farmersdaughter4ever

Two in a month....I'm on a roll!

2011-01-19T19:44:00.002-05:00

So the kids are at awana and the baby is in bed already, Alex picked up the house earlier and I find myself with nothing to do....that just never happens, I'm to tired to start a project, so I thought I would jump on here. Isaac was up a lot last night, not sure why, we ate dinner at souper salad And I am wondering if they spray their lettuce with something....otherwise I have no idea what it was all about....he fussed a lot today, but went to bed well tonight, we'll see! Hoping he will settle down and do well tonight. The dr called and all test were clear and I can start egg in mh diet...I'm honestly not sure how I feel....I don't want to interrupt the good thing I have going, oh but to eat a cookie....hmmmm....so torn!

I don't want this blog to turn into a only about isaac thing, so I am going to move on! I have a question for anyone with a little guy, when I say little, I mean small...peanut....kinda little. Eli is 2 1/2 and he is tiny....he weights like 22 lbs and is well, I'm not sure how tall...but it's not tall at all...he's still wearing 18 m pants and they are long....anyway, he hasn't gained weight in 6 months now and I don't want to worry, but....any thoughts? He is doing great otherwise....he is talking well, still hard to understand, but trying (Emma understands most of what he says) he is well rounded heehee just not very round! He did seem to have a hard time for a while, but let's face it, our whole family had a hard time for a while....screaming babies effects everyone after a while! But he has settled back down very well for the last month or so....our whole house has. I tell people I feel as though we have re-entered the land of the living...and I appologize if you feel as though you were dropped by us in the last six months...it wasnt intentional, we were in survival mode. The mode is switching and you will probably be hearing from me soon, I am finding i want to venture out again! HA!

So Ian...turns 5 soon, oh so hard for me to believe! He is signed up for soccer, which he is excited about, it will be the first time on a "real team". That boy melts my heart and he has a personality that reminds me of dad so often. He loves school, and last night he wanted to do Emma math fact cards....so fun, oh and yes, he totally could do most of them! He is my model, or should be, so fun to take his picture...and so easy....everyone turns out perfect....if only they were all that way.

Emma informed me the other day that she is now 6 1/2 heeehee oh those were the days, remember when that 1/2 mattered so much? She is my hero....she never gets mad at the crying...she has the patience...wow...beyond her years for sure! We are loving school, I am so blessed that I am able to learn from her. :) She is super fun to be around and wise beyond her years. I will work on some pictures soon, but I can't from my iPad, so it will have to wait til I am on the other computer!

Wow...I am averaging 2 post a year! Ha

2011-01-11T21:36:00.002-05:00

AND I don't think it will get any better any time soon. Wow, I had to stop and read what i wrote last, and I admit, it brought tears to my eyes, it's funny how somethings don't chance...ei...your calling, and others change so fast! Last time i did a recap of summer, and now I will give a recap of fall/winter. September is where I left off...fall was a blur really, lots of runny noses and a screaming baby about sums it up...we were told Isaac had a casein allergy...stopped nursing, started a hypoallergenic formula...he stopped eating, called a friend in tears and cried sooooo much that night. Started nursing again on a restricted diet...he was a little better, restricted diet more, he improved again....started dropping unwanted pounds...a bonus side effect of crazy diet! Ha..at six month well visit, we decided to go see an allergist to see if we could find some answers. Expected to find allergies...there were none, but since seeing gi dr we knew he had blood in his stool along with crying times as if he was in a lot of pain....ezema....and abnormal stool...sounds fun right. So more test were done, along with introducing rice cereal...heehee...yeah so every time we would give him cereal he would scream with in 30 minutes, like he was having his insides ripped out of him. So we stopped cereal. All test were back and normal, so it's not allergies....it's FPIES, what is fpies well it's food protein induced enterocolitis syndrome...whew a big label for such a little guy. It's a clinical diagnosis, as there is no way to actually prove it, he has yet to have a "full blown" reaction, but most don't until they actually ingest the food and since we aren't doing much food yet we haven't been there...so we are still nursing and have added in oatmeal, apples, carrots, and pears successfully. The allergist decided to follow this protocol because he fits it perfectly and all the food I have eliminated from my diet are all on the food trigger list for fpies. All the way down to the most common being rice...crazy! It appears that since he was getting the proteins through the breast milk he wasn't having the full reactions...only aggravations, and we are unsure exactly which ones might cause a full attack (which includes throwing up repeatedly for a couple of hours until the body goes into shock) so the future might be bumpy when we start more foods. I must say again, I feel my faith being stretched, and i daily tell myself that its all in His control.
Now on all the other notes, school is still going well, we took a long break over Christmas which was nice. School is going well, we enjoy our days at home! Christmassaws SO SO fun, I bought a shirt that said "the more the merrier" as I get tired of people asking if they are all mine! Heehee! But you can't have four and not have a fun Christmas! Eli really got into the Christmas spirit this year...lol...super fun...still haven't even downloaded those pictures yet, Emma was in the nutcracker again this year and was a little party girl, super cute, and she has so much fun, it was hard for me this year with isaac, but still fun! Alex took off for 10 days around christmas and he was wonderful and let me sleep a lot.....which was soooo needed. I found time to catch up on me a little bit and realized how weary I was and how effecting everything around me. I also had time to figure out that a lot of my weary was from worry, about Isaac, about school, about how the kids were hanging in here, about how alex was coping.....and you know, worry is a festering little thing, it will eat you if you let it....so I was able to hand that festering little thing over to the waiting hands of Jesus and LEAVE it there....whoohoo! Now, everyday is not perfect, I am still struggling with it some, I still have it give it back now and then....but I feel replenished and filled with peace about whatever might come next!
I hope your holiday season was wonderful, forgive my lack of Christmas card, it will return next year...ha...you should see all the pictures I took over the holidays of the kids....and some are cute, but the card...well...it just didn't happen!....and I'm not going to stress or worry a out it. :)

BLESSED!

2010-09-05T09:58:00.003-04:00

As you can tell by the above picture, I did have the baby! lol! THREE months ago! All I can say, is wow, life has hit an all time high speed for us! :) Isaac made his entrance on May 25th after 3 hrs of labor, and I don't think things have slowed down since that moment! Being a mommy of 4 under 6 has proven to be my greatest challenge of life yet, yet SO rewarding all at the same time! It has taken 3 months to feel like I am finding the "swing" of things, in that process I have been stretched and pulled ALOT, but I know that is all part of the process called life, and I embrace the things my Jesus is teaching me...oh so much! Isaac has been a hard baby, w/ reflux and colic...lol, I just love that term...we don't really know why, but he just wants to cry alot!...hmm, I can tell you why, he is hurting, he is throwing up in his mouth and it BURNS! Poor guy, he really is a trooper! So here is a quick recap of our super duper fast summer! Isaac arrived at 7lbs and 14oz on May 25th, by the first of June we put our house on the market, we celebrated our 8th anniversary, Alex's 29th birthday, Emma's 6th birthday, and are now nearing Eli's 2 birthday! We have visited the ER for a concussion...yep, that would be for Eli, and seeing the pediatrician more times that I can count....mostly for well visits...but still YUCK! We started school the first of August, w/ Emma in 1st grade and Ian in an T-K program, we are LOVING school as always, and very quickly I gave up on a schedule and realized my kiddos are learning SO much and the stress of "finishing on time" each day was impossible w/ 2 babies too! We are well, into our school year and look forward to school each day! How exciting it is to see them learn! I love that as part of school I am teaching them to love each other and to be proud of each other and their accomplishments, that it's not a race or competition over who knows more! I love that I can teach them about Jesus as part of their school day, and that they think that is SO normal, and at this point in their life they don't know the difference! I love their INNOCENCE....and that they are allowed to stay that way! Ian loves being in school with Emma and it so fun to see him learn about learning, I'm not interested in starting him early, but he SO wants to learn I had to find something for him to do, I am amazed at how he is soaking it up and FLYING through his work...I am not pushing it, but he wants it SO bad, I pray that will last through his whole life!...what an awesome quaility, to want to learn with such a desire!

Emma never stops amazing me, she is by far (in my opinion) the best big sister any kid could want! She has such a tender heart, and a love for her brothers like you just don't find often!...I heard her tell her brother the other day that when she goes up she wants to be a mommy! (a girl after my heart for sure!) She offers praise and encouragement up so easily, she wants the best for others and wants them to do right! She has the purest heart, I am so blessed to have her as my girl!

Eli, well....just typing his name puts a smile on my face! He is unlike anything I have ever met! He is my stinker, he is SO fun-loving and SO CUTE you could eat him! Laid-back and high-strung all at once! He bubbles over adventure and busy! He has been my slow talker, but is so super-duper smart(trust me, he has us all looking like fools! ) He loves his sister, has always been a daddy's boy, but still let's mommy cuddle him in the early mornings when he get's up! I eat him up daily! He loves Isaac and calls him "bAby" but won't say Isaac if you ask!..wants to "play" w/ him....oh, and he won't say many words in English if you ask him too...but if it's Spanish, he will repeat whatever it is! HA! CRAZY KID! He is too fun!

Isaac, well, he came from the same pot for sure!...he looks like a mini of the rest! :) His smile looks like it could jump right off his face! He is a BIG boy, weighing 15 lbs at 3 months, he is breaking my mold of little babies! He is sleeping through the night and eats well....to say the least! :) His reflux is improving and he is settling in well! It's hard to believe he is already so big! He loves to have attention, which in this house, he is not lacking! He wants his bed when it's time to sleep, and doesn't like to be rocked (thankgoodness!) He is the absolute perfect addition to our family! I am SO glad that God chose him for us! and that I am not in control of what is best for our family, otherwise we would have missed out on little man, and I can't imagine how we would of lived w/o him here!

Alex, is the best in the world, the perfect fit for me! He has taught me so much, about me, life...about everything! He is doing wonderful, loves work, and loving coming home to us! What else can I say.....I AM BLESSED!

I was finishing my post and thought I should come back and put a thought in here about mom...She is amazing, and that really is enough said....but so I don't make light of her situation....she is grieving, and it's hard, I can't imagine...I haven't been there...she does her best, which like I said to me is amazing...amazing to watch! When you have walked through grief as she had already, you know what to expect the 2nd time, but that in a way makes it harder, she doesn't want to have to do it again, yet she knows she must...their is no escape. It has been super hard to watch her struggle through, I don't know how she has done it....but I know she would say..."I am doing it w/ my God, one day at the time" not everyday is good, but not everyday is horrible either! Keep praying for her!

to see more pictures, visit my facebook page!

A few moments of calm....BTW I absolutely love my life!

2010-05-04T14:43:00.002-04:00

For the moment the only thing I hear is the humming of the washer and dryer and the beeping of the school bus backing up at the corner....you know, I hear those 2 things EVERYDAY in my world...well almost everyday...and I wouldn't change a thing about my world! Funny, I have never thought..."I wish Emma was getting off that bus" BUT ok, I will admit, there are days when I HATE the washer and dryer...even more, the folding isn't my favorite thing at all!...but mostly, I like my washer and dryer, they are really nice and I am thankful for how fast they get their job done...helping me through the despicable job of laundry...if it has to be done, at least it's done fast! I do enjoy that I am able to wash my diapers and not throw them away and go buy more! Soon I will be washing for 2 babies bottoms....not sure how much I will enjoy the cloth diapering then! This is the time of day that Eli is napping (in a BIG boy bed now...whoohoo!) and the other kids are having rest time, I have most of the house in order (we were gone part of our morning...so it's not all done today, but that's ok) I am starting to think about dinner, but still as you most know, don't have much to worry about, it's planned for me, and most of the time my awesome hubby will even be the one fixing it! Have I EVER mentioned, I LOVE the fact that he LOVES to cook! YEP, he wants to do the cooking...some days I feel like I live in heaven over that very fact! Now, mind you, I can do it, and don't mind to much having to...but hey if he wants to...WHO AM I TO STOP HIM! :) I am so thankful that when I stop...like right now...and look at my life as a whole...am feel so BLESSED, you can't buy happiness, and we as a family haven't tried, yet we are there....we are a happy, content, family. Once again, NOTE I didn't say we don't have our trails, heaven help us, we are in the mist of one now...but still even through the difficulties I wouldn't change my world....I love my kids, and having them home...we started swimming lessons today (w/ the plan of not stopping til they are fish) and the swim instructor pulled me aside at the end just to tell me I had the most awesome well-behaved kids he had ever had in class (now mind you, this was the first day...lol...but I am confident he will only love them more as time goes on...I swell w/ pride...the good kinda pride...all the time over my kids. Example, Emma has a little girl in her ballet class that lost all her hair due to a medical condition...and the night they are were given their costumes for the recital the teacher wanted them to wear them in class...all the girls excitedly put on their costumes and hair pieces and were extremely thrilled...except this one little girl, who's baby fine "just starting to grow in" hair wouldn't hold the hair piece... she was in tears wanting to be like everyone else...so what did Emma do, she took hers out, so Sara Beth wouldn't be the only one not wearing hers! Those are moments are a parent you will treasure forever! Those moments when you see Christ in your 5 year old shining through so brightly! Those moments when you know that everything you choose to do "differently" is SO worth it, and all of a sudden you remember why you are being a different parent from those around you, even those who are closely around you, you don't always feel like you fit right....those moments remind me it's ok to be completely different, I want to be completely different....do you?

This week we will come to the 8th year since dad died, it's funny now, it seems like time has flown by...but I remember the day when I didn't think I could survive the week, month or year. Next month Alex and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary EIGHT years (and by then FOUR kids) later, and I love him more now than ever. I can't tell you how of a unique situation Gary's illness and death put on our marriage, what in a weird way was a healing time for me and my relationship w/ Alex. I know it's sounds odd, but let me explain. Dad was sick while Alex and I were engaged, the dr told us to move our wedding date to June and dad would still be alive and there...as I already mentioned, that was not so, so daddy died one month before our wedding day. I know it's unneeded to say, the first months of marriage were hard, we were YOUNG (I would NEVER change that fact) and dealing w/ situations our parents hadn't even dealt w/ yet...the death of a parent being one of them...it was hard. Gary's sickness and death were almost like a do-over in a way, we found ourselves having to work together to figure out how to deal w/ everything that was happening. We had to trust each other and the decisions we were making, to trust each other and put the other first and our feelings and wants aside...It was so healing to me, to have the chance to see our marriage at work in a hard time...It was so healing for me to see him put everything down and love on me, hold me, send me to the hospital or Durham at extremely inconvenient times....times when he totally could of pulled the "but the kids card" or the "not in the budget card" or the "I have a test or plans card" but never once did he do this, he would voice a concern and a plan to make it all work best for our family! I guess all this to say, I am SO blessed to have be given him as my partner in life, and I am coming to understand now, that back then, 8 years ago, I didn't have a clue what God was handing me, but I am sure GLAD He did! :) Alex I love you, and am SO looking forward to the days ahead....I know God has plans for us...plans we can't even imagine YET!

How is mom, I know that is a question most of you are asking...she is mom, she is the most amazing person I have ever met. She has strength can only dream about. She also just lost her second husband in 8 years, she is hurting, she is in constant commune w/ our Lord....she is going to make it! The process of grief is no different w/ your second spouse...I have learned that. Just b/c she "been here" before doesn't make it any easier...in fact in a way it's harder....you know what to expect, and you are caught off guard that even w/ your knowledge it's still EXTREMELY HARD! Please continue to pray for her, but know, she is standing in God's awesome power...given just to those in the time of need.

How did the kids do w/ everything that happened...they did very well, they seems to have a child-like understanding, both of the older ones have at their own times told me they miss Papa and want to see him....Emma has asked who would keep them when Isaac comes (Papa was ALWAYS keep her, w/ both Ian and Eli's birth...by her request) I know she has been thinking about that alot...which of course makes me hurt for her. Eli walked around mom's house the other day pointing at every picture of Gary saying "want that"....super pitiful. But all in all, they are working through it as well as they can....

I could go on, but I see it's now rounding the corner near 4, and I still have things to get done today! Alex should be walking in any time now....SO, I want to jump off! i will try to be back before baby...but as always, I won't make any promises!

these are the times...when

2010-04-12T13:42:00.002-04:00

when you laugh, and cry. When you don't understand, yet understand completely. When you are happy, and sad. When you hurt and heal then hurt somemore, yet you know, you know that God is w/ you, He loves you, and He's still in control. Where am I, you might ask, where have I been!?

At this moment, I am sitting in a hospital room listening to Becca read scripture to here daddy...such is a sight I know all to well. I am in the corner, trying to keep my tears silent as I type....my mom's words ringing in my ears..."why is this happening...again...what did I do wrong?" I know, we all know the answer to that...nothing, she did nothing wrong, but at this moment it sure doesn't seem that way to her. They expect Gary to leave our world today or tomorrow, of course there is no time table to be placed on death..so we wait, I must say, I hate waiting on death.

Let's back up a little, seeing how I haven't posted since like forever! Where have I been? Well, not posting, for a reason...I felt called to shift my focus to other things. I never meant for my blog to be anything but a way to express what was going on...what was in my head. So, I released myself from the "need" of blogging. What a relief it was! For me, for now, I needed that! I knew God was calling me to stay focused on Him and my family, and for me, for now, that meant not blogging! I wanted a new hobby, and I couldn't do both! So why now? Well, I have found myself w/ ALOT of time for the moment, and I need to share...so here I am :) I am not, not doing anything...in fact, for now, my only "job" is to stay quiet and be here!...waiting....

How about some tidbits from our life! Emma is READING...super well! I am so proud of her! Our school year has been awesome, I'm not sure who learned more, ME or her! Today at the dr's office I even watched Ian take his little finger and scan it across the words and sound out the letters...he didn't even know he was saying some of the words....I was super excited to see what he has picked up just from watching her learn to read! I am talking about our year as if it has already come to a close, well, I haven't made the official decision, but I think we are close to ending our year! I am in the throws of planning next year...which I am even more excited about...it will include Ian's preschool....practically on a K level, b/c he is ADDAMENT about doing "school" too! And at one time I was worried he wouldn't want to learn! I have picked my curriculum for next year, working on the scheduling of everything...and am SO excited!

Last Monday(the Monday before Easter) Ian asked Jesus in his heart! He was super excited, they had learned about Jesus dying on the cross at church the day before, and he had lot's of questions, when we sat down to do bible for school, he asked if we could read about Jesus dying...."but don't stop til He's ALIVE again..mommy" is what he said. then he asked if I knew that "Jesus didn't have to die for me...but he did anyway" Sweet boy, I think he could of lead me to the Lord right then...Emma, Ian and I had the sweetest conversation that lasted about 45 minutes. It ended w/ Ian telling me, he needed Jesus in his heart b/c Jesus was his best friend, and he wanted to see him when he died! My heart melted! All I could think was delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart! I have NO GREATER desire, than to see my children have a relationship w/ Christ! What confirmation that I am "delighting" in the Lord!

It's interesting, these past weeks have been rough, to say the least. I HATE seeing my mom in pain, my kids hurting, and I hate watching this strong man....well...die. Yet at the same time, it amazes me how God shows Himself...One of the things that was the HARDEST to deal w/ when Daddy died was the mixing of happy and sad. knowing or not knowing how to be sad and happy at the same time, being devastated and excited together seemed so impossible. Yet here again...I find that death is knocking, and yet their are baby showers, vacation, passing of test, and salvations to be excited about...the difference this time...I know it's all ok. It's ok to be sad, and cry. It's ok to look forward to baby showers. It's wonderful to know my son has Jesus in his little heart. It's exciting to see the joy my husband has to have FINALLY passed that test! He deserves my excitement, and no one is going to judge me for it...and if they do, it's not my issue, but theirs! :) FYI, in case you didn't know, their are no wrong answers to grief or joy. Everyone does it in there way...and that's the way it's suppose to be. I am thankful this time, that I have had the previous experience, the knowledge, the pain from the past, it's helping me to understand this new experience. To know, it's hard, but not impossible. That no matter what I WILL be stronger with an even better understanding of God's love on the otherside. This time, I know how to give it over to Him and not walk on my own....and not try to sort out all the joy and pain...but let them stay together and just experience this moment...one at a time. To not deny myself...anything. It's ok...it really is! I will smile, when I feel like smiling, and cry when I feel like crying. The point is I will feel!

I don't know when I'll be back, I must get off, the computer is dying, and I can't find the plug....oh and baby Isaac is great, and we are 7 weeks away!

Please Pray!

First Post of 2010!...how long can I make it!??...lol!

2010-01-08T10:07:00.003-05:00

wow is it really already the 8th of January? I thought for sure it was just yesterday that I posted our Christmas card! HA, how time flies right now! Remember when you were a kid and it took FOREVER for Christmas to come, especially the few days right before Christmas!...AHHH, those were the days!...now for a quick fill in of our Christmas! Emma was in the Nutcracker, as I already posted before, and that is when I consider the "Christmas season" started for us! We had a busy week "nutcracker week" with rehearsal and cast parties and all...thank you Susan for helping me keep it all straight! I am now an official nutcracker mama, as I made it through the week!(although not w/o helpful information being passed along!) heehee! After that we had the ultrasound...as everyone hopefully saw, we are having a BOY!...I refuse to say anymore "another boy" as most have responded!....there is absultly NOTHING wrong w/ another boy! I am THRILLED it's a boy! I'm not afraid or to proud to admit, I was afraid I would be disappointed if it was a boy...but BOY was i WRONG! I am certain that God knew EXACTLY what He was doing! The big kids went w/ us to the u/s, and both were surprised it was a boy, but both excited...well sorta! Both were excited to know it was a boy, but Ian, well, he MELTED...cried and cried...he wanted to hold the baby and was extremely upset that he wasn't going to get to hold the baby!...oh my, what a sight he was...lol...poor boy, it took me half an hour to get him back to himself! HA...FINALLY I convenced him that baby Isaac let us "peek at him" and that he was only this big(imagine me holding out my hands about 7'') and that he couldn't come out of mommy's tummy until he was this big (again, imagine me holding my hands out about 19'') he seemed to understand that and has told EVERYONE that the baby's not big enough to come out...as if no one else knew that either!....too cute! So after that and another uneventful visit w/ the dr (a good thing!) we were ready for Christmas day...well almost! It wouldn't be a normal week in our house if we didn't wonder if someone needed a trip to the drs!...and sure enough, Christmas Eve, I am wondering if I need to take Eli in or not....he had had a cold, and wasn't getting better, he was grumpy, but cutting teeth...but then, again, the teeth had cut through, but the mood was no better!...now realize, Eli's grumpy still includes the following (laughing, playing, sleeping all night, eating, drinking, and loving life...the change was not napping in the daytime, and wanting to be held all afternoon...THAT's IT!) In fact we went to the Christmas service on the 23rd that Elevation held (AWESOME, AWESOME...I love my church...to pack out a place that holds 2000, 4 times in 2 days...AWESOME!) and he stayed in the nursery and their comment about him (being w/ them after bedtime) was that he was PERFECT and HAPPY! SO you might ask, why in the world are you taking him....well, he was just off, and whiney in the afternoon...that was really it, I expected that to go away after the teeth popped through and it didn't...so I took him Christmas Eve morning....DOUBLE...YES DOUBLE EAR INFECTION AND SINUS INFECTION!....grrr! But I am so thankful I took him then and didn't wait! Poor boys ears were killing him! We went on w/ the rest of our day's plans and he slept on me alot everywhere we went!
Christmas morning we were up early (Alex still being a kid at heart was the first on up! lol...super cute!) and opened presents early at home and then headed off to mom and Gary's in our PJ's! Oh how thankful I am to be able to say that! The plan was for them to come to our house, but in the end we weren't sure Gary would be up and moving on Christmas morning, but he was, which was great! We took breakfast to them and enjoyed being there for most of the day, then home to put on some clothes, take naps and then off again to Alex's dad's for a night of more fun!

We always take down our Christmas stuff the next day, but we didn't this year, we had one more stop the day after Christmas w/ my grandparents and family on dad's side...I love extending it one more day! :)...so the Christmas decorations came down on Sunday instead!.....I must admit I LOVE getting my house back after the holidays!

The Monday after Christmas Alex had the day off (he has to use all his vacation every year...so it was his last day off for the year! We took the kids to Discovery Place for a couple of hours and then headed to Ikea (a post all of it's own!....heheeee!)

Tuesday and Wednesday Morgan (my cousin) came down and hung out w/ me and the kids, we went shopping at Concord Mills and just had a fun time not doing anything but what we wanted to do!

Thursday Alex was off again, and we didn't do much of anything but stay home...I think(honestly I can't remember!) New years day we had lunch at my grandparents...our traditional new year's lunch, then back to Ikea....Saturday morning, Cathy kept the kids and we went again to...yes Ikea! HA, I said it was a whole other post! That about concludes our holiday weeks....it was such a fun time this year, as the kids get older, Christmas is such fun again!...it's like being a kid again myself, seeing it all through their eyes! I love it! Oh, this past Sunday Emma and I went w/ Cathy(my mother-in-law)Kelly, Nevaeh and Lydia to see the Princess and the Frog...well, if you have seen my fb pages you know my feeling on it!....umm, let's just say, that one won't be coming in my house and I'll be completely thrilled if Emma never sees it again!....disney, you disappointed me this time!....ok, ok, off my soapbox...remember, it's my opinion, I'm allowed! :)

This week....the first week after the new year...the first week of 2010! Has been an AWESOME week! I love being back in school, back to my routine!...LOVE it! I noticed a lot of people on fb were talking about back to "reality"...I must LOVE me some reality! heehee, On top of that, I have flipped some stones in my life! I am not big on new years resolutions, I am more the kind of person, that if I see something in my life I want to change, I do it...right then, no matter the time of year! It happened I made this decision to change somethings right along w/ the new year! (mostlikely b/c Pastor Stephen's sermon really convicted me too! :) ) So this past week a few new things have entered my world...the biggest being, getting up b/f my kids!....and I plan to back up the time even more next week...b/c I am LOVING it so much! AND b/c of that choice, I am now getting into the word EARLY everyday, and not "hopefully at sometime" during the day! I am also doing laundry DAILY(by doing...I mean, wash, dry, fold AND put away!)....oh boy do we have enough for that!....and keeping it all clean! NICE, LOVING that too!...Sammy and I challenged ourselves to pick 4 things to change and start there....so those are three of my four...w/ the last being not going to bed w/ a dirt kitchen...all which I have accomplished everyday this week, and am LOVING it so much, our house is so much more put together...so much! AMAZING (funny thing is I knew that was the case, yet it took me FOREVER to decide to do it!....oh well, not looking back, just forward!)

This coming week our Church is starting a new series called "New thru 30" a while back the staff and some lead volunteers did something called "B90x" where they read the whole bible in 90 days...I didn't join in at the time b/c I was in another study that required a lot of time too and wanted to complete that...but the "new thru 30" is reading the New Testament in 30 days and I am super excited about starting....part of the reason I am getting up earlier now, I know I will need this time in the morning to get thru all the chapters everyday!....well, I think that about catches me up, life is blessed, I am looking forward to 2010 and all it will bring to my family! I am enjoying my kiddos so much, and being home w/ them! I hope 2010 is everything God wants for you!

OUR CHRISTMAS CARD!

2009-12-23T10:53:00.003-05:00

He is happy and healthy! I am blessed beyond measure! My prayer is that your Christmas present is as special as mine! :) Thank you Jesus for coming to save us sinners from our fallen state...and thank you for tiny life just like our baby Isaac, and for technology that allows us to peek in and see that sweet life kicking around, and that awesome little heart beating away!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

NUTCRACKER!

2009-12-19T15:15:00.002-05:00

This year Emma joined in what I hope will be a long tradition for her....she was a part of the union county youth ballet's Nutcracker. As a kindergartner there is only one part available....a cherub....isn't she the cutest cherub you have ever seen! As everyone knows, Emma can be on the shy side...heehee! So, it amazes me that she even considered or wanted to be on a stage in front of "all those people" but yet there is was...twice now...with one more to go later on tonight...smiling and doing her thing! She has enjoyed being w/ the other girls, yesterday she went to the cast party and enjoyed spending some time w/ Sidney and Madison, and getting her poster signed by all the cast members. At her age, she is the youngest in the cast, and as you can imagine, she is the SMALLEST! It's so fun to see her out there w/ all the BIG girls, but let me tell you, it's a short part, perfect for a first-timer! The whole room sorta takes a deep breath for the 4 cherubs and you hear a united "awww"....too cute! I asked her earlier today what part she would like to have next year and she named...a mouse, or a little party girl, or a angel, or a...and the list went on!...I think she's been sucked in!

two post in one week!...aren't you proud!

Thanksgiving....oh no, it's CHRISTMAS now!

2009-12-14T09:22:00.003-05:00

Yes, I know it's been 2 months now since I made my announcement about baby #4 coming...yes I know I haven't blogged since then, Yes I know I missed Thanksgiving altogether, and YES I know it's almost Christmas!....now that we have that behind us....I can move on w/ life! :)

I only blog today b/c we aren't doing school! YEP, that's right, we are done til after the holidays! Emma is in the nutcracker, and has to be at Wingate university 4 days this week, along w/ a Christmas party on Wednesday...here at our house with some homeschool friends AND meetings to attend and presents to be wrapped....well, the headmaster decided that it was time for Christmas break to begin!...have I mentioned I LOVE homeschooling! :)

Speaking of school, an update on how it's been for us! Let's see, awesome, yet terrifying, fun, yet a ball of stress, joy, and some tears!....what have I left out...we have been through just about every emotion possible in the last 3 months! Almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant I went through a really rough time....I have been the SICKEST w/ this baby as I have ever been...not a good combination w/ school. Eli stopped napping altogether, another bad combination w/ school...so I was wishing to throw up, Eli was clinging to my leg and poor Emma was trying her best to work w/ all the noise and distraction!...a recipe for disaster! With lots of tears and TONS of encouragement from the wonderful friends (and mom) that the Lord has given me, I survived! I/we prayed about our decision to homeschool...questioning if we needed to change. But, I knew in my heart that God called me to do this, and HE would give me the strength to do it...that HE always knew about baby #4, and He wouldn't change His mind about me homeschooling b/c of baby 4, He knew, even when I didn't! So, I am thankful to say, I am back to normal, no more sickness...PRAISE GOD, and school is back on track! WHEW! I LOVE teaching Emma, she loves to learn, and is quickly picking things up! I am thankful for the chance to be the one teaching her, and now see that even the tough times are to show me that we CAN DO THIS! Ian also amazes me, he learns very differently from the way Emma learns...of course...and is so quick to figure things out, I am so excited to get him started in more of a formatted program...although at this rate, I won't need to, he is learning everything Emma is learning...just from listening to us talk about it!

