely to have issues creep up!


Dear praying friends:
Shirley and I were encouraged today by the "counts" we received at the Bone Marrow Clinic and we are told that this is exactly the progress they want to see. The "rash" (which is a result of Donor Vs. Host disease) is minimal. They said that it is good to see "some" of this for it showed that the new cells were getting acquainted with the older cells in my body. The amazing thing is that I now have the blood type of my donor. So I went from an O to an A+. I like the letter, wish I had had more of these while I was in school, But isn't that miraculous that the very life of someone else is now that which is keeping me alive. We just Praise the Lord.

They are spreading out our visits to the clinic and most of the time we go now on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and have the other days "off". As we progress, if counts stay stable this will be extended and ultimately will result in our being released from Duke and sent home to our own physicians. I can hardly believe it. 140 days ago, I was near death and now have the hope and opportunity to live once again. Thank you all for your continuing prayers. These next 2-3 weeks is a critical period and we are praying that all stays stable.

Shirley is doing a wonderful job keeping me up to snuff on my medicines, creams and just coordinating our days. I literally could not have come this far without her. Isn't is marvelous how the Lord "orders" all things

We look forward to the day when we will be together to praise His name!
Gary & Shirley

news! :)

I know I seem to start every blog out w/ it's been a while, but I wanted to share the news that our family has been waiting for for the last 4 almost 5 months now! ENJOY!




Dear Precious Praying Friends:

Over the past weeks we have prayed for God's miraculous healing power to be shown in my life. And, we have seen many evidences of His hand at work. I know these have been a blessing to you as well as to us.

Today, we received a call from the Bone Marrow Clinic that literally "knocked our socks off". The results of the latest tests showed that their was NO LEUKEMIC cells in my bone marrow and that it appears that the depleted chromosomes have been reversed which would indicate that the MDS has also been eliminated. This is exactly what we have been praying for. There could be no better report...a COMPLETE REMISSSION! PTL

We cannot stop praising the Lord for His grace and mercy. To think that the old bone marrow has been wiped clean and the donor's stem cells are taking over is a miracle in itself. Now we are dealing with a slow process of engrafting and looking for any deviation as time goes along. We anticipate another two months or so here in Durham as they monitor blood work and other issues. I am looking forward to being back in our own home but only as God's timing is revealed. We want to be sure that all of this "takes" and that we understand any new regimen that will be required.

We have literally been "praying" and thanking God,in advance, that this would take place and that all would be well. Spurgeon says: "Praise Him before you are delivered. Praise Him for what is coming. Adore Him for what he is going to do. I do not think there is a sweeter sound in God's ear than the song of one who blesses Him for grace that has not yet been tasted, who blesses Him for answers that have not been received but are sure to come".

Regardless of our circumstances, if we will go in the name of God, meet our difficulties, not having any plans or tricks, just commit ourselves to God and trust Him, we will see marvelous things that will utterly astonish us.
Today - we were "astonished". And tomorrow will be another opportunity to praise Him for what He is doing in our lives. Let us continue to "hold hands" and lift our praise to Him until His entire work has been accomplished.

As you pray, please pray for relief and healing for me from a viral infection. Basically the medical team are treating the symptoms as other possible medication could compromise the blood counts.

Grateful for your prayers,
Gary & Shirley


Please continue to pray for Gary, there are other issues that are being dealt w/ now...side effects from all the treatment. Most are able to be treated quickly...other things are more of a process....pray that none of them will keep them in Durham longer than necessary...they are starting to yearn to be home!

a note from mom-June 17th

This is the latest Email from mom, as Gary was to sick to send one! I was up there w/ the kids over this past weekend, it was the hardest visit we have had yet....for so long it's been easy to forget how sick Gary is, but not this weekend, his body is so tired of the chemo, and the reactions are CRAZY! We were told on Sunday that the transplant might not happen, which was hard for all of us to hear...but they have decided to go forward! We are all standing with full confidence that God is in control and that is allowing us to move forward w/o the fear of what will happen next! Pray that Gary and mom will continue to have this amazing strength that will carry them through! I'll be headed up again this weekend for the transplant and a few days after...pray for Alex (who has been more than understanding) and my big kids as they stay home. Gary won't be able to see any kids for a good while, so they can't go. Eli and Morgan will be hanging out at the hotel....but not around Gary...w/ me. THANK YOU Morgan, you are a lifesaver!! I don't know what I would of done w/o you through this process! Love you girl!



Dear Friends of Ours,

The last few days have been something else. Yesterday after Gary had his lab work, and the blood cultures and x-rays had all come back negative, and since his white count had nadared (was the lowest it has been) it was decided that we would continue on with the transplant. As a result of reoccuring fever spikes, it was also decided that the Hickman "central" line would be pulled and replaced with a catheter that would be placed in his left (bracial) arm.

After receiving three different antibiotics and phosphorus, the central line was removed. We were then sent to the hospital to the 9200 unit where the new "power pick" line would be put in. Because it was so late in the day and the shift changes, we ended up staying overnight at the hospital.

The woman who was to put in the line was preparing Gary and telling us all that could of and should of information...literally too much information. (in my opinion) Fortunately she was very experienced, no we were once again very blessed to benefit from her experience. While she was setting up and getting ready to perform this procedure, I asked if it would offend her if we prayed. We prayed and asked God to reveal Himself to us, that we might sense His presence. We asked that He might guide and direct her hands allowing the catheter to be directed exactly where it was suppose to be. We once again praised God because not only did the line go in very easily but the woman said "that line went in as smooth as molasses." Isn't God amazing.

We returned to the Bone Marrow Clinic this morning at 8:00 and after lab work and antibiotics Gary recieved the first of his preparation chemo. His body reacted to the Campath (chemo) and he had a very rough afternoon. Of course, as always, the nurses were right on top of things. Tonight he is extremely tired, (actually we both are) but he is feeling better than earlier today.

