tune in for Tuesday~

for some unknown reason I seem to find myself at the computer on Tuesday afternoons....I'm not sure why that is, I have a million other things I could be doing...but here I sit anyway!...I am tired, but I guess because I don't have time for a nap, this is as close to "down time" as I am going to get!

last night we had FPU and in our lesson Dave somehow got on the subject of crawldads...I thought my brother and I were going to hoot! Just the word brought back so many memories, but specially one....I was probably about 12 or so and Nick would of been about 15 and a friend of his Jeff and Nick and I went off through the wood on our farm...and before we were back home they guys decided that they were going to catch and cook (over a fire we made) and eat some crawldads!....no dare would get me to join in on that one! But I totally enjoyed watching them do it! LOL...so we went down to the creek, caught us some crawlers...I did help catch them... and then they cooked them and had their taste!...all I can say is throw up!! lol...

how often do you sit and think about your life as a kid? I mean really, I just realized that I have not done that very often...this past Sunday night at small group we were talking about "generations" and some of the differences...and whenever I am around a conversation about growing up I realize how differently I grew up than most people I am around....I spent my summers stringing green beans w/ friends and watching movies!...the guys had to snap and the girls string!...remember that Brandy!....all the movies we would rent to do beans too!...I spent alot of time w/ friends working on our turkey farm, they would come and help wash drinkers....only Brandy will know what that even means probably!...and the spiders! YUCK! not to mention when we moved turkeys...yes, move them, from one house to another, one truck (dump truck) at a time...lol....so funny! Shannon how did you enjoy your one week on our farm w/ Shaun while we went on vacation one year?....you were like the turkey sitter! lol! but all that to say, I don't think much about my growing up years, I don't know why, maybe b/c it's to hard to think about that life w/ daddy, it's to hard still to think of all I left behind when he died and I got married. Now don't get me wrong, I love the life I have, my husband and my kids, I wouldn't trade them for anything, it does strike me weird sometimes how separate my life now is from my life then....and that makes me sorta sad. It is sad to me that when I read Leigh's blog...I can't even remember the last time I saw her....or even more so her sister Shannon...I have never even met her twins who are now 4!...and to think we used to be in a band(sorta...what was it called?) together! lol...w/ Christian, Kelly, Shaun, Karen and Nick....was there anyone else when we first started?...lol...remember when they made us play at the NCHE...horrible! lol! Hard to remember stuff sometimes...do you ever feel that way? That you have this former life that you have forgotten about? That you are so different now that you feel like those people don't even know you anymore...or wouldn't know what to do w/ you now?...I'm not saying that they wouldn't like me, but I think they would say...wow, she's changed....and I think it would in a good way, not a bad...but there again, if they saw me last year, it might not of been such a good thing....maybe all this rambling is to say that I think I just realize that in the last year I have really grown up!...ALOT!....but then somethings never change, I will spend this summer picking beans and canning....that is one thing I still do every summer, and I love it...I am always looking for someone to help out w/ it...but I must admit it's slightly different now w/ kids then when we were teenagers! lol.... and I think I will be going back to the NCHE this year just to check it out...Emma has one more year before we start school, but I need to decide soon if I'm going to homeschool her or not....again, one of those things I know nothing about...public school and how it works...never been there, but I keep asking myself why would I not want to give Emma everything I had in school!...I did love being homeschooled, why would I not do it for her....am I still that afraid of being "different" that I would put her in school just to "fit in"....? NO not anymore, so why do I even question homeschooling or not? I'm not sure, but I do....

sorry I know that was a bunch of rambling...but that's my brain right now....slightly jumbled right now!....now you know for sure I am crazy...oh, last thing, any of you homeschool mom's want to go w/ me to the NCHE and make it a girls weekend?....

oh and to my Stanly county girls...and Leigh that still includes you....I LOVE reading your blogs and getting glimpses into your lives!...I love blogging just for that...tell your families I said hi and that I miss them! You guys remind we of my roots...something I am very proud of now!...thank you!

lazy afternoon~...lol...yeah right!

So, I have been "trying" to take it easy this afternoon....and right now I am sitting on the couch w/ my feet up on the coffee table (who of ya'll even knew I had a coffee table now..lol..I'm moving up in the world.) so I have my feet up and I'm on the computer...Emma is also on the couch w/ her computer...Ian is "helping" Emma work her computer, he has positioned himself between me and Emma....Emma is now frustrated w/ Ian and has told him to help mommy instead!...LOL..thanks Emma! So now here we sit, w/ Ian saying over and over and over...help Mommy, help Mommy, HELP mommy!...he has his pointer finger out and ready...lol! He cracks me up!...
Emma on the other hand just asked me where the "Y" was...then she says "E" "Y"...that's the name of the baby!....cute, she thinks EY is one of the baby names we like(it's actually Eli), but in her mind I guess it's EY...update, Emma has now taken her computer to the floor in effort to get away from Ian, who has just followed her saying "ewn elp, ewn elp!"(Ian help)....she is trying so hard to just ignore him!...he keeps pressing the off button, just like a brother, to see how much he can annoy her!...soon she will have a desk in her room, so she can put it up there and get it away from him! Now Ian is just saying...no ush buttn....over and over! HAHA, that won't last long!...and when Emma doesn't know an answer she asked Ian to answer! lol! they are so funny! I needed a good laugh this afternoon, I just didn't know all I needed to was to sit on my couch and watch my kids....Emma just told Ian to "stop talking she is working" lol!
I better go and rescue my kids from each other!, just thought you might like a peek into the conversation around our house!! LOL

yuck!~~~throw-up!

where oh where have I gone....I know that is what most of you are thinking!....lol...WELL...this baby is kicking my butt! I have been so sick w/ this one...I now realize how spoiled I have been up til this point! With Ian I wasn't sick at all....I guess this is pay back! SO if I have any spare time I am spending it sleeping!....that doesn't leave much time for blogging...

I hate that too....b/c I have had stuff going on that I have wanted to sit down and blog about...things I am learning.

So as quick as I can....what's been going on in my world....we had an awesome day on Sunday...our church had it's 2 yr anniversary. We had baptism in the afternoon, then Alex and I got to spend some time together shopping and dinner...then we went back for a night of praise and worship....at which I got sick!(at least I like to sit in the back)...but not fun excusing myself from Alex and Kim to go loose my cookies!....lovely...and I was volunteering..and as soon as I came out of the bathroom I had "duties" waiting!lol...atleast I KNOW it was "morning sickness" and not a germ!....anyway, as much as Satan tried several attempts to steal my joy....it didn't work! I loved every minute of the day!

Monday night we had our FPU class....we are taking it again as support for our family that is taking it!....I so enjoy Dave and his concepts so much! I so love the encouragement I receive from him....and they have re-done the DVD's since we took it the first time and it's fun hearing new things!....so one thing he said this week was....happiness was like the bully in the school yard. It will always move the "line to be crossed" Then he used the analogy of kids as an example....I'll be happy when I have kids...I'll be happy when this baby sleeps through the night, I'll be happy when we don't have to do diapers anymore, I'll be happy when they go to school....I'll be happy when we have 2 kids....I'll be happy when they aren't toddlers anymore.....and so on...I think you get the idea! WOW...as a mother of preschoolers, I needed to be reminded that my happiness doesn't rely in "stuff"...not even in my kids! Now I have never been the mom to wish my kids lifes away....in fact I'm the mom who dreads the idea of sending my kids to school...and won't put them in preschool b/c I don't want to be away from them that long...go ahead and insert your judgment here!..but I do know that sometimes I think of how much "easier" it will be when my kids are older! But on Monday God quietly reminded me that I need to focus on the now....and on contentment through Him alone...not in stuff, not in friends, not in status, and not in the things to come....so that's that for Monday!...oh and I did not throw up on Monday!...thank you Jesus, even for small answered prayers!

Today!...I had BSF...have I told ya'll how much I LOVE BSF? LOL....oh I have..only once or twice right!? lol....I am so excited over the foundation that BSF is giving me...I love it...and I love learning about Jesus....He is more awesome to me now than ever before! I truly wish that every person I know could come to BSF.....if I could only convey half of what I am learning you would be signing up tomorrow....but I don't even know how to give it justice....their is so much to grasp....
In our lecture each week our teaching leader gives 3 main principles and if I could just take those alone to heart then I would be doing excellcent! This weeks 3 principles were 1. God has given enough signs to establish that Jesus is Messiah. 2.The truth of Jesus Christ comes from God. 3.Following Jesus Christ involves sacrifice now, glory later. Now w/o all the studying we did through the week from Matthew 16 and the questions we were asked in our study you will have a hard time understanding what those mean....but the 1st comes from the Pharisees and the Sadducees asking Jesus for a sign from heaven...which Jesus refused to give....the 2nd comes from Peters admission that Jesus is the Christ the son of the living God...and the fact that all our understanding about Christ is given to us from God through the Holy Spirit, and that is why unbelievers can't understand our commitments and values. and the last one comes from the end of Matthew 16 where the verse challenges us to take up our cross and follow Him and the true meaning of that and how we try to make that idea fit what we want and not what Christ wants for us...that we have to be willing to die for Christ to truly follow Him....are you willing to do that? To literally give up everything?....hard and convicting! I love how full I feel when I leave BSF...I have enough to chew on for a long time...before I'm done chewing, it's time to go back and chew some more. I have to admit, there have been some situations in my life over the last few days that I have been struggling w/...but I now realize that chewing on those things and not the things that Christ would want me to chew on....well, that's just wrong. Especially when I'm not the problem or the answer to those other issues!...I am now going to choose to chew on what I learned today and how I can apply it best to my life...what is Jesus meaning for me to learn today!?
I hope to be back blogging a little more....but I'll just have to see!
love to all!
oh...and so far...no throw-up today!....yeah! THANK YOU JESUS!...and Susan, I have my head on a little better today! lol!

