shh...I didn't want anyone to know

So after I wrote my blog the other night I got a "I'm worried about you" talk!...and I realized that I didn't define my idea of a struggle very well!...sorry Susan, I didn't mean to worry you! :)
My idea of a struggle is something that I might be "fighting" w/ God or myself about. You know when you know you are suppose to do something you don't really want to do, or you know God has asked you to do something and you just don't want to do it!...and sometimes it looks more like..."what am I suppose to do....please God tell me!....those are my "struggles."

Tonight I want to share one of them...well it's sorta 3 in 1. God has showed me through several different circumstances that I need to let go of TV. This is something I knew He was asking long before I obeyed. It was something I didn't understand why He was asking me to do it....and I didn't want to give it up plain and simple. and I let this turn into a "struggle" between me and God....I can be stubborn :) Of course He knows that and yet He still loves me! Instead of saying to God, ok...I don't understand, but I will do what you ask...I whined and pouted and said..."where's the timeout chair"...sound familiar? Why the big deal? Well there were a couple of things...1st I didn't think I could go a night w/o the TV whatever would I do to spend my evening?....lol I know, don't even say it...2nd I worried how I would explain it to others and how they would take it.....and 3rd I just like TV! I have "my shows" and didn't want to miss out.

Now for what I have learned since I turned the TV off. 1. I am spending more time in the Bible and more time in my bible study and I find that my evenings are very full, I find that I always have time for my husband! and that when the phone rings I'm not mad that someone is interrupting my show!...2. that just b/c I have turned off the TV doesn't mean everyone should and I'm not asking anyone else to do the same...not even Alex, I am responsible for me and my obedience to God, He asked me alone to do this and I am the one who will be rewarded for responding. 3. I like other things just as much as I like TV! So I believe that the struggle to obey was totally part of the process, and I am so glad to have the struggle...although I would have learned these things much quicker if I had just obeyed. I learned that TV controls to much of me...if I don't want to answer the phone or talk to Alex while or because the TV is on....there is to much control and I need to only be controlled by my Saviour! God calls each of us to do certain things and that may look differently for each of us. I am the only one who can determine what God has called ME to do. This past week at BFS we learned about this very thing...something that may not bother you at all might be a HUGE struggle for me as it could be the other way around with another situation. So we all need to know what our limits are....and for me, TV isn't in my limits....maybe it won't be forever, maybe it's just a season until I am unattached from the shows I know aren't right for me, but for now, it's a big temptation to watch my shows if I sit in front of the TV at all, so I won't!...Matt 5 says if your eye offends you cut it off....thank goodness that is a "word picture" and Christ is really saying "remove it from your life" so I have removed TV b/c it was offensive to me! I hope ya'll can understand what I am trying to say here....but I want to be open about what is going on in my life and heart. This is the "commitment to God" I didn't want to tell anyone about b/c I know it's different and I don't like to stand out, or be judged, but I know this is something God has asked me to do, and I want to be obedient so badly!