I do not have a scripture to share with you today but I do want you to know that God is so faithful. I must admit to you that Sunday afternoon I was so disappointed that I cried most of the afternoon. As I now look back I am so ashamed that I allowed my doubts and fears to rob me of my joy. I love my heavenly Father with all that is in me. Once again we searched the scriptures for courage and strength to be prepared for God's direction He would determine through our medical team. I know in my heart God is always in control and he never waste our pain, suffering or difficult life situations. He uses all of these circumstances to conform us and to draw us to Himself. I am so thankful He really knows my heart and my desire to become all that he has chosen for me to be. I am just sad that I stumbled on my disappointment.

We truly do appreciate your continued prayer support. These next few weeks will be critical. Please pray for Gary's endurance and success of his transplant. As we pray for God's will together, please know you are loved and we are asking God to pour out his love and blessings on you and yours.

Experiencing His Grace...God's Grace,
Love to all,
Shirley (Gary will write soon!)

June 6th-Gary's note

Dear Friends:

We have completed the week of chemo and are now "resting" up for the weekend. One of the "miracles" we experienced was that the heavier chemo that was designed to be given to me over a 2 hour period (while being watched for 4 hrs.) was inadvertainly given in 14 minutes. You should have seen the Dr's scurry anticipating a "shock" experience with side effects. Unbelievably the Lord had other ideas and there was absolutely no side effects. I did have chills and a temperature spike last night but we were able to handle it at the hotel and we did not have to go to the hospital. PTL.

Today, we are experiencing an unusual amount of tiredness and trust this will pass and that our bodies will now start to get stronger in preparation for the Dr's appointment on Monday and "tests" on Wednesday. This will be in preparation for the chemo and preparation for the cell transplant on June 20. Thank you for continuing to pray for us during these days. We all can see the benevolent hand of God at every turn.

Shirley attended the Care Group meeting on Thursday and found it helpful. This is offered every Thursday and we anticipate that this will give additional support and practical advice to make our healing process as easy as possible. There are so many aspects to this process and we are finding that the "one day at a time" approach suits us best.

So, thanks for all you've done
what were going through is no fun
But as we all trust the Son
we rest assured that His will will be done.

Our love and grateful thanks,
Gary and Shirley

long time, I know!

Ok so as prompted by Bekah I need to do an update on Gary! Then I need to share a few other things too!

Gary is undergoing more chemo this week...out patient through the bone marrow clinic. They have scheduled his transplant for the 19-20th of this month. They were told today that it would be the 20th/21st...so as you can see, the dates change often....it depends on the donor. So at this point, he will receive chemo this week...then have a week off to recover, then more chemo the week of the transplant...then the transplant hopefully on the 20th. Then daily trips to the "transplant clinic" for the next 3 months. As long as he is doing well, he will stay out-patient. That means he will be w/ mom at the hotel. They changed rooms to a room that allowed him to rest in bed and mom to stay up and not disturb him! It also has a table for them to eat at, which the other room didn't have! This Hotel is AWESOME to them, the staff treat them as if it were their own parents! Mom came home last week for some of her own dr.s appointments..the big one to check on the cancer spots in her colon went great...she was released for 3 years! PRAISE GOD. Her eye dr appointment, not so well...she has been referred to a dr at Duke...lol...at least it's convenient! She had lens transplants a few years back and one of her eye's is struggling...so they will work to figure it all out! She was able to be home for my brother's 30th birthday, which we threw him a surprise party. He also was also sworn in w/ Matthews Police Department on his birthday...so she was here for that. I hate that Gary missed all of the fun, but I am so glad that mom was able to be here....I am thankfully for the times I can see God's hand in things as if to say, I really am here, and I really really do care, even about the small things!

That about covers all I can think of w/ mom and Gary...please remember them on the 20th of this month, they will covet your prayers!

The kids are doing great, GROWING! We went to the beach over Memorial day and had a blast! Eli LOVED the sand and the pool. We put him in his floaty raft and he floated like a lilly pad all over the pool! It was wonderful to get away from the everyday-ness of life for a few days! While I was gone all my books for Emma's school came in...so when I got home it was like Christmas for me! :) I have finished all the purchases I need for school and couldn't be more excited or happy w/ my choices, I feel like all my reading and researching has paid off!...but I guess that still remains to be seen! lol! :) We will be deciding this week rather Emma will do dance or gymnastics this fall...we have an opportunity for her to "try" a class at a gym tomorrow...so after that we'll be deciding! I am excited for her, and I know she is thrilled to get back to something after taking the year off this past year!

Let's see, what else, the garden is growing, I'm ready to start picking...of course I feel that way every year, I want to start picking now, b/c I know later is will be SO HOT! LOL! If only it worked that way, but I know I'll have to wait til it's ready...it won't be long!

oh, I'm looking for a swim teacher for this summer...but I need them to be able to provide the pool...if anyone knows someone, let me know! I don't want to go to the Y or the Aquatic Center...I know w/ all that's going on I won't be able to use them enough to warrant paying for it....so I'm looking for someone local outside the Y. In Stanly county the parks and rec provide swimming lessons...but I don't think that's an option here in Union County and I sure can't drive to Albemarle every day for a week or 2....lol! So just thought I would throw it out there....let me know if you have an idea for me!

Well, I'm going to cut this short...mom is going to skype me in a minute and I won't to be finished w/ this first!

OH...again! I wanted to let y'all know, that I am planning on taking a blogging break. I sorta already have as I'm sure you have noticed! If you need me, email me...I'm also taking a break from facebook too...so you'll have to email me! I will continue to do update on Gary and mom, and so no one will worry...no news is good news! K! Love too all, and I will miss you! But for now, this is best for me, I won't delete my blog or facebook, but I won't be around near as much! Kate, I will be watching for baby Briggs to make his appearance! :) thanks for reading my thoughts....eventually I will be back!

my thought for today...