a hidden blessing

So a few post back I said I would tell about Emma and all the questions she had from "Grandpa Eddie going to see Jesus" Well, I am sitting here watching the Super Bowl and playing on the computer(so not watching the TV so much!) and I was thinking about Emma and all her questions...well everything she has taken in over the last few weeks! So...I am sitting here amazed at her thoughts, her detailed thinking...here is some of the conversations...let me set it up first. We waited until we knew for sure that Eddie would be passing away (he chose to discontinue his treatment)...then we went to Emma and told her that Grandpa Eddie was very sick, not like she or Ian get sick, but a different sick and that he was going to be going to see Jesus soon. We coupled that announcement w/ a book that Alex read to her (what happens when we die by Carolyn Nordstrom) and awesome book that explains death very well...it talks about being sad and missing the person, about burying them and about going to heaven if you believe in Jesus...it talks about heaven and how wonderful it is...that it is better than your birthday or Christmas morning! So that was step one and she didn't ask many questions at that time...only if "Gran" (Alex's mom) was going to be lonely. We told her she would be sad and that we would need to give her extra special hugs. Later that night before bedtime, Emma and I had another talk about it...we talked about who she knew how was already in heaven (Aunt Kelly's dad and PawPaw Ken) we talked about Jesus and how much He cares when we are sad and I asked her if she would be sad...she said no :)...but that Gran, Mimi and Granddaddy would be.
A few days later we were going by Cathy and Eddie's house and on the way she asked me if Grandpa Eddie was in heaven yet and I told her no, not yet...she wanted to know how he was going to get there...I told her that Jesus would take him...and then she asked.."BUT HOW WILL THEY GET THERE?" Her AWANA verse for the week was "The word of the Lord is right" so I asked her what the word of the Lord was....she said....the bible....and I asked who the Lord was....she said...God/Jesus....and then I told her that the words in the bible were to us, from God, and that the bible tells us that if we believe in Jesus, that when we die we will go to heaven, that I didn't know how we would actually get there, but I knew we would, b/c the word of the Lord is right! She excepted that answer! WHEW~ Next, we had to tell her that Grandpa Eddie had gone to see Jesus, her response was "oh, that's wonderful, he's all better now?" I wanted to sit down and cry at her child-like faith, she only saw the process as a good thing, not a bad thing! She and Ian stayed at my mom's the next few days, at one time she asked my mom "Do little children go to heaven?"(again, amazed at how much she thought this through) Mom told her that sometimes little children do go to heaven, but most of the time little children grow into really old people before they go to heaven!...I must admit, I'm glad mom got that question and not me! lol! call me chicken! On the morning of the funeral I had to drop Alex off at the funeral home early and then take the kids to Susan, who was watching them while we were at the funeral and there was a grave yard across the street (the one Eddie is now buried in)...again the questions started...the first was "mommy, what's that place w/ all the pretty flowers?" and I told her it was a special place where people who had died were buried...she asked if Grandpa Eddie was going to be buried there...I said yes, she wanted to know if that was where Daddy and I and Gran were going that day...I said yes, she wanted to know if Jesus was going to be there! I told her yes, and I could see in her eyes she was thinking...(if Jesus is going to be there I don't want to miss this!) She asked if we would be able to see him, I told her no, but that He would be there b/c he lived in my heart and her daddy's heart, and in Gran's heart and PaPa (Gary) and Grammy (mom) hearts and that Jesus would be there b/c He was there w/ us. She wanted to know how to see Jesus...I told her we could see Him through the way that people acted, if Jesus lived in someone's heart, then He should shine through!~(convicting myself in the process I might add!) to that she said "Sometimes I do bad things....I tell Jesus I'm sorry when I disobey" I told her that everyone does bad things, because we are all sinners....and that is why God sent His Son to die for us...to which she piped in..."on the cross" I went on to tell her that b/c Jesus died on the cross for us that we could ask Jesus to come live in our heart, that we needed to know that we sin and that we do bad things and that only Jesus can forgive us for our sin! Her response was that "she needed to do that soon" I knew this meant she was going to think about all of this information.
About a week later, she came back to me and out of the blue she told me, "I asked Jesus into my heart"...when I questioned her she said she didn't say much, but I know she was been thinking...I haven't pushed her, I know she is young, and I will wait for God to open the door to talk about it again. I know that at 3 1/2 she only has a little understanding, but I also know that she in her own way has an awesome faith in God and Jesus. This whole issue started as an introduction to death, but it turned into an awesome chance to present her w/ the living truth!...it has been awesome! and exciting!

opps we did it again!...lol!

Ok so this time, unlike w/ Ian, there was no oops about it! But yes we are going to have another baby! As many of you know we have been "trying" for a while, and we found out last Tuesday that all our hard work :) paid off!

It looks like our addition to the family will come in the fall...my due date is September 30th (my mom's birthday!)....but as most of you know as well....I don't tend to have my babies on their due date...but rather weeks later! haha...so hopefully we'll have another baby before Halloween! LOL! So the fun has begun of trying to guess what it is....another girl, or another boy! I have always "known" and so far always been right!...I fear trying to guess again, as a friend of mine, Dawn, was just like me and got it right the first two times, but then w/ her third...thought it was a girl, and found out it was a boy....I just don't know if I can be right a third time!

So here is what I think...I want it to be a boy, b/c I think it will be easier to put a boy in w/ Ian, than a girl in w/ Emma, but my heart...gut...whatever you want to call it, says it's a girl!...so I guess we'll see....I have actually thought about not finding out this time!...lol...again, no promises! but why do I need to know this time? I most likely won't be putting it in either room for a good while, so what's the hurry in knowing?...and that way I won't get a lot of clothes that it won't ever wear!...lol....not to mention we won't have room for many clothes anyway!

So pray for us when you think to, I am not feeling so good, and I have 3 little ones to chase!....we are starting to think about moving, and I get stressed just thinking about it....if you know of a good deal on a house, let us know! Also I am taking Ian back to the allergist today, he is not doing to good either, so I hope to get some answers today!

tears in his eyes

Do you ever have moments (for those of you who are married) where you are sure you love your husband now more than ever? I have those...every once in while...lately it's been more often....and I want to tell ya'll about one that made me SO proud of my husband...although it might embarrass him a little!
Last night we sat and watched a dvd that he had put together for his mom that was of her husband Eddie....he had spent the evening very productively making this dvd, editing it and watching Ian all at the same time....he was not only super-son but super -dad too!....after the kids were in bed, we sat down to watch it and he quickly found himself in tears....now if you know Alex, this isn't a common thing for him...he's just not a crier! I think it even surprised him a little....but I know he is not looking forward to his mother dealing w/ this loss...he has seen me deal w/ grief and I know he dreads it for her too.

Ok so the above was written a little over a week ago today...that night I didn't have a chance to finish my post...and I am just now getting back to it. Alex's stepdad, Eddie, past away this past Saturday morning, and we had the memorial service yesterday! I just want to say a thank you to all who were there for us, w/ phone calls, emails, flowers and food. and a special thank you to Chelsea and Justin for coming to the viewing (it was so nice to see the face of friends!) and also to Susan for keeping the kids and answering Emma's questions! lol...I couldn't have done it w/o you...thanks for letting my time w/ Alex and his family be stress free! and lastly I would like to say thank you to Weddington Community Church and Pastor Blake for all you have done for Cathy and Eddie over the last few years and especially over the last week...the food was enough to feed the 5000....thank you....the support you showed her was so great....thank you....your obvious love for her was breath-taking....thank you! I am so grateful to ya'll for everything!

my next post will have to be about all the questions Emma has asked through this process....as I mentioned above...she has been asking. She has talked to a few different people....people she is comfortable with talking to, mostly, me and mom, but also Alex and then she talk to Susan too....it has been really amazing how much of this she is able to understand...defiantly alot more than I thought she could...I have loved her child-like faith attitude...it is so refreshing!....but more on that later!

what's that?

that was the first thing Ian asked this morning after he got up....! Emma's reply was IT'S SNOW!....mommy can we go and make a snow angel? Poor thing, all through Christmas she kept asking when it was going to snow, to which I had to explain over and over that it didn't snow everywhere at Christmas time just some places....now it has finally snowed here and it's raining and she won't even get to play in it!...not to mention that she and Ian both have runny noses!....yes, again....poor Ian...I know I'll be pulling out the mask tonight....it's not even been two weeks since we stopped using it from the last cold! I have had one disappointed girl at my house today...she has been so cute about it, one time she told me that she wasn't mad that there wasn't more snow, just a little frustrated!....lol....ummm wonder where she has heard that before! Then later she said..in reference to the snow...."well, God knows best!"....thank you Elevation Ekidz for that one!...lol!