Eli, is BACK TO NAPPING! He had a rough bout w/ a few ear infections and became really used to mommy holding him to nap!...STINKER! After a few purposeful days of naps, we are back to either 2 short naps or 1 LONG nap...just depends! He is walking..not all the time, but more and more daily...he will go across the room, until he falls....then will crawl the rest to the way! He is BUSY! and STUBBORN, well over somethings....he has done AWESOME w/ the tree and not touching it, but I can't get him to leave light socket alone to save my life! HA, go figure, and when we are at mom's it's nightlights we fight over! Alex thinks he's going to be an electrician too! He is SO full of joy and brings so many smiles to our family! He gets so excited when anyone come in the door, it will make you day....if you are ever having a down day, just come and see Eli, he will take care of it for you! PROMISE! We are still cloth diapering at home, but not so much when we are out (solid poop and disposal aren't a fun thing when shopping...sorry) BUT at home they are still great! and what a money saver :) Eli will have you know, he isn't a teddy boy like his brother and sister...nope, he's a blanket baby!...and a cute one at that...sleeps on this tummy and holds the edge in one hand...a baby after his mommies heart!

baby #4, well, I think reality started to sink in when we heard the heartbeat...ha, nope, I'm still not sure I really believe it! About 3 weeks ago, the kids and I heard the heartbeat, and had a great day of school right there in the dr's office. Emma was SO excited and ask all kinds of awesome questions. My favorite was..."Mommy, if our baby has a heartbeat, that means she's ALIVE...right?" How awesome it was to be able to say YES, Emma, that is right! If there is a heartbeat....that's means there is LIFE....ALWAYS! We talked of life, when it starts, and even death (or as Ian asked..."if it's not beating, is it broken?") and when and why death happens...did I mention I LOVE homeschool! If Emma were in school I wouldn't of had that chance w/ her! OK...sorry, back to baby #4, well, he/she is a stinker already if you ask me...making me SO sick...even the OB nurse started asking if there was a chance there were 2! HA, ummm, no, I'm not even looking for that as a option! We have our u/s next Tuesday the 22nd (what a fun Christmas present!) so the bets are out on what this one is...if you caught Emma's referral earlier...then you know what she is hoping for! Ian informed us the other day that if this one isn't a girl he wouldn't like it!....ha, umm, we had a talk about how God would give us what HE knows is best for our family...I could tell Ian wasn't convinced that God knew better than he does! :) Alex says girl, and I am telling everyone that I believe what Alex' says...he's never been wrong. I'm not convinced, I remember telling everyone w/ Emma, that I could have 10 more babies and they would all be boys....she would be my only girl...guess we'll find out, I good either way, just want to know it's healthy!

So how was our Thanksgiving....? It was great, Alex did all the cooking (I did help!) and I did all the baking, and we ate at mom and Gary's as they came back home from Durham the day before Thanksgiving....so us 5, Nick's 4, and mom and Gary enjoys a quiet meal (quiet w/ 5 kids...lol) and afternoon. I for the first time since Dad died, ventured out on black Friday...early...like 4:30 am early! YEP, I did...and WE had A BLAST....first of all mom came w/ me (and I crave every moment I can get w/ her now a days...funny how 8 months away will make a girl have renewed appreciation for her mom!) and we met Melanie at Target at 5!....I saved like $300 and was SO pleased! YEP, it will be back on my yearly tradition!...funny how long lines are no big deal when you don't have kids w/ you! :) Then Saturday after thanksgiving we did our annual Christmas decorating day...so fun w/ kids...so much more fun w/ kids than ever before!...we have started everyday since w/ Christmas music :)

It's beinging to look alot like Christmas! What we have done, well I wanted to start lots of new things this year and start having some "traditions" to build on now that Emma and Ian are a little older! We went to see the gingerbread lane done by people as a way to support CMC children's hospital, they really enjoyed going and seeing all the things you can do w/ gingerbread and candy...then the following Monday we made our own house and train...a FUN time we will be doing again in the following years! We have had a craft day w/ Savannah, which was fun and a definite "tradition" for the following years to come! This week we are hosting a Christmas party, which I think I am most excited about for now, but I know the kids will have a blast and hopefully us homeschool mommies will have a chance to talk too!...another thing I am hoping to make a "tradition" for us! Emma came to me the other day wanting to know when she was going to shop for her brothers presents, so that is another thing we added to our "traditions" I am so glad she wanted to do that, and am even more excited that she and Ian both knew exactly what to buy for each other and Eli too...they both put thought and care into their gifts for each other...and are more excited about their sibling getting their present, than receiving their own!....yea! We spent an evening w/ Elevation filling shoe boxes for Samaritan's Purse, in which they helped carry 100's of boxes to be stacked...they were so proud of themselves for all their hard work, and it was a good chance to talk about kids who won't get anything other than that box for Christmas...another conversation which was awesome!

Well, I think that about catches everyone up on life...oh wait, Gary and Mom, well, what is there is say other than it's still hard for them, there are up day and DOWN days, they do their best to take it all in stride...they are amazing people for sure! Please continue to keep them in your prayers! Pray for his strength and rehabilitation!

Now, I think that catches everyone up! I can't even promise that it won't be 2 months before you hear from me again....just know I am doing great, and LOVING life to it's fullest, which doesn't always allow me to blog too! My life is such a blessing and I am SO grateful for all the Lord has given to me! I will try to post some pictures soon....and a quick note on our findings next Tuesday...what do you think it is? Girl or Boy?

MERRY CHRISTMAS

SURPRISES

2009-09-27T21:26:00.005-04:00

One thing in life that can catch us off guard is surprises....but surprises are always around every corner. I thought I would dediciate a whole blog to those sneaky little things!

Some surprises are good...
... chatting w/ a friend I haven't seen in forever.
... a memory from the past
... a few moments out with my mom for lunch
... flowers on my birthday
... like when your pastor talks about the very thing you have been struggling w/
... like when your pastor preaches from the same verses you have been studying
... coloring pages colored just for YOU mommy!

Some surprises are not so good
... when Emma and Alex threw up all night...ewww
... when Eli and Ian waited 4 days before they decided to throw up all night, even more eww....and poor Eli, so pitiful and such a big boy
... when the computers didn't work again! at check in!....grr!
... when Gary made a sudden turn for the worse w/ a fractured back! (he's doing fine now!)
... when your baby is ONE already!...well I have 2 more days, until it's official!

Some surprises are just that...a HUGE surprise
... like those two pink lines showing up on that test AGAIN!
... like the joy that came/is coming w/ those lines...even though it wasn't OUR plan, It has always been GOD's plan!

Surprises are funny things, they always seem to come when least suspected!

update on Gary

2009-09-11T09:32:00.001-04:00

this is the latest email from mom on Gary....I haven't had a chance to talk to her today...so for now this is all I know...please Pray for him!

Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

Yesterday Gary was admitted to the 9200 unit (bone marrow transplant) at Duke Hospital for severe pain.
Gary continues to be in quite a bit of pain. The medications works for awhile. Finding the right combination is being a challenge. His pain can be controlled for awhile but then returns aggressively. He is very sensitive to pain meds and that has complicated finding the most effective medication but not causing him to be confused and "out of it".

Gary had a MRI late this afternoon. The evening doctor on call came by to inform us that the reason for Gary's severe pain is a fractured vertebra. (2nd Lumbar vertebra) An orthopedic specialist will be called in tomorrow for consultation. Right now Gary is confined to his bed and finds if he "just doesn't move" he doesn't hurt to bad...unless his lower back spasms. Bed rest, pain control is the current plan. We will hopefully have more information tomorrow after we discuss this with our AMBT medical team.

Please pray for Gary's pain, and don't forget he is still struggling with the polyoma virus. This virus is in the bladder which also creates its on problems. We pray tomorrow we will have some idea what the next step will be.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. We are trusting God this too is simply a "bump" in the road.

Love and prayers all, Shirley

hmmm, a title, Pam this is for you:) - (bringing mom and Gary home)

2009-08-22T08:43:00.005-04:00

mom and I were out shopping yesterday...WOW, how great it is to say that! and we ran into some friends..isn't it SO fun to run into people you don't get to see often, and as you leave you think, I wish I made more of a point to see them...Brandy, I need to make more of a point to see you! While we were chatting, Pam mentioned that she checked my blog for updates on Gary....I must admit that threw me.....I never stop to think about who might be reading my blog...especially those people who don't leave comments!...haha...ummummm PAM! So, IF you read my blog, I'm curious to know...SO please please leave me a comment!...just one, I won't ask again! Promise!

Nick and I went up on Wednesday morning and packed up mom and Gary and brought them home! I must admit....I might of been a little worried about being in a car w/ my brother for 5 hours in one day...but, in the end, we were always "trained" that no matter what happened in life we would always be brother and sister...and in the end we had an awesome day ( and he slept most of the way up there! heeheee!) He got off work at 6:30AM and we were out of here by 7AM. Once in Durham I headed to a meeting w/ mom and Gary and Nick caught a couple of hours of sleep! Once we left the clinic we picked Nick up and had some birthday lunch....yep it was Gary's birthday! After some BBQ we packed the van and headed out...we were back here about 5:40ish...and I literally dumped them off and had to split! Nick, Samantha and Savannah hung around and helped unload and had pizza w/ them...giving Savannah some time to see Papa! I came home to my family who were stuffed in the Fit...and I mean stuffed...lol..and we headed off to our volunteer meeting at our Uptown campus of Elevation! It was an awesome day....awesome. The kids and I headed over to see Papa the next morning after school.

Ian's quote to Papa "Papa, I missed you, I was mad that you were gone so long...don't go again" I think for a 3 year old, he summed up the emotions of the whole experience very well! To say the least my kids are glad they are home....Eli cried when mom left yesterday...he wouldn't even come to me from her...funny! He was only 6 months old when they left and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has seem them since, yet it's like he still knows..."I like her, and want to keep her around!"

What else is going on around here? Well, a couple of weeks ago, we took up our carpet and put down new flooring...that was exciting...and a big job! I am glad it's done and it looks awesome (good job Alex!) We started school, yes Emma is now in kindergarten...she LOVES school, and I am really enjoying teaching her....I never knew how much fun it would be to watch her discover new things! We are still adjusting and working out the schedule thing (if Eli would sleep at the same times every day that would help! ha!) to say the least, Emma and I are learning to be flexible!

Ian is growing like a weed! He is loving doing some preschool, which right now consist mostly of scissors and cutting!...lol, he loves him some cutting! He's doing great now, he had a rough start w/ the idea of Emma not being at his disposal to play...let's just say he didn't like the word "school" for a while! HA...so we just finished our second full weeks of school...why so early? Well, I HATE, no dislike the month of August, b/c it's SO HOT! So I thought, why not go ahead and start now with the plan of getting out in late April or early May...or we might just take a nice long break in October...when it' s SO enjoyable outside....or maybe both...she IS just in kindergarten. I chose to do 4 days a week, Monday-Thursday with Friday as a craft or field trip day....I chose to make my main focus this year on phonics and let everything else shadow it. As long as she can read, she can do anything...so that's my focus for this year, yet having said that, I am taking things VERY slowly...making sure she understands what she is learning!

Eli...is almost ONE! It can't be possible! He is pulling up and now has one word "BYE" along w/ a wave! It's really funny when you are talking and say something like "I went by there" and he starts saying "BYE....BYE....BYE" and waving!...it's too funny! He is turning into a daddy's boy and when Alex gets home from work...if he doesn't get to Eli fast enough then Eli melts...and will sit in the floor crying "DADADADADADA" also too cute! He is pulling up everywhere...the other day I caught him pulled up to the potty...while Ian was using it!...nice, lucky for me, he wasn't trying to catch the stream...just checking it out! Needless to say we now have the big kids making sure they close the door when they go to the bathroom! It's always an adventure around here! ALWAYS, but it's my adventure and I love every moment of it...(as I was typing that a cup of milk hit the floor! HA!) I still love every moment..spilt milk and all! Now I am off to keep up with my life....dishes, dirty clothes and diapers to be washed....then off to sign up for ballet...Emma that is not me! lol....to visit Alex's grandparents...hopefully I can squeeze in a trip to target, party city and ross!....we'll see! :) Enjoy your day...I'm going to enjoy mine!

11 days...but who's counting! :)

2009-08-08T07:43:00.002-04:00

This is the email that Gary sent out yesterday....it is wonderful to report that they might be home in 11 days! I'm not sure who is counting more than they are...maybe the us kids...or maybe the grandkids(no actually we have spared them the need...and haven't told them yet...I know how disappointed I'll be if it doesn't work out...I don't want them to have to deal w/ that) Keep praying...as he will tell you the next days are still critical....but each day that passes by w/o any issues means he is less and less likely to have issues creep up!

Dear praying friends:
Shirley and I were encouraged today by the "counts" we received at the Bone Marrow Clinic and we are told that this is exactly the progress they want to see. The "rash" (which is a result of Donor Vs. Host disease) is minimal. They said that it is good to see "some" of this for it showed that the new cells were getting acquainted with the older cells in my body. The amazing thing is that I now have the blood type of my donor. So I went from an O to an A+. I like the letter, wish I had had more of these while I was in school, But isn't that miraculous that the very life of someone else is now that which is keeping me alive. We just Praise the Lord.

They are spreading out our visits to the clinic and most of the time we go now on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and have the other days "off". As we progress, if counts stay stable this will be extended and ultimately will result in our being released from Duke and sent home to our own physicians. I can hardly believe it. 140 days ago, I was near death and now have the hope and opportunity to live once again. Thank you all for your continuing prayers. These next 2-3 weeks is a critical period and we are praying that all stays stable.

Shirley is doing a wonderful job keeping me up to snuff on my medicines, creams and just coordinating our days. I literally could not have come this far without her. Isn't is marvelous how the Lord "orders" all things

We look forward to the day when we will be together to praise His name!
Gary & Shirley

news! :)

2009-07-25T10:30:00.002-04:00

I know I seem to start every blog out w/ it's been a while, but I wanted to share the news that our family has been waiting for for the last 4 almost 5 months now! ENJOY!

Dear Precious Praying Friends:

Over the past weeks we have prayed for God's miraculous healing power to be shown in my life. And, we have seen many evidences of His hand at work. I know these have been a blessing to you as well as to us.

Today, we received a call from the Bone Marrow Clinic that literally "knocked our socks off". The results of the latest tests showed that their was NO LEUKEMIC cells in my bone marrow and that it appears that the depleted chromosomes have been reversed which would indicate that the MDS has also been eliminated. This is exactly what we have been praying for. There could be no better report...a COMPLETE REMISSSION! PTL

We cannot stop praising the Lord for His grace and mercy. To think that the old bone marrow has been wiped clean and the donor's stem cells are taking over is a miracle in itself. Now we are dealing with a slow process of engrafting and looking for any deviation as time goes along. We anticipate another two months or so here in Durham as they monitor blood work and other issues. I am looking forward to being back in our own home but only as God's timing is revealed. We want to be sure that all of this "takes" and that we understand any new regimen that will be required.

We have literally been "praying" and thanking God,in advance, that this would take place and that all would be well. Spurgeon says: "Praise Him before you are delivered. Praise Him for what is coming. Adore Him for what he is going to do. I do not think there is a sweeter sound in God's ear than the song of one who blesses Him for grace that has not yet been tasted, who blesses Him for answers that have not been received but are sure to come".

Regardless of our circumstances, if we will go in the name of God, meet our difficulties, not having any plans or tricks, just commit ourselves to God and trust Him, we will see marvelous things that will utterly astonish us.
Today - we were "astonished". And tomorrow will be another opportunity to praise Him for what He is doing in our lives. Let us continue to "hold hands" and lift our praise to Him until His entire work has been accomplished.

As you pray, please pray for relief and healing for me from a viral infection. Basically the medical team are treating the symptoms as other possible medication could compromise the blood counts.

Grateful for your prayers,
Gary & Shirley

Please continue to pray for Gary, there are other issues that are being dealt w/ now...side effects from all the treatment. Most are able to be treated quickly...other things are more of a process....pray that none of them will keep them in Durham longer than necessary...they are starting to yearn to be home!

a note from mom-June 17th

2009-06-17T08:56:00.002-04:00

This is the latest Email from mom, as Gary was to sick to send one! I was up there w/ the kids over this past weekend, it was the hardest visit we have had yet....for so long it's been easy to forget how sick Gary is, but not this weekend, his body is so tired of the chemo, and the reactions are CRAZY! We were told on Sunday that the transplant might not happen, which was hard for all of us to hear...but they have decided to go forward! We are all standing with full confidence that God is in control and that is allowing us to move forward w/o the fear of what will happen next! Pray that Gary and mom will continue to have this amazing strength that will carry them through! I'll be headed up again this weekend for the transplant and a few days after...pray for Alex (who has been more than understanding) and my big kids as they stay home. Gary won't be able to see any kids for a good while, so they can't go. Eli and Morgan will be hanging out at the hotel....but not around Gary...w/ me. THANK YOU Morgan, you are a lifesaver!! I don't know what I would of done w/o you through this process! Love you girl!

Dear Friends of Ours,

The last few days have been something else. Yesterday after Gary had his lab work, and the blood cultures and x-rays had all come back negative, and since his white count had nadared (was the lowest it has been) it was decided that we would continue on with the transplant. As a result of reoccuring fever spikes, it was also decided that the Hickman "central" line would be pulled and replaced with a catheter that would be placed in his left (bracial) arm.

After receiving three different antibiotics and phosphorus, the central line was removed. We were then sent to the hospital to the 9200 unit where the new "power pick" line would be put in. Because it was so late in the day and the shift changes, we ended up staying overnight at the hospital.

The woman who was to put in the line was preparing Gary and telling us all that could of and should of information...literally too much information. (in my opinion) Fortunately she was very experienced, no we were once again very blessed to benefit from her experience. While she was setting up and getting ready to perform this procedure, I asked if it would offend her if we prayed. We prayed and asked God to reveal Himself to us, that we might sense His presence. We asked that He might guide and direct her hands allowing the catheter to be directed exactly where it was suppose to be. We once again praised God because not only did the line go in very easily but the woman said "that line went in as smooth as molasses." Isn't God amazing.

We returned to the Bone Marrow Clinic this morning at 8:00 and after lab work and antibiotics Gary recieved the first of his preparation chemo. His body reacted to the Campath (chemo) and he had a very rough afternoon. Of course, as always, the nurses were right on top of things. Tonight he is extremely tired, (actually we both are) but he is feeling better than earlier today.

I do not have a scripture to share with you today but I do want you to know that God is so faithful. I must admit to you that Sunday afternoon I was so disappointed that I cried most of the afternoon. As I now look back I am so ashamed that I allowed my doubts and fears to rob me of my joy. I love my heavenly Father with all that is in me. Once again we searched the scriptures for courage and strength to be prepared for God's direction He would determine through our medical team. I know in my heart God is always in control and he never waste our pain, suffering or difficult life situations. He uses all of these circumstances to conform us and to draw us to Himself. I am so thankful He really knows my heart and my desire to become all that he has chosen for me to be. I am just sad that I stumbled on my disappointment.

We truly do appreciate your continued prayer support. These next few weeks will be critical. Please pray for Gary's endurance and success of his transplant. As we pray for God's will together, please know you are loved and we are asking God to pour out his love and blessings on you and yours.

Experiencing His Grace...God's Grace,
Love to all,
Shirley (Gary will write soon!)

June 6th-Gary's note

2009-06-07T20:38:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends:

We have completed the week of chemo and are now "resting" up for the weekend. One of the "miracles" we experienced was that the heavier chemo that was designed to be given to me over a 2 hour period (while being watched for 4 hrs.) was inadvertainly given in 14 minutes. You should have seen the Dr's scurry anticipating a "shock" experience with side effects. Unbelievably the Lord had other ideas and there was absolutely no side effects. I did have chills and a temperature spike last night but we were able to handle it at the hotel and we did not have to go to the hospital. PTL.

Today, we are experiencing an unusual amount of tiredness and trust this will pass and that our bodies will now start to get stronger in preparation for the Dr's appointment on Monday and "tests" on Wednesday. This will be in preparation for the chemo and preparation for the cell transplant on June 20. Thank you for continuing to pray for us during these days. We all can see the benevolent hand of God at every turn.

Shirley attended the Care Group meeting on Thursday and found it helpful. This is offered every Thursday and we anticipate that this will give additional support and practical advice to make our healing process as easy as possible. There are so many aspects to this process and we are finding that the "one day at a time" approach suits us best.

So, thanks for all you've done
what were going through is no fun
But as we all trust the Son
we rest assured that His will will be done.

Our love and grateful thanks,
Gary and Shirley

long time, I know!

2009-06-03T17:16:00.003-04:00

Ok so as prompted by Bekah I need to do an update on Gary! Then I need to share a few other things too!

Gary is undergoing more chemo this week...out patient through the bone marrow clinic. They have scheduled his transplant for the 19-20th of this month. They were told today that it would be the 20th/21st...so as you can see, the dates change often....it depends on the donor. So at this point, he will receive chemo this week...then have a week off to recover, then more chemo the week of the transplant...then the transplant hopefully on the 20th. Then daily trips to the "transplant clinic" for the next 3 months. As long as he is doing well, he will stay out-patient. That means he will be w/ mom at the hotel. They changed rooms to a room that allowed him to rest in bed and mom to stay up and not disturb him! It also has a table for them to eat at, which the other room didn't have! This Hotel is AWESOME to them, the staff treat them as if it were their own parents! Mom came home last week for some of her own dr.s appointments..the big one to check on the cancer spots in her colon went great...she was released for 3 years! PRAISE GOD. Her eye dr appointment, not so well...she has been referred to a dr at Duke...lol...at least it's convenient! She had lens transplants a few years back and one of her eye's is struggling...so they will work to figure it all out! She was able to be home for my brother's 30th birthday, which we threw him a surprise party. He also was also sworn in w/ Matthews Police Department on his birthday...so she was here for that. I hate that Gary missed all of the fun, but I am so glad that mom was able to be here....I am thankfully for the times I can see God's hand in things as if to say, I really am here, and I really really do care, even about the small things!

That about covers all I can think of w/ mom and Gary...please remember them on the 20th of this month, they will covet your prayers!

The kids are doing great, GROWING! We went to the beach over Memorial day and had a blast! Eli LOVED the sand and the pool. We put him in his floaty raft and he floated like a lilly pad all over the pool! It was wonderful to get away from the everyday-ness of life for a few days! While I was gone all my books for Emma's school came in...so when I got home it was like Christmas for me! :) I have finished all the purchases I need for school and couldn't be more excited or happy w/ my choices, I feel like all my reading and researching has paid off!...but I guess that still remains to be seen! lol! :) We will be deciding this week rather Emma will do dance or gymnastics this fall...we have an opportunity for her to "try" a class at a gym tomorrow...so after that we'll be deciding! I am excited for her, and I know she is thrilled to get back to something after taking the year off this past year!

Let's see, what else, the garden is growing, I'm ready to start picking...of course I feel that way every year, I want to start picking now, b/c I know later is will be SO HOT! LOL! If only it worked that way, but I know I'll have to wait til it's ready...it won't be long!

oh, I'm looking for a swim teacher for this summer...but I need them to be able to provide the pool...if anyone knows someone, let me know! I don't want to go to the Y or the Aquatic Center...I know w/ all that's going on I won't be able to use them enough to warrant paying for it....so I'm looking for someone local outside the Y. In Stanly county the parks and rec provide swimming lessons...but I don't think that's an option here in Union County and I sure can't drive to Albemarle every day for a week or 2....lol! So just thought I would throw it out there....let me know if you have an idea for me!

Well, I'm going to cut this short...mom is going to skype me in a minute and I won't to be finished w/ this first!

OH...again! I wanted to let y'all know, that I am planning on taking a blogging break. I sorta already have as I'm sure you have noticed! If you need me, email me...I'm also taking a break from facebook too...so you'll have to email me! I will continue to do update on Gary and mom, and so no one will worry...no news is good news! K! Love too all, and I will miss you! But for now, this is best for me, I won't delete my blog or facebook, but I won't be around near as much! Kate, I will be watching for baby Briggs to make his appearance! :) thanks for reading my thoughts....eventually I will be back!

my thought for today...

2009-05-11T09:23:00.003-04:00

Someone asked last night at church if I had updated my blog lately....and I haven't given an update of mom and Gary in a while...so I wanted to do that this morning as there as has been some knew developments in the last few days! Last week (on Tuesday I think) Alex told me to plan to go and visit my mom for a few nights...it was the best thing he could of given me for Mother's Day! A couple of days w/ my mom! So the baby and I left on Thursday afternoon and headed to Durham! We had an awesome time shopping on Friday and then went on Saturday morning to get Mani/Pedi's for Mothers Day! Needless to say, it was time to come home WAY TO QUICKLY! While I was there, Gary received a call from the clinic to let him know that a donor has been found and contacted and they have agreed to donate! That is great news...but honestly it comes w/ mixed emotions. It is still so hard to look at Gary and believe that he will not live unless he goes through this process. He looks so great...even w/ no hair...he doesn't look sick! It's hard to believe that he is fixin' to enter this long risky process of bone marrow transplant! I attached the letter he send out on Saturday morning below! Since I left up there on Saturday, he has gone back into the hospital w/ a fever. They started antibiotics and he is doing well...they changed the plans for today to an "in-house" process. He must pass a lot of testing to be able to have the transplant....any "failing" of any of the test will make it unlikely for him to process! So as you can imagine today is vital as to what comes next for him! Please pray, that he and mom will have peace, and that God's will be so clear to them! They simply amaze me...as their biggest concern, is that if they receive bad news...how others will deal w/ it. as in the kids at their church as fasting for him, and their friends are grieving over not getting to see them...which I admit I understand! :) They are concerned how others will respond to "bad news"....it amazes me so much how they..although they don't want bad news, are at complete peace w/ whatever God has planned for them! I am doing my best to follow their guidelines and their standards...God teaches us to look to those we want to be like and do as they do!...well, I'm doing my best to do as they are doing...but I doubt I can ever do it as well as they do!....enjoy the note below! :)

Happy Mother's day...a day late...to all the mommy's who read my blog! Enjoy each new day that the Lord has given you with your children! They are a true gift from God!

Dear Praying Friends:

"...I will sing of Your power; Yes, I will sing aloud of Your mercy in the morning; For You have been my defense and refuge in the day of my trouble. To You, O my Strength, I will sing praises; for God is my defense, my God of mercy." (Psalm 59:16, 17).

Your prayers, for us, continue to be answered! "A SUITABLE BONE MARROW DONOR HAS BEEN FOUND" is what the lady at the Bone Marrow Clinic told us late yesterday afternoon. "We'd like for you to come in early Monday morning to begin an initial work up"

Our immediate response was one of total excitement and then came a mixture of "now we enter into the hard part" and "Lord, we sure need Your help".
A dear friend reminded me of the song Doug Oldham used to sing entitled: We have come this far by Faith where it says "we're leaning on the Lord and we're Trusting in His Holy Word." In Psalm 57:1 we read: "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by." Doesn't that remind you of the song Till the storm passes by? And, doesn't it just thrill your soul when the Word of God, set to music, causes one to look up with praise and gratitude?

Monday will be a full day of labs, lung test, X ray, EKG and an appointment in the afternoon with Dr. Rizzeri (the lead Dr.) for an evaluation. When these tests reveal that I am "ready" they will make more firm arrangements with the donor as to possible dates of "cell transplant". The donor is to be given three dates from which to pick the most convenient and to make arrangements for he/she to be "tested and made ready" as well. This could come together as soon as the first or second week in June. Only God is aware of the timetable at this point.

Shirley does need to return to Charlotte for a few days the last week of May for some medical appointments she has already set up. Whether I will be able to accompany her or not will depend on my then present condition and/or need for more "seclusion". Even when "we" return home there will be the need for being "very" careful as to surroundings and people. I am so grateful we even have the "opportunity" to continue to live for His glory and each other.

Pray that we will be able to remain strong, be at peace with the Dr's decisions, remain in His Word and trusting His hand. You all are so valuable and precious to us and we praise the Lord daily for each one of you.

His Grace continues,
Gary & Shirley

do overs

2009-05-06T08:00:00.002-04:00

It's been a long time since I have sat at this computer to express my feeling here on my blog. I have been so busy, sometimes I feel to busy to have time for feelings...so I think I spend to much time pushing them away....so I don't have to think about them. It's interesting to me where life has brought me...so much has been covered in the last decade of my life! But lately I've been feeling that God is in a way giving me a "do over" You know, you do something...it's just not quite right...so you rip out that seam, and DO IT OVER! Can you tell I've been sewing some lately! :) The only thing that seems to stay in the back of my mind is...will this day be a "do over" event for me? SEVEN years...wow, I can't believe it's been 7 years...ago today, I said goodbye for now, to daddy! It was such a quick crazy battle w/ cancer...w/ a long hard goodbye at the end. Today, I find Gary, my stepdad, bonus dad, mom's husband, my kids papa...which ever name you want to give him....fighting the same fight. I feel as this has been my do-over chance. When dad was sick, I was still so young, just learning to stand on my own as...well, so many thing, as a person, as a Christian, as a soon to be wife..but mostly I was learning to stand on my own as a Christ-follower. It was a hard time for me, I really questioned so many thing...mainly being the "why ME" question. I find myself in a very similar place today...but I feel God showing me somethings about myself this time that have been so encouraging. It's like HE has said to me, I'm giving you a "do-over" so you can see how much you have grown in me in the last few years! Now TRUST ME, I am far from perfect...and thankfully I never will be required to be perfect! I have still had my moments...lot's of them, when I struggle with this current situation, but it has been different this time, I have been able to walk w/ more peace...I don't always feel like that every moment...just ask the girls at community group last Thursday! :) BUT, I do know there has been a HUGE difference in how I have approached it time around! I feel like I'm all grown up now! lol! J/K...I am so J/K! I was reading the post I blogged a year ago...it's amazing that it is word for word how I feel today. The emotions are all still there and so real...I miss daddy more and more I think as time goes on...w/ every event that happens I always wonder what he would of thought. With every struggle, I wish to talk to him...just typing those words brings tears to my eyes...and I know it always will...and I also know, it's ok! Well, I am off, to go visit with my grandparents...I want to do something today that I know dad would be doing if he were here!
love to all!...and daddy, I love you and I miss you!

only a second to spend!

