So the kids are at awana and the baby is in bed already, Alex picked up the house earlier and I find myself with nothing to do....that just never happens, I'm to tired to start a project, so I thought I would jump on here. Isaac was up a lot last night, not sure why, we ate dinner at souper salad And I am wondering if they spray their lettuce with something....otherwise I have no idea what it was all about....he fussed a lot today, but went to bed well tonight, we'll see! Hoping he will settle down and do well tonight. The dr called and all test were clear and I can start egg in mh diet...I'm honestly not sure how I feel....I don't want to interrupt the good thing I have going, oh but to eat a cookie....hmmmm....so torn!
I don't want this blog to turn into a only about isaac thing, so I am going to move on! I have a question for anyone with a little guy, when I say little, I mean small...peanut....kinda little. Eli is 2 1/2 and he is tiny....he weights like 22 lbs and is well, I'm not sure how tall...but it's not tall at all...he's still wearing 18 m pants and they are long....anyway, he hasn't gained weight in 6 months now and I don't want to worry, but....any thoughts? He is doing great otherwise....he is talking well, still hard to understand, but trying (Emma understands most of what he says) he is well rounded heehee just not very round! He did seem to have a hard time for a while, but let's face it, our whole family had a hard time for a while....screaming babies effects everyone after a while! But he has settled back down very well for the last month or so....our whole house has. I tell people I feel as though we have re-entered the land of the living...and I appologize if you feel as though you were dropped by us in the last six months...it wasnt intentional, we were in survival mode. The mode is switching and you will probably be hearing from me soon, I am finding i want to venture out again! HA!
So Ian...turns 5 soon, oh so hard for me to believe! He is signed up for soccer, which he is excited about, it will be the first time on a "real team". That boy melts my heart and he has a personality that reminds me of dad so often. He loves school, and last night he wanted to do Emma math fact cards....so fun, oh and yes, he totally could do most of them! He is my model, or should be, so fun to take his picture...and so easy....everyone turns out perfect....if only they were all that way.
Emma informed me the other day that she is now 6 1/2 heeehee oh those were the days, remember when that 1/2 mattered so much? She is my hero....she never gets mad at the crying...she has the patience...wow...beyond her years for sure! We are loving school, I am so blessed that I am able to learn from her. :) She is super fun to be around and wise beyond her years. I will work on some pictures soon, but I can't from my iPad, so it will have to wait til I am on the other computer!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Wow...I am averaging 2 post a year! Ha
AND I don't think it will get any better any time soon. Wow, I had to stop and read what i wrote last, and I admit, it brought tears to my eyes, it's funny how somethings don't chance...ei...your calling, and others change so fast! Last time i did a recap of summer, and now I will give a recap of fall/winter. September is where I left off...fall was a blur really, lots of runny noses and a screaming baby about sums it up...we were told Isaac had a casein allergy...stopped nursing, started a hypoallergenic formula...he stopped eating, called a friend in tears and cried sooooo much that night. Started nursing again on a restricted diet...he was a little better, restricted diet more, he improved again....started dropping unwanted pounds...a bonus side effect of crazy diet! Ha..at six month well visit, we decided to go see an allergist to see if we could find some answers. Expected to find allergies...there were none, but since seeing gi dr we knew he had blood in his stool along with crying times as if he was in a lot of pain....ezema....and abnormal stool...sounds fun right. So more test were done, along with introducing rice cereal...heehee...yeah so every time we would give him cereal he would scream with in 30 minutes, like he was having his insides ripped out of him. So we stopped cereal. All test were back and normal, so it's not allergies....it's FPIES, what is fpies well it's food protein induced enterocolitis syndrome...whew a big label for such a little guy. It's a clinical diagnosis, as there is no way to actually prove it, he has yet to have a "full blown" reaction, but most don't until they actually ingest the food and since we aren't doing much food yet we haven't been there...so we are still nursing and have added in oatmeal, apples, carrots, and pears successfully. The allergist decided to follow this protocol because he fits it perfectly and all the food I have eliminated from my diet are all on the food trigger list for fpies. All the way down to the most common being rice...crazy! It appears that since he was getting the proteins through the breast milk he wasn't having the full reactions...only aggravations, and we are unsure exactly which ones might cause a full attack (which includes throwing up repeatedly for a couple of hours until the body goes into shock) so the future might be bumpy when we start more foods. I must say again, I feel my faith being stretched, and i daily tell myself that its all in His control.
Now on all the other notes, school is still going well, we took a long break over Christmas which was nice. School is going well, we enjoy our days at home! Christmassaws SO SO fun, I bought a shirt that said "the more the merrier" as I get tired of people asking if they are all mine! Heehee! But you can't have four and not have a fun Christmas! Eli really got into the Christmas spirit this year...lol...super fun...still haven't even downloaded those pictures yet, Emma was in the nutcracker again this year and was a little party girl, super cute, and she has so much fun, it was hard for me this year with isaac, but still fun! Alex took off for 10 days around christmas and he was wonderful and let me sleep a lot.....which was soooo needed. I found time to catch up on me a little bit and realized how weary I was and how effecting everything around me. I also had time to figure out that a lot of my weary was from worry, about Isaac, about school, about how the kids were hanging in here, about how alex was coping.....and you know, worry is a festering little thing, it will eat you if you let it....so I was able to hand that festering little thing over to the waiting hands of Jesus and LEAVE it there....whoohoo! Now, everyday is not perfect, I am still struggling with it some, I still have it give it back now and then....but I feel replenished and filled with peace about whatever might come next!
I hope your holiday season was wonderful, forgive my lack of Christmas card, it will return next year...ha...you should see all the pictures I took over the holidays of the kids....and some are cute, but the card...well...it just didn't happen!....and I'm not going to stress or worry a out it. :)
Now on all the other notes, school is still going well, we took a long break over Christmas which was nice. School is going well, we enjoy our days at home! Christmassaws SO SO fun, I bought a shirt that said "the more the merrier" as I get tired of people asking if they are all mine! Heehee! But you can't have four and not have a fun Christmas! Eli really got into the Christmas spirit this year...lol...super fun...still haven't even downloaded those pictures yet, Emma was in the nutcracker again this year and was a little party girl, super cute, and she has so much fun, it was hard for me this year with isaac, but still fun! Alex took off for 10 days around christmas and he was wonderful and let me sleep a lot.....which was soooo needed. I found time to catch up on me a little bit and realized how weary I was and how effecting everything around me. I also had time to figure out that a lot of my weary was from worry, about Isaac, about school, about how the kids were hanging in here, about how alex was coping.....and you know, worry is a festering little thing, it will eat you if you let it....so I was able to hand that festering little thing over to the waiting hands of Jesus and LEAVE it there....whoohoo! Now, everyday is not perfect, I am still struggling with it some, I still have it give it back now and then....but I feel replenished and filled with peace about whatever might come next!
I hope your holiday season was wonderful, forgive my lack of Christmas card, it will return next year...ha...you should see all the pictures I took over the holidays of the kids....and some are cute, but the card...well...it just didn't happen!....and I'm not going to stress or worry a out it. :)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
BLESSED!
As you can tell by the above picture, I did have the baby! lol! THREE months ago! All I can say, is wow, life has hit an all time high speed for us! :) Isaac made his entrance on May 25th after 3 hrs of labor, and I don't think things have slowed down since that moment! Being a mommy of 4 under 6 has proven to be my greatest challenge of life yet, yet SO rewarding all at the same time! It has taken 3 months to feel like I am finding the "swing" of things, in that process I have been stretched and pulled ALOT, but I know that is all part of the process called life, and I embrace the things my Jesus is teaching me...oh so much! Isaac has been a hard baby, w/ reflux and colic...lol, I just love that term...we don't really know why, but he just wants to cry alot!...hmm, I can tell you why, he is hurting, he is throwing up in his mouth and it BURNS! Poor guy, he really is a trooper! So here is a quick recap of our super duper fast summer! Isaac arrived at 7lbs and 14oz on May 25th, by the first of June we put our house on the market, we celebrated our 8th anniversary, Alex's 29th birthday, Emma's 6th birthday, and are now nearing Eli's 2 birthday! We have visited the ER for a concussion...yep, that would be for Eli, and seeing the pediatrician more times that I can count....mostly for well visits...but still YUCK! We started school the first of August, w/ Emma in 1st grade and Ian in an T-K program, we are LOVING school as always, and very quickly I gave up on a schedule and realized my kiddos are learning SO much and the stress of "finishing on time" each day was impossible w/ 2 babies too! We are well, into our school year and look forward to school each day! How exciting it is to see them learn! I love that as part of school I am teaching them to love each other and to be proud of each other and their accomplishments, that it's not a race or competition over who knows more! I love that I can teach them about Jesus as part of their school day, and that they think that is SO normal, and at this point in their life they don't know the difference! I love their INNOCENCE....and that they are allowed to stay that way! Ian loves being in school with Emma and it so fun to see him learn about learning, I'm not interested in starting him early, but he SO wants to learn I had to find something for him to do, I am amazed at how he is soaking it up and FLYING through his work...I am not pushing it, but he wants it SO bad, I pray that will last through his whole life!...what an awesome quaility, to want to learn with such a desire!
Emma never stops amazing me, she is by far (in my opinion) the best big sister any kid could want! She has such a tender heart, and a love for her brothers like you just don't find often!...I heard her tell her brother the other day that when she goes up she wants to be a mommy! (a girl after my heart for sure!) She offers praise and encouragement up so easily, she wants the best for others and wants them to do right! She has the purest heart, I am so blessed to have her as my girl!
Eli, well....just typing his name puts a smile on my face! He is unlike anything I have ever met! He is my stinker, he is SO fun-loving and SO CUTE you could eat him! Laid-back and high-strung all at once! He bubbles over adventure and busy! He has been my slow talker, but is so super-duper smart(trust me, he has us all looking like fools! ) He loves his sister, has always been a daddy's boy, but still let's mommy cuddle him in the early mornings when he get's up! I eat him up daily! He loves Isaac and calls him "bAby" but won't say Isaac if you ask!..wants to "play" w/ him....oh, and he won't say many words in English if you ask him too...but if it's Spanish, he will repeat whatever it is! HA! CRAZY KID! He is too fun!
Isaac, well, he came from the same pot for sure!...he looks like a mini of the rest! :) His smile looks like it could jump right off his face! He is a BIG boy, weighing 15 lbs at 3 months, he is breaking my mold of little babies! He is sleeping through the night and eats well....to say the least! :) His reflux is improving and he is settling in well! It's hard to believe he is already so big! He loves to have attention, which in this house, he is not lacking! He wants his bed when it's time to sleep, and doesn't like to be rocked (thankgoodness!) He is the absolute perfect addition to our family! I am SO glad that God chose him for us! and that I am not in control of what is best for our family, otherwise we would have missed out on little man, and I can't imagine how we would of lived w/o him here!
Alex, is the best in the world, the perfect fit for me! He has taught me so much, about me, life...about everything! He is doing wonderful, loves work, and loving coming home to us! What else can I say.....I AM BLESSED!
I was finishing my post and thought I should come back and put a thought in here about mom...She is amazing, and that really is enough said....but so I don't make light of her situation....she is grieving, and it's hard, I can't imagine...I haven't been there...she does her best, which like I said to me is amazing...amazing to watch! When you have walked through grief as she had already, you know what to expect the 2nd time, but that in a way makes it harder, she doesn't want to have to do it again, yet she knows she must...their is no escape. It has been super hard to watch her struggle through, I don't know how she has done it....but I know she would say..."I am doing it w/ my God, one day at the time" not everyday is good, but not everyday is horrible either! Keep praying for her!
to see more pictures, visit my facebook page!
Emma never stops amazing me, she is by far (in my opinion) the best big sister any kid could want! She has such a tender heart, and a love for her brothers like you just don't find often!...I heard her tell her brother the other day that when she goes up she wants to be a mommy! (a girl after my heart for sure!) She offers praise and encouragement up so easily, she wants the best for others and wants them to do right! She has the purest heart, I am so blessed to have her as my girl!
Eli, well....just typing his name puts a smile on my face! He is unlike anything I have ever met! He is my stinker, he is SO fun-loving and SO CUTE you could eat him! Laid-back and high-strung all at once! He bubbles over adventure and busy! He has been my slow talker, but is so super-duper smart(trust me, he has us all looking like fools! ) He loves his sister, has always been a daddy's boy, but still let's mommy cuddle him in the early mornings when he get's up! I eat him up daily! He loves Isaac and calls him "bAby" but won't say Isaac if you ask!..wants to "play" w/ him....oh, and he won't say many words in English if you ask him too...but if it's Spanish, he will repeat whatever it is! HA! CRAZY KID! He is too fun!
Isaac, well, he came from the same pot for sure!...he looks like a mini of the rest! :) His smile looks like it could jump right off his face! He is a BIG boy, weighing 15 lbs at 3 months, he is breaking my mold of little babies! He is sleeping through the night and eats well....to say the least! :) His reflux is improving and he is settling in well! It's hard to believe he is already so big! He loves to have attention, which in this house, he is not lacking! He wants his bed when it's time to sleep, and doesn't like to be rocked (thankgoodness!) He is the absolute perfect addition to our family! I am SO glad that God chose him for us! and that I am not in control of what is best for our family, otherwise we would have missed out on little man, and I can't imagine how we would of lived w/o him here!