Ian on the other hand, every once in a while will walk over to the window...look out and say "snow????"...he'll look as far as he can as if to wonder where it stops!...SO funny! We have had a great day at home, we have played lots, made bracelets, washed and folded clothes...something that is so fun to do w/ Ian!..he now likes to stand at the washing machine and watch for his teddy to spin around and around...then says "tul teddy tul!" (twirl) but hey atleast he doesn't stand there and cry the whole time like he use too!...lol....the kids picked up the house of all their toys while I did dishes and didn't fuss about doing it!...an accomplishment in it's self!...the both went down for their naps GREAT...I think I want everyday to be snow day!....it's so peaceful~I think when Emma get's up from her nap we'll settle in for a movie and some popcorn (she always up about an hr before Ian) then dinner and more play w/ daddy....probably a great night for hide and seek w/ the flashlights!...life is fun!...hope your days has been as much fun as mine!

picking rocks

This week at BSF we learned about the parable of the sower found in Matt.13 WOW so much to learn from one parable!....for me I realized that I have truly been called out of rocky soil....into good soil. BUT, to make it from one to another....well, not to state the obvious, but the farmer (Jesus) must remove all the rocks. You see I can't do this alone, I can't decide to be like Jesus and expect that to be all there is to it...yes I must be willing to change, I must be willing to change at all cost...getting up earlier, going to a bible study where the bible is actually studied, reading my bible, praying, giving things over to God and leaving them there, choosing not to sit in my self pity....I must be willing to change these things, BUT, I can't decide to do that one day and expect the next day to look different. I can't just decide and it happen,....otherwise I will just be trying to do it on my own, and we all know that doesn't get us very far! Instead, I must allow God to show me what steps to take, allow Him to pick the rocks...so I can be removed from the "rocky soil"...which is the soil that causes us to have shallow roots in our faith...If I let Him pick the rocks instead of me, then it will be a lasting change, a real change, a change HE did, not me. How do I do this....??? Well, that is the question I have been wondering about over the last few days...and here is the answer I feel God has given to me....just do it...what is it?...give it over, pray, pray, read my bible, and then when God moves me through the holy spirit, just do "it"....do what HE says....if it is forgive, then forgive, if it is get up earlier, GET UP....that's the one for me!..lol...if it is open your eyes and see how you are really acting, open your eyes and admit it!....if it is read your bible, READ....seems so simple, yet I think this is something we all struggle with...you hear the saying "realizing it is half the battle"....well sometimes I think we forget about the doing it part....we can't ever change (we'll always be the rocky soil) if we ignore when God talks to us....b/c He can't remove the rock's if we aren't willing to UN-earth them...and if we will truly read and study God's word, HE WILL SHOW US what our rocks are..love ya'll

a life of regurgitation

So....today at BSF our teaching leader made this comment that has struck me so funny and yet SO true!....it has set my mind to thinking! ALOT!

"After you are regurgitated you are wiser!"...now I know you are thinking....what kind of bible study are you in?....?....? But hang w/ me for a minute! We are in Matthew 12 and it has a reference to the OT in it, which is about Jonah and his time in the belly of the big fish. So she made the comment in reference to Jonah being wiser about obeying God after he first disobeyed! and I thought WOW....how many times have I looked back and realized my disobedience....after I had been regurgitated...after I had to learn some hard consquences. I know for me I can look back at the last year and realize that there was alot of "regurgitations" I went through and I am sure God will tell the big fish to spit me out again in the future....but hopefully I will be able to remember this funny phase and realized that I need to lean on God for help and answers before I even find myself in the belly of another fish. How often I walk forward...thinking....I know what I am doing, yet God is calling to me, telling me to go the opposite direction from where "I" am choosing to go....yet He every time will send my storm and then my "big fish" to stop me where I am and tell me again (when He has me in a place I am ready to listen to Him) what HIS desires are for me!....isn't it amazing that He loves us all that much to do this for us over and over until we learn...
My questions to myself and to you is....What is your "big fish?" What is swallowing you up...stopping you in your tracks....waiting for you to release it to our Heavenly Father....preventing you from going to the next step of faith?...What has you eaten right where you are...that you need to let go of, so that you can be released back into the arms of Jesus and His desires for your life....what is it that God called you to do that you are running from....and b/c you are running the other way there are storms in your life...storms that effect you and others around you....storms that will cause others to cast you overboard and into the mouth of the big fish? What is it that you need to stop running from today so that the "big fish" can regurgitate you and you can continue on forward in God's will?

"Thank you Jesus, for regurgitating me...over and over again....and for not allowing the big fish to just eat me as I deserve! I love you...You are an awesome teacher"

DISCLAIMER: Sorta sad I feel the need for this....this in no way reflects teaching from BSF....this is only what I felt God speaking to me from the lesson I heard. I know some may read this and think I am nutcase and that's ok too!....it's not for you, but more for me, and my need to express what I am learning/hearing from God. LOL....God know's my heart!

over the last year!

Last night, Alex and I went to a special night that Elevation does quarterly....a night that they just decided to call "presence" a night that is similar to our Sunday mornings, yet different too.....but all GREAT! SOOO....the pastor's wife spoke for a moment and she said exactly what has been in my heart for the last few days....WHAT A YEAR THIS HAS BEEN. I look back over the last few months....well 12 months and I think wow....look how different! I know speaking for me personally, not much remains the same....I feel like a totally different person now than I was a year ago! and I am so excited to report that....that is a GOOD, no GREAT thing! I know I have come so far in learning who I am, who God wants me to be, I am content w/ my life, I love that I don't have to be in charge of it...no one here on this earth is in charge of my life....my Father in Heaven shows me, who I am, what I am and what I am going to be doing! I love the simplicity of that whole idea. I don't have to worry about it, I'm not suppose to. God is in control of it, He decides what it looks like for me! I know that I still struggle w/ this concept sometimes, but I know that He is working in me and I am still learning! He is teaching me not to worry about what's next, just to trust HIM! As I leave this year behind, I know it will be a year I will never forget...a year of triump, failure, hurt, rejoicing, crying, learning, forgiving, loving, living and above all surrendering to God. I am leaning forward excitedly toward the new year, I am eagerly waiting to see what God has planned for my family next! I know that it will be exciting and I'm sure a new learning experience! LOL! :) Last night I was challenged in a indirect way to let go of MY expectations, and walk into the new year only thinking of God's plans and expectations...this is something that is hard, especially in one area of my life...that area being the fact that I...note the I...had planned to be pregnant by now, but that hasn't been God's plan, at least not yet... But I know that God has asked me to let go of the situation and let Him be in control....it's not up to me...it's up to Him and Him alone!...not that I won't be trying my heart out and loving every minute! lol! But I guess all in all this is the last thing of the year that God has asked me to surrender to Him FULLY. Funny how things work out, I know that in the last year He has asked me to surrender everything...slowly, over time, first my marriage, then my church, then my lack of self-confidence, then my friendships, then my kids, then my expectations of my life/world/kids/husband...expectations in general that were wrong, now my desires for another baby....How great is our God that He even knew what I could handle when, He never ever gave me more than I could handle....He kept showing me His desire for ME, as I could handle them!
Thank you Jesus for showing me my need to change, for letting me learn at my pace, for leading me through my "growth." For showing me that when I give it over to you that YOU alone have to power to make it SO much better than before...in everything there is to deal w/ in life! I love you Jesus! I trust you Jesus! As Emma always tells me (thanks to Elevation) GOD KNOWS WHAT'S BEST! I am choosing to walk into the new year clinging to that fact!

My prayer will be that God in His infinite wisdom and power will bring to you exactly what you need in the next year to come...hold on tightly, He is awesome! Remember you are loved!
Happy New Year!

backed in a corner!

So if you haven't noticed, it has been a while since I blogged....lol....well, that is because I sorta backed my self in a corner...not sorta, I did! LOL. I told the world that I would post on "Christian character" LOL....I know, that was dumb! But it was already out there!....I didn't want to take it back. BUT here is the problem, 1st. I knew the blog would take a good amount of time...which doesn't seem to be something I have had a lot of lately! 2nd....and most importantly, I haven't had a clue how to start, or finish, my post! My first thought was..."who am I to tell others what Christian character looks like!" I am surely not there, w/ most of it myself....people are going to think I am being so snotty! I started a blog to get myself out of it...yet it remained un-posted! lol...I asked God to help me out, to show me a polite way of avoiding/ignoring it...yet, that didn't seem to happen either....I kept thinking about it and praying....oh the stress and thought I have put into it!....and to think, blogging is suppose to be fun! lol!

So I have finally been given peace about what I am to say, yes I am going to blog about Christian Character, BUT I am not going to be using my words! This way, you can't get mad at me, or think I am being Pharisaical....I am using Jesus' words...straight out of the book of Matthew!

SO here goes! Matthew 5:21-48
You have heard that the ancients were told, "You shall not commit murder" and "Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court." "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever shall say to his bother, "Raca," shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever shall say, "You fool," shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. "If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. "Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, in order that your opponent may not deliver you to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. "Truly I say to you, you shall not come out of there, until you have paid up the last cent. "You have hard that is was said, "You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. "And if you right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, then for you whole body to be thrown into hell. "And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut if off, and throw it form you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for you whole body to go into hell. "And it was said, "Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce"; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, expect for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. "Again you have heard that the ancients were told, "You shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord." "But I say, to you make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is the City of the Great King. "Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. "But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes' or 'No, no'; and anything beyond these is of evil. "You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." "But I say to you, do not resist him who is evil, but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. "And if anyone wants to sue you, and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. "And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go w/ him two. "Give to him who asked of you, and do not turn away from him how whats to borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same? "And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect!