Someone asked last night at church if I had updated my blog lately....and I haven't given an update of mom and Gary in a while...so I wanted to do that this morning as there as has been some knew developments in the last few days! Last week (on Tuesday I think) Alex told me to plan to go and visit my mom for a few nights...it was the best thing he could of given me for Mother's Day! A couple of days w/ my mom! So the baby and I left on Thursday afternoon and headed to Durham! We had an awesome time shopping on Friday and then went on Saturday morning to get Mani/Pedi's for Mothers Day! Needless to say, it was time to come home WAY TO QUICKLY! While I was there, Gary received a call from the clinic to let him know that a donor has been found and contacted and they have agreed to donate! That is great news...but honestly it comes w/ mixed emotions. It is still so hard to look at Gary and believe that he will not live unless he goes through this process. He looks so great...even w/ no hair...he doesn't look sick! It's hard to believe that he is fixin' to enter this long risky process of bone marrow transplant! I attached the letter he send out on Saturday morning below! Since I left up there on Saturday, he has gone back into the hospital w/ a fever. They started antibiotics and he is doing well...they changed the plans for today to an "in-house" process. He must pass a lot of testing to be able to have the transplant....any "failing" of any of the test will make it unlikely for him to process! So as you can imagine today is vital as to what comes next for him! Please pray, that he and mom will have peace, and that God's will be so clear to them! They simply amaze me...as their biggest concern, is that if they receive bad news...how others will deal w/ it. as in the kids at their church as fasting for him, and their friends are grieving over not getting to see them...which I admit I understand! :) They are concerned how others will respond to "bad news"....it amazes me so much how they..although they don't want bad news, are at complete peace w/ whatever God has planned for them! I am doing my best to follow their guidelines and their standards...God teaches us to look to those we want to be like and do as they do!...well, I'm doing my best to do as they are doing...but I doubt I can ever do it as well as they do!....enjoy the note below! :)


Happy Mother's day...a day late...to all the mommy's who read my blog! Enjoy each new day that the Lord has given you with your children! They are a true gift from God!






Dear Praying Friends:

"...I will sing of Your power; Yes, I will sing aloud of Your mercy in the morning; For You have been my defense and refuge in the day of my trouble. To You, O my Strength, I will sing praises; for God is my defense, my God of mercy." (Psalm 59:16, 17).

Your prayers, for us, continue to be answered! "A SUITABLE BONE MARROW DONOR HAS BEEN FOUND" is what the lady at the Bone Marrow Clinic told us late yesterday afternoon. "We'd like for you to come in early Monday morning to begin an initial work up"

Our immediate response was one of total excitement and then came a mixture of "now we enter into the hard part" and "Lord, we sure need Your help".
A dear friend reminded me of the song Doug Oldham used to sing entitled: We have come this far by Faith where it says "we're leaning on the Lord and we're Trusting in His Holy Word." In Psalm 57:1 we read: "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by." Doesn't that remind you of the song Till the storm passes by? And, doesn't it just thrill your soul when the Word of God, set to music, causes one to look up with praise and gratitude?

Monday will be a full day of labs, lung test, X ray, EKG and an appointment in the afternoon with Dr. Rizzeri (the lead Dr.) for an evaluation. When these tests reveal that I am "ready" they will make more firm arrangements with the donor as to possible dates of "cell transplant". The donor is to be given three dates from which to pick the most convenient and to make arrangements for he/she to be "tested and made ready" as well. This could come together as soon as the first or second week in June. Only God is aware of the timetable at this point.

Shirley does need to return to Charlotte for a few days the last week of May for some medical appointments she has already set up. Whether I will be able to accompany her or not will depend on my then present condition and/or need for more "seclusion". Even when "we" return home there will be the need for being "very" careful as to surroundings and people. I am so grateful we even have the "opportunity" to continue to live for His glory and each other.

Pray that we will be able to remain strong, be at peace with the Dr's decisions, remain in His Word and trusting His hand. You all are so valuable and precious to us and we praise the Lord daily for each one of you.

His Grace continues,
Gary & Shirley

do overs

It's been a long time since I have sat at this computer to express my feeling here on my blog. I have been so busy, sometimes I feel to busy to have time for feelings...so I think I spend to much time pushing them away....so I don't have to think about them. It's interesting to me where life has brought me...so much has been covered in the last decade of my life! But lately I've been feeling that God is in a way giving me a "do over" You know, you do something...it's just not quite right...so you rip out that seam, and DO IT OVER! Can you tell I've been sewing some lately! :) The only thing that seems to stay in the back of my mind is...will this day be a "do over" event for me? SEVEN years...wow, I can't believe it's been 7 years...ago today, I said goodbye for now, to daddy! It was such a quick crazy battle w/ cancer...w/ a long hard goodbye at the end. Today, I find Gary, my stepdad, bonus dad, mom's husband, my kids papa...which ever name you want to give him....fighting the same fight. I feel as this has been my do-over chance. When dad was sick, I was still so young, just learning to stand on my own as...well, so many thing, as a person, as a Christian, as a soon to be wife..but mostly I was learning to stand on my own as a Christ-follower. It was a hard time for me, I really questioned so many thing...mainly being the "why ME" question. I find myself in a very similar place today...but I feel God showing me somethings about myself this time that have been so encouraging. It's like HE has said to me, I'm giving you a "do-over" so you can see how much you have grown in me in the last few years! Now TRUST ME, I am far from perfect...and thankfully I never will be required to be perfect! I have still had my moments...lot's of them, when I struggle with this current situation, but it has been different this time, I have been able to walk w/ more peace...I don't always feel like that every moment...just ask the girls at community group last Thursday! :) BUT, I do know there has been a HUGE difference in how I have approached it time around! I feel like I'm all grown up now! lol! J/K...I am so J/K! I was reading the post I blogged a year ago...it's amazing that it is word for word how I feel today. The emotions are all still there and so real...I miss daddy more and more I think as time goes on...w/ every event that happens I always wonder what he would of thought. With every struggle, I wish to talk to him...just typing those words brings tears to my eyes...and I know it always will...and I also know, it's ok! Well, I am off, to go visit with my grandparents...I want to do something today that I know dad would be doing if he were here!
love to all!...and daddy, I love you and I miss you!

only a second to spend!

