do overs

It's been a long time since I have sat at this computer to express my feeling here on my blog. I have been so busy, sometimes I feel to busy to have time for feelings...so I think I spend to much time pushing them away....so I don't have to think about them. It's interesting to me where life has brought me...so much has been covered in the last decade of my life! But lately I've been feeling that God is in a way giving me a "do over" You know, you do something...it's just not quite right...so you rip out that seam, and DO IT OVER! Can you tell I've been sewing some lately! :) The only thing that seems to stay in the back of my mind is...will this day be a "do over" event for me? SEVEN years...wow, I can't believe it's been 7 years...ago today, I said goodbye for now, to daddy! It was such a quick crazy battle w/ cancer...w/ a long hard goodbye at the end. Today, I find Gary, my stepdad, bonus dad, mom's husband, my kids papa...which ever name you want to give him....fighting the same fight. I feel as this has been my do-over chance. When dad was sick, I was still so young, just learning to stand on my own as...well, so many thing, as a person, as a Christian, as a soon to be wife..but mostly I was learning to stand on my own as a Christ-follower. It was a hard time for me, I really questioned so many thing...mainly being the "why ME" question. I find myself in a very similar place today...but I feel God showing me somethings about myself this time that have been so encouraging. It's like HE has said to me, I'm giving you a "do-over" so you can see how much you have grown in me in the last few years! Now TRUST ME, I am far from perfect...and thankfully I never will be required to be perfect! I have still had my moments...lot's of them, when I struggle with this current situation, but it has been different this time, I have been able to walk w/ more peace...I don't always feel like that every moment...just ask the girls at community group last Thursday! :) BUT, I do know there has been a HUGE difference in how I have approached it time around! I feel like I'm all grown up now! lol! J/K...I am so J/K! I was reading the post I blogged a year ago...it's amazing that it is word for word how I feel today. The emotions are all still there and so real...I miss daddy more and more I think as time goes on...w/ every event that happens I always wonder what he would of thought. With every struggle, I wish to talk to him...just typing those words brings tears to my eyes...and I know it always will...and I also know, it's ok! Well, I am off, to go visit with my grandparents...I want to do something today that I know dad would be doing if he were here!
love to all!...and daddy, I love you and I miss you!