So these are Jesus' words to the disciples....there is more in chapter 6...go there and keep reading. I don't want to try and "tell" you, what this is saying, but I do challenge you to think on them and pray over them. I have studied them in the past few months at BSF, and I now find myself referring back to them often. I believe that God shows each of us what our own Christian character looks like....we all have different make ups....therefore it will look different for all of us....I know that sounds confusing, but let me see if I can explain....It clearly says that we shouldn't commit adultery in the physical form, but then Jesus also tells us...if we do it in our mind it's the same thing.....well...that's where it gets a little tougher. Because what might make me go "there"(in my mind) might not make you think about "it" at all....see what I am saying? An example, when I was first studying this, I clearly came to realize that TV was a "stumbling block" for me, there were many reasons, so I chose to do what the bible said....which was "cut it off" LOL...convenient that in this situation it applied so well! lol....so I decided to turn off the TV for ME...that did NOT mean I asked Alex to stop watching TV or that I think anyone who does is wrong, it means I needed to remove it from MY life.....that doesn't mean if you read this passage that you "should" hear the same thing, no not at all, you may hear something completely different, that is what I mean when it is "different" for everyone. You have to do what you are told from God to do, not what you think someone else thinks you should do....you are only accountable to God and His word, so if while you are reading this passage and feel the Lord speaking to you, then heed what He is saying and He will bless you for obeying!

Ok so I hope I have gotten myself out of my corner, I hope this gives you an idea about christian character....now I can go back to enjoying blogging....actually, this wasn't bad....I do enjoy this topic, but it did take a few times of sitting down to finish it!....But then Alex is off from work....from the Friday before Christmas through new years.....so I have been spending a lot of extra time w/ him!...sorry it took me so long to blog....and I won't be back again before the new year! lol! Love to all~ and happy new year~

surprised by joy

One of the things I enjoy about our teaching leader at "bible study fellowship" is that she has these "one liners" that make you think for the next week! Two weeks ago she used the phrase "surprised by joy" and talked about just that.....that we as Christians should live a life where God is able to surprise us w/ joy. She talked about different miracles that Jesus preformed and how they effected those different people differently, but yet in the end they were all "surprised by joy" As I left that morning, I wondered one thing, how many times have I been "surprised by joy" and yet chose to not look at it that way at all?....how many times has the way I perceived things dampened my joy? How often does Christ hand us joy and we choose anger, sour, pity, the marter syndrome , or one of those other options? Lately we have heard alot about the lack of rain, but have we stopped to think about all the water we do have? We don't live in a place where we have to walk to a "watering hole" for water. No we have clean water in our house that is still at our disposal....yet we complain that we are having restrictions placed on us at all....like our cars really need to be watered(not to even mention, thankful that we have a car)....where is our joy for what God has given us? Now this is just one of many examples I can think of....don't even get me started on Christmas! lol

Emma and I have been talking about all the children that don't get to have Christmas presents. I want her to understand that isn't not about the presents and that not every child get presents at all! I want her to understand that she is blessed, that God has given her her own blessings and she should be thankful for that....at this time in her life, something she can understand to be thankful for is Christmas and presents. We have talked about how we would feel if we didn't get anything for Christmas...to which she would be "very sad" and how we should be thankful for everything that God gives us, yes, even Christmas presents. That no she isn't more important to God than the children that don't get presents, but that she should remember to be thankful for the presents she gets and that she needs to be content w/ the things she was given and not always "want" more. Now I know you are thinking...why are you putting so much information on such a little girl? I believe that she is totally able to understand these ideas and I want her to learn it as early as possible...yet as I think about the concept as a whole I realize that not many adults have learned it, including myself. That we tend to be a very self-serving, self-indulging people, we don't think much about what we do have, but more on what we don't have. As I wondered about my lack of joy I realized it's because I can't receive it, how can someone receive joy when they can't be content w/ what they have? If we can't stop wanting more then when do we even give God a chances to "surprise us w/ joy" If we can't "wait" for anything, then God never gets a chance at all....and joy is hopeless to find!
So my next thought was...."what is stopping my joy....my surprises?" What is in my life that prevents me from receiving joy? and how do I change it? I don't have a right to "want more" if God never gave me another thing from this day forward, He is still worthy of all my praise and glory and devotion....so why do I put expectations on Him? Now understand I totally believe in A. S. K....ask, seek, knock....but there is a difference in A.S.K. and expecting...don't you think? The bible tells me to A.S.K., but it never promises the answer will be the one I WANT it to be, it says delight yourself in the Lord...but delights original meaning is to "desire" as in desire to do what's right in God's eyes....if you do that then He will grant you to desires of your heart.(and a little side note....he tells you to delight first...THEN..He will give you the desires..He wants you to act 1st)...but if you are desiring to do what's right in God's eyes then your desires and His desires will be the same....does that make sense? So my bottom line is....if I have a desire in my life that doesn't add up to God's desires for a Christian, then maybe I need to step back and make sure I am "delighting" in Him....and question why my desire doesn't add up to His...then remember that He owes me NOTHING, on the other hand I owe Him EVERYTHING. I MUST be content....and if I am He will be able to surprise me with JOY....how wonderful that could make my holidays!....my prayer is that everyone will be able to be surprised by some joy this Christmas....what a great gift we would all be receiving.

So I guess the last thing to cover would be....what exactly are God's desires for a Christian? Even as I type this I am excited to go back over my notes on this thought...we have already studied it....but I want my facts to be straight and it's getting late!....so that will be for the next blog! lol What do you think are God's desires for a believer?
good night :)

writers block!

not that I am a "writer"...but lately I just can't find the words to say, I have a few things "un-posted" that I am working on, but I'm not ready to post yet, I haven't forgotten about blogging all together, but I feel like my mind is muddled a little....I'm just going to wait it out, until I'm certain what I'm to say....pray for Ian, he's being allergy tested on Monday afternoon, and can't take any of his current allergy medicine now...so he's not a happy camper....pray that we will finally get some answers!
I'll keep you posted! lol

what a trooper~my trooper!

No I'm not talking about one of my kids. I'm talking about my husband. Somedays I am hit so fully w/ the reality of all Alex does for me, for the sake of our family! I SO appreciate it and I don't tell him that often enough....so since he's asleep and I can't tell him...I'll tell the world instead! Yes it is not even 10 pm and he has been asleep for a couple of hours. WHY...well he had to work 20 of the last 24 hours! and has to be back at work in a couple of hours (1AM!)....he's had an unusual week to say the least! And on top of everything I have a "get together" for my bible study here in the morning and he's going to be taking the kids for me....then I have another meeting/party w/ oogles and googles on Sunday night and then another "girls night out" w/ my hmmm....what do I call them now...saying my "old MOPS table" sound bad....I'll just call them my girls! lol! So on Monday night I'm off w/ my girls for some yummy kubotos!...(kudos to Tracy for picking one of my favorite places to eat!....and lot's of kudos to her for keeping us together, nine monthes prego and all!...you are the world's best DGL!)...once again I'm leaving Alex w/ the kids! Now granted all these events are unusual for me and him...I don't normally have much going on at night. And he normally works a regular day!... I normally choose to stay home in the evenings b/c I like to spend as much time w/ him and the kids as a family as possible...and he normally walks in the door around 4...but all this stuff just sorta fell together as it has....and he is so graciously letting me go and not say a word...not one little bit of complaining. In fact today while he was working he kept calling to check on me b/c I was stuck home w/ 2 kids w/ colds(Ian and Emma) and 1 w/ an upset stomach(Savannah)....I think I set a new record for using up kleenex' and baby wipes!....lol!...and he called a couple of times to check on ME! I am loved! And to think that he worked late yesterday, came home after a 12 hr day, then got called back at 11:30pm and didn't come home again until 4 this afternoon and has to be back at 1 this morning....he even helped me give the kids a bath!....yep sorry, he's mine and I'm keeping him...so no he's not for sale or rent!
Alex, thank you for taking such good care of me...for choosing to take an adventure w/ me....for choosing me!. I LOVE YOU!

a story of my determined girl~

SO for those of you who know Emma....I know you can imagine this right along w/ me! Two weeks ago on a Monday night we went to get Emma ears pierced. This is something that Alex and I decided to do as part of her Christmas, but we wanted her to be able to receive earrings for Christmas and since I wasn't going to make her and wasn't sure if she would go through w/ it, we decided to do it early so we can change her earrings for the first time at Christmas.....so here is the story
a few months ago Emma started asking about earrings often....she noticed mine and her cousins Savannah's....she asked how we got them...did it hurt? When did I get mine....Why didn't Jesus "just put the hole there" and about every question you could come up w/ she asked. I always answered her questions and then she would go on about her day and that would be that. Finally the day came when she asked how do you get your ears pierced? and I told her the whole process....not leaving anything out....I told her that you go to the store and pick out the earrings that you want...you sit in a special chair...a lady puts dots on your ears and then they put a box up to your ear and snap it and the earring goes in. and she states..and that hurts...?...yes, I told, her like a shot, it will hurt, but only for a minute then it's over....this kept her quiet for a minute, then she looks at me and says...mommy, I'm ready, I want to get my ears pierced...I wondered if she had heard me, so I restated the obvious...it will hurt. Her reply was...but only for a minute...I told her I would need to talk it over w/ her daddy.

discloser:all of the above was said so that everyone would know that I didn't trick my daughter into thinking that it would be fun and w/o pain, I gave her a FULL picture of what this would look like before, I didn't pressure her to do this....she wanted to...enough that she was willing to take to pain!...end of discloser! :)