Once again I find that I haven't done very well at updating anything! The kids and I were able to go and visit for a few days, and Alex was able to join us for the weekend up in Durham, it was WONDERFUL to be able to spend a few days with mom and Gary, and Gary was feeling so good while we were there! It seems like things have been so non stop that I feel like we missed April altogether! and now it's May...WOW, where are the days going? I have made some major changes to my schedule of the last couple of weeks and I am really enjoying those changes! We had a yard sale today!....and did very well thank you! It's been a long day...and although I feel like I have so much more I could say...I'm not going to right now, I'm going to go and enjoy our new tv w/ my hubby!

Here is the latest on Gary...he is starting his next round of chemo. Mom called tonight and he's running a fever. Not the one the chemo is suppose to cause, but one from an upper respiratory infection. Play that it will go away and not cause problems...and that his body can fight this infection...and that the dr.s will know what steps to take!

here's the latest note from mom and Gary!



Dear Friends,

Today we begin another new journey. We will be entering the hospital this afternoon. Gary will once again be prepared and will begin his first chemo treatment tonight at 9:00 p.m. This course of chemo will be being administered a little differently but is the same drug as he received previously. The doctors are all optimistic because frankly Gary is feeling stronger now than when we entered the hospital previously. Of course, transplant is still the goal.

We cannot tell you we are going in with eagerness. We both are a little concerned about doing this again. They are still approaching this regimen of therapy with the same precautions as before...expecting "possibly" a high fever at sometime during the next 2 to 3 weeks. We do want his white counts to completely bottom out since we need "remission" to enter transplant. We all have seen God doing amazing things and we are praying for His continual presence and healing.

Today, we have been loved by our Lord through the scriptures, our devotions and our time of prayer. We do experience His peace and comfort.
Psalm 121:1&2 stood out to us today where it reads: " I will lift up my eyes to the hills--from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber" and then verses 7-10 "The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore."

Thank you, dear friends, for your continuing prayer support and encouragement. You mean so much to us.

Depending on His "unsearchable greatness". (Psalm 145:3)
Gary & Shirley

update...again!

Good morning everyone....thought you might like an update on Gary...


Hello Everyone, Gary's counts continue to come up daily. Some of the increases are so significant it has been almost unbelievable. The good news is we are being released from the hospital tomorrow (if counts continue to rise as they have been) and will return to the bone marrow clinic on Monday for another blood count. The doctors will continue blood counts if they should see anything questionable. Then the following Monday, April 27th, we will return for the (long in coming) bone marrow biopsy. This biopsy has been delayed because of the really good response Gary's body is doing in recovering. The doctors expect the marrow to be clean, however, we all know there is a possibility they may find leukemic cells and he would return for more chemo. HOWEVER, we know God is in control and we continue to experience His Presence and Power daily. Once the bone marrow has been found to be clean and clear, we should hear those wonderful words "Remission"...then as God wills, with the timing of the donor and the availability, on to bone marrow transplant.

The question has been asked if once in "remission" would Gary still have MDS. The doctor's have said that in most cases the remission of leukemia doesn't reverse the MDS, however, it has happened, it is just a very small percentage. Wouldn't that be amazing. The Clinical Research staff are telling us the doctors are simply flabbergasted at how well Gary has done and is doing. Of course, whether the MDS is reversed or not is all yet to be revealed in God's timing and plan. I am trying to remember Ps. 18:30 "God's plan is perfect" (Isn't that right Patty?) I do believe I am learning just a little bit about miracles. Often we pray and don't see God's answer or His answer is not the one we want. Therefore, we feel we have not received the "miracle" we asked for. I am coming to realize that every day is a miracle. I am sure we miss many of God's daily miracles. It will be my continued prayer that God will open my eyes to HIS work and help me to trust Him and recognize that life is a daily miracles. We feel we are so blessed and will continue to acknowledge our heavenly Father as All Knowing, All Powerful and Forever Present. Though we may not understand His sovereignty, we will continue to live daily to the fullest realizing just how precious life is and how special our loved ones are to us.

In His Grip and Holding on,

Shirley
PS. For those of you who may be interested...my son, Nick and his wife Samantha, found out our 9th grandbaby is a GIRL! Another miracle! I know the name but I'm afraid to tell without permission...maybe next update. Yes, we do have the new license plate "9 Grans"...awaiting for us at home. Smile!

Some cutie pies!

I'm not sure why God gave me such adorable kids....but He did! :) I sure wouldn't trade them for the world! We were down in Waxhaw on Saturday for me to take some pictures of the Blackson clan and of course I took some of my kiddos too!....look how big Eli is getting! :( He is ALMOST sitting up, and has decided to roll over FINALLY! He loves his toes and will "talk" to you about anything! He is an expert at using the mouse...heeheee and the remote control!(somehow he always finds the volume button! He only cries when he thinks he is alone...as long as Emma, Ian or I am in sight he is a happy and content baby! He WON'T take a bottle to save my life!....lol...but I think soon, he won't have a choice....hmmmm, should be interesting He has taken to food well, LOVES to eat...yep, he's all boy! I have been taking it really slow w/ him and food....maybe I'm being lazy, but I just don't see the need to rush it, so we are only eating once a day for now, I think I'll bump it to twice a day soon....we'll see! No teeth yet...but they are there...and so close, it should be soon...but don't let that fool you, he bites well w/o teeth!heehee!

Enjoy the pictures!

News from last night!