2009-05-02T21:06:00.004-04:00

Once again I find that I haven't done very well at updating anything! The kids and I were able to go and visit for a few days, and Alex was able to join us for the weekend up in Durham, it was WONDERFUL to be able to spend a few days with mom and Gary, and Gary was feeling so good while we were there! It seems like things have been so non stop that I feel like we missed April altogether! and now it's May...WOW, where are the days going? I have made some major changes to my schedule of the last couple of weeks and I am really enjoying those changes! We had a yard sale today!....and did very well thank you! It's been a long day...and although I feel like I have so much more I could say...I'm not going to right now, I'm going to go and enjoy our new tv w/ my hubby!

Here is the latest on Gary...he is starting his next round of chemo. Mom called tonight and he's running a fever. Not the one the chemo is suppose to cause, but one from an upper respiratory infection. Play that it will go away and not cause problems...and that his body can fight this infection...and that the dr.s will know what steps to take!

here's the latest note from mom and Gary!

Dear Friends,

Today we begin another new journey. We will be entering the hospital this afternoon. Gary will once again be prepared and will begin his first chemo treatment tonight at 9:00 p.m. This course of chemo will be being administered a little differently but is the same drug as he received previously. The doctors are all optimistic because frankly Gary is feeling stronger now than when we entered the hospital previously. Of course, transplant is still the goal.

We cannot tell you we are going in with eagerness. We both are a little concerned about doing this again. They are still approaching this regimen of therapy with the same precautions as before...expecting "possibly" a high fever at sometime during the next 2 to 3 weeks. We do want his white counts to completely bottom out since we need "remission" to enter transplant. We all have seen God doing amazing things and we are praying for His continual presence and healing.

Today, we have been loved by our Lord through the scriptures, our devotions and our time of prayer. We do experience His peace and comfort.
Psalm 121:1&2 stood out to us today where it reads: " I will lift up my eyes to the hills--from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber" and then verses 7-10 "The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore."

Thank you, dear friends, for your continuing prayer support and encouragement. You mean so much to us.

Depending on His "unsearchable greatness". (Psalm 145:3)
Gary & Shirley

update...again!

2009-04-18T08:40:00.001-04:00

Good morning everyone....thought you might like an update on Gary...

Hello Everyone, Gary's counts continue to come up daily. Some of the increases are so significant it has been almost unbelievable. The good news is we are being released from the hospital tomorrow (if counts continue to rise as they have been) and will return to the bone marrow clinic on Monday for another blood count. The doctors will continue blood counts if they should see anything questionable. Then the following Monday, April 27th, we will return for the (long in coming) bone marrow biopsy. This biopsy has been delayed because of the really good response Gary's body is doing in recovering. The doctors expect the marrow to be clean, however, we all know there is a possibility they may find leukemic cells and he would return for more chemo. HOWEVER, we know God is in control and we continue to experience His Presence and Power daily. Once the bone marrow has been found to be clean and clear, we should hear those wonderful words "Remission"...then as God wills, with the timing of the donor and the availability, on to bone marrow transplant.

The question has been asked if once in "remission" would Gary still have MDS. The doctor's have said that in most cases the remission of leukemia doesn't reverse the MDS, however, it has happened, it is just a very small percentage. Wouldn't that be amazing. The Clinical Research staff are telling us the doctors are simply flabbergasted at how well Gary has done and is doing. Of course, whether the MDS is reversed or not is all yet to be revealed in God's timing and plan. I am trying to remember Ps. 18:30 "God's plan is perfect" (Isn't that right Patty?) I do believe I am learning just a little bit about miracles. Often we pray and don't see God's answer or His answer is not the one we want. Therefore, we feel we have not received the "miracle" we asked for. I am coming to realize that every day is a miracle. I am sure we miss many of God's daily miracles. It will be my continued prayer that God will open my eyes to HIS work and help me to trust Him and recognize that life is a daily miracles. We feel we are so blessed and will continue to acknowledge our heavenly Father as All Knowing, All Powerful and Forever Present. Though we may not understand His sovereignty, we will continue to live daily to the fullest realizing just how precious life is and how special our loved ones are to us.

In His Grip and Holding on,

Shirley
PS. For those of you who may be interested...my son, Nick and his wife Samantha, found out our 9th grandbaby is a GIRL! Another miracle! I know the name but I'm afraid to tell without permission...maybe next update. Yes, we do have the new license plate "9 Grans"...awaiting for us at home. Smile!

Some cutie pies!

2009-04-13T13:57:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure why God gave me such adorable kids....but He did! :) I sure wouldn't trade them for the world! We were down in Waxhaw on Saturday for me to take some pictures of the Blackson clan and of course I took some of my kiddos too!....look how big Eli is getting! :( He is ALMOST sitting up, and has decided to roll over FINALLY! He loves his toes and will "talk" to you about anything! He is an expert at using the mouse...heeheee and the remote control!(somehow he always finds the volume button! He only cries when he thinks he is alone...as long as Emma, Ian or I am in sight he is a happy and content baby! He WON'T take a bottle to save my life!....lol...but I think soon, he won't have a choice....hmmmm, should be interesting He has taken to food well, LOVES to eat...yep, he's all boy! I have been taking it really slow w/ him and food....maybe I'm being lazy, but I just don't see the need to rush it, so we are only eating once a day for now, I think I'll bump it to twice a day soon....we'll see! No teeth yet...but they are there...and so close, it should be soon...but don't let that fool you, he bites well w/o teeth!heehee!

Enjoy the pictures!

News from last night!

2009-04-09T07:00:00.002-04:00

I promised to keep you updated...I never dreamed we would have more news so quickly...but this is the kind of news I LOVE sharing....enjoy a "touch from God"

Dear Friends:
There is a verse in Philippians chapter 1 verse 19 that has spoken to me today. It reads "For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ"
Tonight we have received GREAT news. It appears that the chemo has eradicated almost all of the Leukemia and that the cells that remain may actually be being produced by my own bone marrow. In light of this the chemo I was scheduled to begin at 9PM tonight has been cancelled and they will monitor me for another week then do another bone marrow test.
Based upon those findings a plan of action will be given. Now, they say there is still a chance of temperature spikes, etc..but what they found out today just "doesn't normally happen". It is recognized as a touch from God even by the medical community.
Let's just Praise The Lord together for His special grace and look forward to daily blessings.
Shirley and I are convinced it is through your holding us up in prayer that enables God to do such wonderful acts.
We love you and will keep you advised.
Shirley & Gary

I am still here!....sorta

2009-04-08T08:40:00.002-04:00

Ok...so I must say I am so sorry for not doing a better job at keeping everyone updated on Gary....this last 2 weeks have been extremely crazy! So before I say anything else...here is the email my mom send out last night about what's going on w/ them...

Good Evening Loved Ones,
We have just received the results of the bone marrow biopsy. The bone marrow was not completely empty of cells so tomorrow Gary (we) will continue with 5 additional days of chemo. At this time, Gary will be monitored very carefully and also daily blood work. Once his blood levels return to a safe level(three week process) we will then around day 35 do another bone marrow biopsy. This biopsy will then determine the next step hopefully we will move into the transplant phase.
Yes, we are a little disappointed but are rejoicing at what the initial chemo did accomplish. God is good, all the time...all the time God is good. We know that with God all things are possible. We have definitely experienced His presence and His love abundantly. Words simply cannot express how much we and our family appreciates your love and continued prayers. This morning one of my devotions was on the hymn "My Hope Is Built"...what a perfect reminder that it is indeed "On Christ the Solid Rock we Stand, All Other Ground is Sinking Sand"...so you see this too is part of God's plan for us. Please pray and feel our hugs and prayers coming back to you. Love Shirley

So, I was up in Durham again yesterday, but not able to stay until the news came in....again, I found myself there, but yet not there when needed....nice! I am so frustrated about that, but then God knows best, He knew I had to leave by 4 and I have to trust that as much as mom wanted me there when the dr's came...there was a reason I wasn't! So, we start round 2 for chemo, not a complete surprise, but like mom said, a disappointment all the same! It adds 3 more weeks to them being gone from home...and right now I know they are both craving to be in there house and their bed...pray for their strength!

I was actually blog reading this morning...no, I haven't gotten caught up by any means...but I feel SO SO SO behind now. Two of my friends that have babies the same ages as Eli have posted their babies "6 month old" post...and Eli...poor guy...he's got nothin! lol...although he did turn 6 months old and is growing like a weed! We went on vacation this past weekend...lol...camping w/ 6 kids and a cold morning deserves it's own post!....I have SO much to do and this week is crazy again! We came home early from camping, which allowed me to go to Durham, unexpectedly, Alex took off and kept the big kids for me, my cousin Morgan went w/ me to keep Eli for me...she is SO awesome!....thanks Morgan, you have been a life saver, when can you move in? :) I haven't even announced that I am going to be an aunt again! In September....Savannah will be a big sister! We are getting closer and closer to fall and starting school...Emma is SO excited...me, I think scared silly is a good way to describe it! Life is a whirl wind right now...and I am just along for the ride...hanging on tight! I am hanging tough and never stop being amazed at the peace that God give...especially peace in the moment! We are nearing the 7th year anniversary of Dad's death, and so much is going on....but I am thankful for my Saviour and what HE did for me on the cross, that HE is always w/ me, and I know for a fact HE is walking w/ me through these moments of my life....just like HE did 7 years ago. I can feel Him, and His arms wrapped around me...no matter what happens I know because of Him, I will be ok!

SO I can't promise I will be back soon...it might be a while, but I am asking that you won't stop praying for us!

One last thing...I want to say thank you for the emails and love everyone has sent my way...there are WAY to many to answer at this time, but to everyone, please know how much I have appreciated the thoughts and prayers...and that I love every one of you...even if I haven't had a chance to talk to you personally!

the latest news on Gary...

2009-03-21T19:36:00.002-04:00

March 20, 2009

Dear Friends,
We are sorry there has been a delay in our updates but as many would say "life happens". As you all know, we met Wednesday with the doctors at Duke that are involved in a clinical program that specializes in adult bone marrow transplants. We were told that the MDS (myelodysplatic syndrome)has quickly gone into acute leukemia and is rapidly progressing. Our choices are limited.

We have decided that we will participate in the clinical program at the Duke Medical Center. This will begin with aggressive chemotherapy and then proceed to a stem cell bone marrow transplant sometime in the future.. There are serious risks involved. We will leave for Durham tomorrow and settle Shirley into an apartment. Gary will report into the hospital at ll:00 AM on Sunday. Thus will begin a very lengthy procedure. Thank you for praying for us and our family as we face these challenges together.

Many of you know that we have been involved with Financial Peace University. We and thankful that these classes will continue under the capable direction of George and Pat Slatt and Brian and Pam Walrod.

This morning in our devotion time we read thoughts from Beside Still Waters by C.H. Spurgeon. The thought was The Lord Delivers and based on Psalm 34:19. He wrote " Are you in great trouble? If you have a trial that you cannot share or a trouble that, if you did share no one could help, then go and spread it before the Lord. Remember His words, 'Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.'
Go and tell Him that He has spoken and that He has pledged Himself to deliver you out of all your afflictions. Be sure of this, God will be as good as His Word. My brothers and sisters, may God help us to look to Him."

Doesn't it seem that the Lord provides for each of us just exactly what we need for each day?

Know you are loved and appreciated... Remember this... while you pray.... "we will PUSH through" (Pray Until Something Happens).

Standing on His Promises,
Gary and Shirley

We'll keep you posted as to progress and the Lord's blessings,

In His grip,

Gary & Shirley

This is the latest letter from mom and Gary...We came home on Thursday evening, and they left again today for Duke to stay for atleast 30 days(after the chemo...depending on how it goes, he MIGHT can come home for 14 days, before they start the stem cell transplant....which is a 3 month process in Durham). It was a whirlwind 36 hours getting them out the door today! All of his girls (Alison, Becca and Melanie and their kids) were able to come and see Gary b/f they left...I know how glad he was to see them...but I'll admit it...it was crazy, crazy busy!

As I said before I have CHOSEN to believe that God will preform a miracle as we all know He is capable of doing. He is the only one I want in control of this situation and I am glad it's not my responsibility :) Please continue to pray for us, the situation wasn't exactly what we were expecting, as the prognosis was worse then we thought it would be. They face some very long weeks ahead w/ only hope to hold on to as far as "how it will go" We are all scared of the harsh reality that looms out there...it is something that is so close to both sides of this blended family, and none of us are ready to embrace it in any way!

Please keep praying

a note from Gary, and more info on his cancer

2009-03-17T15:39:00.004-04:00

Subject: Latest update on Gary

Monday, March 16, 2008

Dear Friends:

First of all Shirley and I want to thank you for praying for us during these days of testing. We are so appreciative and can literally "feel" your prayers.

Last week I went to the oncologist to have a bone marrow biopsy along with additional blood work. In addition we visited the lab at the hospital for a chest X-ray and an echo-electrocardiogram. The object was to determine the progression of the MTS and to see if anything else was going on that could be producing my current fatigue and breathlessness. We were to get the results within a week.

This morning Dr. Boyd (my oncologist) called and said that the aspiration from the bone marrow test had been received and it shows that now I have progressed from the MTS into Acute leukemia. He is recommending that we come to the office tomorrow to discuss the plan of treatment hoping to lead to a stage of remission. Becca, Beth, Shirley and I will be meeting with the Dr. around noon tomorrow (March 17).

Our request is that you remember Dr. Boyd as he determines the medication for me to take and any treatments he feels would be beneficial to me. Also for myself and the girls as we listen and attempt to assimilate the information in an orderly way.

We will let you know the results of this appointment and keep you posted as we go along.

Thank you all again for your loving support.
Gary & Shirley
Jude 24, 25.

I know for some of you, this is a complete surprise, some of you may of known a little about what's been going on...but I wanted to take a few minutes to fill everyone in....the above is a letter that my mom and Gary sent out yesterday and it explains what's going on w/ Gary and his cancer....to fill in the blanks a little, we found out a few months back that Gary had what is labeled MTS...don't ask me what the "longer" term is...I don't know, but what it is, is a condition where the white blood cells make "bad" cells and then the "bad cells eat the good ones....nice huh! We knew from the beginning that eventually it would become leukemia, but we were given on time frame....well, over the last few weeks Gary's tiredness and energy began to decrease so the dr decided to run some more test and that is where the letter picked up that I posted above.

Today we visited Dr. Boyd whom Gary mentioned above and he has referred Gary to a dr at Duke University. We have an appointment tomorrow morning at Duke, under the assumption that we will be starting treatment (chemo) as soon as possible and then once Gary has reached the state of remission he will be able to go through a stem cell transplant, that will completely rid his body of the "bad" cells.

Here is where I need y'all...everyone...Please! There is alot of "IF's" involved here. There is ALOT that has to go right. We are and will walk by faith through this, knowing that God is in control. My family is scared right now, ALOT of this is familiar territory for us, before resulting in a very painful ending. I personally have had to make the choice to believe that Gary can make a full recovery...it's harder this time, I believed the same thing w/ my dad...and well...he didn't.

So here are the prayer request concerning Gary. First and foremost, a full recovery, second for wisdom for his doctors. For strength for each day, for a donor match, for the chemo to be effective and for remission to be reach. For my mom and Gary's girls that they will have grace for each moment and with each new piece of information. For all of Gary's grandkids, and for everyone involved to know the best way to answer their questions....Thank you for the prayer and support I know will be out there! I have to say, everyone is holding up very well, and I know it is because of prayer...please don't stop!

with love
Beth

happy birthday Ian!

2009-02-27T08:10:00.003-05:00

some random pictures of the birthday boy!

So our morning started w/ Emma coming in to climb in our bed around 7 this morning...I am grateful we made it until 7, normally it's earlier, but now on Friday my kids like to sleep in b/c we have home group on Thursday night and don't get home until late...very shortly after I hear the baby...so I get up to go and get him...where I am awarded w/ a HUGE smile, I LOVE peeking over into his crib and getting that smile, the one that says..."you are the best thing in the WHOLE WORLD Mommy!" As I head out of their room, Ian's door opens...I peek around the corner and this is the conversation that followed:

Me: Good morning buddy!
I: Morning...while he rubs his eyes!
Me: Ian, it's your birthday!
I: I THFEEE NOW?...the sleepiness has quickly disappeared!
Me: yes you are three now
I: YEAH, YES...I BIG BOY NOW!
Me: Laughing....yes Ian, your a big boy now!
I: I go tell Daddy!...and off he goes to tell daddy he's a big boy now!

Soon after Ian and Daddy were off to Duncan Donuts to pick out some breakfast!...Alex was able to go in late this morning...unfortunately he won't be home until after midnight tonight! BUT he was able to get our morning off to a good start w/ donuts...yummy! and yes I ate one! But only one, I refuse to undo all my hard work at loosing weight...I am very close to the 20 lb mark and donuts are not going to ruin it for me!...neither will the McDonald's trip we have planned later!..lol!..but it is his birthday and I did give birth to him, so I should get to celebrate too...right?...hmmm I guess I have never mentioned my quest for loosing weight before..so to fill you in quickly, I started working really hard on loosing weight after my 6 week appointment after Eli! I had lost most of the weight I gained during my pregnancy...but was far...very far from where I needed to be. I asked the dr to give me an "ideal HEALTHY weight goal" that day and then cried when I got to the car!...it seemed impossible as he had given me a 10 lbs "between this and this" goal and it was almost 20 lbs I needed to loose to even get to the larger of the 2 weights and then 30 lbs to get to the smaller of the 2 weights! I was so discouraged...BUT, I decided that day, I was the only one who could DO anything about it and I was determined to not whine and not change...I didn't want to walk around and talk about no liking my body/weight(and wanting to be more healthy)...yet be doing nothing about it...so I started a life change...and now I am so excited to say I am only 1/2 a lb away from the larger of the 2 weights and I still have the goal to loose 5 more lbs so I can be "in the middle" of the 2 weights he gave me!...I am close, but as anyone who has ever worked to loose weight knows...the last 5 lbs are the hardest!..it's slow going now...but I won't give up!....all that to say, I have given myself permission to enjoy today!....donuts and all!...ok, so that wasn't very short at all!...sorry for the rabbit trail!...back to birthday thoughts!

You know I got to thinking about how easy it would be if things like "a day" really could change our life. In his mind, now he's 3 and that means he's a big boy, he has talked about being a big boy that will peepee and poop in the potty (hmm, that would be nice...if it's that easy!) He has talked about sharing his toys b/c he's 3...(hmm, again that would be nice!) and in his mind he should be able to do that all b/c he's 3~ How nice would that be if it were true!...if we could just pick a day for our human nature to be done away w/ and for only Christ to shine through...like Ian thinking b/c he's 3 he will ALWAYS share his toys...he has no idea that sharing is a learned thing, that most likely he will struggle w/ his whole life, b/c we in our humanous don't like to share!...That sharing is something we have to work at doing...but I admit, I like the ease of his thought process!

Ok, so enough about that! My Ian is 3 it's so hard to believe how the time has flown by in the last few years! I remember when he was born, I had a dr's appointment that day and left Emma w/ Gary, and didn't leave any instructions b/c I just knew I would be back home..I didn't pack a bag, I just knew I would be pregnant forever at that point!lol...as it was I didn't go back home, but rather straight over to have him by inductions b/c he was in a dry sack. I had mom w/ me, but Alex was at work...poor guy had only be back at work for a week from his accident and then I'm calling him and telling him to come to the hospital! He had an appointment with PT that day and I remember calling to see if we could get his appointment changed and he was able to go early...around 12...instead of 4! Mom left to go and get my clothes while Alex was at PT and that was the same time they started the drugs for me...not a good thing, I was all alone during the worst of the whole labor....now I don't know if you have ever been induced...but I have done it both ways...being induced is horrible compared to the natural way of labor starting!...there is no time for the build up of pain tolerance no, you are in full labor right away!...so I was able to get my eppi pretty quickly which was nice and then after that Ian was by far my easiest baby I delivered and my biggest! So mom and Alex both missed the worst part of the labor and by the time they got back I was fine...Alex told everyone, this one was SO easy!...lol, oh well, he was still non-weight bearing on one hand...all he could do was watch!lol! I was looking at pictures to other day and the one of Alex holding Ian was pitiful, he looked so sick still...pale and uncomfortable holding Ian...thank goodness that is all history now!

What I remember of Ian's birth is...thinking, is that really my baby as soon as he came out!...LOL...he was so BIG and had red hair! He didn't look anything like his sister and in my mind he should of been the boy version of her!

I remember a friend, Dawn coming late that night after he was born to visit and trying on the socks I had bought for him and them not even going on his foot!...we had a really good laugh over that one, Emma was so tiny and I just knew Ian would be the same that I had "better prepared" for him....yeah right, there is no such thing!lol I remember Emma at 19months finally connecting the dots of "baby" that mommy had been telling her about for a long time. She was leaving and saw pictures on the door of the photographer room and then came running back in to Ian and says "BABY" and runs to the pictures and says "BABY" and then back again! TOO CUTE!

Ian, you are such a FUN boy to hang out with! I love playing pirates with you and having sword fights! I can't wait to watch you grow over then next years, your personality is so full of life,fun loving, sensitive, caring and concerned for others! Never change those things and you will do well in life! I LOVE how when we ask you what you learned at church or puggles you always say "about God" in your mind nothing else matters...and you are right! I love to watch you pretend you are Miss Amy(your Puggles teacher) and how you show all your pretend "children" the flash cards and tell them the story...along w/ telling them to sit still!...b/c I am sure you are the one she is telling to "sit still" at puggles so you think that is part of the story! :) I love your smile, and the way you come and tell me "I take good nap mommy!" after you wake up from your nap! I love the way you like to be read to and that even though you have the book "wocket in my pocket" memorized you still want it read to you daily! I love that you adore your sister, she is the best thing in your world, and you plan to marry her "when you grow up!"...that I know will change, but for now, it's so sweet! I love how when Eli's crying you came and tell me "Mommy Eli's crying, but I'll take care of him for you!" and then you are off the talk to him until I can get there...and by the time I get there, Eli is all smiles again! You are a great big brother and Eli adores you so much...never abuse that!

Ian, I love you so much! I can't wait to teach you more and more in the years to come...you are such a joy to me! I LOVE YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

powerwheels, camping, tax returns and a little more!

2009-02-16T09:34:00.004-05:00

Hey everyone....just a quick note to let everyone know how much I appreciated the prayers. Mom is home and making a quick recovery! Thank you to everyone for the calls and the notes letting me know you care! Most of you know how hard it is for me to have mom get sick, it brings back such hard memories of dad being sick, so your thoughts are more sweet to me than you can even realize.

It's funny as you near the year anniversary of someones death, you seems to have this "idea" that "it's going to be different or easier this year" yet, it never is...this time of year is always hard for me...it's not like I go into depression anymore...it's more like I find myself just a little more sensitive to life...I have learned over the last few years to really try to shift my focus, not to not remember my dad, but to look for the things I can look forward to instead of the more obvious pain of what is missing.

So in honor of doing that...here is my list of things I'm looking forward too!

Ian's birthday! We bought him a powerwheels....he will be thrilled, but for now I am SO excited I can hardly stand it!

Going camping...the first of April we are going camping w/ Susan and her crew...6 kids, 3 tents and a mountain! Sounds like a blast to me...did you hear that Todd, we will have fun! :P

The NCHE conference, now this is one I NEVER thought I would be saying I'm excited about, but I am, I CAN NOT WAIT to get to the book fair w/ money to spend!

Our tax return!...we found out today what we are getting back! It is more than we expected and I am thrilled...it amazes me how God provides! (a shout out to Nathan for doing our taxes!)

My brother turns 30....heeheehe....I'm glad he's first! Let the planning begin!

Starting up the garden...I am SO ready to plant...I want it to be warmer so we can get out there and get it going....I am glad I'm not prego this summer so I can do so much more in the garden!

Well that is my spring line up...now I have some spring fever....I think I'll go and clean something!....next I'll have the summer line up....which will include but not be limited to Alex's birthday, our anniversary, vacation, gardening, starting up school, and lot's more!...stay tuned :)

Pray...please!

2009-02-12T12:28:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone, this will be short....My mom went in the hospital last night and will be having surgury sometime this afternoon. They are thinking it is her apendex, but aren't completely sure. They are running more test as I type....Pray for her pain, which is ALOT right now...I'll keep you posted!

around the corner....

2009-02-11T16:09:00.002-05:00

Time flies when you are having fun....that's the saying anyway! Around here it seems to be time flies when your sick!....although the days seem SO long sometimes! I turn around and it's been three weeks since I have blogged anything...I know I said it would be few and farther in between...but gosh, I didn't mean non-existent! These last few weeks have been rather strange for me. Both the boys have been sick...Eli twice now, Ian is struggling w/ allergies AGAIN...this weather is killing him! We haven't made it to AWANA in a full month now....nice. I had to give up BSF, b/c Eli won't take a bottle and it's way to hard to expect Gary to keep him when I know he will give him a fit. Alex and I did go out w/ Todd and Susan last Friday night and Eli had to suffer through, but for some reason I can do that w/ mom keeping him and not feel bad. We had a great time out!....camping here we come!....right Todd! :) But other than that, Eli is really attached at the hip right now, which I really don't mind to much! When he first stop taking the bottle I felt very trapped, but then I realized that he will be a big boy before I'm ready so I might as well enjoy this time and not be stressed that it's not going the way I want!

Do you ever wonder what's around the corner? I very much feel like that right now...every time I turn around I wonder why God is requiring this or that from me...I feel like I'm being stretched.....alot....right now. I don't consider this a bad thing, in fact I know from experience this is a good thing...a very good thing. I also find it hard and exhausting at the same time. I know that God has given me a very specific purpose right now, and this stretching fits into that plan...so why do I sometimes struggle to except the change that's coming? It's the weirdest thing, I want the changes...even need the changes....yet the changes make me want to cry all at the same time! Alex and I have moved to the uptown campus of Elevation to be able to serve and help out w/ starting Ekidz we also moved community groups and changed what service we are attending ourselves. I gave up BSF, and we haven't be able to be at AWANA in a few weeks....nothing from my normal schedule still remains. We finish up our FPU class next week and then that will be over too. I am interested to see what God is planning...he has completely cleared my schedule...the question is what for? I have been spending some time w/ other homeschool moms, and they have helped me see some of why my schedule is clearing...it's just I hadn't planned to clear it 7 months b/f we started school....hmmm! It's in His hands, I know I have to be careful what I choose to put into my schedule from here forward, b/c my primary focus will be shifting to my kids educations. I know this isn't the first time God has cleared my schedule, He did this a couple of summers ago and it ended up being one of the most fulfilling times of my life...a wonderful time of growth, b/c I wasn't to busy to hear from him. I know I need to be sure I slow down and not miss what it is He's bring my way! My prayer is to know Him more fully everyday, and the only way I can do that is by slowing down to listen to what He's telling me....pray for me as I start this new adventure He has waiting for me....pray that I can see what it is soon! :)

What God has asked me to do....

2009-01-20T08:58:00.004-05:00

Ok so the kids aren't here....well, the baby is..but he doesn't count, b/c he doesn't cause any interruptions! :) Emma and Ian spent the night w/ Savannah last night b/c Alex and I (and Eli) had a trip planned to Raleigh today...but as y'all all know...it's SNOWING! So our trip has been rescheduled until next Monday...whew! So I find myself at home almost alone this morning and the first time I have allowed myself to sit and blog in FOREVER! I decided back around Christmas that I needed to spend less time on the computer....it's funny, I use to struggle w/ the amount of time I spent in front of the TV, then the Lord convicted me of that....so I just moved on to another device...the computer. Between blogging and facebook and emails it is easy to spent hours a day on here and that is NOT what God has called me to do w/ my time. (disclaimer....I'm not trying to point fingers at anyone else...this is what God has told ME for ME...but if you are feeling guilty, maybe you should ask God what He is telling you! :)...end of disclaimer!) So back to my story, I found that I was putting my kids off to finish a blog or read a blog. Or wasn't talking to them during lunch so I could look at pictures on facebook or even chat w/ someone else that was on....again, this is not what God has called me to do. I know that God wants me to have close friendships and I do, but He has called me to be a mommy, and He wants my attention on that right now. We are gearing up to homeschool this fall which I am really really excited (and scared) about. and I know that He is asking me to line up my priorities better....I need to be ready to make school my number 1 priority at least until school is like second nature for me. SO, all that to say, I am choosing to cut back on the time I spend on the computer, so don't look for blogs from me to often. I know this is going to be like tv, once I have weened myself for a while, then I will be able to bring it back in my life w/ some thought through self-control...funny how God is constantly growing you in every area of your life :)

So for an update on the fam...Christmas was totally fun, we had a wonderful holidays...Alex took a good while off, almost 2 full weeks...it was fun!

The new year has been a time of adjustment for us, we are learning and changing daily...especially Eli! He is almost 4 months, as sweet as ever and growing like a weed~ Emma excepted Christ as her Savior on the 14th of Jan...an exciting time around here...Ian is still Ian, one of the most loving boys I know...he amazes me at what you pick up on from listening...Alex is great, and we are so thankful for his job and the knowledge of him not loosing it in this time. We (Alex and I have been leading a small group in Financial Peace and it has been so rewarding for us, we have been wanting to be able to give to other people the knowledge we learned from the classes a while back....we have been given an awesome opportunity to serve others, and a great chance to make some wonderful friendships, I already know we will miss these people when we finish! We also have some things in the works at our church as far as serving goes that will start up soon, both of us are very excited about that...more to come as it unfolds!

Well I must go, the car is warming up for Eli and me to venture over to Nicks and go play in the snow!....love to all!...stay warm!

98,99,37....

2008-12-18T11:37:00.004-05:00

Ian is counting for them to play hide and seek....I just heard him say "98, 99, 37...ready, not, here I came!" LOL, I am so glad that they make me smile and laugh, otherwise some days I might not make it! Ian is sick again, w/ the nasty nose and cough. I am currently waiting on the dr call back and tell me what the plan is!...ever since he had RSV he seems to get a cold and keep it FOREVER! and we go around and around w/ different antibiotics! It's so frustrating!