Alex, is the best in the world, the perfect fit for me! He has taught me so much, about me, life...about everything! He is doing wonderful, loves work, and loving coming home to us! What else can I say.....I AM BLESSED!
I was finishing my post and thought I should come back and put a thought in here about mom...She is amazing, and that really is enough said....but so I don't make light of her situation....she is grieving, and it's hard, I can't imagine...I haven't been there...she does her best, which like I said to me is amazing...amazing to watch! When you have walked through grief as she had already, you know what to expect the 2nd time, but that in a way makes it harder, she doesn't want to have to do it again, yet she knows she must...their is no escape. It has been super hard to watch her struggle through, I don't know how she has done it....but I know she would say..."I am doing it w/ my God, one day at the time" not everyday is good, but not everyday is horrible either! Keep praying for her!
to see more pictures, visit my facebook page!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A few moments of calm....BTW I absolutely love my life!
For the moment the only thing I hear is the humming of the washer and dryer and the beeping of the school bus backing up at the corner....you know, I hear those 2 things EVERYDAY in my world...well almost everyday...and I wouldn't change a thing about my world! Funny, I have never thought..."I wish Emma was getting off that bus" BUT ok, I will admit, there are days when I HATE the washer and dryer...even more, the folding isn't my favorite thing at all!...but mostly, I like my washer and dryer, they are really nice and I am thankful for how fast they get their job done...helping me through the despicable job of laundry...if it has to be done, at least it's done fast! I do enjoy that I am able to wash my diapers and not throw them away and go buy more! Soon I will be washing for 2 babies bottoms....not sure how much I will enjoy the cloth diapering then! This is the time of day that Eli is napping (in a BIG boy bed now...whoohoo!) and the other kids are having rest time, I have most of the house in order (we were gone part of our morning...so it's not all done today, but that's ok) I am starting to think about dinner, but still as you most know, don't have much to worry about, it's planned for me, and most of the time my awesome hubby will even be the one fixing it! Have I EVER mentioned, I LOVE the fact that he LOVES to cook! YEP, he wants to do the cooking...some days I feel like I live in heaven over that very fact! Now, mind you, I can do it, and don't mind to much having to...but hey if he wants to...WHO AM I TO STOP HIM! :) I am so thankful that when I stop...like right now...and look at my life as a whole...am feel so BLESSED, you can't buy happiness, and we as a family haven't tried, yet we are there....we are a happy, content, family. Once again, NOTE I didn't say we don't have our trails, heaven help us, we are in the mist of one now...but still even through the difficulties I wouldn't change my world....I love my kids, and having them home...we started swimming lessons today (w/ the plan of not stopping til they are fish) and the swim instructor pulled me aside at the end just to tell me I had the most awesome well-behaved kids he had ever had in class (now mind you, this was the first day...lol...but I am confident he will only love them more as time goes on...I swell w/ pride...the good kinda pride...all the time over my kids. Example, Emma has a little girl in her ballet class that lost all her hair due to a medical condition...and the night they are were given their costumes for the recital the teacher wanted them to wear them in class...all the girls excitedly put on their costumes and hair pieces and were extremely thrilled...except this one little girl, who's baby fine "just starting to grow in" hair wouldn't hold the hair piece... she was in tears wanting to be like everyone else...so what did Emma do, she took hers out, so Sara Beth wouldn't be the only one not wearing hers! Those are moments are a parent you will treasure forever! Those moments when you see Christ in your 5 year old shining through so brightly! Those moments when you know that everything you choose to do "differently" is SO worth it, and all of a sudden you remember why you are being a different parent from those around you, even those who are closely around you, you don't always feel like you fit right....those moments remind me it's ok to be completely different, I want to be completely different....do you?
This week we will come to the 8th year since dad died, it's funny now, it seems like time has flown by...but I remember the day when I didn't think I could survive the week, month or year. Next month Alex and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary EIGHT years (and by then FOUR kids) later, and I love him more now than ever. I can't tell you how of a unique situation Gary's illness and death put on our marriage, what in a weird way was a healing time for me and my relationship w/ Alex. I know it's sounds odd, but let me explain. Dad was sick while Alex and I were engaged, the dr told us to move our wedding date to June and dad would still be alive and there...as I already mentioned, that was not so, so daddy died one month before our wedding day. I know it's unneeded to say, the first months of marriage were hard, we were YOUNG (I would NEVER change that fact) and dealing w/ situations our parents hadn't even dealt w/ yet...the death of a parent being one of them...it was hard. Gary's sickness and death were almost like a do-over in a way, we found ourselves having to work together to figure out how to deal w/ everything that was happening. We had to trust each other and the decisions we were making, to trust each other and put the other first and our feelings and wants aside...It was so healing to me, to have the chance to see our marriage at work in a hard time...It was so healing for me to see him put everything down and love on me, hold me, send me to the hospital or Durham at extremely inconvenient times....times when he totally could of pulled the "but the kids card" or the "not in the budget card" or the "I have a test or plans card" but never once did he do this, he would voice a concern and a plan to make it all work best for our family! I guess all this to say, I am SO blessed to have be given him as my partner in life, and I am coming to understand now, that back then, 8 years ago, I didn't have a clue what God was handing me, but I am sure GLAD He did! :) Alex I love you, and am SO looking forward to the days ahead....I know God has plans for us...plans we can't even imagine YET!
How is mom, I know that is a question most of you are asking...she is mom, she is the most amazing person I have ever met. She has strength can only dream about. She also just lost her second husband in 8 years, she is hurting, she is in constant commune w/ our Lord....she is going to make it! The process of grief is no different w/ your second spouse...I have learned that. Just b/c she "been here" before doesn't make it any easier...in fact in a way it's harder....you know what to expect, and you are caught off guard that even w/ your knowledge it's still EXTREMELY HARD! Please continue to pray for her, but know, she is standing in God's awesome power...given just to those in the time of need.
How did the kids do w/ everything that happened...they did very well, they seems to have a child-like understanding, both of the older ones have at their own times told me they miss Papa and want to see him....Emma has asked who would keep them when Isaac comes (Papa was ALWAYS keep her, w/ both Ian and Eli's birth...by her request) I know she has been thinking about that alot...which of course makes me hurt for her. Eli walked around mom's house the other day pointing at every picture of Gary saying "want that"....super pitiful. But all in all, they are working through it as well as they can....
I could go on, but I see it's now rounding the corner near 4, and I still have things to get done today! Alex should be walking in any time now....SO, I want to jump off! i will try to be back before baby...but as always, I won't make any promises!
This week we will come to the 8th year since dad died, it's funny now, it seems like time has flown by...but I remember the day when I didn't think I could survive the week, month or year. Next month Alex and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary EIGHT years (and by then FOUR kids) later, and I love him more now than ever. I can't tell you how of a unique situation Gary's illness and death put on our marriage, what in a weird way was a healing time for me and my relationship w/ Alex. I know it's sounds odd, but let me explain. Dad was sick while Alex and I were engaged, the dr told us to move our wedding date to June and dad would still be alive and there...as I already mentioned, that was not so, so daddy died one month before our wedding day. I know it's unneeded to say, the first months of marriage were hard, we were YOUNG (I would NEVER change that fact) and dealing w/ situations our parents hadn't even dealt w/ yet...the death of a parent being one of them...it was hard. Gary's sickness and death were almost like a do-over in a way, we found ourselves having to work together to figure out how to deal w/ everything that was happening. We had to trust each other and the decisions we were making, to trust each other and put the other first and our feelings and wants aside...It was so healing to me, to have the chance to see our marriage at work in a hard time...It was so healing for me to see him put everything down and love on me, hold me, send me to the hospital or Durham at extremely inconvenient times....times when he totally could of pulled the "but the kids card" or the "not in the budget card" or the "I have a test or plans card" but never once did he do this, he would voice a concern and a plan to make it all work best for our family! I guess all this to say, I am SO blessed to have be given him as my partner in life, and I am coming to understand now, that back then, 8 years ago, I didn't have a clue what God was handing me, but I am sure GLAD He did! :) Alex I love you, and am SO looking forward to the days ahead....I know God has plans for us...plans we can't even imagine YET!
How is mom, I know that is a question most of you are asking...she is mom, she is the most amazing person I have ever met. She has strength can only dream about. She also just lost her second husband in 8 years, she is hurting, she is in constant commune w/ our Lord....she is going to make it! The process of grief is no different w/ your second spouse...I have learned that. Just b/c she "been here" before doesn't make it any easier...in fact in a way it's harder....you know what to expect, and you are caught off guard that even w/ your knowledge it's still EXTREMELY HARD! Please continue to pray for her, but know, she is standing in God's awesome power...given just to those in the time of need.
How did the kids do w/ everything that happened...they did very well, they seems to have a child-like understanding, both of the older ones have at their own times told me they miss Papa and want to see him....Emma has asked who would keep them when Isaac comes (Papa was ALWAYS keep her, w/ both Ian and Eli's birth...by her request) I know she has been thinking about that alot...which of course makes me hurt for her. Eli walked around mom's house the other day pointing at every picture of Gary saying "want that"....super pitiful. But all in all, they are working through it as well as they can....
I could go on, but I see it's now rounding the corner near 4, and I still have things to get done today! Alex should be walking in any time now....SO, I want to jump off! i will try to be back before baby...but as always, I won't make any promises!
Monday, April 12, 2010
these are the times...when
when you laugh, and cry. When you don't understand, yet understand completely. When you are happy, and sad. When you hurt and heal then hurt somemore, yet you know, you know that God is w/ you, He loves you, and He's still in control. Where am I, you might ask, where have I been!?
At this moment, I am sitting in a hospital room listening to Becca read scripture to here daddy...such is a sight I know all to well. I am in the corner, trying to keep my tears silent as I type....my mom's words ringing in my ears..."why is this happening...again...what did I do wrong?" I know, we all know the answer to that...nothing, she did nothing wrong, but at this moment it sure doesn't seem that way to her. They expect Gary to leave our world today or tomorrow, of course there is no time table to be placed on death..so we wait, I must say, I hate waiting on death.
Let's back up a little, seeing how I haven't posted since like forever! Where have I been? Well, not posting, for a reason...I felt called to shift my focus to other things. I never meant for my blog to be anything but a way to express what was going on...what was in my head. So, I released myself from the "need" of blogging. What a relief it was! For me, for now, I needed that! I knew God was calling me to stay focused on Him and my family, and for me, for now, that meant not blogging! I wanted a new hobby, and I couldn't do both! So why now? Well, I have found myself w/ ALOT of time for the moment, and I need to share...so here I am :) I am not, not doing anything...in fact, for now, my only "job" is to stay quiet and be here!...waiting....
How about some tidbits from our life! Emma is READING...super well! I am so proud of her! Our school year has been awesome, I'm not sure who learned more, ME or her! Today at the dr's office I even watched Ian take his little finger and scan it across the words and sound out the letters...he didn't even know he was saying some of the words....I was super excited to see what he has picked up just from watching her learn to read! I am talking about our year as if it has already come to a close, well, I haven't made the official decision, but I think we are close to ending our year! I am in the throws of planning next year...which I am even more excited about...it will include Ian's preschool....practically on a K level, b/c he is ADDAMENT about doing "school" too! And at one time I was worried he wouldn't want to learn! I have picked my curriculum for next year, working on the scheduling of everything...and am SO excited!
Last Monday(the Monday before Easter) Ian asked Jesus in his heart! He was super excited, they had learned about Jesus dying on the cross at church the day before, and he had lot's of questions, when we sat down to do bible for school, he asked if we could read about Jesus dying...."but don't stop til He's ALIVE again..mommy" is what he said. then he asked if I knew that "Jesus didn't have to die for me...but he did anyway" Sweet boy, I think he could of lead me to the Lord right then...Emma, Ian and I had the sweetest conversation that lasted about 45 minutes. It ended w/ Ian telling me, he needed Jesus in his heart b/c Jesus was his best friend, and he wanted to see him when he died! My heart melted! All I could think was delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart! I have NO GREATER desire, than to see my children have a relationship w/ Christ! What confirmation that I am "delighting" in the Lord!