So we make a trip to Libby Lu on a Monday night...I worried about taking her at night, but it worked out perfect, we were the only people in the store the whole time...on the way in "grammy's" car....(she wanted grammy to go....for support I'm sure!...although I'm not so sure grammy was thrilled to be selected for this trip! lol....moms is a softy...but wait to see who's even softer!) so on the way Emma was very quiet...not a scared...well I'm sure a little scared, but more determined. When we arrived she was excited and loved getting to pick out which earrings she wanted...she warmed up to the ladies who were working...which by the way were AWESOME!...they told her what they were going to do....which was exactly what I had told her...she seemed reassured....they put her in the chair and again she went completely silent....TOTALLY DETERMINED! It was almost laughable, I saw how much she wanted this...she sat there looking so small, like a cat wanting to bolt, but yet she was going to sit there and get her earrings....no matter what! So they got the dots on and lined up and they put the box thingy (I am glad it doesn't look like a gun anymore!) to her ear and told her they were going to count to 5....but gave a highsign to mom and I that it would be 3....(I knew this would blow Emma's mind...she is trusting and doesn't like things to not go as she is told....so I held my breath and waited....1...2....3...SNAP!...4....5...6...and then it was as if it hit her. Her eyes got so big and the tears followed. It took them a few more seconds and then she was straight into my arms...looking at me as though I had betrayed her....I of course felt horrible...I knew I had told her, but I felt like I broke her trust in me somehow. She left me for Grammy and they walked around the store to find a mirror...which she refused from "one of those ladies"..as she called them later! LOL...I realized that she wasn't mad at me...she was mad at them...in her mind they lied to her and that was that....(I almost feel the need for another disclaimer....I know they had to do that...they didn't want her to flinch or pull away...so they needed her to anticipate 5...not 3)but in her mind, there was no understanding of that at all....they lied, that was it for them. So we left and went to get her something to drink. I was carrying her and as we passed the cookie stand she says "mommy...I think I'm hungry too...." I almost dropped her I was laughing so hard....it sure didn't hurt her quick thought process at all! Next we were off to children's place where I had promised to let her use a perks coupon instead of a cookie. She picked out a purse that matched her Christmas dress and 2 hair bows...one of which HAD to be green to "match her earrings!" I called Alex to let him know it was over and successful and told him about the cookie idea to which he wanted to know why I didn't get her one!....so as you can see Emma did great w/ getting her ears pierced....mommy and daddy are still recovering. LOL

I think all in all it was a great experience for her, I imagine she won't even remember it when she grows up, but I know I will never forget it. I know this is only a small dose of what I will feel when other people hurt my baby girl, and that makes me dread her growing up....but to see how well she did w/ this, I know she will be able to handle whatever the world may throw at her....and hopefully she will know that mommy and grammy will always be there for her to cry on...just w/o the shopping trip! lol

November 17, a day I'll NEVER forget!

I can't go past the date of November 17th w/o saying "Thank you Lord Jesus for my husband and for letting me keep him" Two years ago today our lives were changed forever, ever since that day I have been so thankful(fitting that it falls so close to Thanksgiving!) for what I have... and I understand how fast things can change! It was 5 oclock in the afternoon, I got a phone call, I thought it would be Alex calling to tell me to pack the car and get Emma ready...for we were suppose to leave for the beach on that Thursday afternoon/evening....instead it was our neighbor Joe who worked w/ Alex...I knew something was wrong! He told me, Alex had fallen and I needed to come to the hospital to "pick him up"...to get Emma ready, not to go to the beach, but to the hospital....he would call me back and tell me where they were taking him! No I didn't panic...not yet, I got off the phone and called my mom and asked her and Gary to come and go w/ me, I called a friend...actually I think I was on 1 phone w/ her and Joe called my other phone.... and let her know and asked her to pray....and I waited....not knowing the seriousness of the fall...which I found out later was thanks to Alex telling Joe exactly what to say to me so I wouldn't freak out...imagine, my husband laying on a cement floor 2 stories up waiting on the EMT...not moving, clutching his one wrist....thinking clearly enough to tell someone what he wants me to know so I won't "worry" about him....and you wonder why I love him so much!....so the second phone call brought more info....CMC downtown....why? it's not the closest hospital....b/c there might be head trama....what?....well he was awake the whole time, that's a good sign....ok??.....I think he might of "sprained" his wrist and broke his nose!(which was one of the things not broken...his nose! :)...ok...how far did he fall?....about 17ft....but it could have been worse...he landed near a elevator opening...he could have gone down another floor!...
So we trapse off to the hospital..I received a phone call...from who I can't even remember, but I was told it was on the news...that freaked me out a litte....I also received a call from our pastor b/f I even got to the hospital...our church at that time, really stood behind us through everything going on, to which I will forever be greatful for. When I reached the hospital I found Alex's mom (she worked there so she was able to be there when the EMT's arrived) and a dr came over to talk to me, they were doing x-rays and I couldn't go in b/c of being pregnant. I stood back and watched in horror as they tugged on his broken lims to do x-rays...they waited to hear. The dr's came back and started talking about surgury and I still didn't even know what was broken....
Ok so this could be a way to long story so I'm going to start the fast version!...one fractured wrist on the right, one "crushed into 17 pieces wrist on the left" one broke left knee....and 2 surguries the next day w/ a doctor who said Alex would never play his guitar again...I realize now he was probably wondering why I wasn't just glad he was alive!....one week in the hospital! One 7 month prego w/ a tilted pelvic bone...me, one broken man...alex..... one 16 month baby girl w/ a horrible bout of broncitius ...Emma.... and one awesome set of family and friends...12 weeks of "non-weightbearing on all three lims....3 months living w/ my mom and Gary...5 months of physical therapy....back to work 1 week before 1 wonderful baby boy was born! 5 months until back playing the guitar as wonderful as ever! Our God is a big God...
As I approach thanksgiving week I come again to ponder everything we went through in those months....tears of thankfulness come to my eyes...because Alex should have hit his head....only by God's hand did his hardhat stay on his head...if it hadn't he would of hit face first. instead he didn't even break his nose...or hit his head at all. OSHA told us of a story of a young husband that fell less feet and hit grass that is now living his life in a wheelchair...yet this isn't what happened either. Everytime I think back to everything that happened and how horrible it was, I just have to stop and thank God that HE brought us through and it could have been so much worse.....truely I could/should be facing this Thanksgiving w/o a husband....that is something I can't imagine....I know from now until forever I will always remember to be thankful for what God has given me every thanksgiving....b/c Nov.17 will always fall right before, and I will never forget how close I came to loosing the love of my life that day. Thank you God for what you have given me...I am grateful!

bye bye "nana"

ok so I know one picture is off center....but I'm not changing it! LOL....some pictures from mom's house....my three Christmas cuties....I know it's early! Check out Emma "loving" her brother! and then Emma and Savannah's "pose" to funny...so girlie...sorry Sam, Emma's being a bad influence! And lastly....Emma telling Savannah something...secret's I'm sure....it's so fun that they will always have each other and will be great friends!



So I am guessing all of ya'll are wondering where I went.....well, I can't really explain it...I just needed to take a break for a while....I didn't need to stop watching tv and then get completely sucked into blogging all the time....which would sorta defeat the purpose of "not letting tv control me"....if I just let blogging control me instead!....I know....WHAT IS MY PROBLEM! In the last few days God has revealed to me...why I have been walking this path of letting go of some things...like blogging and tv and things that aren't "necessary" and no blogging isn't necessary of me...although I do enjoy it. God has revealed a new project for me....maybe two new ones....although the 2nd will be for a later post. So my new project....well that's probably not a good way to label it....she isn't a project she is a sweet beautiful little girl who looks just like her aunt! Starting on Monday I am going to start helping Nick and Sam out w/ Savannah in the mornings! I am excited to do this for them and I think Savannah will fit right in w/ my two kidos...she just turned 2 and is only 3 months older than Ian...so it's like I will have a set of twins!....it should be interesting! and a fun adventure! I just wanted to let everyone know....so if I don't blog again til next month you will know why~!....no I'll do better than that, I'll probably have alot more stories to tell w/ three to keep track of!
Emma and Ian are growing so fast...they have just hit this phase where they LOVE to play together....I can remember about a year ago asking my friend Dawn "when will my kids start to play together like yours do?"....(her kids are the exact same ages apart and exactly one year older than mine....so her little girl is one yr older than Emma and her youngest son one yr older than Ian)....she always encouraged me that "it WILL happen....in about a year! :)...and it has happened! PRAISE GOD! I am loving this new found play!....it's so cute to sit back and watch too. Yesterday I was in the kitchen and saw them sitting on the hearth in the den and each of them were holding a baby....Ian's was a boy..no one freak on me!...and I asked Emma what they were doing and she told me "we are waiting on the Dr. to see the babies"...to which Ian added "wwwait....octor....uuuhuh!"...so on they sit...for like 3 or 4 minutes. Next I hear Emma proclaim to Ian...."I'm tired of waiting...let's go, our babies don't really need shots!"...Ian's responds "NO hots...NO"...."GO"..and away they walk back to Emma's room. I just laughed at them...but soon to follow was some muffled whining from Ian and I walked back to Emma's room to see what see what was up and found them both in her closet w/ Ian wanting to get out and Emma very persistent to Ian that "we're not there yet, you can't get out of the car!" although Ian held his own w/ a confidant "out NOW....NO CAR NO....OUT!....I was able to convince Emma to find a different car that didn't need the door to be shut...she decided that she could make the bed a good car too....so the drama was over....I have to admit they are such fun right now. Emma is learning to organized and is learning how to write....Ian is learning a new word or 2 or 3 a day right now....he's new game is to pick up everything and name is....bunny...cat....boat....I love it! He had also entered this phase where he says bye to everything...."bye bye ball....bye bye couch" again SO fun! The funniest is that if he is saying bye bye to a person he always says "bye bye Nana" and for a long time I couldn't figure out what he meant...who "nana" was....well he finally helped me figure it out, the other day we were looking at our Christmas pictures online that we just had done and Savannah is in them w/ the kids and he looks at a pic of her and says...."mommy...that Nana!"...w/ a very smart look on his face is says...."bye bye Nana!" SO for some unknown reason he thinks that he's suppose to say "bye bye nana" to everyone!....who knows! but it's funny! I must say I am constantly reminding myself how much I love been a mommy and I am SO blessed to stay at home and watch them grow!

my country punkins

for halloween this year I was being cheap and was going to let the kids wear the same costumes as last year...they still fit ok and Emma loves them so much...I thought heck why not! LOL....but it was to hot to wear something fleese....SO at the last minute we changed our complete outfits! OH well, it worked out! Savannah was going to be cowgirl...which is a way of life for her, not so much a costume, but we were going to the trunk or treat at First Baptist of Indian Trail w/ Nick, Sam and Savannah along w/ Sam's parents MawMaw Michelle and PawPaw Dennis (as my kids call them!) Dennis and Michelle took their truck and decorated it like a barnyard!...so cute, they won 2nd place for the best decorated!...anyway...all that to say that the kids ended up being my "country bunkins" decked out in their JD hat and shirts...w/ freckles and all!...I must say they fit right in w/ the family!

oops

so I forgot to mention that there are some pics at the bottom of the page too!...They came out really big down there and of course I like that so I put a couple I really like down there!