Shannon, you asked about how we got Eli to smile like that...well! He just loves to smile, there is no cool trick at all! If you just talk to him, he will give you this award winning smile! But of course he saves his best smiles for mommy! heehee! Melanie was just talking to him while she was snapping the pics~ She captured him at his best! He is a happy baby, always smiling and talking to whoever will listen! No wonder I can't get anything done, all I want to do is hold and talk to him...and that's about all I do! lol, and I love every minute of it! We went on Monday and had his first round of shots done (he had a cold at his well visit, so we didn't do them then) and he only cried for like 10 seconds....amazed me, Ian would milk the tears for like 20 minutes! Before the nurse even left the room he was smiling again!

here are a few more of my smiling baby!

here are our Christmas Pictures!

2008-12-18T07:33:00.002-05:00

A big thank you to Melanie for taking our pictures the other day!....I know we were wondering what I had done having another kid! hehee!

These are a few of my favorites!

Christmas preview!

2008-12-11T16:43:00.001-05:00

tagged....

2008-12-11T08:28:00.004-05:00

thanks to Shannon, I was tagged...it took me a while to do it, but join in, it's fun!

1. Egg nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate, add a little peppermint to make it yummy!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Neither....we don't do Santa w/ our kids(no comments on that please!...it's our choice!)

3. Colored lights or white?
White.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but I should, hmmm, I might have to look for some this year!

5. When do you put your decorations up?
The day after thanksgiving

6. Favorite holiday dish?
Asparagus casserole, my aunt makes.

7. Favorite childhood memory?
the treasure hunt my dad sent me on to find my presents, one a dollhouse he made me and then my bunny he bought me that year.

8. When/how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I guess I always knew, my parents didn't do santa w/ us when we were kids...

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
When we were kids, only at my grandparents...
Now our kids actually open all their presents on Christmas Eve morning, b/c we have to be at my moms at 8:30 on Christmas morning, it's more fun for them on Christmas Eve b/c they can stay home all day and play w/ their toys, until we leave that night for where ever we are going!

10. How do you decorate the tree?
ummm...we pull out he box and load the tree...the kids each have a new ornament each year...oops I just realized I didn't get them one this year!heehee...new mommy brain?...so maybe we'll break that tradition?

11. Snow. Love it or dread it?
I can do without...BUT I love how excited the kids get over it...Ian doesn't even know what it is, but b/c Emma is wanting it SO bad, he wants it too! I can do w/ a day or 2...just don't ask me to go out in it unless I am going skiing, then bring it on!...but NO snowballs please!

12. Can you ice skate?
YES, love it, but haven't been since Alex was the youth pastor at our other church.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
YES, it was the dollhouse my dad made for me, it in my attic now, for Emma one day!

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays to you?
Being w/ my family, and teaching my kids the real meaning of Christmas...JESUS

15. Favorite holiday dessert?
All of them...but for the last few years I have made peppermint bark...love it!

16. Favorite Christmas Tradition?
Being at my Grandparents w/ my cousins on Christmas Eve...the only time we would be together and not beg to spend the night w/ each other!...this year we are doing that on the 26th though! :( And my other grandmother when she was alive always put candy canes on her tree as part of the trees decorations and we would come and take one...but you had to make sure she didn't know where you got it from or she would "pretend" to be mad at you for "messing up her tree" and as you are finding out...I loved some candy canes!

17. What tops your tree?
a star...we had an angel, until we read this book to Emma about the legend of the Christmas tree....they had a star, and Emma was upset that we had an angel, so we got a star...I like the star better than the angel we had...so it worked out!

18. Do you prefer giving or receiving?
i love giving, but I am like Brandy, it can get stressful and that can take the fun away from it....Alex and I can't keep up w/ the "Jones'" so I have to swallow my pride and sometimes give things that aren't as pricey as what my kids might be receiving...it's hard, even when you tell other not to spend so much, they do, and then you feel obligated to do the same for their kids!....see, stress...and that makes it hard!

19. Favorite Christmas song?
to this day I still smile every time I hear Micheal W. Smith's song "Gloria" and all the other songs we did w/ my sign language group!...good times :)

20. Candy canes. Yum or yuck?
as I have referred to peppermint before....YUMMY!

21. What do you want for Christmas?
For my brother to find a job, my husband to pass his test, and for Gary to be out from under this medical stuff!?? I have no wants....plus Alex and I just got the Wii FIT and called it Christmas!

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas party?
Alex's work party...and I don't need a new outfit...although I have NOTHING that fits right....I choose to be different! heehee, plus it's raining today and I don't want to drag the kids out like I planned to find something to wear!

23. Do you dress up for Christmas Eve or wear P.J.'s?
we are at one of our grandparents...so I can't wear my PJ's although I wish I could...how cool would that be?

24. Do you own a Santa hat?
Me, no, kids...there's a baby one around here somewhere!

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with?
as in Christmas day? Well, we go to my mom's Christmas morning for breakfast, w/ mom and Gary, Nick, Sam, Savannah, Becca and sometimes Melanie and her girls(but they can't come this year) and of course all of us...then we go to Alex's dad's that night w/ his dad and Della, his brother, Jonathan and Kelly their kids Jackson and Lydia, his step-sister Jera and her kids Nevaeh, and Gage, and his grandparents for dinner...then back home LATE! We see his other grandparents and mom on Christmas Eve and my dad's parents and family one the day after Christmas(for the first time this year...we for a long time had to go 2 places on Christmas Eve...it's nice to only have one place to go!)

Thanks Shannon for tagging me, it was fun, especially thinking about all the memories from growing up! I love Christmas SO much!

I am picking Susan, Jenn, Chelsea, Dawn, Kate, Crystal and Jenny to tag!...have fun!

I think....

2008-12-08T18:32:00.002-05:00

I think that is the best of ALL the pictures I took of the kids in their Christmas PJ's...enjoy it here, because I have to be honest, I still haven't printed Eli's first pictures...much less have I even thought about a Christmas card....so don't get your hopes up to much and PLEASE forgive me now!

I think...I could go and spend at least $100.00 printing pictures, just to get caught up...not to mention giving some to family who I know by now think I have lost it!

I think....some days I have lost my mind and will never find it again...heehee, along w/ the fact that I lost my BSF lesson for the week...nice! oh well, at least I haven't lost my kids...yet, nor the Christmas presents!

I think...I will NEVER have a chance to start wrapping presents, they have make it from the closet to a big box in the garage (which is closer to the car where they will end up eventually!) but some how at some time I need to get them wrapped...anyone out there just love to wrap and want to wrap mine too? heehheee...just kidding, I love wrapping!...I'm just not sure when I will do it! most likely at midnight the night before they are needed!

I think...this is going to be the best Christmas in a LONG time....we don't have 2 places to be on Christmas Eve...and we will be celebrating an extra day...yeah for family FINALLY changing the tradition! I think...that is awesome!

I think...I might be finally adjusting to 3...and that the "lost my mind" syndrome is just the new normal! I might as well laugh at it!

I think...my pot disagrees because I am sure it would of rather me of not left it on the stove while I nursed the baby...burning the paste it was so nicely cooking for me...

I don't think... that pot will ever be the same again!....oh well! :)

I think....my husband is awesome, but we might be tired of each other after he is off for 13 days around Christmas!

I think...I'm scared to call my mom and find out how Gary's doctors appointment went today...I'm not sure I want to know!

I think....I'm tired of Ian being a pirate! Does anyone know how to convince a little boy to stop being such a boy ALL THE TIME!...Or maybe how to convince him to be a cowboy or something else not involving a sword?

I think....my husband is stressed to the max...pray for him tomorrow!

I think....I'm tired of thinking!
:)

I admit it....I just don't have time!

2008-11-19T13:15:00.002-05:00

So if you haven't figured it out yet...I am struggling to find time to blog! Like right now....I shouldn't be sitting here blogging...no Ian needs to be getting to bed for his nap, Emma needs a shower, Eli will want to eat again in about an hour and a half, I need a shower and to be dressed before the delivery guys come for our building out back! Then Alex's dad is coming after the delivery....lol! I need to be working w/ Emma on her AWANA verse for tonight and we need to be ready to leave here by 4:30! SO...this seems to be the story of my life right now...there is always a "needs to be done" list...BUT, instead, I find myself holding a baby, playing w/ kids and LOVING being a mommy! Some days are tough, really tough, but most days have been awesome. It took me longer than I expected to jump in to a good routine...but the Lord showed me to slow down and stop expecting so much of myself...something I have always struggled with....now I know my limitations and am learning to actually enjoy them. I was in tears when Alex told me about his school schedule, and those days have been tough, but during this time, the Lord showed me that truly w/ His strength I can do it! Two weeks ago Alex and I started leading a small group on finances and again, I worried that it was to much...God showed me that when HE calls you to do something for Him, He will make a way and He has...and we are loving this new group of people and getting to experience part of life w/ them! It is always exciting to know that when you give your time to God and allow Him to decide how you are going to spend that time, then you can enjoy that time SO much more, b/c you know you are where you are suppose to be!...does that make since? I hope so! Anyway, all that said to say, I haven't had much time to sit and blog, I know in my heart it will be a long time before I can again....I will try to update when I can, but don't be surprised if it's not often.....know that I'm off holding my baby or teaching my oldest to read or "trying" to potty train my middle!

the kids are great, Eli is an awesome baby, and I think weighing in around 11 or so lbs, we have our next appointment on the 2nd of Dec...so we'll see then, but he has totally filled out....and we finally got the cloth diapers to work! I am LOVING them...L...O...V...I...N...G them! Thanks Brandy for all the help, I owe you one! Even Alex has learned how to change one! I am deciding if I want to go to them full time and try and take them w/ me places or not...we'll see, for now I'm still just doing it at home. I started WW and that has actually helped me SO much w/ nursing, Eli has been more content, it seems I wasn't eating enough before and now that I am on a point system I know I'm getting enough AND I'm loosing weight...which is a bonus! LOL...and yes I'm wanting to loose weight...I am done having kids and am DETERMINED to like my body...if that means loosing weight...then that's what I'm going to do! :)

Emma is learning like crazy...she will be reading long, I know it! We put off preschool until Jan. but she is determined to learn anyway....she just finished up her first set of swimming lessons which she loved and did great w/....we don't start back until January!

Ian is all boy, we "tried" to potty train, but I quickly realized that even though I might be ready, he's not...so we will continue to wait, he won't be 3 for a while, so I am not pushing anything...he's allergies are bad right now, but I am learning to expect that, this time of year, I hope to keep him out of the dr's office this winter....pray w/ me for that! It's hard to believe that a year ago this time we were learning about 80 something allergies that he had and feeling so overwhelmed w/ it...God had been faithful in giving us wisdom in dealing w/ them! He is such a trooper w/ his allergies and I am thankful we decided not to do the shots, but I hate seeing him so stopped up and the breathing treatments are not fun for him! He is great doing them compared to some horror stories I have heard, but it's not fun even though he doesn't fight it! He is talking like you can't believe and just recently found his imagination which is fun to listen to!

Alex are I are good, LOVING watching our children grow...we would NEVER trade our life for anything!

that should about catch everyone up! Now I am off to throw diapers in the dryer, and shower me and Emma at the same time...kill 2 birds w/ one stone...Ian is already in bed and I have 45 minutes til snacktime for Eli! :)

my sweet sweet daughter and her halloween story!

2008-11-03T18:21:00.004-05:00

So I waited this year until last Wednesday to buy Halloween costumes...I know CRAZY, and I don't suggest it, unless added stress is something you enjoy, then go ahead! LOL! The reason being, is we didn't decide to "do Halloween" until Tuesday!....I know, I know, it a discussion every year between Alex and me...but I think we have made a decision to hold on to from now on!

ANYWAY!...to my story

We started out the day on Wednesday going to Target and Old Navy, both of which had nothing we were pleased w/....FYI, Emma had her heart set on being a butterfly (which is what she plans to be when she grows up! LOL :) ) and Ian wanted to be a cowboy...both very determined! lol....SO our plans for the day included going to eat lunch w/ Alex, something we are doing on Wednesdays while he's in school, so the kids can see him, and then "visit" w/ some people in his office, which is code for my kids getting a bunch of candy..they LOVE "visiting" at daddy's work!lol, and the men there are worse than the ladies w/ the candy! haha! So after we left there we met up w/ Mimi and Granddaddy, who graciously went w/ us to Concord, no, I wasn't ready for that adventure on my own! lol...I started at Babiesrus b/c a week before they had RACKS of costumes!...not anymore...one little rack, nothing bigger than 6 months!...next Toysrus...again, NOTHING, but yucky stuff like witches and we weren't going there! :) So when we got back in the car from toysrus, Emma ask me, "mommy, what are we going to do?" She was so worried that there would be no costumes to be found! I told her to pray and ask Jesus to help us find a costume and if HE wanted her to be a butterfly, then HE would show us where to find it! This seemed to work for her, and I SO sent up a prayer asking Him for help, to at least help us find costumes that they would be excited about...I admit, I doubted we would find a butterfly and a cowboy! After dinner, we went to Childrens Place in Concord Mills....AND...believe it or not, we found a whole rack of cowboy outfit! I was SO excited, there wasn't a size 2/3, but they had 1 size 4 left and I knew I could make it work, not to mention he could wear it a whole lot longer to play in!...then as I was standing there, I looked up and on display there was...YES...a butterfly costume, now, it looked little, and I was afraid to hope, but we had the girl check the size...Emma had spotted it too by this time and was jumping up and down in excitement...it was 12-18 months...but...it looked big...would it fit??? She took it down for us to try on, I am reminding Emma that "it might not fit, don't get to excited yet" and we tried it on, right there in the middle of the store! IT FIT LIKE IT WAS MADE FOR HER! and it was pink and purple!....thank you Jesus for answering this mommy's prayer and caring about a little girls costume!

So after the purchases were made, we made a potty stop, and in the restroom, I asked Emma if she was excited...here is the conversation that followed!

me...Emma are you excited about your butterfly?
E...YES...I can't wait to show daddy!
me...Isn't it exciting that Jesus answered your prayer!?
E...umm Mommy, I didn't pray for Jesus to help me find a butterfly costume...
me...you didn't, why not?
E...well, I wasn't sure He would answer...how would He answer?
(I could tell she was very unsure of how Jesus would audibly answer her....she was wondering for sure)
me...well, you have a butterfly costume, don't you? That is your answer, Jesus wanted you to have one, so He showed us where to find it.
E...but Mommy, I didn't pray for one!
(at this point, she is close to tears b/c she was concerned that she hadn't asked Jesus for help)
me...but mommy did, I prayed and asked Jesus to help us find your butterfly costume and Ian's cowboy costume
E...(as she wraps her arms around me!) THANK YOU MOMMY FOR PRAYING FOR MY COSTUME...I LOVE IT...

Later that night when she was going to bed, she thanked Jesus over and over for her costume...the whole idea was such a learning experience for her, she for a long time has had a good understanding for God and Jesus, but this reminded me that she is still only 4 and although she seems to understand the concept of God, she is still a literal child who wasn't exactly sure how Jesus was going to "answer" her prayer!...now I think she understand! :) The next day, someone asked her what she was going to be for Halloween, and she said, "a butterfly, and Jesus helped me find it!" LOL! I LOVED IT!

Thank you Jesus for your reminder to this Mommy that you care about the small stuff...even Halloween costumes....I love you!

I'll post pictures soon!

Is she surviving????....

2008-10-27T09:00:00.003-04:00

YES, the answer is yes, sometimes it feels like "barely surviving!" but I am still alive. Can I even tell you how many times I have thought about posting and yet, I never made it to the computer to actually do it! Today has been unusual for me, I WAS going to attempt going back to BSF today, but after a sleepless night, and yes there have been quite a few of those, :) I chickened out and sent the kids w/ mom and Gary, the wonderful man that he is, came over and took Eli for me, so I pumped a bottle and took a shower and went back to bed for an extra 2 hours....2 WONDERFUL HOURS of needed sleep, then mom and Gary took both Emma and Ian for the WHOLE afternoon...Emma had swimming lessons and Ian was begging to go to "grammy's house" so that left me w/ just Eli for the afternoon, I was able to get the whole house in order and a load of wash done, I can now officially do a load a day and always have a FULL load! LOL, but I have done well w/ that, and don't get overwhelmed w/ 4 load to do at once!

So how has it been going?....Good, hard, fun, difficult, and everything in between!

Eli is a good baby, he seems to be struggling w/ reflux, like Ian, he is very gassy, I am hoping this doesn't mean he's going to be allergic to the world like Ian w/ his 60 something allergies! He has his one month appointment this week so I'll talk to the dr about it then! I am hoping that he isn't going to stay gassy like Ian did....w/ Ian once I switched to formula he was so much happier, and I always wondered why, well when we had him allergy tested and found out that he is allergic to most food, including green bean and cantaloupe! SO everything I ate bothered him...lovely, I am hoping that isn't the case w/ Eli, but so far, he seems to be following that same pattern! We'll see!

He is a little guy, alot like Emma, he was 7 12 when he was born, 7,4 when we left the hospital, still 7, 4 a week later, and then 7, 11 at 2 weeks old, I am interested to see what he is going to weigh at one month. Em and I both were back to their birth weight at one week, Ian was over by like 4 ozs...so this is different for me to have one stay little so long! He has little hands and feet like Em, so I think he is going to be little like she is! He is such a sweet baby, doesn't even cry when he's in pain w/ the gas, you can see it on his face, and know he's hurting, but usually there is no tears! He does like to grunt and squeak we call him squeaker a lot!

OK so this is now my third time working on this post, apparently I am not going to do well w/ getting anything posted for a while...honestly, w/ the way we are sleeping...or not sleeping around here, most days I don't even think about the computer or blogging or anything like that, all my "down time"...lol...I spend sleeping! :) BUT last night I got good sleep, well, for having an infant! SO I am on top of the world today! and wanted to finish this and get the pics posted...so w/o anymore typing, here are the pictures!

Now if I can just get them to Costco to be printed before he turns 1 I'll be doing really well! LOL! I'll be back when I can, but just know, it might be a while! Now I am off to do some cleaning, while I have energy from all my sleep!

love to all!

Eli Brice Helms

2008-09-30T12:13:00.005-04:00

I know all y'all really care about it the pictures...but you have to hear the story too! He made his entrance into the world around 5:45 yesterday afternoon! He weighs in at 7 lbs and 12 oz. and is 21 inches long. He is a GOOD baby, so far, hasn't cried a bit....except the poking of the needle right after his birth! He is starting to nurse better, but at this point would rather sleep!

Emma and Ian came about an hour after he got here...both where very unsure of the whole thing...of course, he looked a little "weird" w/ all the goop and eye drops and stuff...SO they were pretty stand-offish. Ian just wanted me to "get up mommy...don't like bed" They left w/ Gary after about 45 minutes to watch a movie and wait for daddy to come and put them to bed. They came back w/ Alex this morning and were very excited to see their brother and Emma was VERY ready to hold him, now that he looked clean and cute! Ian still stood back, but was glad I was up and moving around...he too eventually held Eli..and did great and was so cute w/ him...you'll see the pics I promise!lol.

This was totally my hardest delivery yet, but we made it through, yes there were some tears...but no tearing...lol! Some complications, but nothing major, and he was fine the whole time! The dr and the nurses were great, no complaints there at all! We are all great, and VERY glad to have Eli on this side!...now, let the fun begin! :)

We will be going home tomorrow midmorning...I can't wait to get in my bed and sleep on my stomach! Last night I was up ALOT, they had to give me extra fluids b/c of a blood pressure problem...SO I peed all night long! LOVELY right!lol, so he slept and I was up!lol...go figure! Keep up in your prayers and come by and see the baby! :)

OH and happy birthday MOM!...I love you, thanks for spending your "big day" w/ me helping me w/ the kids and Eli...and ME!

short update!

2008-09-26T22:00:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am still waiting.....tomorrow is my "due date!" I am hanging tough...haven't slept in a while, but I know that is not ending anytime soon, even after the birth! HEEHEE! I will be glad to have all the pain in my hips end!...it's seem to be endless right now! I am off to bed, yes, it's early for me, but I have been up since 4:45 AM, b/c I couldn't sleep w/ the pain!

I'll keep you posted, I can even take to computer to the hospital! lol, no promises, but I will let everyone know somehow as soon as I can!

I am probably off until after his birth!....look for pictures...soon I hope!

my new plan!

2008-09-21T20:55:00.002-04:00

Ok so I am still waiting, now remember my due date isn't until this coming Saturday...the 27th, so, if it weren't for the checking of my fluids, I would never of expected to give birth before now...in fact I told all the family that if they didn't induce me early we all knew I wouldn't have this one before my due date either! I will now tell you, I didn't play along w/ the "guess the date" b/c my date all along has been the 29th or 30th...I still think it will be next week and hopefully not longer! I have a much better perspective on everything now...and know I should be enjoying this last week or so. God showed me today through a tap on my shoulder that HE is in control and I need to trust him, even w/ the timing to the birth of Eli...it was a sweet reminder that HE has my BEST at heart and for now, that means me waiting and being patient!

So my new plan....to be as busy as possible this week! I have Brandy coming over in the morning, the Tuesday I have bible study fellowship, then mom and I might shop some, the Wednesday I am hoping to meet Chelsea...who I need to call back in a minute...at the mall and let the girls have a "play date" as Anagrace has requested!...Chelsea, my question is when do mommies get "play dates" that's what we need to schedule!lol! That will take me to Thursday....I am sure I can find something at home that will need attention by then!lol...like cleaning, then I have my drs appointment on Friday! Whew, I have a busy week...so, at least I have something to do to make the days go by! YEA! At my last appointment, the dr told me to "play on his sympathy at the next appointment...that is when I was begging him not to make me go to 41 weeks!lol....so I am assuming that I will leave at least w/ a scheduled induction...but who knows!

Now you know, I still don't have a little guy to hold, but I am doing well, and looking forward to my week!
love to all!

MIA, Not much and Same Old Stuff

2008-09-18T08:40:00.006-04:00

I stole the titles of some of my blogger friends, because that is exactly how I feel too! I know I have been "MIA" for a while, and that is because it seems everything around here is the "same old stuff," which is "not much" going on. Ever since I hit around 36 weeks I stopped planning things and started keep the calendar clear...which as I look back probably wasn't a smart thing to do! We have slipped into a nice routine around here since fall has started up. We have bible study on Tuesday mornings and Emma goes to AWANA on Wednesday night w/ my mom and Gary. Other than that, I have eliminated all of our other activities....it's driving me crazy not having more to do, but I know once Eli gets here I will be thankful I made those steps. Emma is going to be in swimming lessons in October and we do have plans to start some other activities through out the fall and winter...and I have pushed off preschool for her until January although, she is constantly pushing me to "learn" something, everything now. Her newest fascination is a map of the US...we went and brought her one after she took an interest in IKE and wanted to know where those people lived and if the storm was going to be near us. She now knows where our state is, where the storm was and of course where disney world is! LOL. She has also started learning her phonics, so now she walks around walmart naming letters she recognizes and singing "the A says ah, the a says ah, every letter makes a sound the A says ah!"....cute for a while!lol, no I love it, I love watching her learn and I love that she craves learning...she thrives off of learning!..I pray it never changes. I on the other hand am still struggling w/ not being overwhelmed w/ what I know God has called me to do w/ their schooling. I am working to focus on the now, and not the distant future, one step at a time, and for now, it's preschool!...and even that isn't going to start until January! Whew, I do have time to have this baby first! :)

The only other thing going on around here is that we decided a while back to get new living room furniture....heehee...we wanted to sale what we had first and then go and buy...we had looked around at what we wanted and knew where we would be going to buy, then put our couch and chair on good old craigslist! The couch has now sold and so we are sitting on the floor and our one chair...the kids have those kid sofas, so they have been loving not having a couch...me, yea, hard to lay down for a minute w/ no couch to lay on! lol! So the sofa has been gone for 2 days now, and Alex started doubting what we had picked out the buy...so we started the searching process all over last night! LOL...now, remember, I am a planner, and this pushed me to the end of my robe! BUT we found what we wanted last night....we are very excited...AND we can have them here TOMORROW! So even if I have a baby today...lol, not likely....but if I do then I will still have furniture when I get home from the hospital! YEAH~ We brought new pillows last night too, but when we got them home, they don't match like we had hoped they would...so I'm off to look again in a little while, Gary is going to keep the kids and mom is going to go w/ me so I can look w/o the distraction of little voices, voicing their opinions (especially Ian who's opinion would be to leave!) He was such a trooper last night, Emma was at AWANA, and he went w/ us to shop for furniture! We pushed him WAY past his limit, but he hung in there very well...and all he asked for all night was to "play" at "chic away" chick-fil-a which he did, and had a lot of fun, we even met a couple w/ 3 kido from Elevation, and had a chance to talk for a few minutes!...fun for us and the kids!

Anyway, I have rambled on for a while now, and you are all caught up on our lives....I have a drs appointment this afternoon, but I am learning to expect it to be the same as before...so I don't foresee having a baby today in the future, so I'll let you know, I am hoping to get them to go ahead and schedule an induction for next week sometime, if I walk away w/ that I will be thrilled! My due date is 8 days away, so if they would schedule the induction for mid to late next week I be one happy girl...even if not, I am now doing well, w/ the end being in sight! Now 12 days from now...past the due date, will be another story, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there!

happy day to all!

trying not to complain!....lol...

2008-09-10T17:21:00.002-04:00

SO as you can guess, since I am posting I am back at home. All in all, the doctors appointment has left me right where I was before...waiting! The ultrasound was great, the fluid level was 13, which, yes was slightly less than last week, but still right where it is suppose be all in all. Dr. Sweeney did everything he could think of to try and send me to L and D...but every test was fine!...go figure! They did a stress test today and in the process saw I was contracting every 5 minutes...lol....so he thought about sending me over, but since all the other test were "so perfect" he thinks I'll go on my own in a day or so....LOL! Why am I laughing so much....well, as I said in a email to the girls in my small group, if I had a recording for every time I heard those words I could make a cd by now! With E, they told me 2 times that I would "be back really soon" and w/ I they told me on my due date that I would be back in 24hrs and yet a week later I was still pregnant!...so HE might think it will be a day or 2, but I don't think I'll get my hopes up! :) He is concerned that I am not sleeping...it's been 3 days since I slept at all, and told me to take something and get some sleep and that would help push me into labor...something about it's harder for a tired body to handle labor...so if your not sleeping then your body will actually prevent you from going into labor...SO I'm up for some good sleep, and the kids and I are going to spend the night at mom's so she can take them in the morning!...yeah for me!...I'm going to take some sleeping pills and SLEEP, hopefully!

Alex will be working late tomorrow night and has his last shut-down at work on Saturday night....here's the deal w/ that....he can't cancel it last minute, so he was asking me today if he should postpone it or not....I can' answer that! If he postpones it I might still be prego next weekend and still be in the same boat we're in now...and he'll be asking me again!....what to do, what to do! All I said, is that I would hate for him to miss the birth of his son!...what else do I say, I can't tell him when he's coming!...if I had my way, it would be NOW! But I feel like my luck would have the baby come on Saturday night...I can see it now, I go into labor around midnight, here by myself, and then I meet him at the hospital early on Sunday morning and he is going to be more tired than me having been up all night working!....not a good start to a long process of adjusting to a new baby and not much sleep! GREAT!...but then again, there isn't much I can do about it!

OK so my title was "trying not to complain" can't say I'm doing a great job of that...but I am thankful that everything is fine, and we can't even find a reason to take him out early!...I am glad that my fluids are holding nicely and I might actually have water to break this time, and shouldn't have to worry about him not having what he needs as far as that is concerned! Hopefully I will get some sleep which if nothing else should help me feel better emotionally(I had my record crying day for this pregnancy today....the count is 5 times...which started at about 6am this morning, but the days not over!lol) so I can survive the next few weeks...or at least til he decides to show us what he looks like! :)

the guessing has begun!

2008-09-09T20:21:00.003-04:00

So Alex told me today when he came home from work, that his boss (Don) has predicted that the baby will come tomorrow...so I guess the guessing has begun!...now I am not playing, but I want ya'll to play along. lol heehee, yes that sounded bossy, but I'm a VERY pregnant girl, you don't want to cross me! :)

So...so far,

Don has said tomorrow which is Wednesday Sept 10th
Alex has said next week on Tuesday Sept. 23rd

I am liking Don's thinking more than Alex right now! LOL....what do you think!? and don't worry, I won't be mad if you pick sometime and October...if I were guessing that's what I would say....which is why I'm not playing!

Humor me, I'm bored waiting for this baby!...not to mention, if you saw my plans for the next few days....you would feel bad for me and wish me to be in labor right now so I could get out of "family obligations!"...heehhee!

So leave a comment and tell us the day and date...we'll see who's the closest!...no prize, other than to be right! :P

Now I am off to my milk and cookies!....yummy, only a little while left of not feeling guilty over what I eat!....and to watch WIPEOUT, maybe I'll laugh this baby out tonight!

restless!

2008-09-08T11:04:00.002-04:00

Ok so today for some reason I seems to be VERY restless...I don't want to do anything, but I don't want to stay home! AWWW the frustration of waiting! I have NEVER been a patient person....when I decide it's time for something to happen, then it's time for something to happen...right then. I have about 5 things I want to happen....right NOW, and the #1 thing is for this baby to come OUT. I have nothing planned for this week, other than the start of BSF tomorrow...so to me this would be the perfect day to have a baby!....it would give me something to do and I could sleep on my stomach!lol...the last few nights, I have craved to sleep on my stomach again!...I just wish I could count the days until it would happen, but I can' even do that!....I am so pitiful! It is very unusual for me not to have plans on a Monday morning, and I really really want to go shopping...something which Alex would have a fit over right now...lol! I really want to finish up my Christmas shopping, but I didn't plan ahead for that right now and it would take 2 days to get my hands on that money...lol...by then I have a drs appointment and life will have moved on!....oh the pain of patience....you know, I swear that is why I have NEVER had a baby early, every time I am pregnant, I know God must think...maybe this time...just maybe she will learn to trust me and be patience (although He ultimately knows I won't!lol...He does know everything) yet every time He gives me this choice, to be patient...or not...and every time, I fail BIG, some people would say it's part of who I am, why fight it, but if that was the case I would be sitting here in tears mad that I am waiting....on everything...so it seems! I don't want to do that, I want something to do...while I am waiting, I want to be more patient! I want to enjoy my kids and these last few days before Eli is here and everything changes. BUT what do you do w/ kids that's cheap and fun...as always being frugal is first and for most in my world and I really don't want to be spending extra money right now!...what to do, what to do!lol...I'm so pitiful!
Ok so that is enough whining...I'm off to figure out what I am going to do...while trying to stay patient! :) Wish me luck, I might need a lot of it LOL

still waiting a little (or a lot) longer!