It's interesting, these past weeks have been rough, to say the least. I HATE seeing my mom in pain, my kids hurting, and I hate watching this strong man....well...die. Yet at the same time, it amazes me how God shows Himself...One of the things that was the HARDEST to deal w/ when Daddy died was the mixing of happy and sad. knowing or not knowing how to be sad and happy at the same time, being devastated and excited together seemed so impossible. Yet here again...I find that death is knocking, and yet their are baby showers, vacation, passing of test, and salvations to be excited about...the difference this time...I know it's all ok. It's ok to be sad, and cry. It's ok to look forward to baby showers. It's wonderful to know my son has Jesus in his little heart. It's exciting to see the joy my husband has to have FINALLY passed that test! He deserves my excitement, and no one is going to judge me for it...and if they do, it's not my issue, but theirs! :) FYI, in case you didn't know, their are no wrong answers to grief or joy. Everyone does it in there way...and that's the way it's suppose to be. I am thankful this time, that I have had the previous experience, the knowledge, the pain from the past, it's helping me to understand this new experience. To know, it's hard, but not impossible. That no matter what I WILL be stronger with an even better understanding of God's love on the otherside. This time, I know how to give it over to Him and not walk on my own....and not try to sort out all the joy and pain...but let them stay together and just experience this moment...one at a time. To not deny myself...anything. It's ok...it really is! I will smile, when I feel like smiling, and cry when I feel like crying. The point is I will feel!
I don't know when I'll be back, I must get off, the computer is dying, and I can't find the plug....oh and baby Isaac is great, and we are 7 weeks away!
Please Pray!
At this moment, I am sitting in a hospital room listening to Becca read scripture to here daddy...such is a sight I know all to well. I am in the corner, trying to keep my tears silent as I type....my mom's words ringing in my ears..."why is this happening...again...what did I do wrong?" I know, we all know the answer to that...nothing, she did nothing wrong, but at this moment it sure doesn't seem that way to her. They expect Gary to leave our world today or tomorrow, of course there is no time table to be placed on death..so we wait, I must say, I hate waiting on death.
Let's back up a little, seeing how I haven't posted since like forever! Where have I been? Well, not posting, for a reason...I felt called to shift my focus to other things. I never meant for my blog to be anything but a way to express what was going on...what was in my head. So, I released myself from the "need" of blogging. What a relief it was! For me, for now, I needed that! I knew God was calling me to stay focused on Him and my family, and for me, for now, that meant not blogging! I wanted a new hobby, and I couldn't do both! So why now? Well, I have found myself w/ ALOT of time for the moment, and I need to share...so here I am :) I am not, not doing anything...in fact, for now, my only "job" is to stay quiet and be here!...waiting....
How about some tidbits from our life! Emma is READING...super well! I am so proud of her! Our school year has been awesome, I'm not sure who learned more, ME or her! Today at the dr's office I even watched Ian take his little finger and scan it across the words and sound out the letters...he didn't even know he was saying some of the words....I was super excited to see what he has picked up just from watching her learn to read! I am talking about our year as if it has already come to a close, well, I haven't made the official decision, but I think we are close to ending our year! I am in the throws of planning next year...which I am even more excited about...it will include Ian's preschool....practically on a K level, b/c he is ADDAMENT about doing "school" too! And at one time I was worried he wouldn't want to learn! I have picked my curriculum for next year, working on the scheduling of everything...and am SO excited!
Last Monday(the Monday before Easter) Ian asked Jesus in his heart! He was super excited, they had learned about Jesus dying on the cross at church the day before, and he had lot's of questions, when we sat down to do bible for school, he asked if we could read about Jesus dying...."but don't stop til He's ALIVE again..mommy" is what he said. then he asked if I knew that "Jesus didn't have to die for me...but he did anyway" Sweet boy, I think he could of lead me to the Lord right then...Emma, Ian and I had the sweetest conversation that lasted about 45 minutes. It ended w/ Ian telling me, he needed Jesus in his heart b/c Jesus was his best friend, and he wanted to see him when he died! My heart melted! All I could think was delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart! I have NO GREATER desire, than to see my children have a relationship w/ Christ! What confirmation that I am "delighting" in the Lord!
It's interesting, these past weeks have been rough, to say the least. I HATE seeing my mom in pain, my kids hurting, and I hate watching this strong man....well...die. Yet at the same time, it amazes me how God shows Himself...One of the things that was the HARDEST to deal w/ when Daddy died was the mixing of happy and sad. knowing or not knowing how to be sad and happy at the same time, being devastated and excited together seemed so impossible. Yet here again...I find that death is knocking, and yet their are baby showers, vacation, passing of test, and salvations to be excited about...the difference this time...I know it's all ok. It's ok to be sad, and cry. It's ok to look forward to baby showers. It's wonderful to know my son has Jesus in his little heart. It's exciting to see the joy my husband has to have FINALLY passed that test! He deserves my excitement, and no one is going to judge me for it...and if they do, it's not my issue, but theirs! :) FYI, in case you didn't know, their are no wrong answers to grief or joy. Everyone does it in there way...and that's the way it's suppose to be. I am thankful this time, that I have had the previous experience, the knowledge, the pain from the past, it's helping me to understand this new experience. To know, it's hard, but not impossible. That no matter what I WILL be stronger with an even better understanding of God's love on the otherside. This time, I know how to give it over to Him and not walk on my own....and not try to sort out all the joy and pain...but let them stay together and just experience this moment...one at a time. To not deny myself...anything. It's ok...it really is! I will smile, when I feel like smiling, and cry when I feel like crying. The point is I will feel!
I don't know when I'll be back, I must get off, the computer is dying, and I can't find the plug....oh and baby Isaac is great, and we are 7 weeks away!
Please Pray!
Friday, January 8, 2010
First Post of 2010!...how long can I make it!??...lol!
wow is it really already the 8th of January? I thought for sure it was just yesterday that I posted our Christmas card! HA, how time flies right now! Remember when you were a kid and it took FOREVER for Christmas to come, especially the few days right before Christmas!...AHHH, those were the days!...now for a quick fill in of our Christmas! Emma was in the Nutcracker, as I already posted before, and that is when I consider the "Christmas season" started for us! We had a busy week "nutcracker week" with rehearsal and cast parties and all...thank you Susan for helping me keep it all straight! I am now an official nutcracker mama, as I made it through the week!(although not w/o helpful information being passed along!) heehee! After that we had the ultrasound...as everyone hopefully saw, we are having a BOY!...I refuse to say anymore "another boy" as most have responded!....there is absultly NOTHING wrong w/ another boy! I am THRILLED it's a boy! I'm not afraid or to proud to admit, I was afraid I would be disappointed if it was a boy...but BOY was i WRONG! I am certain that God knew EXACTLY what He was doing! The big kids went w/ us to the u/s, and both were surprised it was a boy, but both excited...well sorta! Both were excited to know it was a boy, but Ian, well, he MELTED...cried and cried...he wanted to hold the baby and was extremely upset that he wasn't going to get to hold the baby!...oh my, what a sight he was...lol...poor boy, it took me half an hour to get him back to himself! HA...FINALLY I convenced him that baby Isaac let us "peek at him" and that he was only this big(imagine me holding out my hands about 7'') and that he couldn't come out of mommy's tummy until he was this big (again, imagine me holding my hands out about 19'') he seemed to understand that and has told EVERYONE that the baby's not big enough to come out...as if no one else knew that either!....too cute! So after that and another uneventful visit w/ the dr (a good thing!) we were ready for Christmas day...well almost! It wouldn't be a normal week in our house if we didn't wonder if someone needed a trip to the drs!...and sure enough, Christmas Eve, I am wondering if I need to take Eli in or not....he had had a cold, and wasn't getting better, he was grumpy, but cutting teeth...but then, again, the teeth had cut through, but the mood was no better!...now realize, Eli's grumpy still includes the following (laughing, playing, sleeping all night, eating, drinking, and loving life...the change was not napping in the daytime, and wanting to be held all afternoon...THAT's IT!) In fact we went to the Christmas service on the 23rd that Elevation held (AWESOME, AWESOME...I love my church...to pack out a place that holds 2000, 4 times in 2 days...AWESOME!) and he stayed in the nursery and their comment about him (being w/ them after bedtime) was that he was PERFECT and HAPPY! SO you might ask, why in the world are you taking him....well, he was just off, and whiney in the afternoon...that was really it, I expected that to go away after the teeth popped through and it didn't...so I took him Christmas Eve morning....DOUBLE...YES DOUBLE EAR INFECTION AND SINUS INFECTION!....grrr! But I am so thankful I took him then and didn't wait! Poor boys ears were killing him! We went on w/ the rest of our day's plans and he slept on me alot everywhere we went!
Christmas morning we were up early (Alex still being a kid at heart was the first on up! lol...super cute!) and opened presents early at home and then headed off to mom and Gary's in our PJ's! Oh how thankful I am to be able to say that! The plan was for them to come to our house, but in the end we weren't sure Gary would be up and moving on Christmas morning, but he was, which was great! We took breakfast to them and enjoyed being there for most of the day, then home to put on some clothes, take naps and then off again to Alex's dad's for a night of more fun!
We always take down our Christmas stuff the next day, but we didn't this year, we had one more stop the day after Christmas w/ my grandparents and family on dad's side...I love extending it one more day! :)...so the Christmas decorations came down on Sunday instead!.....I must admit I LOVE getting my house back after the holidays!
The Monday after Christmas Alex had the day off (he has to use all his vacation every year...so it was his last day off for the year! We took the kids to Discovery Place for a couple of hours and then headed to Ikea (a post all of it's own!....heheeee!)
Tuesday and Wednesday Morgan (my cousin) came down and hung out w/ me and the kids, we went shopping at Concord Mills and just had a fun time not doing anything but what we wanted to do!
Thursday Alex was off again, and we didn't do much of anything but stay home...I think(honestly I can't remember!) New years day we had lunch at my grandparents...our traditional new year's lunch, then back to Ikea....Saturday morning, Cathy kept the kids and we went again to...yes Ikea! HA, I said it was a whole other post! That about concludes our holiday weeks....it was such a fun time this year, as the kids get older, Christmas is such fun again!...it's like being a kid again myself, seeing it all through their eyes! I love it! Oh, this past Sunday Emma and I went w/ Cathy(my mother-in-law)Kelly, Nevaeh and Lydia to see the Princess and the Frog...well, if you have seen my fb pages you know my feeling on it!....umm, let's just say, that one won't be coming in my house and I'll be completely thrilled if Emma never sees it again!....disney, you disappointed me this time!....ok, ok, off my soapbox...remember, it's my opinion, I'm allowed! :)
This week....the first week after the new year...the first week of 2010! Has been an AWESOME week! I love being back in school, back to my routine!...LOVE it! I noticed a lot of people on fb were talking about back to "reality"...I must LOVE me some reality! heehee, On top of that, I have flipped some stones in my life! I am not big on new years resolutions, I am more the kind of person, that if I see something in my life I want to change, I do it...right then, no matter the time of year! It happened I made this decision to change somethings right along w/ the new year! (mostlikely b/c Pastor Stephen's sermon really convicted me too! :) ) So this past week a few new things have entered my world...the biggest being, getting up b/f my kids!....and I plan to back up the time even more next week...b/c I am LOVING it so much! AND b/c of that choice, I am now getting into the word EARLY everyday, and not "hopefully at sometime" during the day! I am also doing laundry DAILY(by doing...I mean, wash, dry, fold AND put away!)....oh boy do we have enough for that!....and keeping it all clean! NICE, LOVING that too!...Sammy and I challenged ourselves to pick 4 things to change and start there....so those are three of my four...w/ the last being not going to bed w/ a dirt kitchen...all which I have accomplished everyday this week, and am LOVING it so much, our house is so much more put together...so much! AMAZING (funny thing is I knew that was the case, yet it took me FOREVER to decide to do it!....oh well, not looking back, just forward!)
This coming week our Church is starting a new series called "New thru 30" a while back the staff and some lead volunteers did something called "B90x" where they read the whole bible in 90 days...I didn't join in at the time b/c I was in another study that required a lot of time too and wanted to complete that...but the "new thru 30" is reading the New Testament in 30 days and I am super excited about starting....part of the reason I am getting up earlier now, I know I will need this time in the morning to get thru all the chapters everyday!....well, I think that about catches me up, life is blessed, I am looking forward to 2010 and all it will bring to my family! I am enjoying my kiddos so much, and being home w/ them! I hope 2010 is everything God wants for you!
Christmas morning we were up early (Alex still being a kid at heart was the first on up! lol...super cute!) and opened presents early at home and then headed off to mom and Gary's in our PJ's! Oh how thankful I am to be able to say that! The plan was for them to come to our house, but in the end we weren't sure Gary would be up and moving on Christmas morning, but he was, which was great! We took breakfast to them and enjoyed being there for most of the day, then home to put on some clothes, take naps and then off again to Alex's dad's for a night of more fun!
We always take down our Christmas stuff the next day, but we didn't this year, we had one more stop the day after Christmas w/ my grandparents and family on dad's side...I love extending it one more day! :)...so the Christmas decorations came down on Sunday instead!.....I must admit I LOVE getting my house back after the holidays!
The Monday after Christmas Alex had the day off (he has to use all his vacation every year...so it was his last day off for the year! We took the kids to Discovery Place for a couple of hours and then headed to Ikea (a post all of it's own!....heheeee!)
Tuesday and Wednesday Morgan (my cousin) came down and hung out w/ me and the kids, we went shopping at Concord Mills and just had a fun time not doing anything but what we wanted to do!