Trunk or treat pics to come soon!

shh...I didn't want anyone to know

So after I wrote my blog the other night I got a "I'm worried about you" talk!...and I realized that I didn't define my idea of a struggle very well!...sorry Susan, I didn't mean to worry you! :)
My idea of a struggle is something that I might be "fighting" w/ God or myself about. You know when you know you are suppose to do something you don't really want to do, or you know God has asked you to do something and you just don't want to do it!...and sometimes it looks more like..."what am I suppose to do....please God tell me!....those are my "struggles."

Tonight I want to share one of them...well it's sorta 3 in 1. God has showed me through several different circumstances that I need to let go of TV. This is something I knew He was asking long before I obeyed. It was something I didn't understand why He was asking me to do it....and I didn't want to give it up plain and simple. and I let this turn into a "struggle" between me and God....I can be stubborn :) Of course He knows that and yet He still loves me! Instead of saying to God, ok...I don't understand, but I will do what you ask...I whined and pouted and said..."where's the timeout chair"...sound familiar? Why the big deal? Well there were a couple of things...1st I didn't think I could go a night w/o the TV whatever would I do to spend my evening?....lol I know, don't even say it...2nd I worried how I would explain it to others and how they would take it.....and 3rd I just like TV! I have "my shows" and didn't want to miss out.

Now for what I have learned since I turned the TV off. 1. I am spending more time in the Bible and more time in my bible study and I find that my evenings are very full, I find that I always have time for my husband! and that when the phone rings I'm not mad that someone is interrupting my show!...2. that just b/c I have turned off the TV doesn't mean everyone should and I'm not asking anyone else to do the same...not even Alex, I am responsible for me and my obedience to God, He asked me alone to do this and I am the one who will be rewarded for responding. 3. I like other things just as much as I like TV! So I believe that the struggle to obey was totally part of the process, and I am so glad to have the struggle...although I would have learned these things much quicker if I had just obeyed. I learned that TV controls to much of me...if I don't want to answer the phone or talk to Alex while or because the TV is on....there is to much control and I need to only be controlled by my Saviour! God calls each of us to do certain things and that may look differently for each of us. I am the only one who can determine what God has called ME to do. This past week at BFS we learned about this very thing...something that may not bother you at all might be a HUGE struggle for me as it could be the other way around with another situation. So we all need to know what our limits are....and for me, TV isn't in my limits....maybe it won't be forever, maybe it's just a season until I am unattached from the shows I know aren't right for me, but for now, it's a big temptation to watch my shows if I sit in front of the TV at all, so I won't!...Matt 5 says if your eye offends you cut it off....thank goodness that is a "word picture" and Christ is really saying "remove it from your life" so I have removed TV b/c it was offensive to me! I hope ya'll can understand what I am trying to say here....but I want to be open about what is going on in my life and heart. This is the "commitment to God" I didn't want to tell anyone about b/c I know it's different and I don't like to stand out, or be judged, but I know this is something God has asked me to do, and I want to be obedient so badly!

Pictures!

I am so excited, I figured out how to add pictures today, I can't use Safari...mac...but if I use firefox I can add pics! I can't wait to get some more downloaded and on here....stay tuned for more to come....I am a picture freak by nature! lol!

jumbled.....

For now my brain seems to be fried, I am in the process of like 5 things I want to blog about, but don't seem to be able to seperate them in my brain, sorta like everything is scrambled up there!....yeah yeah , I know some of you are thinking "what's new"....go ahead and get that out! Ok so I guess I'll be back at it when I can think straight!....it might take a while...lol...I can say that, you can't!

I am in a learning mode right now, I am struggling to keep up with all that I feel like God is teaching....I sorta wish I could tape it, so I could go back again and again. I am struggling to keep a commitment I made to God...something I have told few about. I am struggling w/ the idea of being countercultural, I like to not stick out, and I can't be both. I am struggling w/ the idea of being differant b/c God called ME to be that way. I am struggling w/ what people will think of my "differant" even though I know the bible tells me it doesn't matter what other's think of me. I am struggling w/ the fact that I care what others think about me to much. I am struggling w/ the idea of confidance in my Christainity. I should have loads of it, if the length of time I have been a christain had anything to do w/ the amount(which it doesn't....my human-ness thinks it should!), yet I find that my confidance is small....and I don't want it to be. I am struggling to believe that if I know God has told me to deal w/ something a certian way that I am to do that....at any cost!...that confidance thing again.....and on and on the struggles seem to mount. I know that this is how God is teaching me, if I didn't struggle w/ these things then I wouldn't learn them and what they mean to me, I am so greatful for the process, but I also seem to like "settledness" and am struggling w/ the lack of that feeling. Last Tuesday my mom asked how the BSF lecture went...and I say...."well, I didn't leave feeling "good"....I left feeling heavy-hearted" Now you might think naw, no thankyou, not for me....but if I hadn't felt such a prick in my spirit...which I had been chosing to ingore through many other lectures...then I wouldn't have felt that way...I have spent most of last week trying to decide what it was all about....I couldn't put my finger on it, but I am getting there....it was multiple things....like the things I have just listed....we have been learning so much in BSF, I sometimes find it hard to keep up and it sure makes for a lot of things I find that I need to change in my life. I have loved it SO much...I have NEVER FELT SO STRECHED IN MY LIFE....it is awesome. I spent alot of time in a complacant place for the last 5 yrs, something I take full responsiblity for and am not proud of, but now I find I am learning and growing and at such a fast pace that I can't seem to grasp it all....which I find a wonderful change to the previous! In the next few post I want to talk about the differant things I am learning more in seperpated themes...but for now this is it....I am going to spend some time w/ my hubby!.....

Freaked them out, cracked me up!....must be a mommy thing

Tonight we went to the fall festival at Sardis Baptist Church.....the kids had so much fun. The CUTEST thing was when Emma, Savannah and Ian did the obstacle course.....they had a blown up one where you climbed a little wall, then went through a little maze then under a bar then through a tube....it was SO FUNNY....they were TOO CUTE....everyone around was stopping to watch them.....and they wanted to do it over and over! The funniest was Ian wanted to be first SO bad! Kudos to Sardis for doing a great festival, we really enjoyed it!


SO I haven't had many blogs about Ian, I know he is the younger and not talkn' to much yet, but he deserves some spot light too. So what can I say....he is ALL BOY, and I love every bit of it.! Although today he kissed his cousin Jackson and I thought Alex and Jonathan were going to freak! But it cracked me up....come on Mommy and Grammy want bye kisses....doesn't everyone?.(Todd, I promise I won't let him kiss Davis! LOL) Ian is totally differant from Emma, He is outgoing, and very friendly to others, not reserved, he loves to talk, althought it's not much English yet....mostly Ian language, which can be very difficult to decode!....he is a total copycat of his sister, and truely believes he can do the same things she can including pottying! He loves to make people laugh, the more you laugh the longer he will do whatever it is that is making you laugh! (a good and bad quality!) He is such a sweet boy, but also starting to test his boundries....always seeing what is allow and not! and then retrying to make sure I remember too! He responds well to "no"s and normally chooses to walk away. He has a easy-going personality, which reminds me of my dad. He has some of my dad's personality, which is very cool to me. Dad didn't upset easily, but when he did stay out of his way!...Ian seem to have acquired those sames traits, but not all....for if you wake him from his nap....watch out....if you keep him from his meal....watch out.....if you keep him out to late....watch out. BUT if you keep his little perfect world in order then he will be all smiles and laughs....just don't rock his boat! Or take his teddy for that matter, he has this teddy (2 actually....b/c after Emma I got smart!) and he takes his teddy everywhere...actually this past week one of the teddys spent the week at Elevation in a box I'm sure! I hope to bring him home tomorrow!....so teddy even goes to church...we tried to leave him in the car, but the teacher asked for him....teddy is popular! lol....oh well, he won't take it to school....of course if I homeschool then it won't matter...I'll hide it before he gets married! LOL
I have recently decided to start taking applications for his wife, I can tell now I will need to hand select her (especially if teddy is still around!)so if you want to want to apply for your daughter send it to my email and I'll let you know in about 18 years! LOL J/K
I love being a mother to a boy just as much as I love being a mother to a girl...a friend told me once that there is nothing like the love of a little boy and I agree...now if I can just get him to show that love to his sister I'll have it made! I can't wait to watch him grow and see what's next, the words, the bugs and worms.....the balls and bats, the mud and stains....bring them on, I love every minute of it!
If I can get my computer to let me download some pics....something which must be a "mac" issue....then I want to download some of Ian and then some I have of my dad...they looked so much alike at the same ages...my grandmother always told me that Ian looked like my dad, but then I got some old pic and he really does...it was amazing...same smile that's for sure! He was so laid back as a baby...well even now, it truely does remind me of dad....I told people when he was a tiny baby that I wasn't sure how I was going to tell him "no"...it would be like telling my daddy "no"...but I figured it out! He is one of those kids that when told "no" he sticks out that bottom lip as far as it will go....then looks at you w/ those big blue eyes and totally pouts! It's all I can do to keep a straight face! He cracks me up! Ian, you have brought such joy into my life, I hope as you grow up you will NEVER doubt how much I love you! and I will always take your kisses! :)