I promised to keep you updated...I never dreamed we would have more news so quickly...but this is the kind of news I LOVE sharing....enjoy a "touch from God"




Dear Friends:
There is a verse in Philippians chapter 1 verse 19 that has spoken to me today. It reads "For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ"
Tonight we have received GREAT news. It appears that the chemo has eradicated almost all of the Leukemia and that the cells that remain may actually be being produced by my own bone marrow. In light of this the chemo I was scheduled to begin at 9PM tonight has been cancelled and they will monitor me for another week then do another bone marrow test.
Based upon those findings a plan of action will be given. Now, they say there is still a chance of temperature spikes, etc..but what they found out today just "doesn't normally happen". It is recognized as a touch from God even by the medical community.
Let's just Praise The Lord together for His special grace and look forward to daily blessings.
Shirley and I are convinced it is through your holding us up in prayer that enables God to do such wonderful acts.
We love you and will keep you advised.
Shirley & Gary

I am still here!....sorta

Ok...so I must say I am so sorry for not doing a better job at keeping everyone updated on Gary....this last 2 weeks have been extremely crazy! So before I say anything else...here is the email my mom send out last night about what's going on w/ them...


Good Evening Loved Ones,
We have just received the results of the bone marrow biopsy. The bone marrow was not completely empty of cells so tomorrow Gary (we) will continue with 5 additional days of chemo. At this time, Gary will be monitored very carefully and also daily blood work. Once his blood levels return to a safe level(three week process) we will then around day 35 do another bone marrow biopsy. This biopsy will then determine the next step hopefully we will move into the transplant phase.
Yes, we are a little disappointed but are rejoicing at what the initial chemo did accomplish. God is good, all the time...all the time God is good. We know that with God all things are possible. We have definitely experienced His presence and His love abundantly. Words simply cannot express how much we and our family appreciates your love and continued prayers. This morning one of my devotions was on the hymn "My Hope Is Built"...what a perfect reminder that it is indeed "On Christ the Solid Rock we Stand, All Other Ground is Sinking Sand"...so you see this too is part of God's plan for us. Please pray and feel our hugs and prayers coming back to you. Love Shirley


So, I was up in Durham again yesterday, but not able to stay until the news came in....again, I found myself there, but yet not there when needed....nice! I am so frustrated about that, but then God knows best, He knew I had to leave by 4 and I have to trust that as much as mom wanted me there when the dr's came...there was a reason I wasn't! So, we start round 2 for chemo, not a complete surprise, but like mom said, a disappointment all the same! It adds 3 more weeks to them being gone from home...and right now I know they are both craving to be in there house and their bed...pray for their strength!

I was actually blog reading this morning...no, I haven't gotten caught up by any means...but I feel SO SO SO behind now. Two of my friends that have babies the same ages as Eli have posted their babies "6 month old" post...and Eli...poor guy...he's got nothin! lol...although he did turn 6 months old and is growing like a weed! We went on vacation this past weekend...lol...camping w/ 6 kids and a cold morning deserves it's own post!....I have SO much to do and this week is crazy again! We came home early from camping, which allowed me to go to Durham, unexpectedly, Alex took off and kept the big kids for me, my cousin Morgan went w/ me to keep Eli for me...she is SO awesome!....thanks Morgan, you have been a life saver, when can you move in? :) I haven't even announced that I am going to be an aunt again! In September....Savannah will be a big sister! We are getting closer and closer to fall and starting school...Emma is SO excited...me, I think scared silly is a good way to describe it! Life is a whirl wind right now...and I am just along for the ride...hanging on tight! I am hanging tough and never stop being amazed at the peace that God give...especially peace in the moment! We are nearing the 7th year anniversary of Dad's death, and so much is going on....but I am thankful for my Saviour and what HE did for me on the cross, that HE is always w/ me, and I know for a fact HE is walking w/ me through these moments of my life....just like HE did 7 years ago. I can feel Him, and His arms wrapped around me...no matter what happens I know because of Him, I will be ok!

SO I can't promise I will be back soon...it might be a while, but I am asking that you won't stop praying for us!

One last thing...I want to say thank you for the emails and love everyone has sent my way...there are WAY to many to answer at this time, but to everyone, please know how much I have appreciated the thoughts and prayers...and that I love every one of you...even if I haven't had a chance to talk to you personally!

the latest news on Gary...

March 20, 2009

Dear Friends,
We are sorry there has been a delay in our updates but as many would say "life happens". As you all know, we met Wednesday with the doctors at Duke that are involved in a clinical program that specializes in adult bone marrow transplants. We were told that the MDS (myelodysplatic syndrome)has quickly gone into acute leukemia and is rapidly progressing. Our choices are limited.

We have decided that we will participate in the clinical program at the Duke Medical Center. This will begin with aggressive chemotherapy and then proceed to a stem cell bone marrow transplant sometime in the future.. There are serious risks involved. We will leave for Durham tomorrow and settle Shirley into an apartment. Gary will report into the hospital at ll:00 AM on Sunday. Thus will begin a very lengthy procedure. Thank you for praying for us and our family as we face these challenges together.

Many of you know that we have been involved with Financial Peace University. We and thankful that these classes will continue under the capable direction of George and Pat Slatt and Brian and Pam Walrod.

This morning in our devotion time we read thoughts from Beside Still Waters by C.H. Spurgeon. The thought was The Lord Delivers and based on Psalm 34:19. He wrote " Are you in great trouble? If you have a trial that you cannot share or a trouble that, if you did share no one could help, then go and spread it before the Lord. Remember His words, 'Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.'
Go and tell Him that He has spoken and that He has pledged Himself to deliver you out of all your afflictions. Be sure of this, God will be as good as His Word. My brothers and sisters, may God help us to look to Him."

Doesn't it seem that the Lord provides for each of us just exactly what we need for each day?

Know you are loved and appreciated... Remember this... while you pray.... "we will PUSH through" (Pray Until Something Happens).

Standing on His Promises,
Gary and Shirley

We'll keep you posted as to progress and the Lord's blessings,

In His grip,

Gary & Shirley



This is the latest letter from mom and Gary...We came home on Thursday evening, and they left again today for Duke to stay for atleast 30 days(after the chemo...depending on how it goes, he MIGHT can come home for 14 days, before they start the stem cell transplant....which is a 3 month process in Durham). It was a whirlwind 36 hours getting them out the door today! All of his girls (Alison, Becca and Melanie and their kids) were able to come and see Gary b/f they left...I know how glad he was to see them...but I'll admit it...it was crazy, crazy busy!