Thursday Alex was off again, and we didn't do much of anything but stay home...I think(honestly I can't remember!) New years day we had lunch at my grandparents...our traditional new year's lunch, then back to Ikea....Saturday morning, Cathy kept the kids and we went again to...yes Ikea! HA, I said it was a whole other post! That about concludes our holiday weeks....it was such a fun time this year, as the kids get older, Christmas is such fun again!...it's like being a kid again myself, seeing it all through their eyes! I love it! Oh, this past Sunday Emma and I went w/ Cathy(my mother-in-law)Kelly, Nevaeh and Lydia to see the Princess and the Frog...well, if you have seen my fb pages you know my feeling on it!....umm, let's just say, that one won't be coming in my house and I'll be completely thrilled if Emma never sees it again!....disney, you disappointed me this time!....ok, ok, off my soapbox...remember, it's my opinion, I'm allowed! :)
This week....the first week after the new year...the first week of 2010! Has been an AWESOME week! I love being back in school, back to my routine!...LOVE it! I noticed a lot of people on fb were talking about back to "reality"...I must LOVE me some reality! heehee, On top of that, I have flipped some stones in my life! I am not big on new years resolutions, I am more the kind of person, that if I see something in my life I want to change, I do it...right then, no matter the time of year! It happened I made this decision to change somethings right along w/ the new year! (mostlikely b/c Pastor Stephen's sermon really convicted me too! :) ) So this past week a few new things have entered my world...the biggest being, getting up b/f my kids!....and I plan to back up the time even more next week...b/c I am LOVING it so much! AND b/c of that choice, I am now getting into the word EARLY everyday, and not "hopefully at sometime" during the day! I am also doing laundry DAILY(by doing...I mean, wash, dry, fold AND put away!)....oh boy do we have enough for that!....and keeping it all clean! NICE, LOVING that too!...Sammy and I challenged ourselves to pick 4 things to change and start there....so those are three of my four...w/ the last being not going to bed w/ a dirt kitchen...all which I have accomplished everyday this week, and am LOVING it so much, our house is so much more put together...so much! AMAZING (funny thing is I knew that was the case, yet it took me FOREVER to decide to do it!....oh well, not looking back, just forward!)
This coming week our Church is starting a new series called "New thru 30" a while back the staff and some lead volunteers did something called "B90x" where they read the whole bible in 90 days...I didn't join in at the time b/c I was in another study that required a lot of time too and wanted to complete that...but the "new thru 30" is reading the New Testament in 30 days and I am super excited about starting....part of the reason I am getting up earlier now, I know I will need this time in the morning to get thru all the chapters everyday!....well, I think that about catches me up, life is blessed, I am looking forward to 2010 and all it will bring to my family! I am enjoying my kiddos so much, and being home w/ them! I hope 2010 is everything God wants for you!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
OUR CHRISTMAS CARD!
He is happy and healthy! I am blessed beyond measure! My prayer is that your Christmas present is as special as mine! :) Thank you Jesus for coming to save us sinners from our fallen state...and thank you for tiny life just like our baby Isaac, and for technology that allows us to peek in and see that sweet life kicking around, and that awesome little heart beating away!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
NUTCRACKER!
This year Emma joined in what I hope will be a long tradition for her....she was a part of the union county youth ballet's Nutcracker. As a kindergartner there is only one part available....a cherub....isn't she the cutest cherub you have ever seen! As everyone knows, Emma can be on the shy side...heehee! So, it amazes me that she even considered or wanted to be on a stage in front of "all those people" but yet there is was...twice now...with one more to go later on tonight...smiling and doing her thing! She has enjoyed being w/ the other girls, yesterday she went to the cast party and enjoyed spending some time w/ Sidney and Madison, and getting her poster signed by all the cast members. At her age, she is the youngest in the cast, and as you can imagine, she is the SMALLEST! It's so fun to see her out there w/ all the BIG girls, but let me tell you, it's a short part, perfect for a first-timer! The whole room sorta takes a deep breath for the 4 cherubs and you hear a united "awww"....too cute! I asked her earlier today what part she would like to have next year and she named...a mouse, or a little party girl, or a angel, or a...and the list went on!...I think she's been sucked in!
two post in one week!...aren't you proud!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Thanksgiving....oh no, it's CHRISTMAS now!
Yes, I know it's been 2 months now since I made my announcement about baby #4 coming...yes I know I haven't blogged since then, Yes I know I missed Thanksgiving altogether, and YES I know it's almost Christmas!....now that we have that behind us....I can move on w/ life! :)
I only blog today b/c we aren't doing school! YEP, that's right, we are done til after the holidays! Emma is in the nutcracker, and has to be at Wingate university 4 days this week, along w/ a Christmas party on Wednesday...here at our house with some homeschool friends AND meetings to attend and presents to be wrapped....well, the headmaster decided that it was time for Christmas break to begin!...have I mentioned I LOVE homeschooling! :)
Speaking of school, an update on how it's been for us! Let's see, awesome, yet terrifying, fun, yet a ball of stress, joy, and some tears!....what have I left out...we have been through just about every emotion possible in the last 3 months! Almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant I went through a really rough time....I have been the SICKEST w/ this baby as I have ever been...not a good combination w/ school. Eli stopped napping altogether, another bad combination w/ school...so I was wishing to throw up, Eli was clinging to my leg and poor Emma was trying her best to work w/ all the noise and distraction!...a recipe for disaster! With lots of tears and TONS of encouragement from the wonderful friends (and mom) that the Lord has given me, I survived! I/we prayed about our decision to homeschool...questioning if we needed to change. But, I knew in my heart that God called me to do this, and HE would give me the strength to do it...that HE always knew about baby #4, and He wouldn't change His mind about me homeschooling b/c of baby 4, He knew, even when I didn't! So, I am thankful to say, I am back to normal, no more sickness...PRAISE GOD, and school is back on track! WHEW! I LOVE teaching Emma, she loves to learn, and is quickly picking things up! I am thankful for the chance to be the one teaching her, and now see that even the tough times are to show me that we CAN DO THIS! Ian also amazes me, he learns very differently from the way Emma learns...of course...and is so quick to figure things out, I am so excited to get him started in more of a formatted program...although at this rate, I won't need to, he is learning everything Emma is learning...just from listening to us talk about it!
Eli, is BACK TO NAPPING! He had a rough bout w/ a few ear infections and became really used to mommy holding him to nap!...STINKER! After a few purposeful days of naps, we are back to either 2 short naps or 1 LONG nap...just depends! He is walking..not all the time, but more and more daily...he will go across the room, until he falls....then will crawl the rest to the way! He is BUSY! and STUBBORN, well over somethings....he has done AWESOME w/ the tree and not touching it, but I can't get him to leave light socket alone to save my life! HA, go figure, and when we are at mom's it's nightlights we fight over! Alex thinks he's going to be an electrician too! He is SO full of joy and brings so many smiles to our family! He gets so excited when anyone come in the door, it will make you day....if you are ever having a down day, just come and see Eli, he will take care of it for you! PROMISE! We are still cloth diapering at home, but not so much when we are out (solid poop and disposal aren't a fun thing when shopping...sorry) BUT at home they are still great! and what a money saver :) Eli will have you know, he isn't a teddy boy like his brother and sister...nope, he's a blanket baby!...and a cute one at that...sleeps on this tummy and holds the edge in one hand...a baby after his mommies heart!
baby #4, well, I think reality started to sink in when we heard the heartbeat...ha, nope, I'm still not sure I really believe it! About 3 weeks ago, the kids and I heard the heartbeat, and had a great day of school right there in the dr's office. Emma was SO excited and ask all kinds of awesome questions. My favorite was..."Mommy, if our baby has a heartbeat, that means she's ALIVE...right?" How awesome it was to be able to say YES, Emma, that is right! If there is a heartbeat....that's means there is LIFE....ALWAYS! We talked of life, when it starts, and even death (or as Ian asked..."if it's not beating, is it broken?") and when and why death happens...did I mention I LOVE homeschool! If Emma were in school I wouldn't of had that chance w/ her! OK...sorry, back to baby #4, well, he/she is a stinker already if you ask me...making me SO sick...even the OB nurse started asking if there was a chance there were 2! HA, ummm, no, I'm not even looking for that as a option! We have our u/s next Tuesday the 22nd (what a fun Christmas present!) so the bets are out on what this one is...if you caught Emma's referral earlier...then you know what she is hoping for! Ian informed us the other day that if this one isn't a girl he wouldn't like it!....ha, umm, we had a talk about how God would give us what HE knows is best for our family...I could tell Ian wasn't convinced that God knew better than he does! :) Alex says girl, and I am telling everyone that I believe what Alex' says...he's never been wrong. I'm not convinced, I remember telling everyone w/ Emma, that I could have 10 more babies and they would all be boys....she would be my only girl...guess we'll find out, I good either way, just want to know it's healthy!
So how was our Thanksgiving....? It was great, Alex did all the cooking (I did help!) and I did all the baking, and we ate at mom and Gary's as they came back home from Durham the day before Thanksgiving....so us 5, Nick's 4, and mom and Gary enjoys a quiet meal (quiet w/ 5 kids...lol) and afternoon. I for the first time since Dad died, ventured out on black Friday...early...like 4:30 am early! YEP, I did...and WE had A BLAST....first of all mom came w/ me (and I crave every moment I can get w/ her now a days...funny how 8 months away will make a girl have renewed appreciation for her mom!) and we met Melanie at Target at 5!....I saved like $300 and was SO pleased! YEP, it will be back on my yearly tradition!...funny how long lines are no big deal when you don't have kids w/ you! :) Then Saturday after thanksgiving we did our annual Christmas decorating day...so fun w/ kids...so much more fun w/ kids than ever before!...we have started everyday since w/ Christmas music :)
It's beinging to look alot like Christmas! What we have done, well I wanted to start lots of new things this year and start having some "traditions" to build on now that Emma and Ian are a little older! We went to see the gingerbread lane done by people as a way to support CMC children's hospital, they really enjoyed going and seeing all the things you can do w/ gingerbread and candy...then the following Monday we made our own house and train...a FUN time we will be doing again in the following years! We have had a craft day w/ Savannah, which was fun and a definite "tradition" for the following years to come! This week we are hosting a Christmas party, which I think I am most excited about for now, but I know the kids will have a blast and hopefully us homeschool mommies will have a chance to talk too!...another thing I am hoping to make a "tradition" for us! Emma came to me the other day wanting to know when she was going to shop for her brothers presents, so that is another thing we added to our "traditions" I am so glad she wanted to do that, and am even more excited that she and Ian both knew exactly what to buy for each other and Eli too...they both put thought and care into their gifts for each other...and are more excited about their sibling getting their present, than receiving their own!....yea! We spent an evening w/ Elevation filling shoe boxes for Samaritan's Purse, in which they helped carry 100's of boxes to be stacked...they were so proud of themselves for all their hard work, and it was a good chance to talk about kids who won't get anything other than that box for Christmas...another conversation which was awesome!
Well, I think that about catches everyone up on life...oh wait, Gary and Mom, well, what is there is say other than it's still hard for them, there are up day and DOWN days, they do their best to take it all in stride...they are amazing people for sure! Please continue to keep them in your prayers! Pray for his strength and rehabilitation!
Now, I think that catches everyone up! I can't even promise that it won't be 2 months before you hear from me again....just know I am doing great, and LOVING life to it's fullest, which doesn't always allow me to blog too! My life is such a blessing and I am SO grateful for all the Lord has given to me! I will try to post some pictures soon....and a quick note on our findings next Tuesday...what do you think it is? Girl or Boy?
MERRY CHRISTMAS
I only blog today b/c we aren't doing school! YEP, that's right, we are done til after the holidays! Emma is in the nutcracker, and has to be at Wingate university 4 days this week, along w/ a Christmas party on Wednesday...here at our house with some homeschool friends AND meetings to attend and presents to be wrapped....well, the headmaster decided that it was time for Christmas break to begin!...have I mentioned I LOVE homeschooling! :)
Speaking of school, an update on how it's been for us! Let's see, awesome, yet terrifying, fun, yet a ball of stress, joy, and some tears!....what have I left out...we have been through just about every emotion possible in the last 3 months! Almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant I went through a really rough time....I have been the SICKEST w/ this baby as I have ever been...not a good combination w/ school. Eli stopped napping altogether, another bad combination w/ school...so I was wishing to throw up, Eli was clinging to my leg and poor Emma was trying her best to work w/ all the noise and distraction!...a recipe for disaster! With lots of tears and TONS of encouragement from the wonderful friends (and mom) that the Lord has given me, I survived! I/we prayed about our decision to homeschool...questioning if we needed to change. But, I knew in my heart that God called me to do this, and HE would give me the strength to do it...that HE always knew about baby #4, and He wouldn't change His mind about me homeschooling b/c of baby 4, He knew, even when I didn't! So, I am thankful to say, I am back to normal, no more sickness...PRAISE GOD, and school is back on track! WHEW! I LOVE teaching Emma, she loves to learn, and is quickly picking things up! I am thankful for the chance to be the one teaching her, and now see that even the tough times are to show me that we CAN DO THIS! Ian also amazes me, he learns very differently from the way Emma learns...of course...and is so quick to figure things out, I am so excited to get him started in more of a formatted program...although at this rate, I won't need to, he is learning everything Emma is learning...just from listening to us talk about it!