...Christmas is just around the corner

Growing up, my favorite time of year like most kids was Christmas.....it was always fun, my mom's mom, my "G-mama" was a HUGE lover of Christmas and she always loved to tease me about what I was getting. I am very safe to say I LOVED CHRISTMAS....until
6 years ago
and ever since I have battled depression, confusion and dread.
UNTIL
this year! Let me go back and give some history to the last six years....my birthday is in November and 6 years ago I was in school for photography and did a project on progressive "phototelling" which was to tell a story using photos....I did my story on Alex and his mom making my birthday cake....b/c I love birthday about as much as Christmas!....that night we all got together for my birthday at my grandparents house b/c that is where my mom, dad and I were living to take care of my granddad...(G-Daddy).....so in the middle of my party, dad excuses himself and goes to the bathroom and get's sick....the first sign that something is wrong....and a night I will NEVER forget. So on toward Christmas we go and we are now at the first of December...the 13th actually, and I am sitting in a waiting room w/ my mom and starting my wedding invitation list and we get a call from the dr. to come back where my dad was having some test run....we were told to expect an ulscur (sp?)....as soon as we saw my dad he started saying....no matter what you are told, know that God IS in control and we will always give Him glory...I knew in my heart that it was bad, but never dreamed what we would be told.....from then forward Christmas turned into a nightmare...that was 6 yrs ago
5 yrs ago was my first Christmas w/o him....I couldn't even tell you anything about that Christmas...well I can we did it at our house....we (mom, Nick and I) couldn't bare to have it at my grandparents house w/o my dad or my G-daddy. Nick, Alex and I gave mom a cat for Christmas and the rest was a blur....
Then for the last few Christmas' I know I have just survived....Emma's first Christmas (2004) seemed to be a turning point for me, then the next Christmas Alex was in a wheelchair and I was back to barely surviving. Last Christmas once again a turning point......BUT I still couldn't shake my past and the pain that came w/ the memories.

THIS CHRISTMAS....will be wonderful, I know in my heart that it will be. I am excited about the coming holiday, I am ready for my birthday and Christmas. It will be a Christmas fully of memories...new ones and old ones. My God has worked in my life SO much over the last few months....through BSF, through new and wonderfully honest friendships, through a completely fresh relationship w/ Alex....and by the way I didn't say perfect....through constantly showing me what I looked like to others the last few years, through His love always being there and His willingness to let me learn and relearn His principles, through His willingness to allow me to make my mistakes and then allow me the priviledge of His Holy Spirit to prick me and guide me through the depression, the confusion and the dread. I know I have had a belief in Christ for a long time....but, He has given me a renewed ownership to my faith, one that excites me, awes me and makes me so thankful to be a Christian.
Now I'm not saying "lucky" me...I woke up one day and my life had done a 360 over night....b/c that wasn't the case at all....this process has been long in coming....probably for the whole 6 years...I know God has always desired this for me, but my human-ness slowed down the process for a LONG time. But for the last year I have be in a full fledged fight w/ God...His patience and love overwhelm me when I think about it....But once I felt I was at my lowest, He lifted me up, as though I heard His voice say...."are you ready to listen to me now?" and I was, and the change, though slow, came.....I couldn't be more happy about that now....I am learning weekly what my calling is, it's not perfected and I am FAR from perfect, but I am renewed and excited about that!...I am walking in His contentment and where my birthday and Christmas are concerned, I now know I can surrender those things also, He has walked where I am walking, He know's my pain, His was greater than mine....He is beside me and I don't need to dread anything, but instead walk joyfully in His grace....b/c He loves me and nothing else in this world really matters.
I challenge everyone to walk through the holidays stress-free....I know stress, and it's just not worth the time.....but Jesus is and He wants to walk w/ everyone of us through this season! I hope my story of pain and discontentment will touch the people who feel the same way, and that you will turn to Jesus to take that pain from you...He tells us to "cast our burdens on Him because He cares for YOU"....He loves you enough that He willingly came to earth as a baby and walked through our life on earth just so He could understand you and your experiences....then He died for you!....never doubt His love!

sometimes I act like my 3 year old!

Ok so do you ever have those moments as a parent that you stop and think.....does God feel this way about me sometimes? I love my children and would die for them in a minute, just as God gave everything for me when He sent His son to die for me. I desire for my children to be well behaved, happy, and well-adjusted...hehe if there is such a thing. Just like I know my Saviour wants for me. But somedays my kids do things that make me shake my head and wonder if they are getting anything I am trying to teach them....so this is Emma's newest thought process!

Today after lunch, Ian is already in bed for his nap and Emma and I had been working on her "preschool pages" a book I got for her, for us to work on together, we had finished the pages and she was cutting them (to pieces!) which is what we do to keep from just wasting the paper (it's let her cut it or just throw it away and her cut blank paper instead!...genius I know! lol) So when she started to cut her paper I told her "Emma in 10 minutes it will be "rest time"" aka nap time! I set the clock for 10 minutes (so I wouldn't forget! lol) at 9 minutes I gave her a one more minute....so all that to say she knew what was coming.....the timer goes off and I say, "Please put your paper in the trash and go and use the potty" to which she sweetly says "no" it's not a mean no or a snotty no, it's not a no that makes your toes curl, just no, almost like a "no thank you"....BUT one thing we have been working very hard on lately is not talking back AT ALL, but obeying immediately....so I turned and looked at her and said "Emma, I'm not going to ask you again, but I will give you a chance to think about the answer you gave me, or you can go and sit in timeout" to which Emma says "Where's the time out chair?" As I stood there....trying not to laugh.....for she was serious.....it struck me...it had to be my holy spirit.....how often do I do that to God.....I did it even tonight. God will be teaching me something.....I will start to disobey, He gives me a "warning" and I just say....where is the timeout chair?
Ok so next thing is.....she went and put herself in time out (don't even think what a good little girl!) and about 30 seconds later, she says "mommy, I'm ready for you....come and talk to me!" You see, when Emma goes into timeout she stays for 1 minute for every year old she is....so 3 minutes (although I'm thinking about adding 30 more seconds for 1/2 a yr! lol) and then at the end of her time out we "talk" about what happened and what would happen if she does it again. SO she puts herself in timeout and then is "ready" to be done and wants me to come and talk to her so it can be over! AGAIN I was struck by how much this is what I can do w/ God. I say "I learned" and want to just forget about it, to be done w/ it, and I now realized that He's prabably thinking.....Not quite!....just like I was w/ Emma. I knew she didn't feel remorse for what she did, it was all a "game" at the moment for her, she wasn't learning anything, she wasn't sorry and I was sure she would do it again. How often are we like that? We receive a repremand from an experiance, say, I'm sorry Lord, I've learned and then turn right around and do it again. Now like all parents I know learning is a curve, it doesn't all happen at once, but as the child, a child of God, it is my responsibility to look at my "warnings" and lession and take them to heart. To hear the voice of the Lord and actually listen to it and not selectively as my kids do, but to take what I hear daily from Him and apply it to my life! And the next time I act like my three yr old, stop and realized that I am acting like my three yr old and God is once again trying to teach me and it's my job to "listen and obey!".....(which is my pet phrase I use w/ my kids!)
disclaimer.....my three yr old is an AWESOME little girl! I want all to hear that loud and clear! I am and always will be her biggest cheerleader! She is sweet and tenderhearted, she loves to learn and loves Jesus so much already! I am so blessed....which I learned means totally satisifed.....to have been given her, I love every experience I have w/ her and can't wait to see what God's plan for her is going to be! I love her child-like faith, her trust and her contented-ness w/ life! Her biggest "dreams" right now include pierced ears, being a ballerina, and going to "Lva'tion church" (elevation) and don't forget "iwantta cubbie cubbies" (awana cubbies) :)....that should complete her list along w/ the constant planning of her next birthday....yet content that Jesus' birthday and her brother's will come first! She truely is one awesome kid!

