A few moments of calm....BTW I absolutely love my life!

For the moment the only thing I hear is the humming of the washer and dryer and the beeping of the school bus backing up at the corner....you know, I hear those 2 things EVERYDAY in my world...well almost everyday...and I wouldn't change a thing about my world! Funny, I have never thought..."I wish Emma was getting off that bus" BUT ok, I will admit, there are days when I HATE the washer and dryer...even more, the folding isn't my favorite thing at all!...but mostly, I like my washer and dryer, they are really nice and I am thankful for how fast they get their job done...helping me through the despicable job of laundry...if it has to be done, at least it's done fast! I do enjoy that I am able to wash my diapers and not throw them away and go buy more! Soon I will be washing for 2 babies bottoms....not sure how much I will enjoy the cloth diapering then! This is the time of day that Eli is napping (in a BIG boy bed now...whoohoo!) and the other kids are having rest time, I have most of the house in order (we were gone part of our morning...so it's not all done today, but that's ok) I am starting to think about dinner, but still as you most know, don't have much to worry about, it's planned for me, and most of the time my awesome hubby will even be the one fixing it! Have I EVER mentioned, I LOVE the fact that he LOVES to cook! YEP, he wants to do the cooking...some days I feel like I live in heaven over that very fact! Now, mind you, I can do it, and don't mind to much having to...but hey if he wants to...WHO AM I TO STOP HIM! :) I am so thankful that when I stop...like right now...and look at my life as a whole...am feel so BLESSED, you can't buy happiness, and we as a family haven't tried, yet we are there....we are a happy, content, family. Once again, NOTE I didn't say we don't have our trails, heaven help us, we are in the mist of one now...but still even through the difficulties I wouldn't change my world....I love my kids, and having them home...we started swimming lessons today (w/ the plan of not stopping til they are fish) and the swim instructor pulled me aside at the end just to tell me I had the most awesome well-behaved kids he had ever had in class (now mind you, this was the first day...lol...but I am confident he will only love them more as time goes on...I swell w/ pride...the good kinda pride...all the time over my kids. Example, Emma has a little girl in her ballet class that lost all her hair due to a medical condition...and the night they are were given their costumes for the recital the teacher wanted them to wear them in class...all the girls excitedly put on their costumes and hair pieces and were extremely thrilled...except this one little girl, who's baby fine "just starting to grow in" hair wouldn't hold the hair piece... she was in tears wanting to be like everyone else...so what did Emma do, she took hers out, so Sara Beth wouldn't be the only one not wearing hers! Those are moments are a parent you will treasure forever! Those moments when you see Christ in your 5 year old shining through so brightly! Those moments when you know that everything you choose to do "differently" is SO worth it, and all of a sudden you remember why you are being a different parent from those around you, even those who are closely around you, you don't always feel like you fit right....those moments remind me it's ok to be completely different, I want to be completely different....do you?

This week we will come to the 8th year since dad died, it's funny now, it seems like time has flown by...but I remember the day when I didn't think I could survive the week, month or year. Next month Alex and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary EIGHT years (and by then FOUR kids) later, and I love him more now than ever. I can't tell you how of a unique situation Gary's illness and death put on our marriage, what in a weird way was a healing time for me and my relationship w/ Alex. I know it's sounds odd, but let me explain. Dad was sick while Alex and I were engaged, the dr told us to move our wedding date to June and dad would still be alive and there...as I already mentioned, that was not so, so daddy died one month before our wedding day. I know it's unneeded to say, the first months of marriage were hard, we were YOUNG (I would NEVER change that fact) and dealing w/ situations our parents hadn't even dealt w/ yet...the death of a parent being one of them...it was hard. Gary's sickness and death were almost like a do-over in a way, we found ourselves having to work together to figure out how to deal w/ everything that was happening. We had to trust each other and the decisions we were making, to trust each other and put the other first and our feelings and wants aside...It was so healing to me, to have the chance to see our marriage at work in a hard time...It was so healing for me to see him put everything down and love on me, hold me, send me to the hospital or Durham at extremely inconvenient times....times when he totally could of pulled the "but the kids card" or the "not in the budget card" or the "I have a test or plans card" but never once did he do this, he would voice a concern and a plan to make it all work best for our family! I guess all this to say, I am SO blessed to have be given him as my partner in life, and I am coming to understand now, that back then, 8 years ago, I didn't have a clue what God was handing me, but I am sure GLAD He did! :) Alex I love you, and am SO looking forward to the days ahead....I know God has plans for us...plans we can't even imagine YET!

How is mom, I know that is a question most of you are asking...she is mom, she is the most amazing person I have ever met. She has strength can only dream about. She also just lost her second husband in 8 years, she is hurting, she is in constant commune w/ our Lord....she is going to make it! The process of grief is no different w/ your second spouse...I have learned that. Just b/c she "been here" before doesn't make it any easier...in fact in a way it's harder....you know what to expect, and you are caught off guard that even w/ your knowledge it's still EXTREMELY HARD! Please continue to pray for her, but know, she is standing in God's awesome power...given just to those in the time of need.

How did the kids do w/ everything that happened...they did very well, they seems to have a child-like understanding, both of the older ones have at their own times told me they miss Papa and want to see him....Emma has asked who would keep them when Isaac comes (Papa was ALWAYS keep her, w/ both Ian and Eli's birth...by her request) I know she has been thinking about that alot...which of course makes me hurt for her. Eli walked around mom's house the other day pointing at every picture of Gary saying "want that"....super pitiful. But all in all, they are working through it as well as they can....

I could go on, but I see it's now rounding the corner near 4, and I still have things to get done today! Alex should be walking in any time now....SO, I want to jump off! i will try to be back before baby...but as always, I won't make any promises!