Eli, is BACK TO NAPPING! He had a rough bout w/ a few ear infections and became really used to mommy holding him to nap!...STINKER! After a few purposeful days of naps, we are back to either 2 short naps or 1 LONG nap...just depends! He is walking..not all the time, but more and more daily...he will go across the room, until he falls....then will crawl the rest to the way! He is BUSY! and STUBBORN, well over somethings....he has done AWESOME w/ the tree and not touching it, but I can't get him to leave light socket alone to save my life! HA, go figure, and when we are at mom's it's nightlights we fight over! Alex thinks he's going to be an electrician too! He is SO full of joy and brings so many smiles to our family! He gets so excited when anyone come in the door, it will make you day....if you are ever having a down day, just come and see Eli, he will take care of it for you! PROMISE! We are still cloth diapering at home, but not so much when we are out (solid poop and disposal aren't a fun thing when shopping...sorry) BUT at home they are still great! and what a money saver :) Eli will have you know, he isn't a teddy boy like his brother and sister...nope, he's a blanket baby!...and a cute one at that...sleeps on this tummy and holds the edge in one hand...a baby after his mommies heart!
baby #4, well, I think reality started to sink in when we heard the heartbeat...ha, nope, I'm still not sure I really believe it! About 3 weeks ago, the kids and I heard the heartbeat, and had a great day of school right there in the dr's office. Emma was SO excited and ask all kinds of awesome questions. My favorite was..."Mommy, if our baby has a heartbeat, that means she's ALIVE...right?" How awesome it was to be able to say YES, Emma, that is right! If there is a heartbeat....that's means there is LIFE....ALWAYS! We talked of life, when it starts, and even death (or as Ian asked..."if it's not beating, is it broken?") and when and why death happens...did I mention I LOVE homeschool! If Emma were in school I wouldn't of had that chance w/ her! OK...sorry, back to baby #4, well, he/she is a stinker already if you ask me...making me SO sick...even the OB nurse started asking if there was a chance there were 2! HA, ummm, no, I'm not even looking for that as a option! We have our u/s next Tuesday the 22nd (what a fun Christmas present!) so the bets are out on what this one is...if you caught Emma's referral earlier...then you know what she is hoping for! Ian informed us the other day that if this one isn't a girl he wouldn't like it!....ha, umm, we had a talk about how God would give us what HE knows is best for our family...I could tell Ian wasn't convinced that God knew better than he does! :) Alex says girl, and I am telling everyone that I believe what Alex' says...he's never been wrong. I'm not convinced, I remember telling everyone w/ Emma, that I could have 10 more babies and they would all be boys....she would be my only girl...guess we'll find out, I good either way, just want to know it's healthy!
So how was our Thanksgiving....? It was great, Alex did all the cooking (I did help!) and I did all the baking, and we ate at mom and Gary's as they came back home from Durham the day before Thanksgiving....so us 5, Nick's 4, and mom and Gary enjoys a quiet meal (quiet w/ 5 kids...lol) and afternoon. I for the first time since Dad died, ventured out on black Friday...early...like 4:30 am early! YEP, I did...and WE had A BLAST....first of all mom came w/ me (and I crave every moment I can get w/ her now a days...funny how 8 months away will make a girl have renewed appreciation for her mom!) and we met Melanie at Target at 5!....I saved like $300 and was SO pleased! YEP, it will be back on my yearly tradition!...funny how long lines are no big deal when you don't have kids w/ you! :) Then Saturday after thanksgiving we did our annual Christmas decorating day...so fun w/ kids...so much more fun w/ kids than ever before!...we have started everyday since w/ Christmas music :)
It's beinging to look alot like Christmas! What we have done, well I wanted to start lots of new things this year and start having some "traditions" to build on now that Emma and Ian are a little older! We went to see the gingerbread lane done by people as a way to support CMC children's hospital, they really enjoyed going and seeing all the things you can do w/ gingerbread and candy...then the following Monday we made our own house and train...a FUN time we will be doing again in the following years! We have had a craft day w/ Savannah, which was fun and a definite "tradition" for the following years to come! This week we are hosting a Christmas party, which I think I am most excited about for now, but I know the kids will have a blast and hopefully us homeschool mommies will have a chance to talk too!...another thing I am hoping to make a "tradition" for us! Emma came to me the other day wanting to know when she was going to shop for her brothers presents, so that is another thing we added to our "traditions" I am so glad she wanted to do that, and am even more excited that she and Ian both knew exactly what to buy for each other and Eli too...they both put thought and care into their gifts for each other...and are more excited about their sibling getting their present, than receiving their own!....yea! We spent an evening w/ Elevation filling shoe boxes for Samaritan's Purse, in which they helped carry 100's of boxes to be stacked...they were so proud of themselves for all their hard work, and it was a good chance to talk about kids who won't get anything other than that box for Christmas...another conversation which was awesome!
Well, I think that about catches everyone up on life...oh wait, Gary and Mom, well, what is there is say other than it's still hard for them, there are up day and DOWN days, they do their best to take it all in stride...they are amazing people for sure! Please continue to keep them in your prayers! Pray for his strength and rehabilitation!
Now, I think that catches everyone up! I can't even promise that it won't be 2 months before you hear from me again....just know I am doing great, and LOVING life to it's fullest, which doesn't always allow me to blog too! My life is such a blessing and I am SO grateful for all the Lord has given to me! I will try to post some pictures soon....and a quick note on our findings next Tuesday...what do you think it is? Girl or Boy?
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sunday, September 27, 2009
SURPRISES
One thing in life that can catch us off guard is surprises....but surprises are always around every corner. I thought I would dediciate a whole blog to those sneaky little things!
Some surprises are good...
... chatting w/ a friend I haven't seen in forever.
... a memory from the past
... a few moments out with my mom for lunch
... flowers on my birthday
... like when your pastor talks about the very thing you have been struggling w/
... like when your pastor preaches from the same verses you have been studying
... coloring pages colored just for YOU mommy!
Some surprises are not so good
... when Emma and Alex threw up all night...ewww
... when Eli and Ian waited 4 days before they decided to throw up all night, even more eww....and poor Eli, so pitiful and such a big boy
... when the computers didn't work again! at check in!....grr!
... when Gary made a sudden turn for the worse w/ a fractured back! (he's doing fine now!)
... when your baby is ONE already!...well I have 2 more days, until it's official!
Some surprises are just that...a HUGE surprise
... like those two pink lines showing up on that test AGAIN!
... like the joy that came/is coming w/ those lines...even though it wasn't OUR plan, It has always been GOD's plan!
Surprises are funny things, they always seem to come when least suspected!
Some surprises are good...
... chatting w/ a friend I haven't seen in forever.
... a memory from the past
... a few moments out with my mom for lunch
... flowers on my birthday
... like when your pastor talks about the very thing you have been struggling w/
... like when your pastor preaches from the same verses you have been studying
... coloring pages colored just for YOU mommy!
Some surprises are not so good
... when Emma and Alex threw up all night...ewww
... when Eli and Ian waited 4 days before they decided to throw up all night, even more eww....and poor Eli, so pitiful and such a big boy
... when the computers didn't work again! at check in!....grr!
... when Gary made a sudden turn for the worse w/ a fractured back! (he's doing fine now!)
... when your baby is ONE already!...well I have 2 more days, until it's official!
Some surprises are just that...a HUGE surprise
... like those two pink lines showing up on that test AGAIN!
... like the joy that came/is coming w/ those lines...even though it wasn't OUR plan, It has always been GOD's plan!
Surprises are funny things, they always seem to come when least suspected!
Friday, September 11, 2009
update on Gary
this is the latest email from mom on Gary....I haven't had a chance to talk to her today...so for now this is all I know...please Pray for him!
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
Yesterday Gary was admitted to the 9200 unit (bone marrow transplant) at Duke Hospital for severe pain.
Gary continues to be in quite a bit of pain. The medications works for awhile. Finding the right combination is being a challenge. His pain can be controlled for awhile but then returns aggressively. He is very sensitive to pain meds and that has complicated finding the most effective medication but not causing him to be confused and "out of it".
Gary had a MRI late this afternoon. The evening doctor on call came by to inform us that the reason for Gary's severe pain is a fractured vertebra. (2nd Lumbar vertebra) An orthopedic specialist will be called in tomorrow for consultation. Right now Gary is confined to his bed and finds if he "just doesn't move" he doesn't hurt to bad...unless his lower back spasms. Bed rest, pain control is the current plan. We will hopefully have more information tomorrow after we discuss this with our AMBT medical team.
Please pray for Gary's pain, and don't forget he is still struggling with the polyoma virus. This virus is in the bladder which also creates its on problems. We pray tomorrow we will have some idea what the next step will be.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers. We are trusting God this too is simply a "bump" in the road.
Love and prayers all, Shirley
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
Yesterday Gary was admitted to the 9200 unit (bone marrow transplant) at Duke Hospital for severe pain.
Gary continues to be in quite a bit of pain. The medications works for awhile. Finding the right combination is being a challenge. His pain can be controlled for awhile but then returns aggressively. He is very sensitive to pain meds and that has complicated finding the most effective medication but not causing him to be confused and "out of it".
Gary had a MRI late this afternoon. The evening doctor on call came by to inform us that the reason for Gary's severe pain is a fractured vertebra. (2nd Lumbar vertebra) An orthopedic specialist will be called in tomorrow for consultation. Right now Gary is confined to his bed and finds if he "just doesn't move" he doesn't hurt to bad...unless his lower back spasms. Bed rest, pain control is the current plan. We will hopefully have more information tomorrow after we discuss this with our AMBT medical team.
Please pray for Gary's pain, and don't forget he is still struggling with the polyoma virus. This virus is in the bladder which also creates its on problems. We pray tomorrow we will have some idea what the next step will be.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers. We are trusting God this too is simply a "bump" in the road.
Love and prayers all, Shirley
Saturday, August 22, 2009
hmmm, a title, Pam this is for you:) - (bringing mom and Gary home)
mom and I were out shopping yesterday...WOW, how great it is to say that! and we ran into some friends..isn't it SO fun to run into people you don't get to see often, and as you leave you think, I wish I made more of a point to see them...Brandy, I need to make more of a point to see you! While we were chatting, Pam mentioned that she checked my blog for updates on Gary....I must admit that threw me.....I never stop to think about who might be reading my blog...especially those people who don't leave comments!...haha...ummummm PAM! So, IF you read my blog, I'm curious to know...SO please please leave me a comment!...just one, I won't ask again! Promise!
Nick and I went up on Wednesday morning and packed up mom and Gary and brought them home! I must admit....I might of been a little worried about being in a car w/ my brother for 5 hours in one day...but, in the end, we were always "trained" that no matter what happened in life we would always be brother and sister...and in the end we had an awesome day ( and he slept most of the way up there! heeheee!) He got off work at 6:30AM and we were out of here by 7AM. Once in Durham I headed to a meeting w/ mom and Gary and Nick caught a couple of hours of sleep! Once we left the clinic we picked Nick up and had some birthday lunch....yep it was Gary's birthday! After some BBQ we packed the van and headed out...we were back here about 5:40ish...and I literally dumped them off and had to split! Nick, Samantha and Savannah hung around and helped unload and had pizza w/ them...giving Savannah some time to see Papa! I came home to my family who were stuffed in the Fit...and I mean stuffed...lol..and we headed off to our volunteer meeting at our Uptown campus of Elevation! It was an awesome day....awesome. The kids and I headed over to see Papa the next morning after school.
Ian's quote to Papa "Papa, I missed you, I was mad that you were gone so long...don't go again" I think for a 3 year old, he summed up the emotions of the whole experience very well! To say the least my kids are glad they are home....Eli cried when mom left yesterday...he wouldn't even come to me from her...funny! He was only 6 months old when they left and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has seem them since, yet it's like he still knows..."I like her, and want to keep her around!"
What else is going on around here? Well, a couple of weeks ago, we took up our carpet and put down new flooring...that was exciting...and a big job! I am glad it's done and it looks awesome (good job Alex!) We started school, yes Emma is now in kindergarten...she LOVES school, and I am really enjoying teaching her....I never knew how much fun it would be to watch her discover new things! We are still adjusting and working out the schedule thing (if Eli would sleep at the same times every day that would help! ha!) to say the least, Emma and I are learning to be flexible!
Ian is growing like a weed! He is loving doing some preschool, which right now consist mostly of scissors and cutting!...lol, he loves him some cutting! He's doing great now, he had a rough start w/ the idea of Emma not being at his disposal to play...let's just say he didn't like the word "school" for a while! HA...so we just finished our second full weeks of school...why so early? Well, I HATE, no dislike the month of August, b/c it's SO HOT! So I thought, why not go ahead and start now with the plan of getting out in late April or early May...or we might just take a nice long break in October...when it' s SO enjoyable outside....or maybe both...she IS just in kindergarten. I chose to do 4 days a week, Monday-Thursday with Friday as a craft or field trip day....I chose to make my main focus this year on phonics and let everything else shadow it. As long as she can read, she can do anything...so that's my focus for this year, yet having said that, I am taking things VERY slowly...making sure she understands what she is learning!