painting, not so peaceful! LOL

Ok so today I had this bright idea that I would get an early start on Christmas presents and go and let the kids paint some pottery....I planned it all out w/ a good friend of mine, Chelsea and we took our kids four total and went of to ClayEscapes (which by the way is an AWESOME place....they are my heroes!) So in my head, I invisioned....lol....atleast I'm laughing about it....now.......so my vision! My kids sitting together, w/ paint brushes in hand, sharing a platter for grammy and having the time of their life....hehe. YEAH RIGHT. So reality, Emma, she did ok, whined alot today, and only half-listened, but still sat, well sorta, and did seem to enjoy painting! IAN on the other hand, screamed the whole time, and I thought he was going to bite the lady (ms. ashley...I'm SO sorry!) when she tried to do his handprint on the platter! lol....let's just say he didn't take to well to his hand being painted! he kept saying NOOO....NOOOO, and tried to tuck his hand under his chin!.....I was at the point that I wanted to crawl under the table....I know ya'll are thinking that his little, but you weren't there! Ask Chelsea....yeah her kids were great, ok well mostly! lol....Anderson was perfect! as always! and Anagrace was good to, the girls just wanted to touch everything and all I could see was $ signs floating around and the idea of paying for the broken stuff! So now that I am home w/ my kido in the bed, I sit here and think, WHY in the world did I have that image in my head, that we would go into a pottery place in and my kids would be happy to just sit and do nothing but what I tell them to do....seems so dumb when I say it that way! Hmmm, guess I'll have to think about that one some more. If I had, had a better idea of how it would have really been maybe I could/would have better prepared/steeled lol myself for the event! yeah right! lol
Ok so here is the funniest part of all! On the way home I explain to Emma, that what we did today was a surprise for daddy and grammy for Christmas and it was a secret.....lol.....like I said, atleast I'm laughing!.....so as soon as Alex walked in the door Emma says...."daddy I painted a mug for you and it's a secret for Christmas!" GREAT! All my hard work and now he knows! i didn't think to tell Emma that a secret means we DON'T TELL DADDY! LOL I asked her if she knew what a secret was and she says
"a present we give to daddy at christmas"???? She had no clue! It was so funny! Oh well it's the thought that counts....once she realized that she wasn't suppose to tell, she goes back to Alex and says "daddy I need you to forget I told you about the mug I painted for you.....but it's green!" I about hit the floor that time!.....SO FUNNY! Never trust information to a 3 yr old!...although she did better w/ grammy, she didn't say anything, but I had moved her on to her christmas clothes by the time grammy came for dinner, so I guess the platter was off her mind! lol....I'm sure she will remember soon!

praise and grief....good and bad.....which one to deal with first!

I find it interesting that there are mulitiple times in my life that the good and the bad, the great and the sad comes at the same time. Like when my daddy died, he died on May 6th and I got married on June 9th, a little less than a month later, I didn't know how to take the comment at the funeral "I'm so sorry about your dad, but congrads on your marraige" as you can see, those things don't mix well. I felt, like how am I suppose to be happy and sad at he same time. I revisited those same feeling when I actually got to my wedding day. I should have had the most exciting day of my life that day, but instead there was a HUGE void...the person who should have walked me down the aisle, my cheerleader, my daddy was not there, yeah people told me he was there in spirit, but for me he wasn't there, he let me down.....and it was extremely bitter-sweet. The next time I felt this way was when Alex had his accident...I was SO greatful he was alive,...I understood very well that he should have been dead...but I honestly didn't know how I would walk the path of recovery at that time.....it seemed never ending! Well, it has happened again and this time it has been interesting to seen how differantly I feel and deal w/ it. On Friday we received an answer about our car....and praise God, it was an amazing only God answer! If you know Alex, you will have to check out his new ride! lol :) We (Alex and I) prayed for his accident to not have a negative affect on our family and that we might be left in a better place than before.....God answered us fully! and we are so excited, not just about the car, but being able to see God's hand in something so clearly is amazing and so exciting! Also on Friday Alex received his promotion! (sorry I have to brag a minute!) He is such a good worker and God has given him such an ability to understand technical things....God has blessed him so much in the last few years w/ his job and I know in my heart that it is b/c Alex takes his responibilty as head of our house so seriously. He has an undying need to serve our family and to make it possible for me to stay home and raise our children. Thank you Alex for that, I love you!....SO as you can see we were flying high on Friday, we went out Friday night to celebrate and had so much fun!
Saturday I found out that Kelly and her brother and sister had been called in to her dad's house and her dad passed away on Saturday afternoon....it was alot soon than they expected...of couse it wouldn't have mattered if it was another year, you are never ready to loose someone! I hurt so bad for Kelly, I know what path she will have to walk, but tears, the pain, the disappointment, the need to see and talk to him, and the total not understanding that she will face in the next weeks, months, years, it makes me numb for her. I sit here and think, why does good and bad come at the same time? I would love to be on the high still from all the "good," but yet the "bad" makes me sad, understandable so, but it's no fun to do both at the same time. Becca told me that I should be thankful that it's not just bad all the time, and you know she's right, it could be worse, it can always be worse! So that is what I am going to do, be thankful for the "good" and just walk through the "bad"....you know we can't grow and muture if there is no "bad" stuff, to make us more grateful for the good.

when to say nothing at all!?

SO I received a phone call today from my sister-in-law. She just found out that her dad who has been fighting cancer for the last few years, has decided to stop or not continue treatment. As she talked, I could hear the pain in her voice...not knowing how to think or feel about it was how she felt. She wants to honor her dad, but I know....I know she doesn't want to loose him. I talked w/ her for a good while, but knew in my heart there was NOTHING I could say that would make it better...nothing. It is SO hard sometimes, when we want to be able to help other people through their struggles, their hard times, but how? I mean really....I have been there...NOTHING anyone said made it better. No one, not even the doctors could help me for real...they couldn't stop what was happening. In fact, they promised me if I moved my wedding, then my dad WOULD BE THERE...but he wasn't! As I talked to her, I felt the need to say something to make it easier...but I realized that I couldn't, and it is at that point that I think we tend to say things that don't help...we say..."God know's best, or God knows what he is doing" or something along those lines....but honestly....THAT DOESN'T HELP! I know that right now...all she can think is....yeah right, if He knew what was best, he wouldn't be taking my daddy from me....what about my kids, what about me....I need him....his love, his support...HIM HERE! I know that telling her that it's part of God's plan for her life doesn't fit right now, it will be while before that information can be understood...I still have a hard time believing that sometimes and it's been 5 years for me, in fact...even as I type those words about "needing her daddy" I sit here in tears....it never goes away...she will deal w/ this the rest of her life! SO instead I found myself "trying" to be real w/ her and telling her that she needs to go and be w/ her dad as much as she can and to cry w/ her dad and to tell him she is angry that he will be leaving her....to talk, to cry to yell if she needs to! To say to God..."I"m mad,...I don't understand" He is a big God and He can take us mad....He already knows it anyway! Then I came to the point when I couldn't say anything at all....b/c nothing....nothing will change it...
Kelly, I love you, and I am praying for you as you walk through this valley, I know your pain, and hate it for you...I will be here w/ listening ears when you need me...I am crying too! One verse I clinged to is Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord w/ all your heart, lean not on your own understanding (b/c you will NEVER understand) but in all your ways acknowledge him and He WILL direct your path (even when YOU can even find the path) I love you.

stretched......

So I am feeling really really stretched right now.....there are two events in my life where I feel like it is going to never end!...the first is the "car stuff" it seems that nothing is going right and that is mostly b/c nothing seems to be going at all...It will be a week tomorrow since Alex's accident and NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING has happened. Alex and I have been praying that God will take this situation and use it to further us in a way that no one will understand how it happened but through God...and I truely believe that is possible. But I am struggling w/ the "human-ness" if that is a word, of the situation. Alex talked to the adjuster today and it seems that nothing can be done for another week unless the "insured person" chooses to call in the calm. the "insured" has up to two weeks in the state of NC to call it in and then if they fail to do so, then the insurance company can at that point make their own decisions. SO we are waiting.....and hoping and stretching! lol
The other thing is that Alex has been up for a pay raise for a while now and yet it seems to continued to get pushed off....so last week he found out that the raise was entered in the computer and his next paycheck will reflect it, but we STILL don't know what it is....then he finds out it's b/c his boss wants to "announce" it publicly b/c he's also getting a promotion....who knew....but WHAT IS IT!....that seems to be the mystery! lol
I say laugh out loud to both of these situations b/c the one thing I struggle w/ is the unknown. I like to know everything coming and what it looks like and it seems that God is once again trying to teach me to stretch myself and be patient...haha it's a good thing I believe that w/ God all things ARE possible!....but I think He is once again saying to me....FOR THE LAST TIME....TRUST ME! or maybe "ONCE AGAIN....TRUST ME!....so I wonder...why do I struggle so much w/ that issue? I have seen God take the hardest situations and use them for His glory. Why do I struggle w/ weather He will do it again?!
I told some friends today that I struggle w/ the "small prayers" I feel like I have had so many "big prayers" in my life that little things seem just that "little" and that I shouldn't bother God w/ them. It's almost like I only trust God w/ the big issues of my life and not the small. I don't know...something I will think more about.
I know that God is defantly trying teach me to keep things in perspective....but I am struggling w/ what that looks like at all. I feel confidant that God is in control of this car thing, but then I can't seem to fully take my hands off or mind off of it and let Him fully be in control. I can't change anything right now, I can't make the "insured" call it in...I can't make the company move any quicker....I can only give over the control of the whole thing to the Lord and learn and keep the right attitude. I can't make Alex's boss tell sooner than he want's and if he want's it to be a big deal for Alex then I don't want to take that away from him....God may have a reason for it being longer than shorter....He may be waiting only for me to fully surrender to His timing and in not doing that I am the one holding up to process! Today in our lecture at BFS she talked about God only giving us bits at a time and why.....I know I can only handle bits at a time and am thankful that that is how He choses to give it to us....but it does leave me wondering what the "next" will look like. and for me I think that is His plan, He wants to see me trust and have faith in the here and now and let Him and only Him think about the future and what it looks like! SO my lession for today has been to fully surrender to God and His plan and to not look to the future but the now and how I decide to preceive it! It's my choice to rejoice or be gloom and doom! I choose rejoice!