Emma's 1st dress rehearsal!

So we had our first night of dress rehearsal last night....we were almost late, something I HATE to be, but we got caught behind 2 accidents...yes 2! But we made, it got her dressed in record time and didn't miss anything. So let me describe the pace of the rehearsal for you...lol....hectic! Kids everywhere in costumes, mommy's and daddy's everywhere w/ cameras and camcorders...lol...we aren't allowed to type or take pics during the actual recital so it's now or never!...there were about 100 plus people there. So Emma, she sat quietly for a while on my friend Susan's lap, not having much to say...I was so holding my breath...then her group was called to come to the stage and she jumped off Susan's lap and walked herself up on the stage to take her spot..she didn't look back, she didn't even sniff! She got up there and did her dance...every step of it! I was SO PROUD of her! She loved it...every second of it. In fact we stayed late to watch the older girls..she only cried when I told her we had to go...it was almost 8:30 and she was starting to fade quickly! Needless to say, I think the next couple of days I can stop worrying so much about if she is going to freak out on me!...although I think every time they call her, I'll still find myself holding my breath!

Enjoy a few pictures!


Emma and some friends from her class!

Madison, Emma and Sidney...my friend Susan's girls

Emma in her poodle costume...yes she is a puppy dog...the cutest puppy you have ever seen!

oops I forgot!

So the other night I was suppose to tag 4 people....I think it was 4 people. So here goes, and sorry I don't have time to "link" them....but they are listed on "blogs I read" list :)

1. Brandy
2. Susan
3. Shannon
4. Crystal

So good night for now....I'll be checking to see if you played along! :)

Tagged...forever ago...sorry Jenny that it has taken so long!

Ok so I am in a typing mood, I really do enjoy blogging, although you can't tell by the amount of blogging I've been doing lately.

Awhile back my friend Jenny tagged me...it was to do a blog about "my 10 favorite things about my husband" and I am sorry to say I am just now getting around to doing it! That sounds like I "put it off" as in I didn't want to do it, but that isn't the case at all, I have thought of this blog often, but haven't had the time to devote to it that I wanted..so I haven't tried until now.

SO here goes...

10. I love how hard Alex works for our family, that he doesn't take his job lightly, but takes his role as provider very seriously.

9. I love that he allows me and understands my need to stay home w/ our children...he wasn't given that as a child, but yet he has a clear understanding of the value I place on being able to do that and he supports that completely...he is the first to say that I do work HARD and I am "not just a mom" as the world sometimes views stay at home mommies.

8. I love to see him play his guitar....and singing, especially since his accident...I LOVE when he and Emma (and now Ian is joining in)play their guitars and sing their hearts out!...nothing can bring tears to my eyes faster than that!...

7. I love that he has no idea how HOT he is...lol...he truly doesn't have a clue...teenage girls still drool over him and he can't see it....I now find this SO FUNNY, but when I laugh about it, he is so stumped by it.'

6. I love that he will watch a "girlie" movie w/ me, he's not one of those guys that refuses to watch them...our movie watching is defiantly give and take!

5. I love that he can cook! and he enjoys it, he wants to do it!....yes, I have it made when it comes to the kitchen. He is quite able to hold his own, in fact, I'll even admit he cooks better than I do....so when I don't want to cook, or I'm not going to be home, that's fine w/ him, he can handle it...a nice thing when we have new babies in the house....w/ Ian he completely spoiled me and cooked for like the first 3 months after he was born....spoiled...

4. I love that he spoils me! He is always willing to help me out around the house...w/ the laundry, w/ whatever, I have to be careful to not take advantage of this :)

3. I love the he waited for me to be ready to leave our last church...he was patient w/ me and didn't push me or "make me" leave as he could have as head of our house...instead he waited for me to be ready to take the step w/ him.

2. I love that he let's me talk to him about everything, even about the "silly girlie" things, he will listen and always has great advice. More than once he has been right on situations even when I didn't want to hear what he had to say...he in the end would be right...and he never says I told you so, instead it has always been, I'm sorry it wasn't as you thought. He is always willing to talk about the issues we might be having w/ the kids and figure out together what we should do.

1. The #1 thing I love the most about my husband IS...he has ALWAYS been there for me, through the hardest times in my life he has been there. He walked beside me when daddy was sick, he held me endless nights as I cried, he smiled at me as I walked down the aisle having promised me he would come and get me if I couldn't do it on my own w/o daddy. He tried his best to ease my pain, but was willing to accept that he couldn't change what had happened w/ daddy. He held me again when I was overwhelmed w/ his accident even though he was the one broken and in pain. He has always been my knight in shining armor....I on the other hand don't think I learned to appreciate him as I should until about a year ago...I am now so thankful for what the Lord has given me....w/o Alex my life wouldn't be complete.

Alex, I love you SO much...thank you for all you are.

endings...glad and not so sad!

this week coming up is a week of endings for us. We finish up BSF this week, along w/ ballet, Emma's recital is next Saturday. We also have our last night of AWANA ( we will miss the awards night on the 28th) So after this week, we won't have any weeknight commitments! Emma has very mixed feelings about all these endings. I on the other hand am ready for the break! This past month has been hard for me to get to everything and I have been looking forward to this week for a while...sorta like my "once I get to this week" then I can think about that!lol...how funny am I. Did I mention that this week is a doosie!lol...the only night we will be home is on Monday night....here is my schedule for the week
Monday...take the kids to Mimi's to spend the day! (Mimi is a life saver sometimes!)
dr's appointment for me and baby! grocery shopping for the week although we will only be eating at home 2 nights this week!lol

Tuesday...home through the day...clean, clean, clean, oh, maybe going to library for story time???...Emma has ballet rehearsal at 6:30

Wednesday...shopping for disney (oh yeah did I mention I have to pack for disney this week!...lol...so I must shop at some point, I think Wednesday...oh wait I have to take to van to Honda for it's visit before we leave for disney....so maybe I won't shop on Wednesdaylol....then we are off to the last night of AWANA

Thursday...I will HAVE to go SHOPPING...wash, start pulling things out, get out luggage make list of food so I won't forget anything at 5 in the morning when we leave! Then I have to take Emma to Wingate Univ. for her first dress rehearsal.

