my world as I see it....

for a while now, I have struggled to get personal in my post...mostly because I have felt so bad and I didn't really want anyone to know EXACTLY what I was thinking!...lol...call me crazy, but sometimes I think some things are better left unsaid...especially to the whole world! Some might want to call that being fake, but I don't, I call that being smart and knowing when to hold your tongue!lol. Well one thing I am SO GLAD to report is that I am feeling MUCH better, the first tri is over and I am feeling human again!...I am remembering that I do love being pregnant and why...I am excited that I am only a month or so away from finding out what we are having....Emma is already planning the shopping trip after that!lol. I am back to enjoying 3 kids during the day instead of barely surviving!....thank you Jesus, for the fact that I have some energy to keep up w/ these kids!


So hear is what I have learned over the last few weeks/month. That whenever you think you get a handle on something, beware...Satan only wants you to think that, so when he stripes it away it will sting that much more! I thought I was doing so well, w/ my bible study...I loved every minute of it....but the more confidence I gained....well, being sick made it next to impossible for me to do it...I would sit down to study, and instead I would be so distracted by feeling sick...or I would literally fall asleep!..I got so discouraged and frustrated, I got to the point that I didn't even want to try! Never think you have it all together, there is always room for improvement!lol!

This past Sunday, our worship pastor sang "Are you who you want to be" by switchfoot" I love this song and have for a long time! But once again it reminded me to look at my life and see....?am I who I want to be? It reminded me of what I know God has called me to be...who HE wants me to be. You know, I think that is easy to forget, to let others influence "who I'm suppose to be" for you...it can be so easy to play the matching game...to see how you "match up" to others around you. To say, well at least I don't do it that way! Don't tell me you haven't done that, we all do it one way or another. But that is wrong, it doesn't matter how someone else has done it, it matters how God wants YOU to do it. I think being pregnant you deal w/ this alot...it amazes me how many people want to tell you how THEY did it...or how many people ask if I did it naturally or w/ drugs. and the stigma that comes with the question. I have already walked away from a few conversations where I was like, ok, what were they getting at, so they had a "natural" birth, maybe if I had had their birth I would have done it natural too, but I didn't have their birth, I had mine, and mine wasn't theirs...so do you see what I am getting at! Sorry I know I got off on a little rabbit trail, but it's what I think...how I see it in my world. What a better place we would all live in if we...especially we women....could just stop comparing and playing to "match up" game!....hmmm, the thought...to just let everyone do as they are being lead to do, especially for Christians, we are all being lead by God (and if we aren't, isn't that really between them and God) so we are all being lead by God, so what right so I have to judge her over ANYTHING...? I don't!