Eli...is almost ONE! It can't be possible! He is pulling up and now has one word "BYE" along w/ a wave! It's really funny when you are talking and say something like "I went by there" and he starts saying "BYE....BYE....BYE" and waving!...it's too funny! He is turning into a daddy's boy and when Alex gets home from work...if he doesn't get to Eli fast enough then Eli melts...and will sit in the floor crying "DADADADADADA" also too cute! He is pulling up everywhere...the other day I caught him pulled up to the potty...while Ian was using it!...nice, lucky for me, he wasn't trying to catch the stream...just checking it out! Needless to say we now have the big kids making sure they close the door when they go to the bathroom! It's always an adventure around here! ALWAYS, but it's my adventure and I love every moment of it...(as I was typing that a cup of milk hit the floor! HA!) I still love every moment..spilt milk and all! Now I am off to keep up with my life....dishes, dirty clothes and diapers to be washed....then off to sign up for ballet...Emma that is not me! lol....to visit Alex's grandparents...hopefully I can squeeze in a trip to target, party city and ross!....we'll see! :) Enjoy your day...I'm going to enjoy mine!
Nick and I went up on Wednesday morning and packed up mom and Gary and brought them home! I must admit....I might of been a little worried about being in a car w/ my brother for 5 hours in one day...but, in the end, we were always "trained" that no matter what happened in life we would always be brother and sister...and in the end we had an awesome day ( and he slept most of the way up there! heeheee!) He got off work at 6:30AM and we were out of here by 7AM. Once in Durham I headed to a meeting w/ mom and Gary and Nick caught a couple of hours of sleep! Once we left the clinic we picked Nick up and had some birthday lunch....yep it was Gary's birthday! After some BBQ we packed the van and headed out...we were back here about 5:40ish...and I literally dumped them off and had to split! Nick, Samantha and Savannah hung around and helped unload and had pizza w/ them...giving Savannah some time to see Papa! I came home to my family who were stuffed in the Fit...and I mean stuffed...lol..and we headed off to our volunteer meeting at our Uptown campus of Elevation! It was an awesome day....awesome. The kids and I headed over to see Papa the next morning after school.
Ian's quote to Papa "Papa, I missed you, I was mad that you were gone so long...don't go again" I think for a 3 year old, he summed up the emotions of the whole experience very well! To say the least my kids are glad they are home....Eli cried when mom left yesterday...he wouldn't even come to me from her...funny! He was only 6 months old when they left and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has seem them since, yet it's like he still knows..."I like her, and want to keep her around!"
What else is going on around here? Well, a couple of weeks ago, we took up our carpet and put down new flooring...that was exciting...and a big job! I am glad it's done and it looks awesome (good job Alex!) We started school, yes Emma is now in kindergarten...she LOVES school, and I am really enjoying teaching her....I never knew how much fun it would be to watch her discover new things! We are still adjusting and working out the schedule thing (if Eli would sleep at the same times every day that would help! ha!) to say the least, Emma and I are learning to be flexible!
Ian is growing like a weed! He is loving doing some preschool, which right now consist mostly of scissors and cutting!...lol, he loves him some cutting! He's doing great now, he had a rough start w/ the idea of Emma not being at his disposal to play...let's just say he didn't like the word "school" for a while! HA...so we just finished our second full weeks of school...why so early? Well, I HATE, no dislike the month of August, b/c it's SO HOT! So I thought, why not go ahead and start now with the plan of getting out in late April or early May...or we might just take a nice long break in October...when it' s SO enjoyable outside....or maybe both...she IS just in kindergarten. I chose to do 4 days a week, Monday-Thursday with Friday as a craft or field trip day....I chose to make my main focus this year on phonics and let everything else shadow it. As long as she can read, she can do anything...so that's my focus for this year, yet having said that, I am taking things VERY slowly...making sure she understands what she is learning!
Eli...is almost ONE! It can't be possible! He is pulling up and now has one word "BYE" along w/ a wave! It's really funny when you are talking and say something like "I went by there" and he starts saying "BYE....BYE....BYE" and waving!...it's too funny! He is turning into a daddy's boy and when Alex gets home from work...if he doesn't get to Eli fast enough then Eli melts...and will sit in the floor crying "DADADADADADA" also too cute! He is pulling up everywhere...the other day I caught him pulled up to the potty...while Ian was using it!...nice, lucky for me, he wasn't trying to catch the stream...just checking it out! Needless to say we now have the big kids making sure they close the door when they go to the bathroom! It's always an adventure around here! ALWAYS, but it's my adventure and I love every moment of it...(as I was typing that a cup of milk hit the floor! HA!) I still love every moment..spilt milk and all! Now I am off to keep up with my life....dishes, dirty clothes and diapers to be washed....then off to sign up for ballet...Emma that is not me! lol....to visit Alex's grandparents...hopefully I can squeeze in a trip to target, party city and ross!....we'll see! :) Enjoy your day...I'm going to enjoy mine!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
11 days...but who's counting! :)
This is the email that Gary sent out yesterday....it is wonderful to report that they might be home in 11 days! I'm not sure who is counting more than they are...maybe the us kids...or maybe the grandkids(no actually we have spared them the need...and haven't told them yet...I know how disappointed I'll be if it doesn't work out...I don't want them to have to deal w/ that) Keep praying...as he will tell you the next days are still critical....but each day that passes by w/o any issues means he is less and less likely to have issues creep up!
Dear praying friends:
Shirley and I were encouraged today by the "counts" we received at the Bone Marrow Clinic and we are told that this is exactly the progress they want to see. The "rash" (which is a result of Donor Vs. Host disease) is minimal. They said that it is good to see "some" of this for it showed that the new cells were getting acquainted with the older cells in my body. The amazing thing is that I now have the blood type of my donor. So I went from an O to an A+. I like the letter, wish I had had more of these while I was in school, But isn't that miraculous that the very life of someone else is now that which is keeping me alive. We just Praise the Lord.
They are spreading out our visits to the clinic and most of the time we go now on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and have the other days "off". As we progress, if counts stay stable this will be extended and ultimately will result in our being released from Duke and sent home to our own physicians. I can hardly believe it. 140 days ago, I was near death and now have the hope and opportunity to live once again. Thank you all for your continuing prayers. These next 2-3 weeks is a critical period and we are praying that all stays stable.
Shirley is doing a wonderful job keeping me up to snuff on my medicines, creams and just coordinating our days. I literally could not have come this far without her. Isn't is marvelous how the Lord "orders" all things
We look forward to the day when we will be together to praise His name!
Gary & Shirley
Dear praying friends:
Shirley and I were encouraged today by the "counts" we received at the Bone Marrow Clinic and we are told that this is exactly the progress they want to see. The "rash" (which is a result of Donor Vs. Host disease) is minimal. They said that it is good to see "some" of this for it showed that the new cells were getting acquainted with the older cells in my body. The amazing thing is that I now have the blood type of my donor. So I went from an O to an A+. I like the letter, wish I had had more of these while I was in school, But isn't that miraculous that the very life of someone else is now that which is keeping me alive. We just Praise the Lord.
They are spreading out our visits to the clinic and most of the time we go now on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and have the other days "off". As we progress, if counts stay stable this will be extended and ultimately will result in our being released from Duke and sent home to our own physicians. I can hardly believe it. 140 days ago, I was near death and now have the hope and opportunity to live once again. Thank you all for your continuing prayers. These next 2-3 weeks is a critical period and we are praying that all stays stable.
Shirley is doing a wonderful job keeping me up to snuff on my medicines, creams and just coordinating our days. I literally could not have come this far without her. Isn't is marvelous how the Lord "orders" all things
We look forward to the day when we will be together to praise His name!
Gary & Shirley
Saturday, July 25, 2009
news! :)
I know I seem to start every blog out w/ it's been a while, but I wanted to share the news that our family has been waiting for for the last 4 almost 5 months now! ENJOY!
Dear Precious Praying Friends:
Over the past weeks we have prayed for God's miraculous healing power to be shown in my life. And, we have seen many evidences of His hand at work. I know these have been a blessing to you as well as to us.
Today, we received a call from the Bone Marrow Clinic that literally "knocked our socks off". The results of the latest tests showed that their was NO LEUKEMIC cells in my bone marrow and that it appears that the depleted chromosomes have been reversed which would indicate that the MDS has also been eliminated. This is exactly what we have been praying for. There could be no better report...a COMPLETE REMISSSION! PTL
We cannot stop praising the Lord for His grace and mercy. To think that the old bone marrow has been wiped clean and the donor's stem cells are taking over is a miracle in itself. Now we are dealing with a slow process of engrafting and looking for any deviation as time goes along. We anticipate another two months or so here in Durham as they monitor blood work and other issues. I am looking forward to being back in our own home but only as God's timing is revealed. We want to be sure that all of this "takes" and that we understand any new regimen that will be required.
We have literally been "praying" and thanking God,in advance, that this would take place and that all would be well. Spurgeon says: "Praise Him before you are delivered. Praise Him for what is coming. Adore Him for what he is going to do. I do not think there is a sweeter sound in God's ear than the song of one who blesses Him for grace that has not yet been tasted, who blesses Him for answers that have not been received but are sure to come".
Regardless of our circumstances, if we will go in the name of God, meet our difficulties, not having any plans or tricks, just commit ourselves to God and trust Him, we will see marvelous things that will utterly astonish us.
Today - we were "astonished". And tomorrow will be another opportunity to praise Him for what He is doing in our lives. Let us continue to "hold hands" and lift our praise to Him until His entire work has been accomplished.
As you pray, please pray for relief and healing for me from a viral infection. Basically the medical team are treating the symptoms as other possible medication could compromise the blood counts.
Grateful for your prayers,
Gary & Shirley
Please continue to pray for Gary, there are other issues that are being dealt w/ now...side effects from all the treatment. Most are able to be treated quickly...other things are more of a process....pray that none of them will keep them in Durham longer than necessary...they are starting to yearn to be home!
Dear Precious Praying Friends:
Over the past weeks we have prayed for God's miraculous healing power to be shown in my life. And, we have seen many evidences of His hand at work. I know these have been a blessing to you as well as to us.
Today, we received a call from the Bone Marrow Clinic that literally "knocked our socks off". The results of the latest tests showed that their was NO LEUKEMIC cells in my bone marrow and that it appears that the depleted chromosomes have been reversed which would indicate that the MDS has also been eliminated. This is exactly what we have been praying for. There could be no better report...a COMPLETE REMISSSION! PTL
We cannot stop praising the Lord for His grace and mercy. To think that the old bone marrow has been wiped clean and the donor's stem cells are taking over is a miracle in itself. Now we are dealing with a slow process of engrafting and looking for any deviation as time goes along. We anticipate another two months or so here in Durham as they monitor blood work and other issues. I am looking forward to being back in our own home but only as God's timing is revealed. We want to be sure that all of this "takes" and that we understand any new regimen that will be required.
We have literally been "praying" and thanking God,in advance, that this would take place and that all would be well. Spurgeon says: "Praise Him before you are delivered. Praise Him for what is coming. Adore Him for what he is going to do. I do not think there is a sweeter sound in God's ear than the song of one who blesses Him for grace that has not yet been tasted, who blesses Him for answers that have not been received but are sure to come".
Regardless of our circumstances, if we will go in the name of God, meet our difficulties, not having any plans or tricks, just commit ourselves to God and trust Him, we will see marvelous things that will utterly astonish us.
Today - we were "astonished". And tomorrow will be another opportunity to praise Him for what He is doing in our lives. Let us continue to "hold hands" and lift our praise to Him until His entire work has been accomplished.
As you pray, please pray for relief and healing for me from a viral infection. Basically the medical team are treating the symptoms as other possible medication could compromise the blood counts.
Grateful for your prayers,
Gary & Shirley
Please continue to pray for Gary, there are other issues that are being dealt w/ now...side effects from all the treatment. Most are able to be treated quickly...other things are more of a process....pray that none of them will keep them in Durham longer than necessary...they are starting to yearn to be home!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
a note from mom-June 17th
This is the latest Email from mom, as Gary was to sick to send one! I was up there w/ the kids over this past weekend, it was the hardest visit we have had yet....for so long it's been easy to forget how sick Gary is, but not this weekend, his body is so tired of the chemo, and the reactions are CRAZY! We were told on Sunday that the transplant might not happen, which was hard for all of us to hear...but they have decided to go forward! We are all standing with full confidence that God is in control and that is allowing us to move forward w/o the fear of what will happen next! Pray that Gary and mom will continue to have this amazing strength that will carry them through! I'll be headed up again this weekend for the transplant and a few days after...pray for Alex (who has been more than understanding) and my big kids as they stay home. Gary won't be able to see any kids for a good while, so they can't go. Eli and Morgan will be hanging out at the hotel....but not around Gary...w/ me. THANK YOU Morgan, you are a lifesaver!! I don't know what I would of done w/o you through this process! Love you girl!