As I said before I have CHOSEN to believe that God will preform a miracle as we all know He is capable of doing. He is the only one I want in control of this situation and I am glad it's not my responsibility :) Please continue to pray for us, the situation wasn't exactly what we were expecting, as the prognosis was worse then we thought it would be. They face some very long weeks ahead w/ only hope to hold on to as far as "how it will go" We are all scared of the harsh reality that looms out there...it is something that is so close to both sides of this blended family, and none of us are ready to embrace it in any way!

Please keep praying

a note from Gary, and more info on his cancer

Subject: Latest update on Gary

Monday, March 16, 2008

Dear Friends:

First of all Shirley and I want to thank you for praying for us during these days of testing. We are so appreciative and can literally "feel" your prayers.

Last week I went to the oncologist to have a bone marrow biopsy along with additional blood work. In addition we visited the lab at the hospital for a chest X-ray and an echo-electrocardiogram. The object was to determine the progression of the MTS and to see if anything else was going on that could be producing my current fatigue and breathlessness. We were to get the results within a week.

This morning Dr. Boyd (my oncologist) called and said that the aspiration from the bone marrow test had been received and it shows that now I have progressed from the MTS into Acute leukemia. He is recommending that we come to the office tomorrow to discuss the plan of treatment hoping to lead to a stage of remission. Becca, Beth, Shirley and I will be meeting with the Dr. around noon tomorrow (March 17).

Our request is that you remember Dr. Boyd as he determines the medication for me to take and any treatments he feels would be beneficial to me. Also for myself and the girls as we listen and attempt to assimilate the information in an orderly way.

We will let you know the results of this appointment and keep you posted as we go along.

Thank you all again for your loving support.
Gary & Shirley
Jude 24, 25.


I know for some of you, this is a complete surprise, some of you may of known a little about what's been going on...but I wanted to take a few minutes to fill everyone in....the above is a letter that my mom and Gary sent out yesterday and it explains what's going on w/ Gary and his cancer....to fill in the blanks a little, we found out a few months back that Gary had what is labeled MTS...don't ask me what the "longer" term is...I don't know, but what it is, is a condition where the white blood cells make "bad" cells and then the "bad cells eat the good ones....nice huh! We knew from the beginning that eventually it would become leukemia, but we were given on time frame....well, over the last few weeks Gary's tiredness and energy began to decrease so the dr decided to run some more test and that is where the letter picked up that I posted above.

Today we visited Dr. Boyd whom Gary mentioned above and he has referred Gary to a dr at Duke University. We have an appointment tomorrow morning at Duke, under the assumption that we will be starting treatment (chemo) as soon as possible and then once Gary has reached the state of remission he will be able to go through a stem cell transplant, that will completely rid his body of the "bad" cells.

Here is where I need y'all...everyone...Please! There is alot of "IF's" involved here. There is ALOT that has to go right. We are and will walk by faith through this, knowing that God is in control. My family is scared right now, ALOT of this is familiar territory for us, before resulting in a very painful ending. I personally have had to make the choice to believe that Gary can make a full recovery...it's harder this time, I believed the same thing w/ my dad...and well...he didn't.

So here are the prayer request concerning Gary. First and foremost, a full recovery, second for wisdom for his doctors. For strength for each day, for a donor match, for the chemo to be effective and for remission to be reach. For my mom and Gary's girls that they will have grace for each moment and with each new piece of information. For all of Gary's grandkids, and for everyone involved to know the best way to answer their questions....Thank you for the prayer and support I know will be out there! I have to say, everyone is holding up very well, and I know it is because of prayer...please don't stop!

with love
Beth

happy birthday Ian!

some random pictures of the birthday boy!

So our morning started w/ Emma coming in to climb in our bed around 7 this morning...I am grateful we made it until 7, normally it's earlier, but now on Friday my kids like to sleep in b/c we have home group on Thursday night and don't get home until late...very shortly after I hear the baby...so I get up to go and get him...where I am awarded w/ a HUGE smile, I LOVE peeking over into his crib and getting that smile, the one that says..."you are the best thing in the WHOLE WORLD Mommy!" As I head out of their room, Ian's door opens...I peek around the corner and this is the conversation that followed:

Me: Good morning buddy!
I: Morning...while he rubs his eyes!
Me: Ian, it's your birthday!
I: I THFEEE NOW?...the sleepiness has quickly disappeared!
Me: yes you are three now
I: YEAH, YES...I BIG BOY NOW!
Me: Laughing....yes Ian, your a big boy now!
I: I go tell Daddy!...and off he goes to tell daddy he's a big boy now!


Soon after Ian and Daddy were off to Duncan Donuts to pick out some breakfast!...Alex was able to go in late this morning...unfortunately he won't be home until after midnight tonight! BUT he was able to get our morning off to a good start w/ donuts...yummy! and yes I ate one! But only one, I refuse to undo all my hard work at loosing weight...I am very close to the 20 lb mark and donuts are not going to ruin it for me!...neither will the McDonald's trip we have planned later!..lol!..but it is his birthday and I did give birth to him, so I should get to celebrate too...right?...hmmm I guess I have never mentioned my quest for loosing weight before..so to fill you in quickly, I started working really hard on loosing weight after my 6 week appointment after Eli! I had lost most of the weight I gained during my pregnancy...but was far...very far from where I needed to be. I asked the dr to give me an "ideal HEALTHY weight goal" that day and then cried when I got to the car!...it seemed impossible as he had given me a 10 lbs "between this and this" goal and it was almost 20 lbs I needed to loose to even get to the larger of the 2 weights and then 30 lbs to get to the smaller of the 2 weights! I was so discouraged...BUT, I decided that day, I was the only one who could DO anything about it and I was determined to not whine and not change...I didn't want to walk around and talk about no liking my body/weight(and wanting to be more healthy)...yet be doing nothing about it...so I started a life change...and now I am so excited to say I am only 1/2 a lb away from the larger of the 2 weights and I still have the goal to loose 5 more lbs so I can be "in the middle" of the 2 weights he gave me!...I am close, but as anyone who has ever worked to loose weight knows...the last 5 lbs are the hardest!..it's slow going now...but I won't give up!....all that to say, I have given myself permission to enjoy today!....donuts and all!...ok, so that wasn't very short at all!...sorry for the rabbit trail!...back to birthday thoughts!