2008-09-05T07:54:00.002-04:00

I had my drs appointment yesterday and the ultrasound and both went really well! For now my fluid levels were exactly where they are suppose to be, and they are planning to check them again next week. I am dilated 1cm and "thinned out" 50%...which is exactly where I was w/ both E and I at this point...so it seems to be same song 3rd verse...now I am back to feeling like it will be the middle of Oct. before this baby comes out....if history stays it's course! lol...oh well, I might drive all my friends and family crazy between now and then!

Well I gotta run, just didn't want everyone to think I was at the hospital w/ a baby! :( Emma and I have dentist appointments in a little while! FUN STUFF...lol

carmel brownies, grapes and orange juice

2008-08-31T19:19:00.003-04:00

yep that's what I wanted, and am eating for dinner as I type! NOW I must start by saying, we had a "good for you lunch" so I'm allowed to have a wacky dinner!...right? LOL! Not that I care if you say no, I'm eating it and you can't stop me....spoken like a true pregnant...who has been nesting all afternoon! :) Now you also have to be told, don't get your hopes up, w/ Emma and Ian both I nested like 5 times b/f there actually arrived!...so I am sure this is phase one of multiple times of cleaning and moving of things in our house!....POOR ALEX! He does so well putting up w/ me through this time of craziness!

We had planned to clean yesterday...BUT a water pipe busted at the end of our neighborhood and ran so long it flooded a house on the main street!....I felt so sorry for them. So we were w/o water for the whole day....we last minute decided to go to Matthews Alive for the morning b/c they at least had porta potties!lol!....well it was HOT HOT HOT, so we didn't make it there very long, maybe about an hour or so. Then we packed up everything we were planning for dinner, for Cathy's (Alex's mom) birthday dinner (which was suppose to be at our house) and our clothes so we could shower and headed to Mimi and Granddaddy's for the rest of the day! We couldn't even rinse our breakfast dishes out!...my mom would of had a heart attack! :)

SO needless to say, we cleaned today...we went to church this morning...it was AWESOME as usual and the first time Alex and I have been "normal" attenders in about a year! I was nice to go in on time and be together the whole time...to drop off the kids together and pick them up together...BUT I already see us missing the people we got to "hang out" with while we were volunteering...so I'm not sure how long we'll be able to stay out....we'll see! Then we went and did our grocery shopping, came home and ate some lunch and still had everyone down for a nap by about 1:30 or so. After nap is when the cleaning began....lot's of stuff to the attic, lot's of boxes removed(those were from canning...that had been making there home in my kitchen...but not anymore!) Ian's room got rearranged...working on some idea's there, but nothing set in stone! some furniture moved around in the den/kitchen....I love the change, and it made room for the cradle to come out of our room and into the den! YEAH! ummm then of course the normal, dust,vac, bathrooms, changing sheets...ALL "STUFF" put in it's place, mopping, windexing, fan cleaning, washing clothes, folding and putting away...we did wash our quilt and put it out to dry....and the list goes on!..lol, I told you I nested! Now if only the baby would come before I felt to need to do it all over again! At one point today Alex told me to take it easy, I just laughed and reminded him the dr said this baby could come all it wanted to after 36 weeks...well I'm 36 weeks today....so braxton hicks come on! :)

Well at least my house is clean for the week...tomorrow we are headed to Emerald Pointe w/ Brandy and her family...and house work will not be on my mind! LOL Water Park here I come!...maybe one of those slides will put me in labor! heehee! JUST KIDDING..y'all know I WON'T have this baby early on my own!

ok so here's the room!

2008-08-23T20:16:00.002-04:00

I finally took some pictures for Emma and Eli's room! I must admit, as I looked at the pictures, I am still frustrated at how crowded the room looks!...it is better in person, but it will always be tight! Here goes...

this is as you walk in, Emma's bed is in front of the door...her shelves facing you

Next this is the wall beside the door, the pictures I took in Hawaii and the top one was the theme of Emma's baby room....I already had the prints and frames, all I did was paint the frames purple and red....the flower hooks were a steal I found at hobby lobby and then I painted the one purple...Emma wanted to leave one pink:) The closet door has to be fixed AGAIN! It has been giving us trouble for a while, Alex has put it up about 4 times and now it's in the garage until he get a new track put up...I'm hoping next weekend! :) SO normally there is a sliding door there and it looks junky w/o it, I am still struggling w/ the closet and what to do, I don't want to spend anymore money in their room...SO it might just stay as it is...we'll see

Next are pictures of Emma's side...There is the top of her bed, and her bedset...she has a purple shelf which holds everything important!...lol...her trophy, her cinderella, lipgloss...which she uses every night before bed, her water cup..also every night! and a portable dvd player..our dvd player is acting up and won't play any princess movies..go figure! SO we put the portable dvd in her room and she watches them in there...it nice for quiet time! There is a picture of her at 6 weeks over her bed w/ her name (that is crooked b/c she plays w/ them!lol) Under her bed, is her desk, and her "living room"...she was originally calling it "club Emma" thanks to Madison!lol, but I have her convinced to call it her living room since it has her princess couch under there!lol!...she doesn't even know what a CLUB is!...she LOVES being under there in her space!

ok so there are 2 of the same picture, I'm not going to try and figure out how to delete one of them for fear of messing up the rest!...sorry! :)

Next is Eli's side...he too has a frame for his baby picture, which for now has a u/s pic in it....well, it looked funny w/ nothing in there! and his name...pain, hated those letters...getting them painted and hung was probably the most difficult thing I did in the whole room!lol! He crib was Emma's then Ian's..it's been a good crib! I did add the red pegs to the end, which I picked/u for fifty cents at Michaels...(Emma has one behind the door) Now about the changing table...well, I am planning ahead, Ian has toolboxes in his room for his drawers, so I wanted to go ahead and get Eli's matching and the toolbox was on clearance SO...hence the toolbox changing table and the reason I used red on his side! the basket on the floor will hold diapers...probably the cloth ones and the basket on the wall is for those odd and ends like lotion, and diaper cream and passies and passy holders and you know "stuff" the bouncy seat is driving me crazy there, but for now, that's it's home (note that the bouncy seat matches Emma's babydoll pack in play and swing...she is very proud of that!) I found the baskets under the crib and the one on the wall and the one for the diapers at Michael's at 50% off of course!...I really like them, and they work much better than the original plan of wooden crates and didn't cost me anymore! Last is the "crush" picture on his wall...yes I meant to put it that high so he won't grab at it as he get's bigger! :) Again, Michael's had the print at 40% off it was around $6.00 and I had the frame, which I painted! I am happy w/ his side of the room, now I just need him to come out and see it! :)

so you can't see the "crush" picture...but it's a cute print from Nemo w/ crush, squirt, marlin and dory...fit's the room perfect!

As far as how much I spent...well, lot's of spray paint!...naw not really. Let's see..we painted, so $20 there, I did buy spray paint so total $15 there, Emma's chair was given to us and I painted it, so free! all the frames I had, just painted..again free, her mirror, already had..again, just painted...free again! Her bed was her birthday present...we got it at slumber kids (which apparently isn't there anymore, sorry Brandy for sending you there to look for Graham!) Alex took cash and did his thing, so we got it for $800 (retail $1100) All the baskets cost me $40..the most expenisive thing I bought! the 3 flower hooks were $6.00 from hobby lobby. and I got another set of plastic drawers at walmart for $15. Emma shelf was around $5.75 (hobbly lobby w/ a 40% off coupon) and then I brought the 2 sets of pegs and in the closet 2 wooden flower begs at Michaels for $.50 each...the flower pegs I left wood for now, they are great for holding bigger bags back on a slanted wall at the end of there closet!...so that's is..let's see, what's the total? Right around $103.75 not including the bed for Emma...which we were getting her b/f we knew we were even having a baby!...SO I am happy, and Alex is happy, I didn't break the bank!

Soon I want to blog about Ian's room, it still needs a little help to make it as cute as the "E"'s room! I took pictures of his room so y'all can help me figure out what I should do...but that's for another night!

Let me know what you think of the "Hawaii pool" room as Emma calls it!

how many times can you clean the same kitchen in one day?...let's count together!lol

2008-08-21T18:12:00.004-04:00

The first time was early this morning...after breakfast, I put our breakfast dishes and canning jars in the dishwasher first thing, I wiped everything down, especially the table as it was forgotten by Alex last night(not complaining, he did do the dishes and I am VERY grateful for that!)

The second time was after making applesauce part 1...which is the peeling and cooking part! It makes such a BIG mess. the apple peeler sprayer juice EVERYWHERE! and then the pots bubble on the stove really nicely making the stove a stickly mess!

The third time was after dinner...which first the dishwasher had to be unloaded and then reloaded, and everything wiped down...note I didn't forget the table!lol

Now for the forth time...cleaning up after canning, not to bad, just big pots...heavy pots...hot pots! and putting away the rest of the canning "stuff"

Of course I will still have lot's of jars on my counter tomorrow morning to put away, but there's not much I can do about that tonight.

SO I'm not sure if this is a new record for me or not, but I don't want to clean a kitchen again for a while, and it's a good thing mom took us out for lunch or I might of made it to 5 times today!lol! Oh and did I mention that I am 8 months pregnant and leaning over a sink all day isn't my idea of fun!...Shannon, I'm not doing so hot on that resting thing. I haven't set down all day except to eat and right now...all that's left is one more canner and then I'm done...well, except the whole other bushel of apples I still have to can...but that's for another day! :) LOL. It's a good thing homemade applesauce taste SO good!

a quick baby update

2008-08-21T07:56:00.002-04:00

My doctors appointment went really well on Tuesday. I had gained a little weight, so they were happy about that. Everything w/ the baby looked great which I am so thankful for....so the plan is on my next appointment which is Sept 4th I'll be almost 37 weeks and I will have an ultrasound at 2 and see the dr at 2:30. At that point depending on what the u/s shows 1 of 3 things will happen. 1. everything will look great...I keep wait on Eli's appearance!...which is the option I am rooting for! :) 2. the fluids are decreasing(but not considered low) and they will put me to bed for about a week or so...won't be fun at all... this will be SO hard on the kids! 3. the fluids are low or near low and I'll have a baby that day. So as you see, I know what could happen, but won't know what will happen until then! The dr is confidant that everything will look fine for the 1st u/s, he seems to think it will be between 38 and 39 weeks that the change will take place....but he is quick to say, it's just a guess, an educated one, but still a guess. Medically there is no reason my fluid should be low...I have had the perfect pregnancy, but my history says otherwise....there was no reason my fluid should of been low w/ Emma or Ian either...so there is a chance it won't happen again! Some days I think it would be nice to have this baby here in 2 weeks, but I am a little worried about being induced at that point and my body not being ready to deliver. As the dr said, it's not likely that I'll go into labor before my due date on my own, I don't seem to have baby's early, so most likely I am looking at an induction at some point, the question is WHEN? Well, any way it works out, baby Eli should be making his appearance in the next 36 days!...I'll keep you posted!

thank you to everyone!

2008-08-18T21:17:00.002-04:00

for all the comments on diapering...even those of you who hadn't a clue how to help me out!...lol! The comments were wonderful! Patti, I found your comment very interesting..I may ask more questions about that later, but we have now decided to cloth diaper. I must admit, every time I have been on the computer lately it has been to check out something new w/ cloth diapering or ask another question of Brandy...who has been my life line w/ this learning process...in fact she wrote 2 blogs just for me so I could learn all about CDing along w/ answering lot's of questions via phone and email both....THANK YOU BRANDY FOR ALL THE HELP...AND PATIENCE! I am now excited about this adventure...and hopefully my washer will forgive me too! The only hold up on my order of diapers is that the website I want to order from is out of the diapers I need!lol...it's that how it always seems to be!lol! We haven't told all the family what we are planning, so that should prove to be interesting...heehee, they are going to think I lost my mind I am sure! BUT, I am not going to make them do it unless they want to...we will still be keeping a small supply of disposables on hand for church and family! We will be cloth diapering here at home and possibly when I am out running around, but even that will be a time will tell!

As for everything else going on around here...the Eli and Emma's room is finished...if I would just hang that last picture I just bought!lol. I promise to post pictures soon, I am very pleased w/ the results, it is really cute and not to boy or girl, but just right for both of them! Emma loves it, her side is very "grown up" she calls the under part of her bed her "living room" complete w/ her princess couch. She has a desk complete w/ a purple chair. Needless to say, she is in heaven w/ her bed and her space and doesn't seem to mind at all that a baby is coming to take up half...let all pray it stays that way!

I have officially finish shopping for everything I need for the baby (other than the diapers....but I do have some disposables to start off w/ if necessary!) W/ not having a baby shower before the baby comes I had a few things to collect...you know new washcloths, a few burp clothes, nursing pads and some passies!...not much, but I already did it...Susan laughed at me say I must think this baby is coming early...which is actually a big possibility this time, but if I am thinking that, it's all sub-consciously. lol.

I have a dr.s appointment tomorrow(week 34 and 2 days!lol) the last one b/f they start the weekly ultrasounds. I am interested to see what he thinks tomorrow and to see if I have gained any weight. 2 weeks ago I had lost 2 lbs, most would think that's wonderful, but not me, loosing weight "could" mean my fluid levels are starting to drop...but it also could just be that I lost some weight...if I loose more they will be concerned, but they weren't at the last appointment. There is still such a part of me that wishes I could have a planned induction where I could pick the dr I want and know when it's going to happen, but they told me a month ago that it could be anytime from 36 to 40 weeks...but most likely before my due date....that translates into Eli "could" make his appearance in 2 weeks.....that thought scares me...I would like about 3 to 4 more weeks :)...but I am going w/ God knows best, and HE make dr's smart! If I had my way, I would think....37 weeks is a great time to give birth...end it early yet not to early!lol! but we all know how it goes for me...so if I give birth before my due date I will have accomplished something!lol!...I almost don't want to think about it b/c my mind always reminds me that I ALWAYS go to ATLEAST 41 weeks..lol...only times will tell I guess!

Ok so I am off...the bathroom call..or I guess it's more that the bladder is full AGAIN!
Pictures of the finished room to come SOON!

has anyone ever....

2008-08-10T21:13:00.002-04:00

used cloth diapers? Alex and I are considering trying them out on Eli...but I know NOTHING about cloth diapers...so I have been looking and now I am SO confused! Can anyone help me out? I need all advice I can get...I am looking for a good kind, prefold or not, I am looking for how it goes....loved it, hated it, constant rashes....I am also looking for where to buy them...so far, I don't know anywhere local that has them. Also I need to know what I need to go w/ them...covers, inserts, what's necessary? HELP, can you tell I am stepping into water I know NOTHING about! If you have ever used cloth diapers I am desperate for your thoughts! PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME OUT!

Also, I am curious as to why you chose to use them...so tell me your story and your thoughts!...I am excited to see what you think!

...all the ballerinas....so much fun!

2008-07-29T12:46:00.006-04:00

This past Friday afternoon we invited some of Emma's friends and had a "ballerina birthday party"...as you can see from the pictures, it was ALOT of fun...lot's of pink and purple...tutus and all the things ballerina's need! They made bracelets, and then we dressed up. Miss Tara came from Emma's ballet studio (and special friend) and danced w/ the girls! They had so much fun dancing w/ a "real ballerina!" Of course there was cake...well, cupcakes, and they were pink and purple too!...great job Susan on the icing...yummy! or as Ian says it yummy in my hummy! along w/ the cake was Emma's favorites...pretzels, watermelon, and skittles!..lol..what more could a girl want! We finished off our fun w/ our treat bags...which were ballet bags to hold all our dress up clothes for them to take home and a bag of cotton candy! There bag was full of tutus, tiaras, wands, bracelet, necklace and cotton candy....what more does a ballerina need?...lol...it was so fun! I love planning parties, I could do it all the time, I worked for a while w/ a party company and have picked up a bug from doing that...it's so fun to me...ok..so I will admit that the day before was a little stressful I was making cupcakes and canning (tomatoes, squash and green beans) but again, thanks to Susan to the rescue, I had it all done by 10:30 the night before!lol!

Emma was thrilled and loved every minute, and of course as a mommy that thrilled me to death....now for the thank you notes and printing the pictures!...whew!, I think I'm tired again :) Enjoy the picture!

better late than never..right?

2008-07-29T07:46:00.003-04:00

Ok so a few weekends ago we headed to the beach for a couple of nights....just a quick get away so the kids could play in the sand. As you know, our "vacation" this year was to disney world, so this wasn't vacation...actually it started as a weekend trip for Alex and me, but we really wanted to kids to go to...so we took them w/ us. We left on Thursday afternoon...and came home on Saturday. We were able to stay in Alex's dad's condo, it was wonderful...the kids shared a bed for the first time, and they did great. ..we put Ian down first, then Emma, then when we went to bed we would move both of them to the pull-out couch...funny story

our first morning there, Alex had set the coffee pot to come on at 6:30(b/c our kids are always up early!)
this was a conversations we overheard b/t Emma and Ian

I: RayeRaye, what's that?
E: I don't know
I: it's scary
E: I think it's the coffee pot
I: I don't like coffee pot....it's scary
E: I'll go ask mommy
I: k...I come to
E: Ian, it's ok, don't be scared!

the noise of 2 pair of feet on the floor....here they come!
E: there's a noise out here....
Me: it's ok, it's the coffee pot
E: yeah, we discussed that, and thought that's what it was!...
that comment was said so matter a fact....cracked me up...she is such a mommy!

so we were on the beach at 8 the first morning...it was wonderful, the kids played and Alex and I just sat and watched...at one point he said, I feel like I should be playing w/ them, to which I reminded him to sit as long as he could, b/c as soon as he started playing, they wouldn't let him sit again!...lol...so we sat, it was great, it's the first time since we have had kids that we were able to sit and not have to have a kid in hand at all times!..it was a wonderful break for us....Saturday we woke up to a storm coming in, we played in the indoor pool for a while, but then decided to pack up and leave a few hours early, the kids were worn out and ready to nap, and what better place to nap than on the ride home! It was a great short trip...and I am SO glad we went, the dr.s have already "greatly discouraged" me from going anywhere else, even though I have a few more weeks that I should be able to travel....that's another post!

same song, 2nd verse

2008-07-23T23:45:00.003-04:00

I find myself here again, really late at night...Alex is at work, again! He promises me these "shut downs" they are doing will end before the baby's born....I am praying so! So tonight I was doing bean and it was storming...I found myself wishing Alex was home...and that surprised me, I have never been scared of storms (that was my brother when we were growing up...well still to this day!lol) anyway, I found myself wishing Alex was home and that puzzled me a little...I wasn't scared, but I was thinking that it would be nice if he were here...go figure, then I realized it had more to do w/ knowing he was ok, not me being scared of anything happening to me, but to him...will I ever get over that fear? Fear is not from God, so I know it's not something He desires for me to continue to struggle w/...but it's also something that is not easy to face or deal w/ or remove from your life. Are there somethings in life you just can't stop "fearing"...? It's not unusual for me to tell Alex to "please be careful" which I don't think is an abnormal comment to make...but I follow mine w/ "and stay on the ground please!"...which is my way of saying...please don't get hurt again!...when he works late, I find myself worried that I'll get the "dreaded phone call"...the day we left for the beach, I worried about him all morning....(we were suppose to leave for the beach the night of his accident) but my question is, why do I still worry so much about it. I know logically that it was an accident that is one of those things that "just happened" and the chances of it happening again are so slim. But I also know how blessed he was for it not to have been any worse than it was, and I find I worry next time is will be MUCH worse and that scares me.....ok so my point, why do I continue to worry about it...worry is a sin. But I think reality is real....duh, no what I mean is, I worry b/c I know. I know what it was like to deal w/ a "freak accident" one of those things that's never suppose to happen, much less happen to you! I worry about loosing my mom to cancer. I know that alot of people have lost loved ones to cancer and they will probably understand this worry. Once you've been there, you know...and I can't help but worry....even though I KNOW I shouldn't! I can't help it...this reoccurring mass she has could turn into something else...I know, it's already happened in our family....that "most likely" bleeding ulcer wasn't a ulcer at all....I know. Ok so I guess at this point I need to ask for prayer! I am struggling w/ worry...obviously! Mom should have a consultation tomorrow afternoon to get some answers. Twice I have been faces w/ the "C" word, once w/ dad and once w/ mom already...I just don't think I can do it again! How selfish does that sound? I know....really well, that my God always gives me grace for the moment, but is it bad that I don't want to need it?.....please pray :)

well, a crying sleepy little girl just came in my room, tonight I think I'll let her stay a while! :)

ramblings of a wife who's husbands at work and she can't sleep!....enjoy! :)

2008-07-16T22:54:00.002-04:00

Ok so Alex is working again tonight and I can't sleep! I don't really have much to say tonight...it's been a busy week, but a great week. I seem to be full of words, but nothing that makes much sense!lol....oh, I am proud of the awesome deals I found today...I LOVE deals! If you are someone who likes to shop ahead for your kids, then you need to make a trip to Concord Mills to Children's Place...they are having a great sale that just started today! I brought $135 (retail price...not that I would EVER actually pay retail!) for $19.78! So I saved $115.22 or something close to that! I did have coupons and one was for $20.00 off...so that is part of the reason I did so well! But if you are interested, they had their swimsuits for $4 (lot's of boys) boy's shirts for 3, shorts for 4 or 5....sundresses for 4, tights for girls for 1 and socks. I got Emma a pair of jeans for 2...well I paid .83 but they were on the rack for 2. Anyway, it was a great sale...I didn't even feel bad when I went back for some shirts for Emma that I really wanted to get her and they were in the new line that just came out...now I still used a 15% off coupon, but they were more than I would normally pay, but I brought them anyway!...one says "big sisters rock" and the other says "my heart belongs to my daddy"...I couldn't pass them up!lol...I am and always will be a sucker for clothes...and I am worse w/ my kids clothes then I ever was w/ my own! I LOVE shopping, but now I just do it differently then I did when I was a teenager!lol!

I also scored some Christmas presents at the disney store!...yep, I said Christmas!lol. I am bargain hunting this Christmas like I never have before!lol...but here's the deal w/ my bargain hunting...it can't look in anyway like a bargain...it must be something the person would really want, and not a knock off in any way!lol...so I guess you would call me a picky bargain hunter! Example...I'll give you 2....1. I wanted one of those stuff pillow chairs (we called them husbands growing up, but I have no idea why) anyway I wanted one for Emma's room..I wanted it to be purple, I looked at them at bed, bath and beyond....but didn't want to pay 20 even w/ 20% off...so I waited! Ross (which I don't go to often enough) had one, it was purple w/ white pokeadots...in Matt. it was 20 in Monroe it was 10...it has a dirt mark on the bottom (so not a big deal) but it got me an extra 10% off...I had a store credit from Christmas(yes I do return unwanted presents!lol...a whole other story!)...so end the end I paid $2.10 for a really cute purple husband!lol! If you were to look at it, you would think I paid atleast 20 for it!...the other example, would you believe I forgot what it was...I was just thinking about it...hmmm oh I remember, I needed a birthday present for my friend Susan's oldest girl...she got an American girl doll for her birthday...one night when I was out shopping w/ Susan, we found A.G. doll books on how to fix their hair or make them clothes...they were 20, I was able to get a coupon and go back and get it for half that....so it looks like a nice 20 gift...but I only paid 10...everything I buy is like that....I'm not cheap...I'm smart! oh, and Susan knows I did that...so don't think I'm spilling any beans there and am going to have a friend who's thinking I cheated her daughter!...lol...Susan knows I'm "smart" lol!

Anyway, back to Christmas...I shop from around now, until Christmas, and normally I'm done by the first of November!...this year, I am taking a little different approach, I am shopping for everyone else on my list but my own kids now...I want to finished by the time the baby comes...but then I'll wait til closer to Christmas to do my kids and Alex...why, well, I find that I want to spend more money on my kids if I shop for them to early..(of course there is the present in my attic for Ian that has been there since Jan. I found a workbench after Christmas for like 15 it was 75 and I knew it was something I wanted for him to finish up his car's themed room...but it was over his age for his birthday...so in the attic it's been and he will love it this Christmas!lol)...I know, a little weird, but if I spend the money now, then as I go out near Christmas, I find more, and spend to much!...so, I'm going to wait til closer...that way I don't over spend!...I have alot of my list figured out...but my own kids are hard for me...what do you get when you have NO MORE ROOM in the house for anything? I think I'm crazy...who thinks about this stuff in July?...I have got to be the only one!LOL! I blame it on Alex's accident...that year I hadn't shopped much before his accident and shopping was very hard to fit in...so ever since, I have shopped very early!...so that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it! :)...ok so enough about shopping and Christmas!...I'm actually tired, I'm going to try and sleep now...this sounds bad, but I'm so tempted to go and get Emma and let her sleep w/ me until Alex gets home...bad, bad...and I sound like my mother saying that...she used to do the same thing to me when I was little!lol...oh well, I know no other mother that I would rather be like!

talk to y'all when I get back from the beach!...btw which is it officially? Y'all or ya'll? I know I'm from the country, but I'm just not sure which one is "country correct!" LOL! tell me what you think!

tears for a reason...so the test says!

2008-07-11T23:08:00.003-04:00

So lately I have be EXTREMELY emotional....I have told multiple people that I don't think I have cried this much in forever! I got teary eyed over y'all's (now there is a country word!lol) comments tonight. I know I told Susan just today, that I have been so much more moody and emotional w/ this baby than I remember w/ either of the other two! Well....I got a reason today, I found out that my iron is low...so all the tiredness and tears...it's not that I am going nutty, or crazy(although Alex might disagree sometimes) it's that my body is tired which has always made me emotional....and I don't think my body can handle much more. Mom has been struggling w/ low iron and she has also talked about being so emotional...maybe it runs in the family! I had low iron w/ Emma in the beginning and was VERY emotional then also, but until now I always thought it was b/c that is when Mom and Gary where getting married and there truly was a lot going on w/ my family and that I would of been emotional anyway..but being pregnant made it worse! But now I see that for me....low iron and tears come together!...last week I cried over every tv show I watched....I promise Alex thought I was losing it...I having been feeling like I'm losing it! I was actually relieved to get the prescription in the mail!....and I can't wait to get it filled and start taking it!...I know I'm crazy, most people I know don't like the iron pill, but I loved it w/ Emma, I felt so much better...I have high hopes again this time, HOPEFULLY in a week or so I'll feel like a new person...well, I'll be thrilled w/ a little more energy and a few less tears!lol! As far as the braxton hicks, I had them w/ both of my other 2, so they aren't new to me at all...w/ both Emma and Ian I had heavy bouts of them especially toward the end...the last 4 weeks or so...w/ Emma I had them over 2 months considering she was 3 weeks late!...lol...the difference this time I was concerned w/ is that I didn't remember them starting up so early...I have been having them since 26 weeks and they have most of the time been accompanied w/ a very sharp pain around the area where I would normally have cramps w/ my period and a lower back ache that would hang around a good while....so that made them VERY different than anything I have ever had before....hence the concern, but the dr is confidant that it's normal, especially for a 3rd baby and explained what to watch for. I have also heard the whole thing about drinking more water...I swear though I'm going have to sit on the pot all the time if I drink anymore!lol...but I know I have be outside alot lately and I'm sure dehydration is probably playing more into it than I realize!....thanks for the comments and helpful hints...I do appreciate it, it's nice to know we have all be told the same thing at some time or another! :) It's hard to believe that I will be 29 weeks on Sunday, time is still flying by. When I was pregnant w/ Ian and 29 weeks life was a VERY DIFFERENT story! I was in SO much pain, it was near Christmas, we were about 4 weeks into Alex's recovery and my body was shutting down on me...Christmas night I took Alex and Emma out to his dad's house...stupid, stupid of me...I knew better, I was in NO condition to do that...but we went, I got sick there, had to leave before desert, and couldn't even get them out of the car when we got back to mom and Gary's. I started throwing up from pain that night...poor Alex couldn't even help me, all he could do was get in his wheelchair and knock on mom's door to come and help me, I couldn't even get out of bed...the dr's was clueless as to what was causing the pain and I felt like they didn't believe me...they basicly overdosed me on muscle relaxers to make me stop throwing up....as a last ditch effort before heading to the ER...which worked, until they wore off! The next day they sent me to physical therapy to which I had NO understanding of what they were going to do to help me...by the grace of God they had a cancelation otherwise they told me it would be a week until I could get in!lol....no way I was waiting a week! The therapist, God bless her, I'll never forget her, she will always be a hero in my book, took one look at me and said, how are you even walking or fucntioning? "Honey, you have tilted your pelvic bone and every muscule in your back is torn...I can't believe you are even walking...I just sat there and cried, FINALLY someone believed I was in pain!ALOT OF PAIN! After she adjusted me, it was immediate relieve...I promise that pain is the worse pain I have ever felt in my life...way worse than labor ever was. Don't ask me where that story came from, other than I truly feel like this pregnancy tears and all has be a breeze and I hate sounding like I'm complaining about the braxton hicks...they are strong, but they are NOTHING compared to what I dealt with with Ian! I do feel like I am "done" and ready to have this baby...but atleast the days are still flying by, w/ Ian, I felt like everyday lasted forever and time seemed to move SO slowly! Yet even as I rehash a story...it all seems like a blur to me...like I lost those 4 months while Alex was recovering. It's funny, his Mom said just the other day that she never realized I dealt w/ so much w/ that pregnancy...I guess I even felt that way, we were all so focused on Alex and everything going on w/ him that until that Christmas night when I couldn't do anything but throw up, I didn't realize how bad a shape I was in...anyway, I am SO THANKFUL that this pregnancy has been so easy...only 11 weeks to go...I hope, BUT I'm not known for having my babies on time!lol...but it won't stop me from hoping! :)

Ultrasound pictures at 28 weeks

2008-07-10T21:08:00.007-04:00

the best picture of the bunch! But I do have to tell you that his nose is being squished by the u/s wand!lol!

he was really really wiggly, so some of them look grainy....but then I did just drink 50mg of sugar in that nasty drink!lol....whatcha expect!

here's one w/o a squished nose!...lol!

baby hands....always seeming to be punching me right now! :)

baby feet!...big feet, they reminded me of Ian's feet....he didn't fit into his baby booties, I doubt I'll even take them w/ me this time to the hospital!