Friday....pull my hair out,I am sure I have a list of forgotten stuff at the store!...so I hope to get back out early to get that list of stuff....then pack pack pack, finish washing cloths, try out the coolers, who wants to find out at 5am that there coolers are to small...lol...then Emma has her 2nd dress rehearsal at 5:15, which means we have to get to wingate and eat before then!

Saturday....the recital! back to wingate by 9:30 w/ a dressed and ready poodle! Lunch at applebees (Emma's request...lol) haircut at 3:30 for Emma...hey the recital is over, her hair is fair game and it's going to loose!...about 6"!lol... the home to give bathes finish packing, make lunch for the next day and pack as much in the car as we can!lol....

SO that is my crazy week, I pray for it to all to go as smoothly as it sounds as I type it out...lol....note all the laughing! It's funny to me that my week of ending is so packed w/....stuff!

I am looking forward to getting on the road to Fl. well maybe not the rd part, but the getting to FL part and the disney part! Today Alex did a side job and I did a party to get a few extra dollars before we leave. Emma has been earning money to take, not only the commission we give her for her chores, but also helping others out to earn money...we knew that the grandparents would all want to "give" her $ to take, so we asked them to let her come and "work" for her money instead of just giving it to her....it has worked out really well, and she is so proud of herself for all the "work" she has done! Today she said to me, "mommy, you are working today, daddy is working today and I am working today at Gran's house!" I am not sure how much "work" they did, but I know she had fun!

I know in a few weeks I'll be sad that everything has ended, but for now, I am just really glad that our schedule will be so free....I am looking forward to the pool, to the garden, to getting ready for the baby!....summer, here we come!....DISNEY...here we come!

6yrs ago a few days late

a few days late because I had to get past the 6 yrs ago part before I wanted to blog about it....huh! is what I am sure you are thinking about right now...

the original blog started w/ happy anniversaries and sad anniversaries. This past Tuesday was May 6th, which marked 6 years since daddy died. It's amazing to me that as this date approaches each and every year you start to think about different event of the past almost w/o being able to control it. Every year I think, this year will be different, but it's not. Every year it is as hard as the first year. I watch mom struggle w/ the emotions, I feel the struggle myself. It's a hard thing to admit to yourself that this is something that will NEVER go away. A friend asked if it feels like forever ago or not. Well the answer is, yes....and NO. YES, in the sense that it feels like forever since I have heard his voice, felt his hugs, drawn from his advice...but at the same time, NO, in the fact that I can still 6 yrs later close my eyes and feel the pain of the loss...remember how I felt when I thought I would suffocate in that hospital room when we were all wondering if he would/could take one more breath, how I felt when he didn't, how hard it was to understand why this was happening. It also amazes me how the events of the next few weeks are such a blur to me...

This year, was hard in a different way, I am starting to feel like I should be moving on...like people won't understand my struggle....sorta the it's been 6 YEARS....time to move on...maybe that comes from me wanting it to not be so hard anymore....but it's hard for me to tell others that I am still struggling, hence the reason I didn't blog before now. I was very quiet this year and tried to tell everyone I was fine...most people don't remember dates this many years later anyway. But finally on Monday night after fighting a headache all day and being so grumpy I went to bed and fell apart...my hiding it worked fine as long as I was busy...but in bed there is nothing but your thoughts to occupy your mind....Alex said he was waiting for the tears and told me he felt like I would be more upset if I didn't care anymore. He encouraged me to "just feel" it's not bad or wrong, and if others don't understand...well, that's their lack of understanding. He was so sweet about it. Grief is something that has been hard for him to understand and to watch me go through. The first few years he just wanted to fix it...typical guy....he didn't want me to have to feel that way and wanted it be able to make it go away. Now it seems that I am the one that just wants it to go away and he now understands that it is better if I face it..funny how things change.

I have to say I have grown so much in the last 6 yrs, it does make me wonder what daddy would think of me now. Would he be proud of me and Alex and our decisions? Would he be proud of my kids? What kind of grandfather would he have been? How close to him would my kids of been? What would they of called him? What advice would he give me right now? That is the grief I deal w/ every year around this time, I am reminded that I won't get any of those answers and that will always make me sad and that is ok. I lost who I was for a while over the last 6 yrs, but I am thankful that God never let me go, He always held onto me and slowly as I was ready, pulled me back to Him. I am thankful for that, and that every situation I have encountered in life has made me who I am today. Someone God is still working on daily, but someone I am proud to be, and someone I think daddy would be proud of too.

So now I am choosing to move forward from the pain of the thoughts and memories of this past week and look to the next anniversary, which holds joy and happiness...Alex and I will have our 6th wedding anniversary in a few weeks. It was a hard time 6 years ago, but w/ all the memories we have created over the last 6 yrs, it is such a fun time for us~

Thank you for listening to my grief as I poured out my heart. Know that I don't stay in such a state all the time...God had been good to me, and I can now say even w/ the pain, I wouldn't change the events of my life for anything, God sees the big picture and He truly knows best for my life, even when I don't understand.