Dear Friends of Ours,
The last few days have been something else. Yesterday after Gary had his lab work, and the blood cultures and x-rays had all come back negative, and since his white count had nadared (was the lowest it has been) it was decided that we would continue on with the transplant. As a result of reoccuring fever spikes, it was also decided that the Hickman "central" line would be pulled and replaced with a catheter that would be placed in his left (bracial) arm.
After receiving three different antibiotics and phosphorus, the central line was removed. We were then sent to the hospital to the 9200 unit where the new "power pick" line would be put in. Because it was so late in the day and the shift changes, we ended up staying overnight at the hospital.
The woman who was to put in the line was preparing Gary and telling us all that could of and should of information...literally too much information. (in my opinion) Fortunately she was very experienced, no we were once again very blessed to benefit from her experience. While she was setting up and getting ready to perform this procedure, I asked if it would offend her if we prayed. We prayed and asked God to reveal Himself to us, that we might sense His presence. We asked that He might guide and direct her hands allowing the catheter to be directed exactly where it was suppose to be. We once again praised God because not only did the line go in very easily but the woman said "that line went in as smooth as molasses." Isn't God amazing.
We returned to the Bone Marrow Clinic this morning at 8:00 and after lab work and antibiotics Gary recieved the first of his preparation chemo. His body reacted to the Campath (chemo) and he had a very rough afternoon. Of course, as always, the nurses were right on top of things. Tonight he is extremely tired, (actually we both are) but he is feeling better than earlier today.
I do not have a scripture to share with you today but I do want you to know that God is so faithful. I must admit to you that Sunday afternoon I was so disappointed that I cried most of the afternoon. As I now look back I am so ashamed that I allowed my doubts and fears to rob me of my joy. I love my heavenly Father with all that is in me. Once again we searched the scriptures for courage and strength to be prepared for God's direction He would determine through our medical team. I know in my heart God is always in control and he never waste our pain, suffering or difficult life situations. He uses all of these circumstances to conform us and to draw us to Himself. I am so thankful He really knows my heart and my desire to become all that he has chosen for me to be. I am just sad that I stumbled on my disappointment.
We truly do appreciate your continued prayer support. These next few weeks will be critical. Please pray for Gary's endurance and success of his transplant. As we pray for God's will together, please know you are loved and we are asking God to pour out his love and blessings on you and yours.
Experiencing His Grace...God's Grace,
Love to all,
Shirley (Gary will write soon!)
Dear Friends of Ours,
The last few days have been something else. Yesterday after Gary had his lab work, and the blood cultures and x-rays had all come back negative, and since his white count had nadared (was the lowest it has been) it was decided that we would continue on with the transplant. As a result of reoccuring fever spikes, it was also decided that the Hickman "central" line would be pulled and replaced with a catheter that would be placed in his left (bracial) arm.
After receiving three different antibiotics and phosphorus, the central line was removed. We were then sent to the hospital to the 9200 unit where the new "power pick" line would be put in. Because it was so late in the day and the shift changes, we ended up staying overnight at the hospital.
The woman who was to put in the line was preparing Gary and telling us all that could of and should of information...literally too much information. (in my opinion) Fortunately she was very experienced, no we were once again very blessed to benefit from her experience. While she was setting up and getting ready to perform this procedure, I asked if it would offend her if we prayed. We prayed and asked God to reveal Himself to us, that we might sense His presence. We asked that He might guide and direct her hands allowing the catheter to be directed exactly where it was suppose to be. We once again praised God because not only did the line go in very easily but the woman said "that line went in as smooth as molasses." Isn't God amazing.
We returned to the Bone Marrow Clinic this morning at 8:00 and after lab work and antibiotics Gary recieved the first of his preparation chemo. His body reacted to the Campath (chemo) and he had a very rough afternoon. Of course, as always, the nurses were right on top of things. Tonight he is extremely tired, (actually we both are) but he is feeling better than earlier today.
I do not have a scripture to share with you today but I do want you to know that God is so faithful. I must admit to you that Sunday afternoon I was so disappointed that I cried most of the afternoon. As I now look back I am so ashamed that I allowed my doubts and fears to rob me of my joy. I love my heavenly Father with all that is in me. Once again we searched the scriptures for courage and strength to be prepared for God's direction He would determine through our medical team. I know in my heart God is always in control and he never waste our pain, suffering or difficult life situations. He uses all of these circumstances to conform us and to draw us to Himself. I am so thankful He really knows my heart and my desire to become all that he has chosen for me to be. I am just sad that I stumbled on my disappointment.
We truly do appreciate your continued prayer support. These next few weeks will be critical. Please pray for Gary's endurance and success of his transplant. As we pray for God's will together, please know you are loved and we are asking God to pour out his love and blessings on you and yours.
Experiencing His Grace...God's Grace,
Love to all,
Shirley (Gary will write soon!)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
June 6th-Gary's note
Dear Friends:
We have completed the week of chemo and are now "resting" up for the weekend. One of the "miracles" we experienced was that the heavier chemo that was designed to be given to me over a 2 hour period (while being watched for 4 hrs.) was inadvertainly given in 14 minutes. You should have seen the Dr's scurry anticipating a "shock" experience with side effects. Unbelievably the Lord had other ideas and there was absolutely no side effects. I did have chills and a temperature spike last night but we were able to handle it at the hotel and we did not have to go to the hospital. PTL.
Today, we are experiencing an unusual amount of tiredness and trust this will pass and that our bodies will now start to get stronger in preparation for the Dr's appointment on Monday and "tests" on Wednesday. This will be in preparation for the chemo and preparation for the cell transplant on June 20. Thank you for continuing to pray for us during these days. We all can see the benevolent hand of God at every turn.
Shirley attended the Care Group meeting on Thursday and found it helpful. This is offered every Thursday and we anticipate that this will give additional support and practical advice to make our healing process as easy as possible. There are so many aspects to this process and we are finding that the "one day at a time" approach suits us best.
So, thanks for all you've done
what were going through is no fun
But as we all trust the Son
we rest assured that His will will be done.
Our love and grateful thanks,
Gary and Shirley
We have completed the week of chemo and are now "resting" up for the weekend. One of the "miracles" we experienced was that the heavier chemo that was designed to be given to me over a 2 hour period (while being watched for 4 hrs.) was inadvertainly given in 14 minutes. You should have seen the Dr's scurry anticipating a "shock" experience with side effects. Unbelievably the Lord had other ideas and there was absolutely no side effects. I did have chills and a temperature spike last night but we were able to handle it at the hotel and we did not have to go to the hospital. PTL.
Today, we are experiencing an unusual amount of tiredness and trust this will pass and that our bodies will now start to get stronger in preparation for the Dr's appointment on Monday and "tests" on Wednesday. This will be in preparation for the chemo and preparation for the cell transplant on June 20. Thank you for continuing to pray for us during these days. We all can see the benevolent hand of God at every turn.
Shirley attended the Care Group meeting on Thursday and found it helpful. This is offered every Thursday and we anticipate that this will give additional support and practical advice to make our healing process as easy as possible. There are so many aspects to this process and we are finding that the "one day at a time" approach suits us best.
So, thanks for all you've done
what were going through is no fun
But as we all trust the Son
we rest assured that His will will be done.
Our love and grateful thanks,
Gary and Shirley
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
long time, I know!
Ok so as prompted by Bekah I need to do an update on Gary! Then I need to share a few other things too!
Gary is undergoing more chemo this week...out patient through the bone marrow clinic. They have scheduled his transplant for the 19-20th of this month. They were told today that it would be the 20th/21st...so as you can see, the dates change often....it depends on the donor. So at this point, he will receive chemo this week...then have a week off to recover, then more chemo the week of the transplant...then the transplant hopefully on the 20th. Then daily trips to the "transplant clinic" for the next 3 months. As long as he is doing well, he will stay out-patient. That means he will be w/ mom at the hotel. They changed rooms to a room that allowed him to rest in bed and mom to stay up and not disturb him! It also has a table for them to eat at, which the other room didn't have! This Hotel is AWESOME to them, the staff treat them as if it were their own parents! Mom came home last week for some of her own dr.s appointments..the big one to check on the cancer spots in her colon went great...she was released for 3 years! PRAISE GOD. Her eye dr appointment, not so well...she has been referred to a dr at Duke...lol...at least it's convenient! She had lens transplants a few years back and one of her eye's is struggling...so they will work to figure it all out! She was able to be home for my brother's 30th birthday, which we threw him a surprise party. He also was also sworn in w/ Matthews Police Department on his birthday...so she was here for that. I hate that Gary missed all of the fun, but I am so glad that mom was able to be here....I am thankfully for the times I can see God's hand in things as if to say, I really am here, and I really really do care, even about the small things!
That about covers all I can think of w/ mom and Gary...please remember them on the 20th of this month, they will covet your prayers!
The kids are doing great, GROWING! We went to the beach over Memorial day and had a blast! Eli LOVED the sand and the pool. We put him in his floaty raft and he floated like a lilly pad all over the pool! It was wonderful to get away from the everyday-ness of life for a few days! While I was gone all my books for Emma's school came in...so when I got home it was like Christmas for me! :) I have finished all the purchases I need for school and couldn't be more excited or happy w/ my choices, I feel like all my reading and researching has paid off!...but I guess that still remains to be seen! lol! :) We will be deciding this week rather Emma will do dance or gymnastics this fall...we have an opportunity for her to "try" a class at a gym tomorrow...so after that we'll be deciding! I am excited for her, and I know she is thrilled to get back to something after taking the year off this past year!
Let's see, what else, the garden is growing, I'm ready to start picking...of course I feel that way every year, I want to start picking now, b/c I know later is will be SO HOT! LOL! If only it worked that way, but I know I'll have to wait til it's ready...it won't be long!
oh, I'm looking for a swim teacher for this summer...but I need them to be able to provide the pool...if anyone knows someone, let me know! I don't want to go to the Y or the Aquatic Center...I know w/ all that's going on I won't be able to use them enough to warrant paying for it....so I'm looking for someone local outside the Y. In Stanly county the parks and rec provide swimming lessons...but I don't think that's an option here in Union County and I sure can't drive to Albemarle every day for a week or 2....lol! So just thought I would throw it out there....let me know if you have an idea for me!
Well, I'm going to cut this short...mom is going to skype me in a minute and I won't to be finished w/ this first!
OH...again! I wanted to let y'all know, that I am planning on taking a blogging break. I sorta already have as I'm sure you have noticed! If you need me, email me...I'm also taking a break from facebook too...so you'll have to email me! I will continue to do update on Gary and mom, and so no one will worry...no news is good news! K! Love too all, and I will miss you! But for now, this is best for me, I won't delete my blog or facebook, but I won't be around near as much! Kate, I will be watching for baby Briggs to make his appearance! :) thanks for reading my thoughts....eventually I will be back!
Gary is undergoing more chemo this week...out patient through the bone marrow clinic. They have scheduled his transplant for the 19-20th of this month. They were told today that it would be the 20th/21st...so as you can see, the dates change often....it depends on the donor. So at this point, he will receive chemo this week...then have a week off to recover, then more chemo the week of the transplant...then the transplant hopefully on the 20th. Then daily trips to the "transplant clinic" for the next 3 months. As long as he is doing well, he will stay out-patient. That means he will be w/ mom at the hotel. They changed rooms to a room that allowed him to rest in bed and mom to stay up and not disturb him! It also has a table for them to eat at, which the other room didn't have! This Hotel is AWESOME to them, the staff treat them as if it were their own parents! Mom came home last week for some of her own dr.s appointments..the big one to check on the cancer spots in her colon went great...she was released for 3 years! PRAISE GOD. Her eye dr appointment, not so well...she has been referred to a dr at Duke...lol...at least it's convenient! She had lens transplants a few years back and one of her eye's is struggling...so they will work to figure it all out! She was able to be home for my brother's 30th birthday, which we threw him a surprise party. He also was also sworn in w/ Matthews Police Department on his birthday...so she was here for that. I hate that Gary missed all of the fun, but I am so glad that mom was able to be here....I am thankfully for the times I can see God's hand in things as if to say, I really am here, and I really really do care, even about the small things!
That about covers all I can think of w/ mom and Gary...please remember them on the 20th of this month, they will covet your prayers!
The kids are doing great, GROWING! We went to the beach over Memorial day and had a blast! Eli LOVED the sand and the pool. We put him in his floaty raft and he floated like a lilly pad all over the pool! It was wonderful to get away from the everyday-ness of life for a few days! While I was gone all my books for Emma's school came in...so when I got home it was like Christmas for me! :) I have finished all the purchases I need for school and couldn't be more excited or happy w/ my choices, I feel like all my reading and researching has paid off!...but I guess that still remains to be seen! lol! :) We will be deciding this week rather Emma will do dance or gymnastics this fall...we have an opportunity for her to "try" a class at a gym tomorrow...so after that we'll be deciding! I am excited for her, and I know she is thrilled to get back to something after taking the year off this past year!