So that is a glimpse of baby Eli, I must say, it has made me SO excited to get him here and see what he really looks like! I think he will look a little like the other 2, but yet I defiantly think he will have his own look too! He seems to have Ian's nose and Emma's mouth, but then it's really hard to tell, and they said he would change in his looks before he's born!...just like they change so fast when they are first born!....so well see!...hope you enjoy, and don't tell me I have an ugly baby!lol! It's a little freaky...these pictures, like the foot one, it don't look like the leg is attached to anything...but it is I promise, that was him again not being still!lol...the dr I saw this time said I might want to start talking to him now about being calm....I was telling him about my concern for this "frantic movements" that Eli seems to do often....he assured me that any movement is considered a good thing...it's the lack of that's not good! lol...duh! But he laughed and said...just like the 2 you already have...this baby will have his own personality....start telling him now to be calm!lol....GREAT! He also wasn't concerned about the "brackston hicks"...is that how you spell that?....as long as I don't have more than 6 an hr...even the pain/cramps I am having w/ them is ok as long as it doesn't last to long and not more often than 6 in an hr....so now I have guidelines!...I love guidelines, they give me so much comfort!lol...so all is well in Eli's world...only 12 more weeks...well....actually 11 weeks and 2 days!lol!...but who's counting! :)

Birthdays, bikes and ballet shoes!

2008-07-09T21:04:00.009-04:00

Emma at 1 day old!

Emma on her 1st birthday

Emma at 2 at the beach

Emma at 3 at babyland general hospital (the home of the cabbage patch kid)

Emma at 4 (ok, well almost!) I haven't actually taken a picture of her at 4!lol

Today is Emma's birthday! It is SO hard to believe that she is 4!!! My friend Brandy posted some pictures of her son on his birthday one from each yr and I thought it was really cute, so I'm going to copy and do the same!....My baby isn't a baby anymore! :( She is all grown up!...well, working on it! If you look at the pictures, she didn't look like she changed much between 2 and 3...but in this last year, she has changed SO much. Not just in how she looks, but in personality too. She for so long was painfully shy, not wanting to talk to any one, especially adults! Not anymore, she is doing SO much better. We went to Monkey Joe's today for her birthday and she even told the owner that today was her birthday and wasn't shy about it...told him she was 4 and everything...now to some that may not sound like a big deal, but if you have known my daughter any time at all, you know that is BIG for her. We have a girlie, girl party planned, but it's not for 2 more weeks....don't ask why...it's a long story! But we did some special things over the last 2 days to "hold us over" til her "real" party. We went to Mimi and Granddaddy's last night for pizza and a beautiful ballet ice cream cake....where they went ahead and gave her her gift...a "big girl" bike! Which she mastered riding today. Gran gave her a barbie car, which Ian likes as much as she does....boys and cars!lol...but for now, that is all the presents she will get. Her party will be here soon enough, but I know she will enjoy having the bike now, and Mimi just had knee replacement and isn't sure if she will be able to join us for the party in a few weeks...so we had a "little" party last night. Today we picked up Aunt Sammy (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TOO SAM!...I've already given you a best present ever...a niece...I can't top that LOL) and Savannah and met my friend Susan and her three at Monkey Joe's. This was our first time going to MJ's and boy was it an experience! Let's just say that the kids had a blast!....but us mommy's, well, it was a little stressful! There was SO many people....and a HUGE day camp was there...it was WILD. I talked to the manager as we were leaving and he assured me that this was the last Wednesday that there would be any daycamps there for the rest of the summer....and when he found out it was Emma's birthday he gave her and Savannah MJ t-shirts and tickets to come back....Ian missed out, he was asleep in the stroller!...sorry, buddy, you should stay awake and not miss the action!....come to think of it...no, sleep, I'll buy you a shirt next time we go! LOL. Ian played himself silly...he asked to get in his stroller and for his teddy and laid there until he went to sleep. So Emma and Savannah got a little extra play time b/c he went to sleep! We had a great day, Emma had alot of fun, and still has her party to look forward to. She has requested a ballet theme...w/ pink and purple (of course!)...so I have a friend coming who is a ballet teacher and she is going to dance w/ the girls and I have ordered tutus and tiaras and wands for everyone...it's going to be a pink and purple wonderland and alot of fun! I have had SO much fun planning her party...Susan, I'm ready to start that business we keep talking about!lol...well maybe after Eli get's here and settled, until then I'll just enjoy Emma's party!...well, I'm off here and back to the canner..it's almost done, and I'm headed to bed!...it's been a TIRING day!

What do you consider rough?

2008-07-06T18:34:00.002-04:00

I find myself being asked on occasion "Has this pregnancy been rough?" That is such a hard question to answer for me. I think rough is relevant....it depends on the person and their concept of rough! For me, this pregnancy has been a breeze...it's been a little harder lately as some things are starting to act up in my body as my body seems to be starting to say...."are we about done yet?" But still, it's been me having to be willing to adjust my life style, and schedule, and be willing to not overdo it so that I don't make myself sick....I am just not sure I call that "rough" but some might, some have a hard time not getting sleep, again, I feel use to that. Even after Ian was sleeping through the night...which took him a good while, Emma was getting up every night for like 6 months...it didn't matter what trick I tried, she would get up every night and come into our room...eventually I was able to get her to go back to bed on her own and I didn't have to get up...but I got up every night for over a year by the time I got Ian sleeping through the night and then her sleeping through the night AGAIN!...so not sleeping isn't a big deal for me...I've done it before! I also think that rough is what you have to compare it to....rough to me seems to be extremes. Rough is Alex w/ three broken limbs, Emma 15 months old, and me 7 months pregnant w/ a tilted pelvic! How I feel right now can't even compare to what I have already walked through. I find myself explaining that to people who don't know me...or haven't known me long. I can't even complain to the dr's about anything....I think my mom is about ready to go w/ me to the dr's on Tuesday so she can question some things she is worried about. But I am going to express some concerns I am having that have come up in the last week or so. I am sure everything is fine, but I do want to be safe, not sorry later! Alex has been SO GREAT these last few weeks...he has really picked up the slack helping out when I don't feel good, or when I am hurting....I think he missed being able to take care of me w/ Ian...I feel like he is trying to play catch up all in one week. He has been great....but I am getting spoiled...lol! Well, this has been a random blog...I have a busy week coming up, garden tomorrow, dr's visit and 3d ultrasound on Tuesday, Emma's birthday on Wednesday....that's just the next few days...I am not even looking at the end of the week yet!lol! I'll be back when I can!

It will always be his birthday...

2008-07-01T20:11:00.001-04:00

Just because he isn't here to celebrate it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Happy Birthday Daddy. As always I miss you like crazy and wish I could talk to you...so much. Mom the kids and I were in Albemarle yesterday, it was such a fun trip to see some friends and eat at the Rosebriar. I haven't seen Erin and her mom in a long time, Erin and I grew up together and were always in and out of each others houses...her dad was a school teacher in Locust and would take me home w/ him to spend the night w/ Erin alot when we were young....you know sometimes I really do miss those days. Erin and I have another thing in common, we both lost our dad's within a few months of each other...Chuckie died in March and dad died in May. I so clearly remember his funeral, we sat in the very back...and what I remember most is thinking, that I hoped God would give me the same amount of peace I saw in Erin when I was my turn to make that same walk...you know the one behind the casket. I knew it wouldn't be long before I was where she was....although I begged God to change those circumstances for me...in my heart I knew the answer He had given to me....that funeral was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced in my life...Chuckie's and dad's.

Every year on dad's birthday(or the weekend nearest) we would go and spend the day with some friends at there parents pool. Dad and Dave (Leigh and Shannon's dad) shared a birthday...and I'm not sure when it even started, but for quiet a few years it was an event always to be looked forward to. There was always food, and volleyball and the pool and FUN. It's still hard for me that today is such a normal "not much going on" kinda day...well, I think I have run out of words....or energy, so I will end w/ this

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE....AND DADDY!

TAGGED!

2008-06-24T20:43:00.004-04:00

So I was tagged by my friend, Jenny the other day....Jenny aren't your proud that I am doing this one w/in a week of being tagged, not like a month like last time!lol! I have known Jenny for a long time now...we had mutual friends for most of our growing up years, Nick and I were leaving Bible Baptist School, as Jenny and here sister Bethany were coming, and I would go back and do field trips w/ my "old class" which Bethany was in....then later, we had mutual friends and would see each other at some homeschool events...we even ended up at the beach one year at the same time and same place!....THEN, we met up again at MOPS a few years ago, which was really cool...all grown up and married w/ kids...SO COOL!...Jenny has been a fun person to get to run into again and again as we have grown up! PLUS, as a added bonus, she "love, love, loves" Eli's name....so she can do no wrong in my eyes! LOL! :)

ok so back to the tag. Here goes.....

What I was doing 10 years ago?
Hmmm...well, I was 16...in June, I was the maid of honor in Brandy's wedding, she married
Shannon and Leigh's brother Shaun....I was going into my Junior yr of high school, and dated Brandy's brother over the summer, not a smart move!lol!...that was life back then :) WOW, that was sorta weird to think about and remember!lol....oh, I like Jenny would of been at the top of my class....I was homeschooled!

What are my favorite snacks?
Well....I'm not sure, you see I'm pregnant and I sorta go w/ whatever hits me at the moment!...I can't say I have "favorites" at least not w/ snacky food. My all time favorite food right now, that I could eat daily is Sammy's homemade chocolate cheesecake!...OH YUMMY!

5 things on my "to do" list today!?
well, you see, I burnt that list today...lol....
umm...1.laundry (done)
2. garden (done) we have 11 watermelons and 9 cantaloupes!lol.
3. pool! (fun and done) yep, it's important enough to put on the list!
4. phone calls (done...mostly, at least left messages)
5. Time Warner Cable guy (2-4) thank God he showed up and fix the phone again!...he promise it will work now!lol
and many many more things....it's never ending, I mark one thing off and add 2 more!lol.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire?
lol...what a fun question for a Dave Ramsey financial counselor!...I would first tithe, I so believe that God deserves the first fruits...although He doesn't necessarily need my money...He is God, it's my honor to give it! Then I would finish up my "baby steps" and the rest....I would life the ultimate dream...to be able to give, give and give some more...as a billionaire, there is no end to the giving!...if you invest that money right, you wouldn't be able to find enough people to give too!...how cool would that be...to be able to help in such BIG ways...like finding a cure for cancer...as a billionaire you can do that kind of giving!...:)...of course there would be a shopping trip or two in there!lol!

5 jobs I've had...
1. turkey farmer...ok so my dad was the farmer, but as his child, I qualify!..ask Nick, he'll agree
2. Sales clerk at New Creation Christian store...the perfect "1st job"
3. Mary Kay consultant...don't ask, I never will admit it again...SO not the "job" for me!lol.
4. Assistant Wedding Photographer....loved this one....well at least taking the pictures, not working for another photographer
5. Nanny...fun!

5 places I have lived.
1. Charlotte...now it's known as Mint Hill...but when I lived there is was Charlotte
2. Stanfield NC...only 30 minutes from Charlotte or Monroe, or Concord or Albemarle!lol.
3. Tigerville SC...lol aka North Greenville College (University now)
4. Indian Trail, NC
5. that's it....I'm a pretty local girl!

5 random things people wouldn't know about me...
this one is always hard...everything about me seems to be random!lol...and I'm an open book, everyone knows my randomness!lol!...I'll try
1. I have always considered my mom one of my best friends...of course if you know my mom wouldn't you! :)
2. I hate competing...still won't do it.
3. my closest friends have never been close to my age, but always older...sorta weird..guess I am just an old fart want-a-be!lol....now let me clarify!..they aren't THAT much older than me...but normally at least 4 or more years!
4. I wouldn't take a picture for almost 1 year after my daddy died, he was the one who bought me my first "real" camera for my 17th birthday...he put so much time and effort into picking the "right" camera...I couldn't make myself use it...also I was in a studio lighting class when I looked up and saw my brother's face at the door...I SO freaked out...I just knew something bad had happened...that was the night they admitted dad to the hospital for the last time. He was SUCH a huge supporter of my photography :)
5. I have always had the lifelong dream of being "just a mommy" and I always wanted a girl 1st. I am so blessed to have both...I don't deserve them!
whew...I did it!

5 cds I would take w/ me to a desert island
Can I cheat on this one?...I don't listen to cd's anymore...I'm an ipod girl...I dont' ever buy a whole cd anymore, just the song I really like....so I have a huge compilations of stuff...I would have to have my "playlist" of worship songs...couldn't live w/o them!...sorry, I know that's cheating.

5 people I'm tagging!

Crystal
Susan...that's two for you now!
Chelsea
Brandy
Shannon

Finally....about the baby!

2008-06-21T14:28:00.003-04:00

A while back I posted a list of blogs I needed to do...one about the baby was in the mist of that list. I made myself not blog about the baby until I had done all the other blogs...why, b/c that is the one blog I wanted to do and I knew if I did that one first I might never get to the other blogs! So I have now finished that list and am excited to sit down to blog about the baby.

I am going to be 26 weeks tomorrow...that is SO hard for me to believe! Time truly is flying right now! I am soaring into the final weeks...and I feel like there is SO much to do. Everything is going great, I don't have much to complain about, which is good!lol...I am not sleeping very well, but I am use to that now, some days it catches up w/ me and makes me grumpy, but feel more sorry for my kids and Alex than me!hehe. I am having a weird problem at night...my arms go completely asleep while I am sleeping! I know that isn't uncommon completely, but the dr has never heard of both arms doing it at the same time...lol, what can I say, I have always been known for abnormal!lol. I start out sleeping on my side w/ a pillow b/t my legs (hoping it will keep me on my side) but at some point I will turn onto my back and that is when my arms go to sleep!...so the dr's thought was...don't turn on your back!lol...of course that is easier said than done! All in all, I just want to be able to sleep on my stomach again!lol....but we all know I have a while! The 2 things I love the most about giving birth, other than seeing and holding the baby...2 personal things I guess...#1) SLEEP ON MY STOMACH...which I will do the first night in the hospital if possible. In fact, w/ Ian, I got up in the middle of the night, chanced out of my hospital gown...I hate those things...but my PJ pants on and went fast asleep on my stomach!...Let mom take care of Ian almost all night!hehe...planning to do the same this time if possible! #2) That first shower after having a baby...never was it nicer to shower in my life...and I have been very smelly/dirty (remember I grew up on a farm!)...but nothing compares to me as that first shower after giving birth....and being able to bend in half!lol....LOVE IT! Funny those are the things I look forward to!...and this time, I am not going to hurry that shower!...everyone else will have to wait on ME!lol!

OK so enough about those thought of delivery, they make me impatient! lol! :)

So I can't believe that I have already hit the time when I have to go every 2 weeks to the drn! I go back in 2 weeks to have the sugar test!...I hate that one...the drink, why can't it taste like Mt. Dew...not orange?....yuck, my theory is to drink it as fast as possible! YUCK...just at the thought! BUT on the brighter side, I am having a 4D sepia tone ultrasound! I am SO excited about that! My office offers this (for a price of course!) just for us mommy's who can't wait!...lol ...mommy's like me! So, I am really excited, we get pics and a CD to take w/ us. Don't worry, you'll get to see them! then we can vote on who the baby looks like!lol! So all that in 2 weeks....on July 8th.

And lastly, and what I commented on before...did anyone catch the baby's name? Only Brandy responded, but she didn't say what she thought it was...only that it was cute...so I am ready to tell!...remember my rule from before, my baby, my name, no ugly comments!lol! :)

The baby's name will be (by the way, I am glad to stop calling him "the baby" on here!)

ELI BRICE HELMS

ok so the Helms part is a duh!lol Eli, just like w/ Emma and Ian, is a name we like, we started w/ Elijah...then Alex wanted Elisha...which I wasn't for...then we decided on Eli, because that's what we were going to call him anyway...poor child, his whole life people are going to ask him if it's "actually" Elijah!lol....horrible parents we are! Neither Alex or I know what that's like at all! (note the sarcasm there!) So Eli it is...Brice is a family name, from my daddy's side...it was my great-grandfathers first name, and honestly the last family name for a boy that we would even consider...lol...shh don't tell the family I said that!...but Homer and Earl weren't options for us!lol!...oh I'm going to get myself in trouble...but hey I'm being honest!...hehe!

So there, it's out in the open now...we have known the name forever now, I didn't want to tell to soon, although I don't know why. Emma tells everyone his name is Eli and even Ian if you ask him where baby Eli is, he will tell you...."In Mommy's ummy!"...gotta work on that "t" buddy boy! :) I love the way he says "tummy".... SO it's not really been a big surprise...not like some of my friends do...lol....Brandy!

Well, Alex just started putting up the crib...yes I know we still have a while, but I can't wait...call it a need to be prepared this time, you just never know what might happen tomorrow! LOL...TRUST ME, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT! I didn't get Ian's crib up until one week before he was born...and after my due date b/c of Alex's accident! This time I have a HUGE need to be ready....EARLY!
love y'all....and I LOVE the comments....thank you Judy for your comment, I already told mom...she wants you to come and stay w/ her and Gary for a few nights while Dave is away! I'm sure she will be calling you! :)

AT LAST I FOUND IT!

2008-06-21T10:28:00.002-04:00

So last Wednesday, Sammy, Nick and I were going to take the kids to the pool...and of course I had to do my daily call about Alex's present. I just knew we would get to the pool and I would call and they would have it!lol....and I was right! I was suppose to call everyday between 10 and 11....so we got to the pool at 10, got to our seats under the umbrellas and I called....
store guy: yes, we have 3, we got this morning
ME: really!!!
store guy: YES
ME: how long will they last?...I just got to the pool.
store guy: maybe an hour???...
ME: really?
store guy: well, it depends on how busy we are....
ME: ok, I guess I'll come now...
store guy: well, I would hurry!

I wanted to scream!...the whole time I am thinking, alex better like this gift, or my might just cry...so I leave Sammy, with all three babies (Nick wasn't there yet) and drive back to Indian Trail...normally I would be 5 minutes from this store, but b/c we were at the pool, I was 15 minutes away!....Into the store I go, mind you, in a swimsuit, fat and prego, no makeup and I didn't even comb my hair....horrible, my mother would have past out that I was going to the pool that way, much less on a shopping trip!lol! I walked in, and told the guy...I told you I was coming from the pool...please tell me you still have one! THEY ONLY HAD ONE LEFT! In the 15 minutes it took me to get there, they sold 2 of them! Then while I was paying for mine, some else called looking to see if the shipment had come and they had to tell her they were out again!....WHO KNEW!

So, what was it? a Wii! I never knew it would be so hard to get one! I knew back at christmas they were really really hot items, but good grief, it's 7 months later! So I finally got my Wii at game stop in Indian Trail, I called everyday for a week(they knew they were getting them in ...one day this week...type of thing) and I barely made it in time to get one!lol....

Back to my story, I got back to the pool, to find everyone out of the pool...some kids had exploded poop in the pool! LOVELY!...so we sat and waited for the pool to reopen, but instead they closed it for the rest of today...apparently this kids did a doosey!lol...so we sat in the back of the truck to eat lunch, went to Walmart, Nick and the kids watched a dvd in the van, Sammy and I went and got the rest of the Wii "stuff" the extra remotes and other things to get Alex started up, and we brought a plastic pool for Sammy's house and went there to let the kids play in the pool, not so much fun for us, but the kids still had fun! Once we got home, I put together a scavenger hunt for Alex's presents, which the kids LOVED...and we waited for Alex to come home.....HE WAS SHOCKED! at first I couldn't even tell if he wanted it or not...he had talked about wanting one a while back, but I would NEVER budge, I was totally against it! So I was able to pull off the big surprise, I knew he would never think I would get him one, so it was really fun! We plugged it all in and played w/ the kids for a while...I could hardly get anyone to eat dinner all they wanted to do was go play!...so funny, Ian never passes up food, but he did that night. After the kids went to bed, Alex and I played for a couple of hours...it was SO much fun, I haven't laughed that much in a long time...and so far, I am the boxing champ!lol...it's driving him crazy that I beat him at it! In fact the next night, he made me play again so he could try and beat me...which he now has...but only once! I have beat Sammy and Nick too!....love it! the prego mommy can punch!lol!

SO that is the story of the Father's Day, birthday present...that was late, but worth the wait! Now he is own his own to find the games he wants!...I am done calling stores everyday!

Update on Nick's job...everything is going well w/ Pineville Police, he has interviewed, the references have been sent out, one of the three are back, Sammy has had her phone interview, all the credit reports have been approved, the recommendation from the officer doing all the "digging" is excellent...so now it goes to a board that will decide once the other references are back....SO...at this point, everything is on track for him to start the first of July...keep praying and I'll let you know when he signs papers and it official!

about 6 months ago.....

2008-06-19T07:24:00.002-04:00

we went to ride horses at Sam's parents house, and Ian of course LOVED it, he was up there, no problem! Rode w/ my brother, then by himself...being lead of course. Well, Emma on the other hand, was VERY shy around the horses and wouldn't even touch them at this time. We encouraged her to try, but she wouldn't budge....nope not her, not then.

Ian has been back to ride since, but never Emma, she hasn't wanted too...she would say, I'm just not "ready"

WELL....for a while, maybe about a month or so, she has been asking to ride, and honestly, I hadn't thought much of it, I really didn't think she actually would!...but the other night Sam asked if we wanted to go out to the barn after we finished our first afternoon of canning....yes it has begun, slowly, but it has started!....and so the kids and I went w/ Sam, Savannah and Nick out to see MawMaw Michelle and PawPaw Dennis. Ian and Savannah argued the whole way there who "zipper" belonged to...it seems my son has claimed his own horse! So once we arrive and they saddle up the horses...and Emma climbed right up there w/ Sammy! She was SO SO proud of herself...she had already asked on the way there if she could ride "by herself"....so not only did she ride w/ Sammy, she then rode all by herself! With the biggest smile on her face, no fear whatsoever...EVERYONE was shocked at how well she did. After she rode, she fed the horses treats, petted them and wouldn't stay way...she now has decided she wants some cowgirl boots and a hat!lol....I love how much confidence she has gained in the last year, she is like a different child in that way....I am SO glad that I let her wait until she was ready and didn't push her the 1st time when she wasn't ready.

Ian has earned his belt buckle...umm, yeah I didn't know what that meant until someone explained it to me. YEP, he took his first tumble off the horse! HE'S FINE, nothing major, and he got right back up there....when he fell, Sammy graped him up and said "Ian are you ok?"...his reply was...."agh" she said "Your a big boy, are you riding horses?" He said "I RIDE JOJO"...apparently he thought falling off meant he could have the horse of his pick!lol....and he got it!

Emma told me she doesn't want her "belt buckle" anytime soon!lol, I can't say I blame her!...smart girl!

Paint!...have you ever notice that there are WAY to many choices!

2008-06-18T07:52:00.002-04:00

SO....Emma and the baby's room is now painted....boy, it was HARD for me to pick a color. I haven't put the finishing touches in there yet, nor is the crib up yet....so I won't post any pictures until I finish....but, I am excited that it is painted! We decided on blue a while back, w/ the thoughts that we would add different color circles around the room(Emma's request was purple...but I wasn't up for a purple room!) Emma's bed set is the "island surf" from pottery barn kids and the crib set is the same, but the "boy" version. So the colors for emma's set is bright pinks, orange, yellow, blue, red, green...mostly pink...bright pink. VERY CUTE, I love her bedset. The crib set, has the same patterns, but totally different colors....it's mainly bold blue, red and green....more bold, primary colors....totally different. SO my color problem was how to pick a blue that would match each! Well, I decided to go w/ a BRIGHT blue, almost a "swimming pool blue" It turned out great!....in fact I like the blue so much I have almost decided not to do the circles, but to instead do all my accent stuff in red for the baby and purple for Emma....we'll see. I need some shelves for both and a desk chair for her...all of which I will get unfinished and paint myself!....I have a mirror of Emma I am going to paint purple and then I think I'll be about done...I haven't thought much about art yet, I know I will do there names on the wall somewhere...most likely over their beds, but other than that, it's still a work in progress...but I am SO happy the painting is done.
Side note: yes I teared up when I painted over those beautiful stripes on her back wall....those darn stripes that gave me so much grief...that were so cool! But now they are gone....sniff, sniff!...oh well, life goes on!

side note #2: No Crystal, I haven't been able to get my hands on the present for Alex yet....one sales person actually wished me "good luck" on getting one!...lovely!lol!

He did it again....but even better!...LOL

2008-06-16T15:38:00.002-04:00

Last Thursday night my brother Nick graduated from BTLE. (basic training in law enforcement) He has been in school for the last 18 weeks. I have to tell you, for me, going to his graduation was harder than I thought it would be...we did this before, 6 yrs ago. Nick entered Char-Meck police acadmy in October of 2001....we found out Daddy was sick in December, Nick graduated then, in April of 2002 and daddy died in May...Nick's graduation is the last thing Daddy attended before he went into the hospital for the last time. I have a picture from the first graduation hanging in my living room...b/c it's the only picture I have that has daddy and Alex in it. ANYWAY... for those of you who don't know, Nick left the police force not long after daddy died, I still call it grief, but he just couldn't handle it. Since that time, he has had many jobs, but none "fit" him like being a police officer. This past December he decided to go back through school(b/c if you leave the field for so long you have to be trained again) and start his career over as a police officer. SO....now for the best part. He received an award...at graduation....and before I tell you what award, let me tell you about some of the other awards(the ones I thought he might get...lol) there was an award for the top popap(a timed fitness thing)there was the "top gun" honestly I thought he would have that one....him and his guns! Let's just say, something NEVER change! there was one for team spirit and best grade in the class.(now I wasn't betting much on that last one!...hehe...but Nick didn't receive any of those awards. I was sitting there thinking, Lord, it really would have boost his confidence if he got an award, but there is NO way he will get this last one, NO WAY. I know you know best Lord, but He need to feel like he did well, especially in this. WELL....I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seat now!lol....Here I sit, watching my brother graduate...again!...thinking about how my mom must be feeling, missing daddy a little (you never go though these things w/o that feeling...but knowing how proud he is of him) thinking about the fact that doctors told my parents, when Nick was about 5, that Nick would never be a "functioning adult"(of course my question is....who is ?) w/ all his "learning problems and labels" and they announce "Nicholas Helms as winner of the highest score on the state exam for his class" It makes me smile and cry even now just thinking about it....(I am pregnant!) Even his own jaw hit the ground! God is SO cool, He also knew Nick needed that, God spoke back to me, and reminded me that HE alone knows what's best, and HE alone cares about each of us more than anyone else does. That He didn't need me to give HIM ideas on "what should happen....He's got that one covered" It was the coolest thing! So Nick has finished school...w/ a bang I might add. and is now on his way into a job....he has an interview tomorrow, I have no doubt that God will once again put him exactly where he wants him to be!

Nick, I am SO proud of you, I love you....and I KNOW daddy is SO proud of you too!

Alex's birthday and our 6th anniversary

2008-06-14T08:22:00.002-04:00

I am starting on my list of blogs today, maybe I'll even get to more than one!lol. I decided to combine the blog about Alex's b-day and our ann.....mostly because they are back to back, and normally run together for us anyway!lol...Last weekend we celebrated on Friday night w/ my family at mom and Gary's, on Saturday night w/ Alex's dad and then on Sunday w/ Alex's mom!....lot's of yummy food and good times. On Monday(our anniversary) Sammy took our kids and Alex and I went out for dinner. We did forgo the gifts this year, I don't think we could of topped our vacation anyway....we decided that was enough big spending for one year! Then on Tuesday (Alex's birthday) we had a quiet dinner of hamburgers...yes his request....here at home and I made icecream sandwiches...it was my first attempt, they were good, but I know something I would try a little different next time. Emma was a little worried that there was no cake, but LOVED the icecream sandwiches, so I think she forgave me for no cake! So all in all, we had a nice birthday/anniversary weekend, busy, but fun. The funny thing is, I had this huge surprise for Alex...sorta this combo birthday/father's day present...well, as it turns out, I should of started MUCH earlier trying to actually buy it, for it can't be found!...so poor guy is still waiting on his present from me and the kids. But I have promised him it will be worth the wait. lol....so I can't even tell y'all about it yet....I refuse to give it away to him...and I have done very good so far. He thought it was a kayak....which he also wants.....only Susan will understand why that is funny!....but anyway, but I did cave and tell him it's NOT a kayak!lol. It's something that we will use a little more often....I hope!lol!

It's hard for me to believe that 6 years have past since our wedding, not in a bad way...like, it's been FOREVER, no more in a WOW, look at all that has changed in 6 years. It's weird, I didn't even pull out the wedding album this year, why...well, I guess because it still gives me bittersweet memories, that sometimes I just want to leave them alone and not bring out the mixed memories. I wouldn't never change my wedding, nothing about it was BAD....just SAD. It will always be hard for me to look at pictures and not wish my dad there....but it doesn't mean that the day wasn't special to me.
This anniversary seemed a little slow for me, last year we went whitewater rafting over our anniversary and had a wonderful trip away just the two of us...this year we just had a few hours to our selves...but it was still fun to be out and have a chance to talk!

where oh where have I been?

2008-06-11T22:32:00.005-04:00

WELL....for one thing, every time I have sat at the computer, I have been working on a photo memory book that disney offers...you only have 30 days to complete it after the first day you activate it...AND every time I would work on it, the website would freeze up and I would loose ALL the pages I hadn't saved(and NO it can't be b/c we have a mac...mac's are perfect!lol....naw, I love my mac, wouldn't trade it, but I think some websites don't agree w/ my love of mac!)....IT MAKES ME SO MAD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! SO what should/would have taken me 2 days max has taken me like 2 weeks! PRAISE GOD I FINISHED tonight! So now I can get back to the normal things I do on the internet, I have caught up on all my blog reading....but boy am I WAY behind on things I want to blog about....I don't even have the energy to start tonight, I need to get my poundcake out of the pan, and take myself to bed! Although I fear I won't sleep for a while, (thanks to the fact that I was sick this afternoon....wanting to throw-up....and fell asleep on the couch at like 4 and slept til 5...oops!) but I have a busy day tomorrow, so I NEED sleep, if only it was that easy!