You know I got to thinking about how easy it would be if things like "a day" really could change our life. In his mind, now he's 3 and that means he's a big boy, he has talked about being a big boy that will peepee and poop in the potty (hmm, that would be nice...if it's that easy!) He has talked about sharing his toys b/c he's 3...(hmm, again that would be nice!) and in his mind he should be able to do that all b/c he's 3~ How nice would that be if it were true!...if we could just pick a day for our human nature to be done away w/ and for only Christ to shine through...like Ian thinking b/c he's 3 he will ALWAYS share his toys...he has no idea that sharing is a learned thing, that most likely he will struggle w/ his whole life, b/c we in our humanous don't like to share!...That sharing is something we have to work at doing...but I admit, I like the ease of his thought process!


Ok, so enough about that! My Ian is 3 it's so hard to believe how the time has flown by in the last few years! I remember when he was born, I had a dr's appointment that day and left Emma w/ Gary, and didn't leave any instructions b/c I just knew I would be back home..I didn't pack a bag, I just knew I would be pregnant forever at that point!lol...as it was I didn't go back home, but rather straight over to have him by inductions b/c he was in a dry sack. I had mom w/ me, but Alex was at work...poor guy had only be back at work for a week from his accident and then I'm calling him and telling him to come to the hospital! He had an appointment with PT that day and I remember calling to see if we could get his appointment changed and he was able to go early...around 12...instead of 4! Mom left to go and get my clothes while Alex was at PT and that was the same time they started the drugs for me...not a good thing, I was all alone during the worst of the whole labor....now I don't know if you have ever been induced...but I have done it both ways...being induced is horrible compared to the natural way of labor starting!...there is no time for the build up of pain tolerance no, you are in full labor right away!...so I was able to get my eppi pretty quickly which was nice and then after that Ian was by far my easiest baby I delivered and my biggest! So mom and Alex both missed the worst part of the labor and by the time they got back I was fine...Alex told everyone, this one was SO easy!...lol, oh well, he was still non-weight bearing on one hand...all he could do was watch!lol! I was looking at pictures to other day and the one of Alex holding Ian was pitiful, he looked so sick still...pale and uncomfortable holding Ian...thank goodness that is all history now!

What I remember of Ian's birth is...thinking, is that really my baby as soon as he came out!...LOL...he was so BIG and had red hair! He didn't look anything like his sister and in my mind he should of been the boy version of her!

I remember a friend, Dawn coming late that night after he was born to visit and trying on the socks I had bought for him and them not even going on his foot!...we had a really good laugh over that one, Emma was so tiny and I just knew Ian would be the same that I had "better prepared" for him....yeah right, there is no such thing!lol I remember Emma at 19months finally connecting the dots of "baby" that mommy had been telling her about for a long time. She was leaving and saw pictures on the door of the photographer room and then came running back in to Ian and says "BABY" and runs to the pictures and says "BABY" and then back again! TOO CUTE!

Ian, you are such a FUN boy to hang out with! I love playing pirates with you and having sword fights! I can't wait to watch you grow over then next years, your personality is so full of life,fun loving, sensitive, caring and concerned for others! Never change those things and you will do well in life! I LOVE how when we ask you what you learned at church or puggles you always say "about God" in your mind nothing else matters...and you are right! I love to watch you pretend you are Miss Amy(your Puggles teacher) and how you show all your pretend "children" the flash cards and tell them the story...along w/ telling them to sit still!...b/c I am sure you are the one she is telling to "sit still" at puggles so you think that is part of the story! :) I love your smile, and the way you come and tell me "I take good nap mommy!" after you wake up from your nap! I love the way you like to be read to and that even though you have the book "wocket in my pocket" memorized you still want it read to you daily! I love that you adore your sister, she is the best thing in your world, and you plan to marry her "when you grow up!"...that I know will change, but for now, it's so sweet! I love how when Eli's crying you came and tell me "Mommy Eli's crying, but I'll take care of him for you!" and then you are off the talk to him until I can get there...and by the time I get there, Eli is all smiles again! You are a great big brother and Eli adores you so much...never abuse that!

Ian, I love you so much! I can't wait to teach you more and more in the years to come...you are such a joy to me! I LOVE YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

powerwheels, camping, tax returns and a little more!

Hey everyone....just a quick note to let everyone know how much I appreciated the prayers. Mom is home and making a quick recovery! Thank you to everyone for the calls and the notes letting me know you care! Most of you know how hard it is for me to have mom get sick, it brings back such hard memories of dad being sick, so your thoughts are more sweet to me than you can even realize.

It's funny as you near the year anniversary of someones death, you seems to have this "idea" that "it's going to be different or easier this year" yet, it never is...this time of year is always hard for me...it's not like I go into depression anymore...it's more like I find myself just a little more sensitive to life...I have learned over the last few years to really try to shift my focus, not to not remember my dad, but to look for the things I can look forward to instead of the more obvious pain of what is missing.

So in honor of doing that...here is my list of things I'm looking forward too!

Ian's birthday! We bought him a powerwheels....he will be thrilled, but for now I am SO excited I can hardly stand it!

Going camping...the first of April we are going camping w/ Susan and her crew...6 kids, 3 tents and a mountain! Sounds like a blast to me...did you hear that Todd, we will have fun! :P

The NCHE conference, now this is one I NEVER thought I would be saying I'm excited about, but I am, I CAN NOT WAIT to get to the book fair w/ money to spend!

Our tax return!...we found out today what we are getting back! It is more than we expected and I am thrilled...it amazes me how God provides! (a shout out to Nathan for doing our taxes!)

My brother turns 30....heeheehe....I'm glad he's first! Let the planning begin!