Let's see, what else, the garden is growing, I'm ready to start picking...of course I feel that way every year, I want to start picking now, b/c I know later is will be SO HOT! LOL! If only it worked that way, but I know I'll have to wait til it's ready...it won't be long!
oh, I'm looking for a swim teacher for this summer...but I need them to be able to provide the pool...if anyone knows someone, let me know! I don't want to go to the Y or the Aquatic Center...I know w/ all that's going on I won't be able to use them enough to warrant paying for it....so I'm looking for someone local outside the Y. In Stanly county the parks and rec provide swimming lessons...but I don't think that's an option here in Union County and I sure can't drive to Albemarle every day for a week or 2....lol! So just thought I would throw it out there....let me know if you have an idea for me!
Well, I'm going to cut this short...mom is going to skype me in a minute and I won't to be finished w/ this first!
OH...again! I wanted to let y'all know, that I am planning on taking a blogging break. I sorta already have as I'm sure you have noticed! If you need me, email me...I'm also taking a break from facebook too...so you'll have to email me! I will continue to do update on Gary and mom, and so no one will worry...no news is good news! K! Love too all, and I will miss you! But for now, this is best for me, I won't delete my blog or facebook, but I won't be around near as much! Kate, I will be watching for baby Briggs to make his appearance! :) thanks for reading my thoughts....eventually I will be back!
Monday, May 11, 2009
my thought for today...
Someone asked last night at church if I had updated my blog lately....and I haven't given an update of mom and Gary in a while...so I wanted to do that this morning as there as has been some knew developments in the last few days! Last week (on Tuesday I think) Alex told me to plan to go and visit my mom for a few nights...it was the best thing he could of given me for Mother's Day! A couple of days w/ my mom! So the baby and I left on Thursday afternoon and headed to Durham! We had an awesome time shopping on Friday and then went on Saturday morning to get Mani/Pedi's for Mothers Day! Needless to say, it was time to come home WAY TO QUICKLY! While I was there, Gary received a call from the clinic to let him know that a donor has been found and contacted and they have agreed to donate! That is great news...but honestly it comes w/ mixed emotions. It is still so hard to look at Gary and believe that he will not live unless he goes through this process. He looks so great...even w/ no hair...he doesn't look sick! It's hard to believe that he is fixin' to enter this long risky process of bone marrow transplant! I attached the letter he send out on Saturday morning below! Since I left up there on Saturday, he has gone back into the hospital w/ a fever. They started antibiotics and he is doing well...they changed the plans for today to an "in-house" process. He must pass a lot of testing to be able to have the transplant....any "failing" of any of the test will make it unlikely for him to process! So as you can imagine today is vital as to what comes next for him! Please pray, that he and mom will have peace, and that God's will be so clear to them! They simply amaze me...as their biggest concern, is that if they receive bad news...how others will deal w/ it. as in the kids at their church as fasting for him, and their friends are grieving over not getting to see them...which I admit I understand! :) They are concerned how others will respond to "bad news"....it amazes me so much how they..although they don't want bad news, are at complete peace w/ whatever God has planned for them! I am doing my best to follow their guidelines and their standards...God teaches us to look to those we want to be like and do as they do!...well, I'm doing my best to do as they are doing...but I doubt I can ever do it as well as they do!....enjoy the note below! :)
Happy Mother's day...a day late...to all the mommy's who read my blog! Enjoy each new day that the Lord has given you with your children! They are a true gift from God!
Dear Praying Friends:
"...I will sing of Your power; Yes, I will sing aloud of Your mercy in the morning; For You have been my defense and refuge in the day of my trouble. To You, O my Strength, I will sing praises; for God is my defense, my God of mercy." (Psalm 59:16, 17).
Your prayers, for us, continue to be answered! "A SUITABLE BONE MARROW DONOR HAS BEEN FOUND" is what the lady at the Bone Marrow Clinic told us late yesterday afternoon. "We'd like for you to come in early Monday morning to begin an initial work up"
Our immediate response was one of total excitement and then came a mixture of "now we enter into the hard part" and "Lord, we sure need Your help".
A dear friend reminded me of the song Doug Oldham used to sing entitled: We have come this far by Faith where it says "we're leaning on the Lord and we're Trusting in His Holy Word." In Psalm 57:1 we read: "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by." Doesn't that remind you of the song Till the storm passes by? And, doesn't it just thrill your soul when the Word of God, set to music, causes one to look up with praise and gratitude?
Monday will be a full day of labs, lung test, X ray, EKG and an appointment in the afternoon with Dr. Rizzeri (the lead Dr.) for an evaluation. When these tests reveal that I am "ready" they will make more firm arrangements with the donor as to possible dates of "cell transplant". The donor is to be given three dates from which to pick the most convenient and to make arrangements for he/she to be "tested and made ready" as well. This could come together as soon as the first or second week in June. Only God is aware of the timetable at this point.
Shirley does need to return to Charlotte for a few days the last week of May for some medical appointments she has already set up. Whether I will be able to accompany her or not will depend on my then present condition and/or need for more "seclusion". Even when "we" return home there will be the need for being "very" careful as to surroundings and people. I am so grateful we even have the "opportunity" to continue to live for His glory and each other.
Pray that we will be able to remain strong, be at peace with the Dr's decisions, remain in His Word and trusting His hand. You all are so valuable and precious to us and we praise the Lord daily for each one of you.
His Grace continues,
Gary & Shirley
Happy Mother's day...a day late...to all the mommy's who read my blog! Enjoy each new day that the Lord has given you with your children! They are a true gift from God!
Dear Praying Friends:
"...I will sing of Your power; Yes, I will sing aloud of Your mercy in the morning; For You have been my defense and refuge in the day of my trouble. To You, O my Strength, I will sing praises; for God is my defense, my God of mercy." (Psalm 59:16, 17).
Your prayers, for us, continue to be answered! "A SUITABLE BONE MARROW DONOR HAS BEEN FOUND" is what the lady at the Bone Marrow Clinic told us late yesterday afternoon. "We'd like for you to come in early Monday morning to begin an initial work up"
Our immediate response was one of total excitement and then came a mixture of "now we enter into the hard part" and "Lord, we sure need Your help".
A dear friend reminded me of the song Doug Oldham used to sing entitled: We have come this far by Faith where it says "we're leaning on the Lord and we're Trusting in His Holy Word." In Psalm 57:1 we read: "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by." Doesn't that remind you of the song Till the storm passes by? And, doesn't it just thrill your soul when the Word of God, set to music, causes one to look up with praise and gratitude?
Monday will be a full day of labs, lung test, X ray, EKG and an appointment in the afternoon with Dr. Rizzeri (the lead Dr.) for an evaluation. When these tests reveal that I am "ready" they will make more firm arrangements with the donor as to possible dates of "cell transplant". The donor is to be given three dates from which to pick the most convenient and to make arrangements for he/she to be "tested and made ready" as well. This could come together as soon as the first or second week in June. Only God is aware of the timetable at this point.
Shirley does need to return to Charlotte for a few days the last week of May for some medical appointments she has already set up. Whether I will be able to accompany her or not will depend on my then present condition and/or need for more "seclusion". Even when "we" return home there will be the need for being "very" careful as to surroundings and people. I am so grateful we even have the "opportunity" to continue to live for His glory and each other.
Pray that we will be able to remain strong, be at peace with the Dr's decisions, remain in His Word and trusting His hand. You all are so valuable and precious to us and we praise the Lord daily for each one of you.
His Grace continues,
Gary & Shirley
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
do overs
It's been a long time since I have sat at this computer to express my feeling here on my blog. I have been so busy, sometimes I feel to busy to have time for feelings...so I think I spend to much time pushing them away....so I don't have to think about them. It's interesting to me where life has brought me...so much has been covered in the last decade of my life! But lately I've been feeling that God is in a way giving me a "do over" You know, you do something...it's just not quite right...so you rip out that seam, and DO IT OVER! Can you tell I've been sewing some lately! :) The only thing that seems to stay in the back of my mind is...will this day be a "do over" event for me? SEVEN years...wow, I can't believe it's been 7 years...ago today, I said goodbye for now, to daddy! It was such a quick crazy battle w/ cancer...w/ a long hard goodbye at the end. Today, I find Gary, my stepdad, bonus dad, mom's husband, my kids papa...which ever name you want to give him....fighting the same fight. I feel as this has been my do-over chance. When dad was sick, I was still so young, just learning to stand on my own as...well, so many thing, as a person, as a Christian, as a soon to be wife..but mostly I was learning to stand on my own as a Christ-follower. It was a hard time for me, I really questioned so many thing...mainly being the "why ME" question. I find myself in a very similar place today...but I feel God showing me somethings about myself this time that have been so encouraging. It's like HE has said to me, I'm giving you a "do-over" so you can see how much you have grown in me in the last few years! Now TRUST ME, I am far from perfect...and thankfully I never will be required to be perfect! I have still had my moments...lot's of them, when I struggle with this current situation, but it has been different this time, I have been able to walk w/ more peace...I don't always feel like that every moment...just ask the girls at community group last Thursday! :) BUT, I do know there has been a HUGE difference in how I have approached it time around! I feel like I'm all grown up now! lol! J/K...I am so J/K! I was reading the post I blogged a year ago...it's amazing that it is word for word how I feel today. The emotions are all still there and so real...I miss daddy more and more I think as time goes on...w/ every event that happens I always wonder what he would of thought. With every struggle, I wish to talk to him...just typing those words brings tears to my eyes...and I know it always will...and I also know, it's ok! Well, I am off, to go visit with my grandparents...I want to do something today that I know dad would be doing if he were here!
love to all!...and daddy, I love you and I miss you!
love to all!...and daddy, I love you and I miss you!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
only a second to spend!
Once again I find that I haven't done very well at updating anything! The kids and I were able to go and visit for a few days, and Alex was able to join us for the weekend up in Durham, it was WONDERFUL to be able to spend a few days with mom and Gary, and Gary was feeling so good while we were there! It seems like things have been so non stop that I feel like we missed April altogether! and now it's May...WOW, where are the days going? I have made some major changes to my schedule of the last couple of weeks and I am really enjoying those changes! We had a yard sale today!....and did very well thank you! It's been a long day...and although I feel like I have so much more I could say...I'm not going to right now, I'm going to go and enjoy our new tv w/ my hubby!
Here is the latest on Gary...he is starting his next round of chemo. Mom called tonight and he's running a fever. Not the one the chemo is suppose to cause, but one from an upper respiratory infection. Play that it will go away and not cause problems...and that his body can fight this infection...and that the dr.s will know what steps to take!
here's the latest note from mom and Gary!
Dear Friends,
Today we begin another new journey. We will be entering the hospital this afternoon. Gary will once again be prepared and will begin his first chemo treatment tonight at 9:00 p.m. This course of chemo will be being administered a little differently but is the same drug as he received previously. The doctors are all optimistic because frankly Gary is feeling stronger now than when we entered the hospital previously. Of course, transplant is still the goal.
We cannot tell you we are going in with eagerness. We both are a little concerned about doing this again. They are still approaching this regimen of therapy with the same precautions as before...expecting "possibly" a high fever at sometime during the next 2 to 3 weeks. We do want his white counts to completely bottom out since we need "remission" to enter transplant. We all have seen God doing amazing things and we are praying for His continual presence and healing.
Today, we have been loved by our Lord through the scriptures, our devotions and our time of prayer. We do experience His peace and comfort.
Psalm 121:1&2 stood out to us today where it reads: " I will lift up my eyes to the hills--from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber" and then verses 7-10 "The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore."
Thank you, dear friends, for your continuing prayer support and encouragement. You mean so much to us.
Depending on His "unsearchable greatness". (Psalm 145:3)
Gary & Shirley
Here is the latest on Gary...he is starting his next round of chemo. Mom called tonight and he's running a fever. Not the one the chemo is suppose to cause, but one from an upper respiratory infection. Play that it will go away and not cause problems...and that his body can fight this infection...and that the dr.s will know what steps to take!
here's the latest note from mom and Gary!
Dear Friends,
Today we begin another new journey. We will be entering the hospital this afternoon. Gary will once again be prepared and will begin his first chemo treatment tonight at 9:00 p.m. This course of chemo will be being administered a little differently but is the same drug as he received previously. The doctors are all optimistic because frankly Gary is feeling stronger now than when we entered the hospital previously. Of course, transplant is still the goal.
We cannot tell you we are going in with eagerness. We both are a little concerned about doing this again. They are still approaching this regimen of therapy with the same precautions as before...expecting "possibly" a high fever at sometime during the next 2 to 3 weeks. We do want his white counts to completely bottom out since we need "remission" to enter transplant. We all have seen God doing amazing things and we are praying for His continual presence and healing.
Today, we have been loved by our Lord through the scriptures, our devotions and our time of prayer. We do experience His peace and comfort.
Psalm 121:1&2 stood out to us today where it reads: " I will lift up my eyes to the hills--from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber" and then verses 7-10 "The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore."
Thank you, dear friends, for your continuing prayer support and encouragement. You mean so much to us.
Depending on His "unsearchable greatness". (Psalm 145:3)
Gary & Shirley
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