Anyway....blogs to come

1. Our anniversary...another year behind us!...lol...that doesn't sound to nice
2. Alex had a birthday! and the surprise he is still waiting on...lol...
3. Nick graduation!....
4. Painting....the dreaded!
5. Did anyone notice I slipped on the baby's name in a blog?...and more about the baby!
(now if you already know the baby's name you can't play this game, it would be cheating! LOL)

see I told you I had lots to talk about, AND I will, it might not be tomorrow though, I have to make a pie...yes I am being "little miss susie homemaker" just this week I have make ice cream sandwiches (for alex's b-day) a poundcake and tomorrow a strawberry pie.(for Nick's graduation)...and I am not even liking sweets right now!lol....what a shame.

Ok so I have rambled enough....I'll be back soon....PROMISE!

Disney Pictures~

2008-06-05T13:00:00.015-04:00

I promised to post pics!
They are actually backward!...lol...I am so computer sauvie!lol...I hope you enjoy, these are but a few of the 300+ pics I took!...yep you head me, 300! I am trying to decide what to do w/ all of them, I am making a scrapbook through the disney website, but I also want a few larger pics for the kids rooms, plus I want to do albums for the kids to have of there own!...anyway, enjoy a glimpse at our vacation!

All about Disney!

2008-06-05T09:10:00.005-04:00

So I am FINALLY sitting down to blog about our trip. For some reason I got back from Florida w/ a HUGE desire to get things done. I have been planning and doing since I got back!...we are going to be painting in Emma and baby's room very soon and I need to decide some things about how to fit everything into that tiny room! I know alot of people have co-roomed their kids...but was the room only 10x10? If it was HELP ME out on how to fit everything. Anyway...another story for another day!

DISNEY...was awesome. We left here on Sunday morning at 5:30...I was so proud of us for being out the door when planned and not late! We had the most perfect drive down, no tears at all....none! and very little whining...a little from Emma at the very end. We stopped for lunch at the Florida welcome center(I had packed lunch)...it was the perfect thing to do...the kids literally took a bite and ran around and came back for another bite. Not something I would normally let them do, but under the circumstances...it was totally needed! We got to our hotel about 3:30....unloaded ate some dinner and went to the pool! Sunday was all in all a great day, although we were tired from the car ride.

Monday....we went to Epcot, I chose that park because I knew there wasn't a lot the kids could do there, but it was Memorial Day and I knew that Magic Kingdom would be really crowded. So we head to Epcot and the first ride we went to was the new Nemo ride. Ian cried everytime it was dark and Emma was overwhelmed....it was sorta funny. After you ride the ride, you can go into a interactive "talk" w/ Crush...well, we walked over to do that and would you know this guy walks up and he was a friend of Alex's from when he worked at the "y" he was a cast member for the crush talk...so Emma had the chance to talk to crush herself, but she wouldn't do it!...she was to shy. Oh well, it was still cool to get special seating and be able to see so well! Next we had a few bumps in the road...we lost our video camera...someone picked it up from right beside the stroller...so frustrating! we were on our first day at about 10 in the morning and the camera was gone...yes the camera I was so excited to get just a few months ago! Well...Ian crashed on us right after that and started screaming non stop! He was so cranky! Cried through every ride! We survived through lunch and right after lunch we were starting to walk through the worlds and we saw Jasmine and Aladdin taking pictures....praise God something exciting....Emma was so cute, a little overwhelmed, but determined to meet Jasmine....she wouldn't give Aladdin a hug though, just Jasmine!lol! SO CUTE. We had a special meet and greet we got to go to that afternoon....where we were in a room w/ Mickey and Pluto and the photography and we received a free 5x7 of our choice....Emma walked right in and up to mickey and Ian followed her...they had so much fun. Pluto chased Ian around a few minutes and let the kids get really comfortable before they started the pictures...so the picture at he top of my blog is from that "meet and greet" After the "M & G" we decided to stop by "lost and found" AGAIN...just to see...lol...and praise God, there was our camcorder...someone had turned it in. We were SO excited that we forgot to go and get our free picture from the M&G...and left to go back and take a nap...we came back later and played in the water sprouts then got an early seat for the light show that night....all in all this was our worst day at disney....we decided that everything that could go wrong did on the first day...but the wonderful thing is that everything that went wrong, righted itself in time....so that was the first day at disney

Tuesday...we went to MGM, we saw Lighting McQueen and Mater...and had one excited little boy! He was thrilled! We rode a new ride that was really fun, for kids and adults...it's was toy story mania...fun, fun, we went to Mickey mouse clubhouse and an Ariel show, we watched the new parade that was really good...we had an alround great day...loads of fun and lot's of memories. We left the park around 3:35, let Ian nap and they went to chick-fil-a (across from the hotel) for dinner and let the kids play for about an hour in the play area...which was empty...while we sat and talked...really really nice!

Wednesday....we took the day off from the parks and played in the pool...after nap we went to downtown disney to do our shopping. Again, lots of fun, Emma took all her money she had been earning and spent it...she loves to shop. She filled a box w/ my little pony "stuff" and Ian did the same w/ mr. potato head "stuff" they had fun doing that. After Emma brought her pony stuff she wanted to buy things for everyone else, for Savannah, for the baby...she was SO giving, she kept saying..."this is all I need, I want to get something for Eli....or Savannah..." so sweet, I was so proud of her.

Thursday...our first day at Magic Kingdom...and our first day of a 10 degree jump in tempature....lol...it was HOT, Emma was thrilled over the castle and the show they do in front of the castle, but when Hook and the queen from snow white came out she literally shook in my arms, poor thing, I sometimes forget that they don't understand fact from fiction and she saw them as real people, really scary people to her! We rode all the kid rides, from dumbo to the tea cup to the carousal to the race cars...we saw the Belle, and Aurora and Cinderella. Donald, Goofy and Pluto. We went back for a nap (praise God for naptime!) then back to the park for the late parade and fireworks. Again, a wonderful day...fun,fun,fun, the kids and US LOVED it.

We decided on Thursday that we would leave after the park on Friday and come home a night early, the kids were showing signs of being tired and drained and we were worried how the trip home would go and that driving at night w/ them might be better then leaving at 5am the next morning...so the next day was a LONG one!

Friday...we packed everything up and into the car and headed to the park...magic kingdom again (we decided to not go to Animal Kingdom...b/c there wasn't much our kids could do) we hadn't made it all the way through the park the day before. We arrived about 10...and as soon as we walked in we say Snow White...the one princess Emma still wanted to see...yet a hard princess to find we had been told. So we had Emma's picture made w/ snow white, stood in line to look at all the pictures that disney photopass photographers had taken for us...rode on Aladdin's carpet, saw Stitch, and buzzlightyear...Ian's new addiction...then at about 2 oclock it happened. Alex looked at me and asked "why is Emma crying?" I looked down at her in her stroller and sure enough, she was in tears. I got down in front of her and ask her what was wrong? "I want to go home, and I want my teddy!" was her reply, it wasn't even done w/ a whine, just matter of fact...SHE WAS DONE....it was so sweetly said I wanted to laugh at her...I looked up at Alex (who was also biting his tongue to not laugh) and said...I am glad we are already packed, let's go home! We didn't stay for the last parade, we just left. By the time we made our way out to the park(Ian fell asleep in his stroller...he to was done) and onto the monorail and back to the car and got gas and on the road it was 3:30ish...we stopped for dinner and then for gas...the kids did very well and we got home around 2 am on Saturday morning. The kids were up at 7 of course and Mom and Gary came and took them from the whole morning! Thank God for parents who live close and help out! I was able to rest, wash clothes and put everything away on Saturday!...SO that was our first visit to disney world w/ kids...it was awesome, we can't wait to go back. and we had all that fun for $1500.00...don't tell me you can't go to disney and have fun w/o spending way to much money!...I now know better! I was given a great book to read from a friend from Emma ballet and also spent alot of time researching how to make it fun and cheap...it worked...we had a blast, didn't feel cheated AND didn't break the bank! On the way home, I told Alex one of the best things for me about the trip is that we didn't have to come home and PAY for the trip, when we left disney it was all paid for!

Emma's recital

2008-06-01T14:21:00.005-04:00

Last Saturday morning we had Emma's recital, I was SO worried, she had rehearsal on Thursday and Friday night, both went really well, she was tired though, and we had to be at the recital on Saturday morning at 9:30 dressed and ready to go. She was tired...I was worried....did I mention she was tired!lol. So off we go, out the door on time...yeah for us! and I take her back to the dressing room, got the finishing touch on her outfit...you don't put on those costumes before nessecary they are ichy, not to mention the ears are hard as heck to keep on! So I finished getting her dressed and had to leave her (which was new, on both nights before they had us keep them w/ us!) SO we had our first melt down....tears and more tears! There were some girls back there to watch them and one girl was SO sweet she came over and started talking to Emma for me and took her and held her while I left....I promised to bring teddy back to her if she would leave teddy in her ballet bag! So after delivering teddy and finding a seat I worried how she was.....SHE WAS FINE! Another mom stopped by to tell me the girls were all great, coloring and having the time of their life in the dressing room. So she did her dance, and did great, I was so proud of her, she had so much fun! At the end they brought all the girls out and gave out trophies...she was so excited about her trophy....all in all, ballet has been a wonderful experience for Emma, it has helped her crawl out of her shell and has given her alot of confidance and showed her that she can be good at something!

Here are a few picture....Emma and Alex right after he gave her flowers (which I ordered, paid for and had mom pick-up....yet he get's the credit!) Funny story, I requested that the flowers be shortened from the normal size down to about 12-15 inches b/c I was worried that she wouldn't be able to carry them if they were longer! If you could of only seen the odd look on the florist face!lol! I think it was the 1st time she had ever had that request....but her comment was...."that is so SMART!" Yeah for me, I'm smart!
The other picture is of mom and Emma....when Emma saw Grammy...she took off running and jumped into her arms...so precious!

The BIG haircut!

2008-06-01T14:01:00.004-04:00

HI to all! I missed y'all! I struggled w/ where to even start on filling everyone in on everything and I decided to start at the beginning....I will try to post as many pictures as I can as I go along. I am sorry that I didn't get to post while on vacation like I had planned to do, but the "free internet access" well...it only working at the pool and in the lobby....not in our room.

So I totally meant to take a before and after picture of Emma w/ her new hair cut and not only did I forget the before, but I also forgot to do one right after!lol....it's the thought that counts, right?!lol. She had about 7 inches cut off....she LOVES it and I am very happy too. We can still do pigtails and a ponytail, but she is wanting to leave it down alot which looks great too. She can comb it on her own and is doing much better washing it on her own also....all around we are both thrilled w/ her new cut...Alex has even forgiven me for cutting it! Just kidding....he was fine before I did it, although I was a little worried that I had Rachel cut it a little shorter than he would like!

Emma's 1st dress rehearsal!

2008-05-23T08:29:00.007-04:00

So we had our first night of dress rehearsal last night....we were almost late, something I HATE to be, but we got caught behind 2 accidents...yes 2! But we made, it got her dressed in record time and didn't miss anything. So let me describe the pace of the rehearsal for you...lol....hectic! Kids everywhere in costumes, mommy's and daddy's everywhere w/ cameras and camcorders...lol...we aren't allowed to type or take pics during the actual recital so it's now or never!...there were about 100 plus people there. So Emma, she sat quietly for a while on my friend Susan's lap, not having much to say...I was so holding my breath...then her group was called to come to the stage and she jumped off Susan's lap and walked herself up on the stage to take her spot..she didn't look back, she didn't even sniff! She got up there and did her dance...every step of it! I was SO PROUD of her! She loved it...every second of it. In fact we stayed late to watch the older girls..she only cried when I told her we had to go...it was almost 8:30 and she was starting to fade quickly! Needless to say, I think the next couple of days I can stop worrying so much about if she is going to freak out on me!...although I think every time they call her, I'll still find myself holding my breath!

Enjoy a few pictures!

Emma and some friends from her class!

Madison, Emma and Sidney...my friend Susan's girls

Emma in her poodle costume...yes she is a puppy dog...the cutest puppy you have ever seen!

oops I forgot!

2008-05-19T21:35:00.002-04:00

So the other night I was suppose to tag 4 people....I think it was 4 people. So here goes, and sorry I don't have time to "link" them....but they are listed on "blogs I read" list :)

1. Brandy
2. Susan
3. Shannon
4. Crystal

So good night for now....I'll be checking to see if you played along! :)

Tagged...forever ago...sorry Jenny that it has taken so long!

2008-05-17T20:37:00.002-04:00

Ok so I am in a typing mood, I really do enjoy blogging, although you can't tell by the amount of blogging I've been doing lately.

Awhile back my friend Jenny tagged me...it was to do a blog about "my 10 favorite things about my husband" and I am sorry to say I am just now getting around to doing it! That sounds like I "put it off" as in I didn't want to do it, but that isn't the case at all, I have thought of this blog often, but haven't had the time to devote to it that I wanted..so I haven't tried until now.

SO here goes...

10. I love how hard Alex works for our family, that he doesn't take his job lightly, but takes his role as provider very seriously.

9. I love that he allows me and understands my need to stay home w/ our children...he wasn't given that as a child, but yet he has a clear understanding of the value I place on being able to do that and he supports that completely...he is the first to say that I do work HARD and I am "not just a mom" as the world sometimes views stay at home mommies.

8. I love to see him play his guitar....and singing, especially since his accident...I LOVE when he and Emma (and now Ian is joining in)play their guitars and sing their hearts out!...nothing can bring tears to my eyes faster than that!...

7. I love that he has no idea how HOT he is...lol...he truly doesn't have a clue...teenage girls still drool over him and he can't see it....I now find this SO FUNNY, but when I laugh about it, he is so stumped by it.'

6. I love that he will watch a "girlie" movie w/ me, he's not one of those guys that refuses to watch them...our movie watching is defiantly give and take!

5. I love that he can cook! and he enjoys it, he wants to do it!....yes, I have it made when it comes to the kitchen. He is quite able to hold his own, in fact, I'll even admit he cooks better than I do....so when I don't want to cook, or I'm not going to be home, that's fine w/ him, he can handle it...a nice thing when we have new babies in the house....w/ Ian he completely spoiled me and cooked for like the first 3 months after he was born....spoiled...

4. I love that he spoils me! He is always willing to help me out around the house...w/ the laundry, w/ whatever, I have to be careful to not take advantage of this :)

3. I love the he waited for me to be ready to leave our last church...he was patient w/ me and didn't push me or "make me" leave as he could have as head of our house...instead he waited for me to be ready to take the step w/ him.

2. I love that he let's me talk to him about everything, even about the "silly girlie" things, he will listen and always has great advice. More than once he has been right on situations even when I didn't want to hear what he had to say...he in the end would be right...and he never says I told you so, instead it has always been, I'm sorry it wasn't as you thought. He is always willing to talk about the issues we might be having w/ the kids and figure out together what we should do.

1. The #1 thing I love the most about my husband IS...he has ALWAYS been there for me, through the hardest times in my life he has been there. He walked beside me when daddy was sick, he held me endless nights as I cried, he smiled at me as I walked down the aisle having promised me he would come and get me if I couldn't do it on my own w/o daddy. He tried his best to ease my pain, but was willing to accept that he couldn't change what had happened w/ daddy. He held me again when I was overwhelmed w/ his accident even though he was the one broken and in pain. He has always been my knight in shining armor....I on the other hand don't think I learned to appreciate him as I should until about a year ago...I am now so thankful for what the Lord has given me....w/o Alex my life wouldn't be complete.

Alex, I love you SO much...thank you for all you are.

endings...glad and not so sad!

2008-05-17T19:54:00.003-04:00

this week coming up is a week of endings for us. We finish up BSF this week, along w/ ballet, Emma's recital is next Saturday. We also have our last night of AWANA ( we will miss the awards night on the 28th) So after this week, we won't have any weeknight commitments! Emma has very mixed feelings about all these endings. I on the other hand am ready for the break! This past month has been hard for me to get to everything and I have been looking forward to this week for a while...sorta like my "once I get to this week" then I can think about that!lol...how funny am I. Did I mention that this week is a doosie!lol...the only night we will be home is on Monday night....here is my schedule for the week
Monday...take the kids to Mimi's to spend the day! (Mimi is a life saver sometimes!)
dr's appointment for me and baby! grocery shopping for the week although we will only be eating at home 2 nights this week!lol

Tuesday...home through the day...clean, clean, clean, oh, maybe going to library for story time???...Emma has ballet rehearsal at 6:30

Wednesday...shopping for disney (oh yeah did I mention I have to pack for disney this week!...lol...so I must shop at some point, I think Wednesday...oh wait I have to take to van to Honda for it's visit before we leave for disney....so maybe I won't shop on Wednesdaylol....then we are off to the last night of AWANA

Thursday...I will HAVE to go SHOPPING...wash, start pulling things out, get out luggage make list of food so I won't forget anything at 5 in the morning when we leave! Then I have to take Emma to Wingate Univ. for her first dress rehearsal.

Friday....pull my hair out,I am sure I have a list of forgotten stuff at the store!...so I hope to get back out early to get that list of stuff....then pack pack pack, finish washing cloths, try out the coolers, who wants to find out at 5am that there coolers are to small...lol...then Emma has her 2nd dress rehearsal at 5:15, which means we have to get to wingate and eat before then!

Saturday....the recital! back to wingate by 9:30 w/ a dressed and ready poodle! Lunch at applebees (Emma's request...lol) haircut at 3:30 for Emma...hey the recital is over, her hair is fair game and it's going to loose!...about 6"!lol... the home to give bathes finish packing, make lunch for the next day and pack as much in the car as we can!lol....

SO that is my crazy week, I pray for it to all to go as smoothly as it sounds as I type it out...lol....note all the laughing! It's funny to me that my week of ending is so packed w/....stuff!

I am looking forward to getting on the road to Fl. well maybe not the rd part, but the getting to FL part and the disney part! Today Alex did a side job and I did a party to get a few extra dollars before we leave. Emma has been earning money to take, not only the commission we give her for her chores, but also helping others out to earn money...we knew that the grandparents would all want to "give" her $ to take, so we asked them to let her come and "work" for her money instead of just giving it to her....it has worked out really well, and she is so proud of herself for all the "work" she has done! Today she said to me, "mommy, you are working today, daddy is working today and I am working today at Gran's house!" I am not sure how much "work" they did, but I know she had fun!

I know in a few weeks I'll be sad that everything has ended, but for now, I am just really glad that our schedule will be so free....I am looking forward to the pool, to the garden, to getting ready for the baby!....summer, here we come!....DISNEY...here we come!

6yrs ago a few days late

2008-05-08T10:51:00.005-04:00

a few days late because I had to get past the 6 yrs ago part before I wanted to blog about it....huh! is what I am sure you are thinking about right now...

the original blog started w/ happy anniversaries and sad anniversaries. This past Tuesday was May 6th, which marked 6 years since daddy died. It's amazing to me that as this date approaches each and every year you start to think about different event of the past almost w/o being able to control it. Every year I think, this year will be different, but it's not. Every year it is as hard as the first year. I watch mom struggle w/ the emotions, I feel the struggle myself. It's a hard thing to admit to yourself that this is something that will NEVER go away. A friend asked if it feels like forever ago or not. Well the answer is, yes....and NO. YES, in the sense that it feels like forever since I have heard his voice, felt his hugs, drawn from his advice...but at the same time, NO, in the fact that I can still 6 yrs later close my eyes and feel the pain of the loss...remember how I felt when I thought I would suffocate in that hospital room when we were all wondering if he would/could take one more breath, how I felt when he didn't, how hard it was to understand why this was happening. It also amazes me how the events of the next few weeks are such a blur to me...

This year, was hard in a different way, I am starting to feel like I should be moving on...like people won't understand my struggle....sorta the it's been 6 YEARS....time to move on...maybe that comes from me wanting it to not be so hard anymore....but it's hard for me to tell others that I am still struggling, hence the reason I didn't blog before now. I was very quiet this year and tried to tell everyone I was fine...most people don't remember dates this many years later anyway. But finally on Monday night after fighting a headache all day and being so grumpy I went to bed and fell apart...my hiding it worked fine as long as I was busy...but in bed there is nothing but your thoughts to occupy your mind....Alex said he was waiting for the tears and told me he felt like I would be more upset if I didn't care anymore. He encouraged me to "just feel" it's not bad or wrong, and if others don't understand...well, that's their lack of understanding. He was so sweet about it. Grief is something that has been hard for him to understand and to watch me go through. The first few years he just wanted to fix it...typical guy....he didn't want me to have to feel that way and wanted it be able to make it go away. Now it seems that I am the one that just wants it to go away and he now understands that it is better if I face it..funny how things change.

I have to say I have grown so much in the last 6 yrs, it does make me wonder what daddy would think of me now. Would he be proud of me and Alex and our decisions? Would he be proud of my kids? What kind of grandfather would he have been? How close to him would my kids of been? What would they of called him? What advice would he give me right now? That is the grief I deal w/ every year around this time, I am reminded that I won't get any of those answers and that will always make me sad and that is ok. I lost who I was for a while over the last 6 yrs, but I am thankful that God never let me go, He always held onto me and slowly as I was ready, pulled me back to Him. I am thankful for that, and that every situation I have encountered in life has made me who I am today. Someone God is still working on daily, but someone I am proud to be, and someone I think daddy would be proud of too.

So now I am choosing to move forward from the pain of the thoughts and memories of this past week and look to the next anniversary, which holds joy and happiness...Alex and I will have our 6th wedding anniversary in a few weeks. It was a hard time 6 years ago, but w/ all the memories we have created over the last 6 yrs, it is such a fun time for us~

Thank you for listening to my grief as I poured out my heart. Know that I don't stay in such a state all the time...God had been good to me, and I can now say even w/ the pain, I wouldn't change the events of my life for anything, God sees the big picture and He truly knows best for my life, even when I don't understand.

I'm back....hope you have time to catch up!

2008-04-30T21:04:00.003-04:00

Ok so I have been home for 4 days....and I FINALLY got my house mostly back under control. Now don't get me wrong, Alex does a great job of keep up w/ thing when I'm not here, he is totally capable. It was me catching up w/ ME, on sleep and from being exhausted! I am starting to feel like myself again, it took a few days. Needless to say, I haven't even been on the computer much, in fact I was in bed by 9:30 last night...normally prime time for me to be online!

So....here's EVERYTHING all at once!lol, what better way to do it right?

How was my trip? AWESOME, WONDERFUL, ENCOURAGING, WAY COOL and everything in between! We had a great flight there w/ no troubles. We arrived right as things were getting started....I loved the training, it was so right up my line of thinking and so so useful! I enjoyed being w/ new people who didn't know me or anything about me....and at the same time being comfortable w/ myself and who I am...as most of ya'll know that is something I have worked very hard to do! We spent the first 2 days learning about everything there is to know about $....then we started case studies. we split up and had to each take a part of the counseling session to present ourself...way fun. One night some of us walk to the mall and ate dinner....one night we went to ice cream and played card til late...(that was our last night)....mostly we spent our time in a chair listening to Russ, who is one of the founders of Lampo Inc. It was 10 to 12 hr days....hence the reason I was SO exhausted when I got back. I can't wait to start having opportunities to use my training...God is already opening doors....if you have never taken FPU, or don't know what that even stands for....let me know, I would love to tell you how it can change your life, no matter where you are w/ your $!...good, bad or ugly....and even if you have taken FPU and need some more hope, remember you can always take it again...!

How was camping?!...LOL...it was SO MUCH FUN...I am a little bumbed that it will be a good while before we can go again! We left here around 3:30 on Friday, and stopped and picked-up dinner on the way...the baby, HAD to eat....!lol!....we picked our spot...trying not to be to near anyone else!...we did have 5 kids w/ us! Todd, Susan and there crew met us up there....as soon as we had everyone out of the truck and Element they were off and we didn't hear from them again until we had to slow them down for bed!....Ian was dragging w/ droopy eyes, but wouldn't give up! I was worried about them sleeping in the tent, or more than that, how I would get them to go to sleep w/o coming out over and over and over!....but to my surprise and gratefulness...they went right to sleep, we put Ian down first then Emma after he was asleep. While the boys (Ian and Davis) we going to bed, the girls (Sidney, Madison and Emma) played in the older girls tent....they did great at being quiet so the boys would go to sleep. After we had all the kido down for the night we the adults had smores....YUMMY! and some adult time....honestly when we we planning our trip, I wasn't sure if it would include any "adult time" or just kids that wouldn't sleep!...but we had about 3 hrs after the kids were in bed to hang out and chat! On Sat...we started out a little cold, but we were good, the kids got as dirty as I have ever seen them...they had a blast...very little bickering, but you know there will always be a little w/ 5 kids!...nothing major at all!...they all did SO great!....THEN CAME THE RAIN! so the joke of the weekend for the adults was...when is it going to rain...Todd would say...it's coming....Susan and I would say NO IT'S NOT....Todd would say look at the clouds....we would say, "it's suppose to be a light rain!"...lol....needless to say, it rained, HARD, well not super hard, but more than the "light rain" they were calling for. and the whole time all Alex cared about was his smores!lol as long as he got them he didn't care about he rain, we had the only camp sight where the fire was still being started between every shower!lol. So the second night we turned in early...and it was a mess packing up the next morning, and that 2nd night, getting the dirt off our kids....not so easy...it took a lot of washing to get the rocks out of Emma's hair....at one point I was beginning to think it would be easier to cut it!lol!...just kidding! So packing up was a mess, everything was messy wet, we all got up, forgot about breakfast, pack up and came home! as I am sure you figured out by now, our first camping experience was a total success!...rain and all! We are ready to go again, but w/ everything going on in May I don't think we will be able to....:( Oh and I forgot, the boys even took there naps on Saturday, go figure....we love camping, it will most likely be a hobby we will take up! I am not sure what it will look like w/ the baby....so if you have camped w/ a baby, let me know how it went and what to think about!

What do I think about baby boy? I am thrilled! As much as I thought girl before, I knew I wasn't convinced and when she said boy...my heart jumped and I realized that i always wanted it to be a boy!...Don't get me wrong, I love Emma we have a very special bond, but I think a boy fits us better than another girl, Ian needs a play mate....Emma has me!lol! Emma started to cry and at first I thought she was going to be upset, I wasn't sure why, she had been so back and forth, I figured she would be excited either way...it wasn't long that she was back to excited and I knew I would have to question the tears later....I went on to see the dr and then to get blood drawn....Emma was beside herself to get back to Grammy and Ian in the waiting room....she was so excited to tell, she took to pictures w/ her to show off. Ian didn't care, he just wanted mommy. and now if you ask him about the baby boy...he'll say "Ian's a boy" sorta like that's all the boy ya'll need!lol. poor thing! We left the dr's office and Emma, mom and I went to target to shop for the baby. Emma was SO funny, she wanted everything....so I got her to find the baby an outfit to wear home from the hospital. She picked out a onsie, a blanket, socks, a hat and passies(I think she thinks those are part of the outfit!lol) then she picked him a teddy bear(VERY important to her) and another blanket and hat.....it was SO much fun for her and me to go and do! I had a chance to ask about the tears and was told it's because she wants the baby in her room....yes, she wants the baby to share her room instead of going into Ian's room...so when she was told boy, she knew the baby was suppose into Ian's room and not her's....soo funny! I told her that her daddy and I would talk about it and decide now that we knew what the baby was....she was content w/ that...so we are now deciding what we want to do, I think we basically have decided and are happy w/ what we are planning to do.....BUT I need to leave something for the next post!~

I think that should catch you up on our world! you have to leave me a comment just so I will know you read the whole thing!lol!....next I have some house keeping to do, I have a tag from forever ago to do and another new tag from Jenny!...I will do them!lol! SOON....I hope!
ttfn!

check out the picture

2008-04-21T21:35:00.001-04:00

there is a picture of the dirty crew from morrow mt. at the bottom of the blog. I'll post more when I get back, but I couldn't wait to show ya'll how dirty mine and Susan's kids can get in the right condition!lol

It's a ........

2008-04-21T20:56:00.002-04:00

BOY....yes that is what I said....BOY! (NOT PUPPY...sorry Ian) LOL. I think most of us were wrong! and I know all the "gender prediction test" were wrong! I am thrilled, I know that God knows exactly what He is doing and I learned long ago not to doubt Him. I am now ready for the next step...planning!lol, sorry, I'm a planner. I think we will be doing some very un-traditional things in the near future....but then we wouldn't be us if we tried to fit in!lol.

well I am off, I want to spend some time w/ Alex before bed...we have the house to ourselves tonight...the kids are at Mimi's and hopefully asleep. :) I said my goodbyes (then cried in the car) I HATE leaving them...hate it! I know I will enjoy being in Nashville and the training, but I hate being away from my kids...right now Saturday seems like forever...pray I will be able to sleep and not cry to much!

what I think!....

2008-04-21T08:40:00.004-04:00

Ok so I promised to let ya'll know what I think the baby is....well since today is the day, I don't want to be a lier!lol!

I think it's a girl....now I say that, BUT I am still not 100% confidant. Which is weird to me. I am totally going off of the fact that this pregnancy is very similar to Emma's and I know that really doesn't mean anything. I don't believe in any of those "gender prediction test" it was fun trying them out, but I just can't base my decision on that...if I did, I would be having twins and although I wouldn't be totally shocked if it was, I just can't go there unless I have to!lol.

SO that's my thoughts, I'll let ya'll know this afternoon what it is for sure! my appointment is at 1:30 and then Emma and I are going shopping! I have to take the kids to Mimi's tonight...so it might be late before I get to post anything...but I promise I won't leave for Nashville until I have posted!lol

Shannon the answer to you question

2008-04-16T13:52:00.002-04:00

ok so I wasn't sure where to comment back to Shannon...but for whatever reason my office doesn't do ultrasounds early unless there is a reason....? I have never had an u/s b/f 17 weeks. and normally that is the only one you get. This time I will be getting u/s weekly from 34 weeks on b/c of both Ian and Emma having extremely low fluids at birth. I will also be getting a 4-d u/s somewhere between 28-32 weeks....but that one is just for fun!....but I do wish they did an early u/s....but I'm sure it's only one!...lol...???

