tears in his eyes

Do you ever have moments (for those of you who are married) where you are sure you love your husband now more than ever? I have those...every once in while...lately it's been more often....and I want to tell ya'll about one that made me SO proud of my husband...although it might embarrass him a little!
Last night we sat and watched a dvd that he had put together for his mom that was of her husband Eddie....he had spent the evening very productively making this dvd, editing it and watching Ian all at the same time....he was not only super-son but super -dad too!....after the kids were in bed, we sat down to watch it and he quickly found himself in tears....now if you know Alex, this isn't a common thing for him...he's just not a crier! I think it even surprised him a little....but I know he is not looking forward to his mother dealing w/ this loss...he has seen me deal w/ grief and I know he dreads it for her too.

Ok so the above was written a little over a week ago today...that night I didn't have a chance to finish my post...and I am just now getting back to it. Alex's stepdad, Eddie, past away this past Saturday morning, and we had the memorial service yesterday! I just want to say a thank you to all who were there for us, w/ phone calls, emails, flowers and food. and a special thank you to Chelsea and Justin for coming to the viewing (it was so nice to see the face of friends!) and also to Susan for keeping the kids and answering Emma's questions! lol...I couldn't have done it w/o you...thanks for letting my time w/ Alex and his family be stress free! and lastly I would like to say thank you to Weddington Community Church and Pastor Blake for all you have done for Cathy and Eddie over the last few years and especially over the last week...the food was enough to feed the 5000....thank you....the support you showed her was so great....thank you....your obvious love for her was breath-taking....thank you! I am so grateful to ya'll for everything!

my next post will have to be about all the questions Emma has asked through this process....as I mentioned above...she has been asking. She has talked to a few different people....people she is comfortable with talking to, mostly, me and mom, but also Alex and then she talk to Susan too....it has been really amazing how much of this she is able to understand...defiantly alot more than I thought she could...I have loved her child-like faith attitude...it is so refreshing!....but more on that later!

what's that?

that was the first thing Ian asked this morning after he got up....! Emma's reply was IT'S SNOW!....mommy can we go and make a snow angel? Poor thing, all through Christmas she kept asking when it was going to snow, to which I had to explain over and over that it didn't snow everywhere at Christmas time just some places....now it has finally snowed here and it's raining and she won't even get to play in it!...not to mention that she and Ian both have runny noses!....yes, again....poor Ian...I know I'll be pulling out the mask tonight....it's not even been two weeks since we stopped using it from the last cold! I have had one disappointed girl at my house today...she has been so cute about it, one time she told me that she wasn't mad that there wasn't more snow, just a little frustrated!....lol....ummm wonder where she has heard that before! Then later she said..in reference to the snow...."well, God knows best!"....thank you Elevation Ekidz for that one!...lol!

Ian on the other hand, every once in a while will walk over to the window...look out and say "snow????"...he'll look as far as he can as if to wonder where it stops!...SO funny! We have had a great day at home, we have played lots, made bracelets, washed and folded clothes...something that is so fun to do w/ Ian!..he now likes to stand at the washing machine and watch for his teddy to spin around and around...then says "tul teddy tul!" (twirl) but hey atleast he doesn't stand there and cry the whole time like he use too!...lol....the kids picked up the house of all their toys while I did dishes and didn't fuss about doing it!...an accomplishment in it's self!...the both went down for their naps GREAT...I think I want everyday to be snow day!....it's so peaceful~I think when Emma get's up from her nap we'll settle in for a movie and some popcorn (she always up about an hr before Ian) then dinner and more play w/ daddy....probably a great night for hide and seek w/ the flashlights!...life is fun!...hope your days has been as much fun as mine!

picking rocks

This week at BSF we learned about the parable of the sower found in Matt.13 WOW so much to learn from one parable!....for me I realized that I have truly been called out of rocky soil....into good soil. BUT, to make it from one to another....well, not to state the obvious, but the farmer (Jesus) must remove all the rocks. You see I can't do this alone, I can't decide to be like Jesus and expect that to be all there is to it...yes I must be willing to change, I must be willing to change at all cost...getting up earlier, going to a bible study where the bible is actually studied, reading my bible, praying, giving things over to God and leaving them there, choosing not to sit in my self pity....I must be willing to change these things, BUT, I can't decide to do that one day and expect the next day to look different. I can't just decide and it happen,....otherwise I will just be trying to do it on my own, and we all know that doesn't get us very far! Instead, I must allow God to show me what steps to take, allow Him to pick the rocks...so I can be removed from the "rocky soil"...which is the soil that causes us to have shallow roots in our faith...If I let Him pick the rocks instead of me, then it will be a lasting change, a real change, a change HE did, not me. How do I do this....??? Well, that is the question I have been wondering about over the last few days...and here is the answer I feel God has given to me....just do it...what is it?...give it over, pray, pray, read my bible, and then when God moves me through the holy spirit, just do "it"....do what HE says....if it is forgive, then forgive, if it is get up earlier, GET UP....that's the one for me!..lol...if it is open your eyes and see how you are really acting, open your eyes and admit it!....if it is read your bible, READ....seems so simple, yet I think this is something we all struggle with...you hear the saying "realizing it is half the battle"....well sometimes I think we forget about the doing it part....we can't ever change (we'll always be the rocky soil) if we ignore when God talks to us....b/c He can't remove the rock's if we aren't willing to UN-earth them...and if we will truly read and study God's word, HE WILL SHOW US what our rocks are..love ya'll

a life of regurgitation

So....today at BSF our teaching leader made this comment that has struck me so funny and yet SO true!....it has set my mind to thinking! ALOT!

"After you are regurgitated you are wiser!"...now I know you are thinking....what kind of bible study are you in?....?....? But hang w/ me for a minute! We are in Matthew 12 and it has a reference to the OT in it, which is about Jonah and his time in the belly of the big fish. So she made the comment in reference to Jonah being wiser about obeying God after he first disobeyed! and I thought WOW....how many times have I looked back and realized my disobedience....after I had been regurgitated...after I had to learn some hard consquences. I know for me I can look back at the last year and realize that there was alot of "regurgitations" I went through and I am sure God will tell the big fish to spit me out again in the future....but hopefully I will be able to remember this funny phase and realized that I need to lean on God for help and answers before I even find myself in the belly of another fish. How often I walk forward...thinking....I know what I am doing, yet God is calling to me, telling me to go the opposite direction from where "I" am choosing to go....yet He every time will send my storm and then my "big fish" to stop me where I am and tell me again (when He has me in a place I am ready to listen to Him) what HIS desires are for me!....isn't it amazing that He loves us all that much to do this for us over and over until we learn...
My questions to myself and to you is....What is your "big fish?" What is swallowing you up...stopping you in your tracks....waiting for you to release it to our Heavenly Father....preventing you from going to the next step of faith?...What has you eaten right where you are...that you need to let go of, so that you can be released back into the arms of Jesus and His desires for your life....what is it that God called you to do that you are running from....and b/c you are running the other way there are storms in your life...storms that effect you and others around you....storms that will cause others to cast you overboard and into the mouth of the big fish? What is it that you need to stop running from today so that the "big fish" can regurgitate you and you can continue on forward in God's will?

"Thank you Jesus, for regurgitating me...over and over again....and for not allowing the big fish to just eat me as I deserve! I love you...You are an awesome teacher"

DISCLAIMER: Sorta sad I feel the need for this....this in no way reflects teaching from BSF....this is only what I felt God speaking to me from the lesson I heard. I know some may read this and think I am nutcase and that's ok too!....it's not for you, but more for me, and my need to express what I am learning/hearing from God. LOL....God know's my heart!