Starting up the garden...I am SO ready to plant...I want it to be warmer so we can get out there and get it going....I am glad I'm not prego this summer so I can do so much more in the garden!

Well that is my spring line up...now I have some spring fever....I think I'll go and clean something!....next I'll have the summer line up....which will include but not be limited to Alex's birthday, our anniversary, vacation, gardening, starting up school, and lot's more!...stay tuned :)

Pray...please!

Hey everyone, this will be short....My mom went in the hospital last night and will be having surgury sometime this afternoon. They are thinking it is her apendex, but aren't completely sure. They are running more test as I type....Pray for her pain, which is ALOT right now...I'll keep you posted!

around the corner....

Time flies when you are having fun....that's the saying anyway! Around here it seems to be time flies when your sick!....although the days seem SO long sometimes! I turn around and it's been three weeks since I have blogged anything...I know I said it would be few and farther in between...but gosh, I didn't mean non-existent! These last few weeks have been rather strange for me. Both the boys have been sick...Eli twice now, Ian is struggling w/ allergies AGAIN...this weather is killing him! We haven't made it to AWANA in a full month now....nice. I had to give up BSF, b/c Eli won't take a bottle and it's way to hard to expect Gary to keep him when I know he will give him a fit. Alex and I did go out w/ Todd and Susan last Friday night and Eli had to suffer through, but for some reason I can do that w/ mom keeping him and not feel bad. We had a great time out!....camping here we come!....right Todd! :) But other than that, Eli is really attached at the hip right now, which I really don't mind to much! When he first stop taking the bottle I felt very trapped, but then I realized that he will be a big boy before I'm ready so I might as well enjoy this time and not be stressed that it's not going the way I want!

Do you ever wonder what's around the corner? I very much feel like that right now...every time I turn around I wonder why God is requiring this or that from me...I feel like I'm being stretched.....alot....right now. I don't consider this a bad thing, in fact I know from experience this is a good thing...a very good thing. I also find it hard and exhausting at the same time. I know that God has given me a very specific purpose right now, and this stretching fits into that plan...so why do I sometimes struggle to except the change that's coming? It's the weirdest thing, I want the changes...even need the changes....yet the changes make me want to cry all at the same time! Alex and I have moved to the uptown campus of Elevation to be able to serve and help out w/ starting Ekidz we also moved community groups and changed what service we are attending ourselves. I gave up BSF, and we haven't be able to be at AWANA in a few weeks....nothing from my normal schedule still remains. We finish up our FPU class next week and then that will be over too. I am interested to see what God is planning...he has completely cleared my schedule...the question is what for? I have been spending some time w/ other homeschool moms, and they have helped me see some of why my schedule is clearing...it's just I hadn't planned to clear it 7 months b/f we started school....hmmm! It's in His hands, I know I have to be careful what I choose to put into my schedule from here forward, b/c my primary focus will be shifting to my kids educations. I know this isn't the first time God has cleared my schedule, He did this a couple of summers ago and it ended up being one of the most fulfilling times of my life...a wonderful time of growth, b/c I wasn't to busy to hear from him. I know I need to be sure I slow down and not miss what it is He's bring my way! My prayer is to know Him more fully everyday, and the only way I can do that is by slowing down to listen to what He's telling me....pray for me as I start this new adventure He has waiting for me....pray that I can see what it is soon! :)

What God has asked me to do....

Ok so the kids aren't here....well, the baby is..but he doesn't count, b/c he doesn't cause any interruptions! :) Emma and Ian spent the night w/ Savannah last night b/c Alex and I (and Eli) had a trip planned to Raleigh today...but as y'all all know...it's SNOWING! So our trip has been rescheduled until next Monday...whew! So I find myself at home almost alone this morning and the first time I have allowed myself to sit and blog in FOREVER! I decided back around Christmas that I needed to spend less time on the computer....it's funny, I use to struggle w/ the amount of time I spent in front of the TV, then the Lord convicted me of that....so I just moved on to another device...the computer. Between blogging and facebook and emails it is easy to spent hours a day on here and that is NOT what God has called me to do w/ my time. (disclaimer....I'm not trying to point fingers at anyone else...this is what God has told ME for ME...but if you are feeling guilty, maybe you should ask God what He is telling you! :)...end of disclaimer!) So back to my story, I found that I was putting my kids off to finish a blog or read a blog. Or wasn't talking to them during lunch so I could look at pictures on facebook or even chat w/ someone else that was on....again, this is not what God has called me to do. I know that God wants me to have close friendships and I do, but He has called me to be a mommy, and He wants my attention on that right now. We are gearing up to homeschool this fall which I am really really excited (and scared) about. and I know that He is asking me to line up my priorities better....I need to be ready to make school my number 1 priority at least until school is like second nature for me. SO, all that to say, I am choosing to cut back on the time I spend on the computer, so don't look for blogs from me to often. I know this is going to be like tv, once I have weened myself for a while, then I will be able to bring it back in my life w/ some thought through self-control...funny how God is constantly growing you in every area of your life :)

So for an update on the fam...Christmas was totally fun, we had a wonderful holidays...Alex took a good while off, almost 2 full weeks...it was fun!

The new year has been a time of adjustment for us, we are learning and changing daily...especially Eli! He is almost 4 months, as sweet as ever and growing like a weed~ Emma excepted Christ as her Savior on the 14th of Jan...an exciting time around here...Ian is still Ian, one of the most loving boys I know...he amazes me at what you pick up on from listening...Alex is great, and we are so thankful for his job and the knowledge of him not loosing it in this time. We (Alex and I have been leading a small group in Financial Peace and it has been so rewarding for us, we have been wanting to be able to give to other people the knowledge we learned from the classes a while back....we have been given an awesome opportunity to serve others, and a great chance to make some wonderful friendships, I already know we will miss these people when we finish! We also have some things in the works at our church as far as serving goes that will start up soon, both of us are very excited about that...more to come as it unfolds!

Well I must go, the car is warming up for Eli and me to venture over to Nicks and go play in the snow!....love to all!...stay warm!