If you are thinking otherwise, please please don't scare me!lol...I thought at first it would be cool to have twins, but now, ummm....only one please!

another update....

2008-04-16T07:50:00.002-04:00

ok so this has proved to be a great way to keep me busy these last few days before the ultrasound!...lol...normally I would be watching the clock! So here is the lastest info! It's sorta funny! We discovered a sorta problem w/ Ian's prediction! Gary realized last night that Ian predicts whatever sex you say last. So if you say..is it a boy or a girl, he will say girl, but if you say is it a girl or a boy he will say boy...if you ask him if it is a boy, a girl, or a puppy, he will say puppy!lol....and yes he was more excited about the idea of a puppy than a baby!...poor Ian, he will be disappointed I'm afraid!lol.

Also I got curious about the needle and string test so I looked it up online. There is a correction to the theory. The needle circles while "deciding" what the sex is and then moves across your wrest if it's a girl (like you would wear your watch) and back and forth (from hand to elbow) if it's a boy. It's suppose to circle in between each child. and stop when you will have no more kids!...lol...I must say, that is one smart needle!lol! It should work on anyone even if you have already had your kids, or haven't had any. It should also work on your husband. It does take into account miscarriage...so they say! I am not sure what I think about it, but it's fun to try! It worked on my mom, so we think, it said boy, boy, girl, but she had a miscarriage before Nick...so it's possible!

So what did it say for me!? Well that's the funny part. it said,, girl, boy, then girl/boy. it was funny, it went in a circle, then across, then circled, the back and forth, then circle, then across again, then it stopped and changed directions w/o a circle.???? NO ONE CAN SAY TWINS, or I'll scream!lol! So, I am not sure what to think about this "test" lol! Needless to say I was then very curious what it would do to Alex, so at 11 pm last night I got my needle and made him sit still!lol. IT WAS THE SAME...THE EXACT SAME PATTERN!LOL. So you decide...but no one can say twins!...got it!

the string test....

2008-04-15T16:27:00.002-04:00

I did the string test today....w/ Sam to confirm what I was seeing! It said girl, boy, GIRL! Also my friend Anna told me the Chinese calender and the Mexican calender (who knew there was one!) both say girl....I am beginning to think that if this isn't a girl we are all going to be disappointed!LOL! It would be funny if it was a boy and I ruined all the predicting test! Sounds like something that would happen to me!lol

I am still not going to tell you what I think, I am going to wait til this Sun or Mon right before my ultra-sound!

keep checking!lol

another update....

2008-04-13T18:36:00.003-04:00

Alex thinks girl!....he has never guessed before! The chinese calender says girl!...I haven't done the string test yet, I'll let you know! lol!....I am having fun w/ this too!

update on "what do you think"

2008-04-13T11:13:00.007-04:00

My friend Brandy asked a question. "what does Ian think the baby is?" Her theory in asking is under the comments on the previous blog. So for the fun of it, I thought I would answer it, maybe it will help you decide what you think my baby is....lol!

Ian for the longest time refused to agree that there was even a baby in mommy's belly!lol. But once convinced he has always said GIRL when asked what mommy's baby was going to be. Only once did he waiver and that was w/ a lot of co horsing from Emma. Emma on the other hand, started out wanting a girl, then switched to boy for a while and is now back to wanting a girl....when I explained that if it was a boy we wouldn't be buying pink and purple, she now only wants a girl!lol....shopping is really all she is concerned w/!lol!

Melanie asked if I had done the drano test...the answer there is no, I haven't, we don't even have any drano....lol! I have heard about it....did you try it? So new question, what "test" are out there that ya'll have tried...and did it work?

This doesn't mean you can get out of answering the previous question....answer that one first if you haven't already!lol!
love ya....sorry if I sound bossy!

I gotta ask....what do you think?

2008-04-12T14:50:00.004-04:00

Ok so in eight days we have our ultra-sound. We have decided to find out what we are having, my need for "planning" has won out....AGAIN!LOL....Emma is VERY excited, and I know she really wants to know...at least that is my excuse and I'm sticking to it!lol....

my friend, Chelsea did this really cool poll asking what everyone thought her baby was going to be, and of course I was wrong!...but, I have no idea how she did that, and I don't have time to figure it out....Chelsea, you'll have to show me how to make my blog as cool as your's!lol!

NEway, I do want to ask, w/ a week left to go.....WHAT DO YOU THINK BABY #3 IS GOING TO BE?....what is your guess? So here is what you are suppose to do....LEAVE ME A COMMENT!...TELL ME YOUR GUESS....COME ON PLAY ALONG!

I'll give you some thoughts about this pregnancy so you have something to use to make it an "educated guess!"...lol!

I had lots of morning sickness for the first 13 weeks.
I have already gained about 7 lbs....no comments please!lol
I am getting wider in stead of rounder! YUCK!
I out-grew my pants by 8 weeks.
I crave carbs and fried.
I normally LOVE salads and fish, but want NEITHER since I found out I was prego, except sushi.
I crave milk....everyday!
I can't eat spicy.

I think that's about all I can think of.....hope that helps.

My pregnancies w/ Emma and Ian were very different, this pregnancy does tend to follow one of them...not exact, but close....on Monday, I'll tell you who's pregnancy this one had followed...but I don't want to influence your guess!lol!

I will tell you, I am not certain what this one is, which is different for me, When I was pregnant w/ Emma, I knew it was a girl, I was convinced, every (especially Alex' s family) told me it would be a boy, but I never doubted, I told some people that GOd knew the desires of my heart....needless to say, I was right, I got my girl. And w/ Ian, I once again KNEW it was a boy! I brought his crib set before we had the ultra-sound to confirm it...I was once again that sure! This time, I have not been so sure....Alex joked the other day it's b/c it's twins, one of each.....NOT FUNNY! But I am sure it's not 2, just 1. I do think it a ......no no, not telling yet, but I will before the ultra sound...I sorta decided what I think it is, but...I am still not positive like I was w/ Emma and Ian. I will be OVER THE TOP EXCITED either way....ok enough about baby #3...which by the way either way will be a "E" name...in time, I'll tell that too, you know me, I can't keep a secret~

Ok a little info on name picking in our house....I pick girl names and Alex picks boy names...we both have to LOVE it. The first name is a name we just love, the middle name a family name. With both Emma and Ian we had our names picked before the ultrasound....I think that is really fun, every time we have left the ultrasound we not only know the sex, but we also have a name for the tiny face we just saw. Name picking has never been a fight for us....we both like the same kind of names....whew, that makes it easy!....we tend to like simple names, short like ours, weird I know, but that's just the way it turned out. every one in our family has 4 or 3 letters in our names!lol....what can I say!LOL....this baby will be on different, I can tell you that!....I sorta wish it was twins a boy and a girl so I could use both names!....I love them both so much! BTW, when I do tell, you better only love it, they are my names to pick!....SORRY, I've had some bad experiences w/ opinions on names!lol!

Oh, you better get to the comment you HAVE to leave me, I want to know what you think!
love to all, thanks for playing along w/ this pregnant girls wishes!lol!

can you keep up?? I can't!

2008-04-02T22:27:00.002-04:00

Ok so once again, I have an unposted blog to finish!....yes it's the 7 interesting/crazy things about me.....sorry!, I'm behind...by like 2 weeks!

Here are some things going on that I want to post more about when I have a chance! I helped Nick and Sam move last week! SO EXCITING FOR THEM! I am only going to have Savannah 3 days a week now. I heard the baby's heartbeat!...I have an ultrasound in only 3 weeks! I am going to Nashville for a week in ONLY 3 weeks! I am going to Nashville to go through Dave Ramsey's financial counselor training....applying for that was harder than applying for college...I was so worried about not getting accepted! I had to do a phone interview while at lunch w/ 3 kids at Super Salad!(thank you Sam for all your help and understanding w/ that crazy lunch....and thank you Super Salad for ice cream cone!lol) We are going to attempt our first camping trip w/ Susan and her family in a few weeks!lol...are we crazy 5 kids and lot's of trees!lol! I am super excited about going!....any advice from anyone!? I've never camped w/ kids!...I do love to camp though!....ummmm Pawpaw has tilled up the garden!...again, super excited to get it started! Nick is doing AWESOME in school! Yeah for him, he's halfway! Our small group this past week was really really good! BSF was really really good this week! and last but not least! WE ARE GOING TO DISNEY FOR VACATION IN MAY! I am super duper excited about this!...last year we were planning to go this fall...well, this fall I am going to be having a baby, so we thought it was out for a few years!...but instead of waiting, we decided to go now and not wait!...Emma has her ballet recital on the 24th of May and we are leaving on the 25th!.....Emma is asking daily when we leave to see the princess'!

well, Alex wants to sleep now, so I must go! I'll try to do better and fill in some of those gaps!....lot's has been going on in our world lately!

my world as I see it....

2008-03-20T09:41:00.002-04:00

for a while now, I have struggled to get personal in my post...mostly because I have felt so bad and I didn't really want anyone to know EXACTLY what I was thinking!...lol...call me crazy, but sometimes I think some things are better left unsaid...especially to the whole world! Some might want to call that being fake, but I don't, I call that being smart and knowing when to hold your tongue!lol. Well one thing I am SO GLAD to report is that I am feeling MUCH better, the first tri is over and I am feeling human again!...I am remembering that I do love being pregnant and why...I am excited that I am only a month or so away from finding out what we are having....Emma is already planning the shopping trip after that!lol. I am back to enjoying 3 kids during the day instead of barely surviving!....thank you Jesus, for the fact that I have some energy to keep up w/ these kids!

So hear is what I have learned over the last few weeks/month. That whenever you think you get a handle on something, beware...Satan only wants you to think that, so when he stripes it away it will sting that much more! I thought I was doing so well, w/ my bible study...I loved every minute of it....but the more confidence I gained....well, being sick made it next to impossible for me to do it...I would sit down to study, and instead I would be so distracted by feeling sick...or I would literally fall asleep!..I got so discouraged and frustrated, I got to the point that I didn't even want to try! Never think you have it all together, there is always room for improvement!lol!

This past Sunday, our worship pastor sang "Are you who you want to be" by switchfoot" I love this song and have for a long time! But once again it reminded me to look at my life and see....?am I who I want to be? It reminded me of what I know God has called me to be...who HE wants me to be. You know, I think that is easy to forget, to let others influence "who I'm suppose to be" for you...it can be so easy to play the matching game...to see how you "match up" to others around you. To say, well at least I don't do it that way! Don't tell me you haven't done that, we all do it one way or another. But that is wrong, it doesn't matter how someone else has done it, it matters how God wants YOU to do it. I think being pregnant you deal w/ this alot...it amazes me how many people want to tell you how THEY did it...or how many people ask if I did it naturally or w/ drugs. and the stigma that comes with the question. I have already walked away from a few conversations where I was like, ok, what were they getting at, so they had a "natural" birth, maybe if I had had their birth I would have done it natural too, but I didn't have their birth, I had mine, and mine wasn't theirs...so do you see what I am getting at! Sorry I know I got off on a little rabbit trail, but it's what I think...how I see it in my world. What a better place we would all live in if we...especially we women....could just stop comparing and playing to "match up" game!....hmmm, the thought...to just let everyone do as they are being lead to do, especially for Christians, we are all being lead by God (and if we aren't, isn't that really between them and God) so we are all being lead by God, so what right so I have to judge her over ANYTHING...? I don't!

sorry I left everyone hanging~

2008-03-20T09:39:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that my grandfather is doing great, he is home from the hospital, he will have surgery in the next few weeks...but they expect that to go very well!....thank you for the prayer!

Sorry I didn't let ya'll know before now!

pray....

2008-03-12T08:41:00.003-04:00

pray please for my grandfather, he is in the hospital and will be for a while, there are quite a few things going on...some they think they know what they are and others they are still not sure about. Pray that the drs will find out the sources of the problems. Pray that my grandmother will have strength through this....I know this is hard for her. Pray that Nick will be able to still focus on school, I know he to is also very worried.

Nick and I both have developed such a sweet relationship w/ our dad's parents over the last few years. They are the only grandparents we have left and since dad died they have been such a comfortable place for us to run too....all of the kids LOVE them, Ian is MawMaw's boy and if you even say PawPaw Helms to Savannah, she will CRY until you take her to see him...so cute. I told mom yesterday(who is in Ohio right now) that I can't handle the thought of anything happening to him right now....I am tired of death...weary of it....please Lord don't require it of me.

Thanks for your prayers, I know y'all will do it!

yes I SHOULD be cleaning!

2008-03-10T14:30:00.002-04:00

So I think we have all had one or two of these post...the one that you don't want your husband to read the title!...lol...for right now there is about 10 other things I could be doing...but instead, I am relaxing in my favorite chair, watching "the baby story" lol and typing...oh and all the while talking w/ Emma too!lol...what a multi-tasker I am! Savannah and Ian are still napping..for a few more minutes. We have had a busy day, we went grocery shopping this morning and then out to lunch w/ mom. This afternoon had been slower, and I haven't had a chance to nap, bummer! But I am enjoying just sitting for a while!

So what all has been up w/ us over the weekend...lot's of fun stuff...Friday we went out and brought a camcorder! YEAH! I am so excited about this, call us old fashion, but we are just now stepping into the camcorder world...those of you who know Alex and I well know that we don't/won't buy things we can't afford, and that we sometimes wait...a long time...to get things that we really really want...the pay-off being how much more we enjoy it along w/ IT'S PAID FOR! Also think of it this way...the 3rd baby will have something the other 2 didn't get! lol! SO I am excited to say the least...and once again, Alex and his cash bargaining got us a great deal...the camcorder was listed on sale for $449.99 and he got it for 319.00...way to go Alex!lol!

After we went out for sushi...my favorite!...don't worry I only eat steamed sushi....and had a wonderful dinner....yummy,I'm going to make myself want some more!

Also my juicer that a friend ordered for me came and I am VERY EXCITED about that too...no more store brought juice for my kids....a good start to some lifestyle changes I am trying for Ian and his allergies!....

So lots of exciting stuff around here!...I am looking forward to a great week, excited about BFS tomorrow. Ian has a drs appointment on Wednesday w/ his allergist which I think will go well...Ian has been doing so well.

well, I'm going to get to work doing something useful now!lol...maybe I'll go and juice something and videotape it for y'all to see!lol! j/k!
later

where oh where have I been?

2008-03-06T08:42:00.002-05:00

I am sorry I have been so slack about blogging, but as I said before I am now spending my "extra time"...lol, if there is such a thing!....sleeping. I had a drs appointment yesterday and they did blood work so I am interested to see what my iron level looks like. Of course the dr reminded me that being pregnant and having 2 already is very different from bring pregnant and watching only one!....TRUE!...so I need to give myself a break and not try to be supermom....of course I wanted to laugh and ask if he knew who he was talking to....let things go, is he crazy!lol...of course he cracked me up and asked me if he needed to write me a prescription for a nap a day?...I asked if we could make it a nap a day AND no housework!lol...he said that sounded good for him, now if I could just convince Alex that those are the new rules around here!

So for what had been going on in our world since Ian's birthday...Ian had a well visit, and now weighs 26 lbs....Emma 25!...so little brother has now past big sister! Ian is growing well, he is still in the 15% for height and weight...so not a big boy, but still ALL boy...the dr was impressed w/ his talking...he asked if Ian put words together and as soon as the question came out of his mouth Ian looked up and said, "I wanta read book!...pleaseeeee!" It was so funny, and the look on the drs face!...he as like...well, I guess that answers that question!lol." Of course Emma was excited to tell the dr that we are going to have a baby!....I think the dr was more excited to see Emma actually talk to him ALOT! He commented on how grow up she is now and more comfortable w/ talking...and of course she answered all of Ian's questions for him...lol...it's so funny when kids do that. But like the dr said, Ian does his fair share of talking too!....so that's about all I can say about that!

Ian's parties both went great! Thanks to Susan helping out w/ the morning one, since I was struggling to keep my cupcake down!lol...gotta love morning sickness!~and he has more toys now than he knows what to do with! It is so good for the second to get his own moments! I was struggling w/ the "why worry about a party" I didn't really feel like doing it, or putting energy into it, but I am glad I did...he needs his moments too!
He was too cute at the family party on Friday night...after every present, I would tell him who it was from and then have him tell them thank you!...he would say "tank ewe, an onna (aunt Donna)" or who ever it was from, he always added there name...my sweet sweet boy!...talk about being a proud mommy!...he tried so hard to pronounce everyone's names...and if he wasn't sure, he would look at me and want me to say it again so he could learn it!...I love that he is so willing to try, even if it comes out wrong...Emma never tries anything until she has it perfect, but Ian will try ANYTHING...I love their personality differences!

So we hung low over the weekend, Alex was fighting a cold as was Emma, so we didn't go to church, we figured the 4th grade parents would appreciate if Alex didn't get their kids sick!...and both the kids were tired from a busy couple of days! I hate when we miss church though, Emma always ask all week when we are going to go to Elevation and she was upset when we didn't go!

Monday and Tuesday were great days...pretty normal, did some grocery shopping on Monday w/ Susan, we started shopping more at Sam's and splitting stuff...cheaper, yet not so much food you can't eat it all before it goes bad!...I'm loving that...it's a work in progress though, with some fine tuning needed! Tuesday was BFS, and it was Ian's first week, he did great! I was so excited, they just opened a "baby twos" class and it's perfect for him...one of his teachers is a good friend of mine, and she is awesome w/ them, so I am completely content w/ him in there...he was so cute when I dropped him off...he wanted to cry, and his lip was quivering...but Savannah marched herself right in the door like a pro and was excited to see her teachers and I could see his wheels turning...he was so thinking..."if she can do it, so can I"...that's momma's boy! already competitive!lol! Once he was in there, he did wonderful, Bionca told me he did very well...I am so excited!
Tuesday night I went to dinner w/ a friend from high school, I always feel so guilty when I do that, now don't get me wrong, I LOVED getting to catch up w/ her,we get together every couple of months, but I so want to see other "old"friends too, but I don't get the chance...and I was right there in Locust...it made me feel a little guilty...sorry y'all, I want to see you...let's plan something!

ok,...so that is enough rambling from me for one day!

Happy Birthday Ian!

2008-02-27T08:02:00.005-05:00

Today my baby is TWO....I can't believe it! We are headed out to breakfast w/ Mom and Gary this morning...which is sorta a joke, b/c the morning that I was induced w/ Ian, we had been out to breakfast and then mom and I went to my dr.'s appointment and left Emma w/ Gary...as we left he asked me, what do I feed her for lunch in case you don't come back...I told him not to worry I had to come back I didn't even have a bag packed!~...lol...well, I didn't come back, I went straight from the drs office to the L&D in the hospital! So now we go to breakfast every year on Ian's birthday~
Here are some of my favorite pics of Ian from the last 2 years!....I can't believe he is so big!

this is the afternoon Ian was born!

This is 3 months

this is from last week!...my big boy!

I promise I'll come back and add some more pictures later, but for now I have to go, or breakfast will be lunch!

8 weeks and 4 days!

2008-02-21T13:16:00.002-05:00

Ok so far this pregnancy has been very very different than my other two. With Emma I was sick from about 7 weeks til 12 weeks every night, i didn't throw up, but always wanted to...it was worse if I wasn't doing something so I tried to stay busy!....With Ian, I had no morning sickness at all, to which Anna swore was because I was on the hallelujah diet...and that could of been true...or it could of been b/c it was a boy instead of a girl....who knows.

Well, with this one, I was sick at 5 weeks....throw up a few times and now I seem to be some better, more back to only being sick at night and not all the time. But this time, the more I do, the more sick I feel, which makes me resort to the couch and not want to move again until bedtime!...I can't even read my bible study w/o feeling like I want to throw up!...hmmm

I want to start the family back on the H diet, but I can't bare the thought eating only salads for lunch!...lol...I want to, but my stomach is like "NO, I DON'T THINK SO!"...what to do, what to do.....I find myself wanting to drink like a qt of milk a day...something I don't normally drink at all....also, I am eating peanut butter way more than I ever did before I got pregnant....so at the rate I'm going...I'm going to gain my 25 lbs in the first 3 months!...lol...!

anyone got some advice for this sick prego that really doesn't want to gain to much weigh, but feels like the only thing she can eat is peanut butter and french fries!

tune in for Tuesday~

2008-02-19T14:46:00.002-05:00

for some unknown reason I seem to find myself at the computer on Tuesday afternoons....I'm not sure why that is, I have a million other things I could be doing...but here I sit anyway!...I am tired, but I guess because I don't have time for a nap, this is as close to "down time" as I am going to get!

last night we had FPU and in our lesson Dave somehow got on the subject of crawldads...I thought my brother and I were going to hoot! Just the word brought back so many memories, but specially one....I was probably about 12 or so and Nick would of been about 15 and a friend of his Jeff and Nick and I went off through the wood on our farm...and before we were back home they guys decided that they were going to catch and cook (over a fire we made) and eat some crawldads!....no dare would get me to join in on that one! But I totally enjoyed watching them do it! LOL...so we went down to the creek, caught us some crawlers...I did help catch them... and then they cooked them and had their taste!...all I can say is throw up!! lol...

how often do you sit and think about your life as a kid? I mean really, I just realized that I have not done that very often...this past Sunday night at small group we were talking about "generations" and some of the differences...and whenever I am around a conversation about growing up I realize how differently I grew up than most people I am around....I spent my summers stringing green beans w/ friends and watching movies!...the guys had to snap and the girls string!...remember that Brandy!....all the movies we would rent to do beans too!...I spent alot of time w/ friends working on our turkey farm, they would come and help wash drinkers....only Brandy will know what that even means probably!...and the spiders! YUCK! not to mention when we moved turkeys...yes, move them, from one house to another, one truck (dump truck) at a time...lol....so funny! Shannon how did you enjoy your one week on our farm w/ Shaun while we went on vacation one year?....you were like the turkey sitter! lol! but all that to say, I don't think much about my growing up years, I don't know why, maybe b/c it's to hard to think about that life w/ daddy, it's to hard still to think of all I left behind when he died and I got married. Now don't get me wrong, I love the life I have, my husband and my kids, I wouldn't trade them for anything, it does strike me weird sometimes how separate my life now is from my life then....and that makes me sorta sad. It is sad to me that when I read Leigh's blog...I can't even remember the last time I saw her....or even more so her sister Shannon...I have never even met her twins who are now 4!...and to think we used to be in a band(sorta...what was it called?) together! lol...w/ Christian, Kelly, Shaun, Karen and Nick....was there anyone else when we first started?...lol...remember when they made us play at the NCHE...horrible! lol! Hard to remember stuff sometimes...do you ever feel that way? That you have this former life that you have forgotten about? That you are so different now that you feel like those people don't even know you anymore...or wouldn't know what to do w/ you now?...I'm not saying that they wouldn't like me, but I think they would say...wow, she's changed....and I think it would in a good way, not a bad...but there again, if they saw me last year, it might not of been such a good thing....maybe all this rambling is to say that I think I just realize that in the last year I have really grown up!...ALOT!....but then somethings never change, I will spend this summer picking beans and canning....that is one thing I still do every summer, and I love it...I am always looking for someone to help out w/ it...but I must admit it's slightly different now w/ kids then when we were teenagers! lol.... and I think I will be going back to the NCHE this year just to check it out...Emma has one more year before we start school, but I need to decide soon if I'm going to homeschool her or not....again, one of those things I know nothing about...public school and how it works...never been there, but I keep asking myself why would I not want to give Emma everything I had in school!...I did love being homeschooled, why would I not do it for her....am I still that afraid of being "different" that I would put her in school just to "fit in"....? NO not anymore, so why do I even question homeschooling or not? I'm not sure, but I do....

sorry I know that was a bunch of rambling...but that's my brain right now....slightly jumbled right now!....now you know for sure I am crazy...oh, last thing, any of you homeschool mom's want to go w/ me to the NCHE and make it a girls weekend?....

oh and to my Stanly county girls...and Leigh that still includes you....I LOVE reading your blogs and getting glimpses into your lives!...I love blogging just for that...tell your families I said hi and that I miss them! You guys remind we of my roots...something I am very proud of now!...thank you!

lazy afternoon~...lol...yeah right!

2008-02-15T15:45:00.003-05:00

So, I have been "trying" to take it easy this afternoon....and right now I am sitting on the couch w/ my feet up on the coffee table (who of ya'll even knew I had a coffee table now..lol..I'm moving up in the world.) so I have my feet up and I'm on the computer...Emma is also on the couch w/ her computer...Ian is "helping" Emma work her computer, he has positioned himself between me and Emma....Emma is now frustrated w/ Ian and has told him to help mommy instead!...LOL..thanks Emma! So now here we sit, w/ Ian saying over and over and over...help Mommy, help Mommy, HELP mommy!...he has his pointer finger out and ready...lol! He cracks me up!...
Emma on the other hand just asked me where the "Y" was...then she says "E" "Y"...that's the name of the baby!....cute, she thinks EY is one of the baby names we like(it's actually Eli), but in her mind I guess it's EY...update, Emma has now taken her computer to the floor in effort to get away from Ian, who has just followed her saying "ewn elp, ewn elp!"(Ian help)....she is trying so hard to just ignore him!...he keeps pressing the off button, just like a brother, to see how much he can annoy her!...soon she will have a desk in her room, so she can put it up there and get it away from him! Now Ian is just saying...no ush buttn....over and over! HAHA, that won't last long!...and when Emma doesn't know an answer she asked Ian to answer! lol! they are so funny! I needed a good laugh this afternoon, I just didn't know all I needed to was to sit on my couch and watch my kids....Emma just told Ian to "stop talking she is working" lol!
I better go and rescue my kids from each other!, just thought you might like a peek into the conversation around our house!! LOL

yuck!~~~throw-up!

2008-02-12T14:19:00.000-05:00

where oh where have I gone....I know that is what most of you are thinking!....lol...WELL...this baby is kicking my butt! I have been so sick w/ this one...I now realize how spoiled I have been up til this point! With Ian I wasn't sick at all....I guess this is pay back! SO if I have any spare time I am spending it sleeping!....that doesn't leave much time for blogging...

I hate that too....b/c I have had stuff going on that I have wanted to sit down and blog about...things I am learning.

So as quick as I can....what's been going on in my world....we had an awesome day on Sunday...our church had it's 2 yr anniversary. We had baptism in the afternoon, then Alex and I got to spend some time together shopping and dinner...then we went back for a night of praise and worship....at which I got sick!(at least I like to sit in the back)...but not fun excusing myself from Alex and Kim to go loose my cookies!....lovely...and I was volunteering..and as soon as I came out of the bathroom I had "duties" waiting!lol...atleast I KNOW it was "morning sickness" and not a germ!....anyway, as much as Satan tried several attempts to steal my joy....it didn't work! I loved every minute of the day!

Monday night we had our FPU class....we are taking it again as support for our family that is taking it!....I so enjoy Dave and his concepts so much! I so love the encouragement I receive from him....and they have re-done the DVD's since we took it the first time and it's fun hearing new things!....so one thing he said this week was....happiness was like the bully in the school yard. It will always move the "line to be crossed" Then he used the analogy of kids as an example....I'll be happy when I have kids...I'll be happy when this baby sleeps through the night, I'll be happy when we don't have to do diapers anymore, I'll be happy when they go to school....I'll be happy when we have 2 kids....I'll be happy when they aren't toddlers anymore.....and so on...I think you get the idea! WOW...as a mother of preschoolers, I needed to be reminded that my happiness doesn't rely in "stuff"...not even in my kids! Now I have never been the mom to wish my kids lifes away....in fact I'm the mom who dreads the idea of sending my kids to school...and won't put them in preschool b/c I don't want to be away from them that long...go ahead and insert your judgment here!..but I do know that sometimes I think of how much "easier" it will be when my kids are older! But on Monday God quietly reminded me that I need to focus on the now....and on contentment through Him alone...not in stuff, not in friends, not in status, and not in the things to come....so that's that for Monday!...oh and I did not throw up on Monday!...thank you Jesus, even for small answered prayers!

Today!...I had BSF...have I told ya'll how much I LOVE BSF? LOL....oh I have..only once or twice right!? lol....I am so excited over the foundation that BSF is giving me...I love it...and I love learning about Jesus....He is more awesome to me now than ever before! I truly wish that every person I know could come to BSF.....if I could only convey half of what I am learning you would be signing up tomorrow....but I don't even know how to give it justice....their is so much to grasp....
In our lecture each week our teaching leader gives 3 main principles and if I could just take those alone to heart then I would be doing excellcent! This weeks 3 principles were 1. God has given enough signs to establish that Jesus is Messiah. 2.The truth of Jesus Christ comes from God. 3.Following Jesus Christ involves sacrifice now, glory later. Now w/o all the studying we did through the week from Matthew 16 and the questions we were asked in our study you will have a hard time understanding what those mean....but the 1st comes from the Pharisees and the Sadducees asking Jesus for a sign from heaven...which Jesus refused to give....the 2nd comes from Peters admission that Jesus is the Christ the son of the living God...and the fact that all our understanding about Christ is given to us from God through the Holy Spirit, and that is why unbelievers can't understand our commitments and values. and the last one comes from the end of Matthew 16 where the verse challenges us to take up our cross and follow Him and the true meaning of that and how we try to make that idea fit what we want and not what Christ wants for us...that we have to be willing to die for Christ to truly follow Him....are you willing to do that? To literally give up everything?....hard and convicting! I love how full I feel when I leave BSF...I have enough to chew on for a long time...before I'm done chewing, it's time to go back and chew some more. I have to admit, there have been some situations in my life over the last few days that I have been struggling w/...but I now realize that chewing on those things and not the things that Christ would want me to chew on....well, that's just wrong. Especially when I'm not the problem or the answer to those other issues!...I am now going to choose to chew on what I learned today and how I can apply it best to my life...what is Jesus meaning for me to learn today!?
I hope to be back blogging a little more....but I'll just have to see!
love to all!
oh...and so far...no throw-up today!....yeah! THANK YOU JESUS!...and Susan, I have my head on a little better today! lol!